Jay's Hell On Earth Part 4

"Don't you think it's time to stop?"
"Shut it"
"It's not funny"
"It's not meant to be funny"
"Honey"
"Bunny"
"Sunny"
"Cunny"
"Ah! You lost! That's not a word."
"Let me check."
"Oh it fucking is a word. A rather..."
"..."
"schpunny one..."
"That's seriously lame."
"Hey i'm bounded by your imagination. I'm nothing but a mere voice in your head."
"Adds a completely different level to the story..."
"You should probably identify me better"
"How about this?"
*Stars? Really? That's so 1997*
"You're right. Let's try these."
'Oh great i can't afford two (or four) of these little thingies...whatever they call them'
"Hm."
~That's by the way one of the lamest catchphrases any character ever had in any story on this planet~
"I quite like it. It sums up everything without giving away too much."
+Jesus what are you doing?´
"ASCI"
╚Do you know what ASCI means? I mean i of course know you don't know since i know what you know anyway. But the question is still appropriate-
"I don't know. 'All Shitty Characters Imaginable'?"
ºOh bravo. Whait these are the ones!┐
"Gna sorry i wasn't paying attention. They were something lik Alt-24-something"
¸great. Oh great!↑
"Chill i got 'em. Alt-248"
°Allright. Sweet. A mild presence with a cunning finish.°
"This is going nowhere you know."
°Of course i know. So let's sum up the events.°
"Hm."
°Oh common! Alrighty then. Some random chick gave you the no-go-card because some girlfriend of hers decided do byte the dust.°
"Check."
°You owe some old mafia geezer money for living on his expense, with his daughter, which you for not yet explained reasons left.°
"She left me and 4200 Swiss Francs to be exact. Check."
°You found a dead cat, murdered in your neighbours apartment after you forgot to feed it for the past 3 days.°
"Let's focus on 'murdered' first. And check."
°You got punched in the face for basicaly looking like somebody who impregnated some girl with some cousin who's out for some punchy revenge. By the way how's that face of yours doign?°
"All blue. Check."
°Aaaand you fucked this unfaithfully, selfish, trashy tumor chick.°
"Twice. Checkuru mato!"

Check and uhh...paprika

So the nightlights were dimm as usual in my part of the city. All i had to do was cross over the street to get to my favorite sandwich joint. You know when you get older you...

°Oh come the fuck on! Do you really think anybody cares about your stupid little sayings? You're not that old and your topics are usually completely useless pieces of information nobody gives a crap about.°
"What a good decision it was to get you onboard. Pizza prosciutto with onions please."
°Why do you go to a sandwich joint ordering pizza?°
"I like pizza."
"Ouukey wierdo...that's 12 bucks boy."
°Boy lol. Punch the motherfucker in the grills!°
"I won't punch him."
"Who you're going to punch here?"
°You, you fat tomato!°
"Noone hehe. Just...mubling stupid stuff."
°You're moma is so ugly she made an onion cry!°
"You better sit your ass down sunny before i give you another blue eye next to the one you got now."
"Hm."
°Jay?°
"What?"
°Give me a name°
"Shut it."
°Pleeeeeease!°
"If you really want a name make them give you one."
°Ok. Hackm. Dear reader. We don't know each other for too long but please give me a name and you shall be rewarded with fame and honor in form of dimm hope and broken dreams!°
"Very tastefull."
°You've got to give 'em something...°

broken dreams...

So there i was. Traped with this sidekick-voice in my head °Yo!° and no path infront of me. If you had asked me that day what i was going to do in 1 year, 1 month, the next week, hell even the next day my answer would have been nothing but a shoulder shrug. I had no goal, no ambition to find a new goal, no loving girlfriend, no job i even remotely liked and nothing to live for but the curiosity for the next day. I'd love to tell you that this was going to be a boy meets girl lovestory you see with shocking repetition in cinemas °uech°, but it wasn't °woho!°. And no amount of punching to my face could have turned this into a thriller with women in red dresses and intrigues and special units busting through doors always one step behind the real murderer. I was waiting. But the reality was, nothing was going to happen to me when i did nothing but waiting. I needed change. Or at least a 6-pack of beer.

Time to visit the old liquor store for some premium swiss beer. Down the street, into the tunnel, down the stairs, past the unusually dark corner and into Lee's Luscious Liquid Store. °Mouthfull°. I made it to the dark corner without any events. But since it was a dark corner something had to happen right?

She was beautiful. Picture the most beautiful girl you can imagine and spare me the search for adjectives. There was one problem though. No she wasn't dead! Or a zombie. Or holding a Parabellum-Pistol Mod. 1900 cal 7.65mm with the flat end cap and asymmetric milled pivot heads in her hands. You nazi. No, she was looking up. Like "holy fucking gosh what is up there that you're looking up all the fucking time?"-up. Her lips were [insert adjective for lips i'd like to fuck]. She looked at me as i was walking by her. I remember how my body shivered. That fucking beautiful folks. °bum jigga bow bow°

Insert your dream girl here.

"Hi"
°Holy crap she's talking to you!°
"Hi"
"What a great night it is, isn't it?"
"What makes you say that?"
"The stars. They are so bright tonight. Like diamonds in the sky."
°Looooney tune alarm°
"Hm, i guess you're right."
"Where do you go?"
"Lee's Luscious Liquid Store"
"What a mouthfull"
"Hm."
"What are you going to buy?"
"6-pack"
"Mind bringing me a bottle of Amaretto"
°It's a tarp!°
"Shure."
"I'll wait for you here."

°TARP YOU FOOL!°

°You could have at least asked her for the money.°
"I will when we get back."
°You know this isn't going to end well.°
"I don't see any harm in buying some girl some alcohol."
°Do you seriously think she's going to drink it with you, get all drunk and then have wild and unrestrained sex with you?°
"That's the short term plan, yes."
°And what's the long term plan?°
"There is no long term plan."
°Well we will see in a seco...°

She didn't loose any of her beauty. What she did loose though was something that looked like blood. In unhealthy amounts as it seemed. I don't know...i'm no doctor. But if i had to describe the situation to the cops, i would say there was a dead girl lying in an usual dark corner. Her soaked up with blood dress all revealing her gosh beautiful parts. But like i said, i'm no doctor. Because as it turned out...

*coughcough*
"Holy crap!"
°Still°
"Alive!"

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°Remember to give me a name you uncreative sons of bitches! And rate this shit! CU next time!°

Jay's Hell On Earth Part 4

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