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At the Gym

Blogs > Osmoses
Post a Reply
1 2 Next All
Osmoses
Profile Blog Joined October 2008
Sweden5302 Posts
September 10 2010 20:26 GMT
#1
Today at the gym (which incidentally is the venue I was hinting at in the title) I had an epiphany. I'm always grateful when I get epiphanies, they make me feel smart and significant, but this one wasn't so much a brilliant positive insight as it was a depressing realization about the current opressive state of gender roles.

"I know!" chirps teamliquid.net's token female, "I can't even go to the gym anymore without feeling the humid stares of a bunch of creepy men picturing me naked, picturing themselves naked, and my sister, also naked, all together in a seedy hotelroom + Show Spoiler +
talking about how much we all love ultimate frisbee!"

"NO!" says I and, "gasp!" says you, because try as I might to feel your pain, I don't think you fully appreciate what you're asking for!

[image loading]
I looked for 20 minutes for a picture of attractive women on treadmills, but I couldn't
find a single one that was pg-13 so here's a picture of a cow's ass

First of all, let me make it very clear, as you all knew I would, that I am not a chauvinist pig. Now that I've said that, there is no way you can misinterpret my continued insights as anything but logical trains of thought full of reason, good sense and infallible slipfondling. + Show Spoiler +
It's a euphemism for objectiveness and rationality, look it up.
If the OP calls non-bias you can't question him, it's the rules. I didn't make them up, but if I did I would have put in a footnote about proper broomstick care.

That having been said, as it had to, I must follow with this true fact: it's a right pain in the rear to be a good guy in this day and age, mate, because the good book of feminism (also known as "somewhere" because that's where people always seem to read all the bullshit they rape your ears with) states that a good guy may never take advantage of a woman in any way, sees women as human beings with feelings and intelligence rather than objects of lustful sins of the flesh of the t and the a, and if he accidentally does slip up he is to feel very, very bad about himself!

It sounds reasonable enough, but the fine print is really asking alot.

Do you remember what this blog was supposed to be about? Something about tight hotpants and advanced jigglephys- the gym, right-right-right, I was just messing around, heh, so anyway I was standing on one of those crosstrainers when I realized it was friday and, uh...

[image loading]
Not significant at all to the story

Actually before I tell you about that, have you noticed, if you're a city-dweller, how the train or busride home from work is extra pretty on fridays? That's when all the women dress themselves in their best and paint their faces to look like somebody they're not in the hope of going to a club and completely ignore my advances, telling me it's "just me and my hand tonight" and that they don't want men (which up until this point may have had a shred of self-confidence left) ruining their good time.

So you -that is to say, me- go home after a long, hard day's work and you'll be pretending you don't see all the short skirts and full blouses, see-through tops and skin-tight jeans, and you'll realize just how hard it is to type with one hand.

Getting back to the gym, I was standing on of those crosstrainers. There's a picture of one a few paragraphs up. Did you see the picture? My mom has one just like that.

Getting back to the gym, I was standing, as you should know by now, on one of those crosstrainers, when I realized it was friday, and that most of the beautiful women I usually see on the train seemed to all have collectively gotten it into their heads that their thighs were a half of a quarter of a ridiculously small measurement larger than last week or something and decided it was time to get onto a treadmill in front of me at the local gym and flex their buttcheeks.

[image loading]
Five minutes of pleasure, five hours of tear-choked gasping for air on the treadmill

Is it sexist of me to assume women imagine they're fatter than they are? Because I imagine I'm fatter than I am all the time. At least I hope I do.

As four or five of what must have been Stockholm's most fit women were running on treadmills in front of me, I, being a gentleman (that is to say, pussywhipped), decided I couldn't look. I mean, I'm pretty sure I read somewhere or heard it on a show somewhere, or something, that when women go to the gym they don't want to be ogled. Least not by me.

Right, there was that commercial in What Women Want starring Mel Gibson where the sum of what he had learned about women boiled down to the fact that they don't want to be bothered when they're exercising. I hear he's a loony now.

So the longer I stared at the monitors up on the wall the more aware I became that I had seen that particular episode of The Simpsons before. I also realized that while doing something you don't want to do (such as going to the gym) is hard, not doing something you want to do is also hard.

I mean, I could tell myself that there were plenty of breasts on the internet, and that most of those breasts probably came with a body including an ass that at the very least closely rivaled the ones that were present at the time right there in front of me, and by God I did! Over and over. But in the perifery of my vision there were breasts that surely had to have been larger than my own head, bouncing up and down like abnormally big and fiercely territorial spidermonkeys inside one of what must have been a long line of tank tops that had all been fighting a losing battle ever since their owner entered puberty!

tl;dr: there were large boobs on display. Hurr!

I realize you must feel ogled when you go to the gym, teamliquid.net's token female, and I suppose it must be a chore to always have to wonder if someone is staring whenever you stretch your creamy, tanned thighs, but please consider how hard it is for you to not savagely gorge yourself on chocolate, delicious chocolate, whenever it is available. Then you might have an idea about how hard it is for single men not to look at your ass when you work out. It's not fun for us either.

+ Show Spoiler [Disclaimer] +
Most of this blog was purely intended for cheap laughs.
+ Show Spoiler +
Here's a picture of a hamster in a toy car
[image loading]


****
Excuse me hun, but what is your name? Vivian? I woke up next to you naked and, uh, did we, um?
NukeTheBunnys
Profile Joined July 2010
United States1004 Posts
September 10 2010 20:35 GMT
#2
Pure gold

and everyone knows real life boobies are much better then internet boobies
When you play the game of drones you win or you die.
SoLaR[i.C]
Profile Blog Joined August 2003
United States2969 Posts
September 10 2010 20:36 GMT
#3
Swedish gyms sound awesome.

My normal experience is an overweight man dripping sweat on my forehead after he insists on spotting my benchpress.
dudeman001
Profile Blog Joined February 2010
United States2412 Posts
September 10 2010 20:38 GMT
#4
I completely missed the point of this, but holy shit that was an entertaining read. Oh, and I say if you want to ogle ladies at the gym go right on ahead. Something makes me feel that if a woman sees a hot buff guy working out she'll start imagining things herself. And yeah, if women want to go to the gym and not want guys staring at their bodies then wear knee-length shorts and a real shirt. Don't go dressed in nothing but a tank top and shorts shorter than a skirt.

+ Show Spoiler +
Fucking pro with the hamster. Here is a hamster dressed like super Rudolph.
[image loading]
Sup.
spinesheath
Profile Blog Joined June 2009
Germany8679 Posts
September 10 2010 20:44 GMT
#5
5 Stars for the Hamster!
If you have a good reason to disagree with the above, please tell me. Thank you.
Ocular
Profile Joined August 2010
Canada141 Posts
September 10 2010 20:44 GMT
#6
LOL @ the cows ass. That was priceless.
In the land of make believe you are mine, in the land of make believe I'm doing fine...
DTown
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
United States428 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-09-10 20:54:45
September 10 2010 20:53 GMT
#7
- I approve of this thread.

So does Darth Hampster.
+ Show Spoiler +
[image loading]
AnodyneSea
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
Jamaica757 Posts
September 10 2010 21:02 GMT
#8
I looked for 20 minutes for a picture of attractive women on treadmills, but I couldn't
find a single one that was pg-13 so here's a picture of a cow's ass


ROFL

I also have this problem at the gym... The college gym i used to go to at UoiT was the worst, machines i used facing the stretching floor oh man
Lost within the hope of freedom, not for control but in the light of our cause
Aesop
Profile Joined October 2007
Hungary11291 Posts
September 10 2010 21:03 GMT
#9
Good read
ModeratorNon veritas sed auctoritas facit legem. | Liquipedia: Don't ask me, I'm retired.
Johnranger-123
Profile Blog Joined August 2009
United Kingdom341 Posts
September 10 2010 21:05 GMT
#10
Uhhh, I'm not to sure what to say but I feel like if I don't post I will regret not posting in such an epic blog.
5/5 :D
DarkPlasmaBall
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
United States44250 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-09-10 21:09:57
September 10 2010 21:09 GMT
#11
5/5

More of these posts please; awesome read And I assume the cute hamsters are because we're not allowed to say...

+ Show Spoiler +
Pics or it didn't happen.
"There is nothing more satisfying than looking at a crowd of people and helping them get what I love." ~Day[9] Daily #100
WarChimp
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
Australia943 Posts
September 10 2010 21:25 GMT
#12
On September 11 2010 05:44 Ocular wrote:
LOL @ the cows ass. That was priceless.


Mastercard?
nataziel
Profile Blog Joined October 2008
Australia1455 Posts
September 10 2010 21:26 GMT
#13
Dude, I love ultimate frisbee!
u gotta sk8
Zurles
Profile Joined February 2009
United Kingdom1659 Posts
September 10 2010 21:26 GMT
#14
Ogle on my friend, ogle on.
mrd33ds
Profile Joined August 2010
Djibouti30 Posts
September 10 2010 21:35 GMT
#15
oh man that's exactly how it is at the gym. you and ur work out partner notice every "new" girl that comes in and whether shes hot or not. lol its quite funny, but thats men. we like to look at women and women can admit it too, if they see a hot guy in the gym, they say the same shit prolly.
mind control
Lexpar
Profile Blog Joined March 2009
1813 Posts
September 10 2010 21:43 GMT
#16
Nice blog. I like your train of though writing style
cyberspace
Profile Blog Joined June 2009
Canada955 Posts
September 10 2010 21:47 GMT
#17
5/5 for the hamster.

haha good read.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Johnranger-123
Profile Blog Joined August 2009
United Kingdom341 Posts
September 10 2010 22:02 GMT
#18
On September 11 2010 06:43 Lexpar wrote:
Nice blog. I like your train of though writing style

All hop on the train of thought, choo choo :D
Jathin
Profile Blog Joined February 2005
United States3505 Posts
September 10 2010 22:12 GMT
#19
--- Nuked ---
The_Pacifist
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
United States540 Posts
September 10 2010 22:19 GMT
#20
Irony: Women go to the gym and get on the treadmill to burn fat and look better for the guys who ogle them. However, it is considered bm to actually ogle them during this hot, sweaty transfiguration.
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