[G] 2400 Diamond!

*drumroll*
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I'll not talk about my other qualifications and just say, regarding the SAT, that I got a 2400 and that I've tutored people for the SAT for over 2 years. I've also used this fact to get laid precisely 0 times.

So you might be wondering....

OMFG WTF THAT'S AWESOME! LAIK HOW DO I GET STARTED!?!?!?!?!?1?

Well, you're in luck, because I present to you the definitive approach to getting the perfect score:



1.) Buy the College Board SAT blue book, if you haven't already. It looks like this:
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2.) Read the book. Specifically page 101 for writing. Critical reading and Math are more intuitive, so feel free to skim if it gets tedious. Heck, feel free to skip most of the critical reading... if you can understand what I'm saying in this guide, your basic reading skills are probably up to par.

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First 2-3 weeks. Familiarity, 40 minutes - 1 hour per day.

3.) Pick a section a day: Math, Writing, Crit. I'd say do it randomly, but at least be systematic about it. Leave yourself some entire tests untouched. if it makes it less painful, you can pretend Math = Protoss, Writing = Terran, and Crit = Zerg, and that you're just practicing for 3 matchups. *wink* Do the section. See how many you get wrong.

4.) After you're done getting roflstomped, go over the answers and make sure you know how to do every problem on the section you just took. This is like watching your replay, and figuring out what you did wrong. Only a thousand times more fun.

5.) Retake the same section again and again until you get a perfect score on that section. This is like when Nony practices against a computer to get a build order right in preparation for perfect execution against a human opponent. Only there is no human opponent... EXCEPT YOU!

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Next 2-3 weeks. Accuracy and Speed 30-40 minutes a day.

6.) You should now be able to do any given section and get at most 2-3 questions wrong per section. While still focusing on accuracy, try to finish these sections in as little time as possible. Pretend this is like when you're 50 and 3 in bronze and waiting to get promoted. Make it your new goal to facestomp these noobs in as quick and hilarious a fashion as possible. Have fun with it.

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7.) Go over the test again, but instead of trying to look for mistakes, look for places you could have done something better, faster. You've found out how to make the computer gg in 4 minutes. Could you have made that probe start building sooner? Could you have gotten a better split? Can you make it 3:55?

8.) Now do the entire test again in EVEN less time, while still reading the questions and answer choices as you normally would have. Think cmethodfeedback.

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Final 2-3 weeks. Endurance 1-2 times per week. ~ 4 hours.

9.) Take a full practice test from the book, noting time as necessary. You've been promoted to diamond, show those 1a2a3a noobs what you've got.

10.) Go over your results and write down your score range for each section *remember we haven't talked about the essay yet, so just assume you got a perfect score on it*

It's like bragging about your rating, only in this case, if you say you're over 800, people know you're full of shit.

24.) Go back and look at your mistakes and make sure you don't make the same mistake again. (Good scouting will prevent you for falling for the same cheese twice.) You should be in the "OMG I'm owning" score range by this point.

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Now I bet you're thinking, WHAT ABOUT THE ESSAY!?!?!?!

Well you're in luck...

The essay:
"Just add water" ~2 hours?

This almost doesn't need practice if you know how to write. It just needs a formula.

You can pick a formula of your own, but here's one I like to use:

1.) Identify the prompt: i.e. "Progress comes at a price."

2.) Do a dichotomy... split the topic into two facets/perspectives that are mutually exclusive but collectively exhaustive. That means, more simply, you want the two resulting branches to be sufficiently different so that you're not spending the whole paper repeating yourself, but that you're not leaving any part of the prompt unaddressed.

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3.) Write a topic sentence you think sounds clever and is somewhat relevant to the prompt.

4.) What is your position on the prompt? This requires a clear definition of potentially controversial phrases.

5.) How will you go about proving your position? (Explain your dichotomy here.)

paragraph break.
6.) Argue the first point in your dichotomy.

7.) Give an example.

8.) give another example. (one big example works, two smaller ones also works. three is too many; you don't have time to come up with 3 solid examples.)

9.) Transition into second part of dichotomy.

10.) Argue second point.

11-12) Moar examples

14.) Transition to conclusion.

15.) Bring together your two points in the dichotomy to rehash your initial position.

16.) What are the implications of this position? Why does it matter?

24.) Call to action. "We should all pursue progress, but always be mindful of its price."

Here's a half-assed and purely fictitious example essay with some commentary. I recommend you use facts, but hey, facts are overrated.
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Things to keep in mind for the essay:
1.) Vary your sentence structure.
2.) Throw in a few vocab words. Nothing TOOO fancy or esoteric (see what I did there?), but just enough to show you don't consider reading graffiti in bathroom stalls heavy reading.
3.) Maintain cohesion by repition of word roots or by using parallelism.
4.) Try to use facts if you can. When out of facts, use plausible lies.
5.) Fill up the whole page. There is almost a 1:1 correlation between essay length and score.
6.) OH YAH YOU HAVE LAIK 25 MINUTES! Just like in beta... you've got to end it before Zerg gets broodlords.

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TEST DAY!

By this point in time, you probably think you've mastered everything there is to master regarding the SAT, but be not too hasty, young grasshopper! There is one final secret you have yet to learn. It is a secret so powerful, that, you basically could have skipped the entire guide before this and you probably would've been fine...

It is....
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Congratulations, if you can successfully adhere to the program delineated in this guide, you are well on your way to getting a 2400. I'll see you at the finish line.