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The story:
+ Show Spoiler +I got a stopwatch about a year ago, and about 3 months in I'm thinking, how fast can I shit? So, I practiced for a while, trying to lower my time as much as I could (a full shit for me constituted all the crap leaving my system and one wipe, after I stopped the watch I'd finish my wipe)
At any rate, a couple months ago, my record was 3 medium-size shits, if I had to guess, 15 cm / 6 inches each one, normal white guy diameter, and a single toilet paper wipe in 24.73 seconds. Record set 23 March 2010.
At any rate, now I've been measuring my pisses whenever I can, and from the time it takes me to unbuckle to the time it takes me to zip, my average is 30-35 seconds.
And that 24.73 ain't a fluke either. Unless I wanna check out the new magazine that my dad just brought in (Popular Science + Shit = good combo) I can usually get down into the late 20s.
So is it just because I piss slow and shit fast, or is this something bad? I'm not the kind of guy who does anything abnormal with his "private business", but then again, what, does anyone expect me to go up to a girl and say, "I can shit in under thirty seconds, wanna go out?"?
Or am I slow and should be shooting under 20?
  
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United States24761 Posts
What is with all the blogs about defecating today omg
Please pick something less ridiculous to blog about next time ._.
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I wish I could do that. It usually takes me 15 minutes.
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holy shit!
Seriously wtf, I enjoy my shits nice and slow like eating/
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lol wut?
Seriously
These blogs are getting ridiculous. And who times their shits?
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I once peed for over 2 minutes.
I had been drinking for 3 hours without breaking the seal.
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LMFOA u measure your shit size too rofllll
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On August 14 2010 11:02 Energies wrote:
I once peed for over 2 minutes.
I had been drinking for 3 hours without breaking the seal.
Damn man I got to like 80 seconds max 
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wut. Dude that's so fucked up.
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I usually do under 20 secs (avg. around 10-15 secs). But since I spend a lot of time cleaning properly, the total time comes up to about 1 minute. I really hate going number 2, so I finish as fast as I can.
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O___________O
I thought my 5 minutes was fast........
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On August 14 2010 11:08 GrayArea wrote:
I usually do under 20 secs (avg. around 10-15 secs). But since I spend a lot of time cleaning properly, the total time comes up to about 1 minute. I really hate going number 2, so I finish as fast as I can.
I hear you man, so much toilet paper and/or time wasted when one gets stuck halfway and you can't move it up or down.
I like taking a shit (the toilet is my quiet place) but I just usually have other stuff I need to get done.
On August 14 2010 11:04 synapse wrote:Show nested quote +On August 14 2010 11:02 Energies wrote:
I once peed for over 2 minutes.
I had been drinking for 3 hours without breaking the seal. Damn man I got to like 80 seconds max
Mine's 68 after I drank too much watching Ice Age 3 at the movies. Consider yourself lucky.
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On August 14 2010 10:36 micronesia wrote:
What is with all the blogs about defecating today omg
Please pick something less ridiculous to blog about next time ._.
True dat.
Oh and to the OP:
Who the hell times their BM's? Just do your business and get out!
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Im glad you decided to share this with us.......
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On August 14 2010 10:34 [UoN]Sentinel wrote:
Or am I slow and should be shooting under 20?
You're too slow, go for the gold buddy, go for the gold.
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On August 14 2010 11:17 supernova wrote:Show nested quote +On August 14 2010 10:36 micronesia wrote:
What is with all the blogs about defecating today omg
Please pick something less ridiculous to blog about next time ._. Who the hell times their BM's? Just do your business and get out!
Nice to have something to say when you tell your observer buddies you're going to take a shit, and 30 seconds later saying "back" and watching their astonishment
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On August 14 2010 11:22 [UoN]Sentinel wrote:Show nested quote +On August 14 2010 11:17 supernova wrote:On August 14 2010 10:36 micronesia wrote:
What is with all the blogs about defecating today omg
Please pick something less ridiculous to blog about next time ._. Who the hell times their BM's? Just do your business and get out! Nice to have something to say when you tell your observer buddies you're going to take a shit, and 30 seconds later saying "back" and watching their astonishment
Oh shit, is that what that symbol is? I was wondering if it was vomit or poo.
:r
That's better.
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LOL. This thread is so hilarious.
Though I can't understand how people can read the newspaper while taking a dump. Does taking a dump really take that long?
For me, I go in, it comes out, wipe, flush, wash hands, go out. Shouldn't take more than 2 minutes max.
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you set your record on my birthday...
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On August 14 2010 11:44 Iankill wrote:
you set your record on my birthday...
I'll keep that in mind, and PM you happy birthday when the time comes.
At any rate, you can take a long dump if there's more coming around the corner, or waiting for that little annoying shit at the end to fall.
EDIT: Also, for the quiet time. What better way to spend 15 minutes than shitting?
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On August 14 2010 10:34 [UoN]Sentinel wrote:
single toilet paper wipe
WTF.
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pic or didn't happen
..
uh on second thought, no pics plz
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On August 14 2010 12:05 iloahz wrote:
pic or didn't happen
..
uh on second thought, no pics plz
Who takes pictures of their own shit?
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On August 14 2010 12:14 [UoN]Sentinel wrote:Show nested quote +On August 14 2010 12:05 iloahz wrote:
pic or didn't happen
..
uh on second thought, no pics plz Who takes pictures of their own shit?
I JUST TOOK THE LONGEST SHIT EVER!
Pic here:
Mod Edit: Please don't post such a disgusting picture... even in a spoiler. We'll believe you without the picture.
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damn i missed the pic
RAY CAN U DESCRIBE IT FOR ME?
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On August 14 2010 12:23 Chairman Ray wrote:Show nested quote +On August 14 2010 12:14 [UoN]Sentinel wrote:On August 14 2010 12:05 iloahz wrote:
pic or didn't happen
..
uh on second thought, no pics plz Who takes pictures of their own shit? I JUST TOOK THE LONGEST SHIT EVER! Pic here: Mod Edit: Please don't post such a disgusting picture... even in a spoiler. We'll believe you without the picture.
LMAO
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one wipe....? that's hardly enough is it...?
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On August 14 2010 13:15 Cambium wrote:
one wipe....? that's hardly enough is it...?
Perhaps it was a solid log?
+ Show Spoiler +lol, ffs. this thread is seriously too much
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On August 14 2010 10:34 [UoN]Sentinel wrote:
The story:
[spoiler]I got a stopwatch about a year ago, and about 3 months in I'm thinking, how fast can I shit? So, I practiced for a while, trying to lower my time as much as I could (a full shit for me constituted all the crap leaving my system and one wipe, after I stopped the watch I'd finish my wipe)
At any rate, a couple months ago, my record was 3 medium-size shits, if I had to guess, 15 cm / 6 inches each one, normal white guy diameter, and a single toilet paper wipe in 24.73 seconds. Record set 23 March 2010.
what a hilarious thread. but why the fuck do u associate taking a dump with... well, penisses? (1 or 2 s? oO)
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On August 14 2010 12:45 Coagulation wrote:
damn i missed the pic
RAY CAN U DESCRIBE IT FOR ME?
It looked like a monkey's tail!
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WHAT IS GOING ON TL!? CAN WE STEER AWAY FROM THIS MADNESS?
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Too much shit for one day. This blog is way better than mine tho. 
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The fuck TL blog section, the fuck....
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On August 14 2010 11:02 Energies wrote:
I once peed for over 2 minutes.
I had been drinking for 3 hours without breaking the seal.
Im gonna have to point out that you might have a problem with your pipes if that story is true. The average person can only get to about 500mls of liquid in their bladder before 'losing control'. Assuming you are not a freak of nature, a piss of 2 mins would have been at a rate of about 4.2mls per second. That is a REALLY weak stream.
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Hong Kong20321 Posts
hahahaha this blog is hilarious .
lol uhmm single toilet paper wipe though..!?
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Really, really now? Recording the times it takes to take a shit -.-
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On August 14 2010 11:38 K3Nyy wrote:
LOL. This thread is so hilarious.
Though I can't understand how people can read the newspaper while taking a dump. Does taking a dump really take that long?
For me, I go in, it comes out, wipe, flush, wash hands, go out. Shouldn't take more than 2 minutes max.
True say... I've witnessed people stay locked in the bathroom for upwards of 20 minutes to do this, takes me like 15 seconds max.
yeah, 15 seconds.
sup
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On August 14 2010 12:23 Chairman Ray wrote:Show nested quote +On August 14 2010 12:14 [UoN]Sentinel wrote:On August 14 2010 12:05 iloahz wrote:
pic or didn't happen
..
uh on second thought, no pics plz Who takes pictures of their own shit? I JUST TOOK THE LONGEST SHIT EVER! Pic here: Mod Edit: Please don't post such a disgusting picture... even in a spoiler. We'll believe you without the picture.
crazyyy
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I've come to realize that teamliquid has a strange infatuation with the #2
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This is so true. My total # of blog views before my shit blog entry was like 500. I got almost 1000 unique views on my shit entry in a single day. Craaazy.
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30 seconds, wtf dude. I usually take my sweet ass time so 5-10 minutes no problem.
Now the bigger question: agree or disagree?
![[image loading]](http://currentconfig.com/images/tp_diag01.gif)
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Ahahaha, that's so epic.
I had a friend who actually did something like this in high school... He'd always shit inbetween the same two classes, every single day.
We had 4 minutes in-between classes, so he had to run downstairs to the bathroom, shit, go back upstairs, go to his locker and get his stuff, then go to class in that short amount of time, and he always made it. lol.
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On August 15 2010 14:30 CosmicAC wrote:
You're kidding right?
The total fecal volume of a typical defecation session is about two to three times of a typical urinary session. The area of the opening of a urinal valve is much smaller than that of a fecal valve. Although feces are more viscous than urine, at higher velocity, viscosity plays a much smaller effect, so theoretically, one could defecate faster than they can urinate provided that they can exert a large amount of pressure.
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x[
What is wrong with this place and #2?
Hahahaha. I lold. This is like the 3rd in 4 days man.
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I feel that, I take a crap soo fast these days. Crap, wipe, wash. GG
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On August 14 2010 11:38 K3Nyy wrote:
LOL. This thread is so hilarious.
Though I can't understand how people can read the newspaper while taking a dump. Does taking a dump really take that long?
For me, I go in, it comes out, wipe, flush, wash hands, go out. Shouldn't take more than 2 minutes max.
you have little girly shits
we MEN have epic wars with our stool
there should be a BATTLE going on in that porcelain stool when you spread your cheeks
straining to push that god awful parasitic log out of your colon
you can feel your head getting lighter as your vision dims
the log is halfway out but the diameter coulnt be larger
2 minutes? dear lord
On August 15 2010 10:38 holy_war wrote:30 seconds, wtf dude. I usually take my sweet ass time so 5-10 minutes no problem. Now the bigger question: agree or disagree?
agree. from a physics standpoint A requires less force.
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EPT
