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The deal-breaker?

Blogs > MountainDewJunkie
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MountainDewJunkie
Profile Blog Joined June 2009
United States10343 Posts
September 15 2010 00:53 GMT
#1
So, yeah, it's about a girl. I really like my girlfriend, and this is without a doubt the best relationship I've been in. She invited me to move in and I've already moved 90% of my crap in. But there's just this one teeny, tiny, little thing. She smokes marijuana. Now look, I drink alcohol, so it's not an issue of substance abuse. Nor is this because some supreme respect for the "law." And she doesn't smoke it often. Typically when she just gets smashed, and someone's willing to share (weed smokers love to share around here, it is the social drug of choice, after all). But no matter how hard I try, it still bothers the hell out of me. I won't date someone who smokes cigs, because it's gross to me. But I have issues with smoking of any kind. Just... bleck. We once had a brief conversation about it. She asked if it bothered me (knowing it clearly did). I said what she does is her business. She responds that what's her business is our business. But I know that if I say I don't like her doing it, she'll either resent me for it, do it behind my back (and I'll end up finding out, then an argument will ensue, shit will go down), or we'll break up right there. Because as crazy as she is about me, as I know her, she does not compromise for any man. Even me. Which is fine because I haven't asked any yet, because other than this, things have been great. It could also be the fact that I associate pot smokers with ne'er-do-wells, due to prior experiences with exes and old friends. But that's just a broad overgeneralization. You can be a functional member of society and still get down with the green, I get it. But it still just grosses me out a little. She came in the room last night, kissed me and said she'd be in bed in a bit, but she reeked like weed, and I couldn't stand to be close to her face. It's different when my friends smoke weed. They're just my friends. My criticisms don't even seem fair. Alcohol good, weed bad? But it doesn't change the fact that it digs at me. I feel stupid that this is even a problem.

*****
[21:07] <Shock710> whats wrong with her face [20:50] <dAPhREAk> i beat it the day after it came out | <BLinD-RawR> esports is a giant vagina
UrASofty
Profile Blog Joined January 2004
Canada772 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-09-15 00:58:07
September 15 2010 00:57 GMT
#2
Tell her that her smoking weed bothers you. She brought it up before which means shes willing to listen.
i be that pretty motherfucker
Risen
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
United States7927 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-09-15 00:59:33
September 15 2010 00:58 GMT
#3
On September 15 2010 09:53 MountainDewJunkie wrote:
Because as crazy as she is about me, as I know her, she does not compromise for any man. Even me.


Then she isn't crazy about you. There is no such thing as a relationship without compromise (one that lasts anywho)

Edit: Also, if she's willing to talk about it you need to be honest with her and let her know before she becomes comfortable with the notion that you are okay with it.
Pufftrees Everyday>its like a rifter that just used X-Factor/Liquid'Nony: I hope no one lip read XD/Holyflare>it's like policy lynching but better/Resident Los Angeles bachelor
Nyovne
Profile Joined March 2006
Netherlands19135 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-09-15 08:34:53
September 15 2010 00:59 GMT
#4
ModeratorFor remember, that in the end, some are born to live, others born to die. I belong to those last, born to burn, born to cry. For I shall remain alone... forsaken.
freelander
Profile Blog Joined December 2004
Hungary4707 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-09-15 01:03:23
September 15 2010 00:59 GMT
#5
why don't you just tell her what you wrote in the OP.

she seems open about it, you should discuss this with her, not with TL.

girls understand the reasoning of "not feeling well about it"
And all is illuminated.
mOnion
Profile Blog Joined August 2009
United States5657 Posts
September 15 2010 01:03 GMT
#6
honestly i think alcohol is worse than weed. you should get over it, and if you cant then leave.

comparing weed to cigs is ridic btw
☆★☆ 7486!!! Join the Ban mOnion Anti-Trolling Initiative! - Caller | "on a scale of machine to 10, how bad is that Zerg?" - LZgamer | you are the new tl.net bonjwa monion, congrats - Rekrul | "Cheeseburgers dynamite lilacs" - Chill
DoctorHelvetica
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
United States15034 Posts
September 15 2010 01:05 GMT
#7
Why does it bother you? It seems like you can't rationalize it well other than the fact that it grosses you out. Why don't you make some sort of compromise that you don't want to be around her when she's high or that if she has smoked recently she should shower or something because you hate the smell.

You are right in saying it doesn't make sense to drink but have an issue with smoking pot, I would consider alcohol abuse to be much worse and it doesn't seem like she's really even what you would call a "pothead". The best thing to do is to come to a mutual compromise that doesn't involve her quitting but just limiting her use when with you or just getting over it. You don't have a great logical reason for your problem with it so maybe it's easier just to deal with it and let it go.
RIP Aaliyah
Murderotica
Profile Blog Joined December 2009
Vatican City State2594 Posts
September 15 2010 01:07 GMT
#8
Don't be so controlling, unless there is proper merit for it. When you start going out with someone you should be making a contract that you won't try to change the other person against their will, because you chose to go out with them at that moment, not whoever they become after a slew of changes directed by your opinions. Some people can't handle weed - those people should not smoke. Some people can - it's their option. Regardless of which category she falls into, the choice is hers not yours, just like you initially said. If it's too much of a bother for you, then you shouldn't have gone out with her. If it's not, then suck it up. Love > smoking preferences.
ǝsnoɥ ssɐlƃ ɐ uı sǝuoʇs ʍoɹɥʇ ʇ,uop || sıʇɹoɟ ɹǝdɯǝs
Risen
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
United States7927 Posts
September 15 2010 01:07 GMT
#9
On September 15 2010 10:03 mOnion wrote:
comparing weed to cigs is ridic btw


Not to derail... but why? Both smell horrid
Pufftrees Everyday>its like a rifter that just used X-Factor/Liquid'Nony: I hope no one lip read XD/Holyflare>it's like policy lynching but better/Resident Los Angeles bachelor
MountainDewJunkie
Profile Blog Joined June 2009
United States10343 Posts
September 15 2010 01:08 GMT
#10
On September 15 2010 10:03 mOnion wrote:
honestly i think alcohol is worse than weed. you should get over it, and if you cant then leave.

comparing weed to cigs is ridic btw


[and @ Doc]
Like I said, I feel stupid for feeling this way.

On September 15 2010 09:59 Nyovne wrote:
MountainDewJunkie uses wall of text! It's super effective!

*leaves blog*

You don't think I'll call out a scary Bangling for a retarded pokemon reference? Thanks for the contribution.
[21:07] <Shock710> whats wrong with her face [20:50] <dAPhREAk> i beat it the day after it came out | <BLinD-RawR> esports is a giant vagina
Scarecrow
Profile Blog Joined July 2009
Korea (South)9172 Posts
September 15 2010 01:08 GMT
#11
Either join her or let her know it bothers you.
Yhamm is the god of predictions
DoctorHelvetica
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
United States15034 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-09-15 01:10:06
September 15 2010 01:09 GMT
#12
On September 15 2010 10:07 itzbrandnew wrote:
Show nested quote +
On September 15 2010 10:03 mOnion wrote:
comparing weed to cigs is ridic btw


Not to derail... but why? Both smell horrid

because one is proven to cause cancer and an array of respiratory disorders and the other isn't would be my guess

weed doesn't smell nearly as bad as cig smoke either
RIP Aaliyah
mOnion
Profile Blog Joined August 2009
United States5657 Posts
September 15 2010 01:10 GMT
#13
On September 15 2010 10:07 itzbrandnew wrote:
Show nested quote +
On September 15 2010 10:03 mOnion wrote:
comparing weed to cigs is ridic btw


Not to derail... but why? Both smell horrid


uh what? have you ever smoked? weed smells like christmas trees. and there's no residual smell. if i walk into a cig smokers house i know he smokes cigs, not so with weed

i think youre guessing that weed smells bad
☆★☆ 7486!!! Join the Ban mOnion Anti-Trolling Initiative! - Caller | "on a scale of machine to 10, how bad is that Zerg?" - LZgamer | you are the new tl.net bonjwa monion, congrats - Rekrul | "Cheeseburgers dynamite lilacs" - Chill
Murderotica
Profile Blog Joined December 2009
Vatican City State2594 Posts
September 15 2010 01:10 GMT
#14
On September 15 2010 10:07 itzbrandnew wrote:
Show nested quote +
On September 15 2010 10:03 mOnion wrote:
comparing weed to cigs is ridic btw


Not to derail... but why? Both smell horrid

I think he was referring more to the contrast in health effects not their odors. Although the odors are vastly different as well, imo. The smell of weed 1. does not stick around long relatively speaking 2. smells good to me, but that's just my opinion.
ǝsnoɥ ssɐlƃ ɐ uı sǝuoʇs ʍoɹɥʇ ʇ,uop || sıʇɹoɟ ɹǝdɯǝs
DarkPlasmaBall
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
United States44972 Posts
September 15 2010 01:11 GMT
#15
MountainDewJunkie...

If you really feel this way (and I understand how you feel), then you need to bring it up. It's implicitly destroying your relationship, because it's clearly bothering the hell out of you. Living with her and having this hidden resentment isn't going to be any good for either for you. Your idea that its gross, and your confusion aren't abnormal. You guys need to talk it out. If you guys talk it out, then one of two things will happen:
1. She'll stop (or attempt to stop) = Great for you
2. She won't stop (and the result is pretty much the same as if you didn't mention it, except you can't feel guilty for not bringing up why you feel uncomfortable) = Not great for you, but clearly not your problem
It sucks that it needs to be brought up, but it's a problem that won't go away on its own.

Good luck!


On September 15 2010 09:59 Nyovne wrote:
MountainDewJunkie uses wall of text! It's super effective!

*leaves blog*


Nyovne uses snide, irrelevant, sarcastic comment! It's not very effective...

I don't understand why you posted.
"There is nothing more satisfying than looking at a crowd of people and helping them get what I love." ~Day[9] Daily #100
Murderotica
Profile Blog Joined December 2009
Vatican City State2594 Posts
September 15 2010 01:12 GMT
#16
On September 15 2010 10:11 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:
Nyovne uses snide, irrelevant, sarcastic comment! It's not very effective...

I don't understand why you posted.

Because he likes to poke smot in the amsterest of dams.
ǝsnoɥ ssɐlƃ ɐ uı sǝuoʇs ʍoɹɥʇ ʇ,uop || sıʇɹoɟ ɹǝdɯǝs
Risen
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
United States7927 Posts
September 15 2010 01:13 GMT
#17
On September 15 2010 10:09 DoctorHelvetica wrote:
Show nested quote +
On September 15 2010 10:07 itzbrandnew wrote:
On September 15 2010 10:03 mOnion wrote:
comparing weed to cigs is ridic btw


Not to derail... but why? Both smell horrid

because one is proven to cause cancer and an array of respiratory disorders and the other isn't would be my guess

weed doesn't smell nearly as bad as cig smoke either


I would argue that they both smell equally bad, just different. Marijuana causes respiratory problems btw. And cancer has never been proven in either cig smoking or marijuana smoking, trends indicate that BOTH do, however. (With cig smoking showing a larger trend)
Pufftrees Everyday>its like a rifter that just used X-Factor/Liquid'Nony: I hope no one lip read XD/Holyflare>it's like policy lynching but better/Resident Los Angeles bachelor
Murderotica
Profile Blog Joined December 2009
Vatican City State2594 Posts
September 15 2010 01:14 GMT
#18
On September 15 2010 10:13 itzbrandnew wrote:
Show nested quote +
On September 15 2010 10:09 DoctorHelvetica wrote:
On September 15 2010 10:07 itzbrandnew wrote:
On September 15 2010 10:03 mOnion wrote:
comparing weed to cigs is ridic btw


Not to derail... but why? Both smell horrid

because one is proven to cause cancer and an array of respiratory disorders and the other isn't would be my guess

weed doesn't smell nearly as bad as cig smoke either


I would argue that they both smell equally bad, just different. Marijuana causes respiratory problems btw. And cancer has never been proven in either cig smoking or marijuana smoking, trends indicate that BOTH do, however. (With cig smoking showing a larger trend)

Wow -_-;
ǝsnoɥ ssɐlƃ ɐ uı sǝuoʇs ʍoɹɥʇ ʇ,uop || sıʇɹoɟ ɹǝdɯǝs
Asdkmoga
Profile Joined May 2010
United States496 Posts
September 15 2010 01:14 GMT
#19
MountainDewJunkie uses "So, yeah, it's about a girl"! It's super effective!

*leaves blog*
lol no but, i kinda understand, talk to her about it and figure something out, and if she is willing to break up with you for not liking it, then move on imo.
"Once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, three times is enemy action and over 600 is clearly the work of an ancient Sumerian demon or some shit."
Relickey
Profile Joined September 2010
United States145 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-09-15 01:15:37
September 15 2010 01:15 GMT
#20
Be a man, give her an ultimatum you or the weed. If she picks weed, she isn't worth it anyway. Stop being such a beta male, and alpha it up yo.
Beaches and shores
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