EPTEdit: if you stumbled across this looking for information on teaching English in Korea, look here for a guide
My holiday finally starts tomorrow. I taught my last lesson for this term today so I thought this would be a good time to
(k, I just read through all this crap again, there is an awful lot of ranting here, so if you'd rather skip the shit, just skim down to 'Anecdotes' near the bottom. It's not the most entertaining rant I admit sorry, but these blogs are like my diary here so I prefer to just put as much of my thoughts as poss).
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Wow... snow makes everything look nice
Background - 'Oh, lucky me'
I teach at an all-boys high school in a relatively poor area of Northern Seoul. I didn't pick the school/location... in fact the first time I heard about where the fuck I was going to spend most of my year here was in the taxi ride from the airport. (That's just how the system works for Seoul public school schools. One huge, ugly lottery. Completely necessary though, because most sane people will never agree to teach in some schools.)
My school has a great history which it desperately tries to cling on to. It used to be one of the best, with many of its leavers heading to top Korean universities and from there, to prestigious positions in Seoul's political elite. Now though, frankly? It's a big shithole. That's not me judging by the way. Having never taught before in my life, let alone in Korea, it's impossible for me to compare. But on my first day here, my Korean co-teachers told me in no uncertain terms that the school ranks one of the lowest not just in the district, but in the whole of Seoul.
The fucking Su-neung
With that in mind, I really don't think I'm a bad teacher. I probably am... lol ..but I do try... No doubt, some of you will see these paragraphs as a convenient excuse for me to stop caring about teaching as much as I should. But, if you have no experience of teaching in a Korean public school, pleaseee don't start blabbering your bs
In Korea, there is one set of overwhelmingly important exams called the Su-neung/수능. When I say important, I mean reallly fucking important. You all know how competitive Asian jobmarkets are and Korea is no exception. Employers here put a shit tonne of emphasis on academic qualifications, which basically means which university you went to. The Su-neung is the national exam that pretty much decides this. Good Su-neung score = good university = good life. Shit Su-neung = shit university = jump underneath the next subway train plz. High school and Korean high school life is basically therefore all about preparing for the this test.
+ Show Spoiler [Semi-tangent on Korean High School Life] +
I read in some other thread, an ignorant soul was commentating about how Flash was missing out on high school which 'should be the best years of his life.' This is one of the funniest pieces of misinformed bullshit I have read. In Korea, high school is probably the worst time of your life. Why? Because of the fucking Su-neung of course! Even in my sorry-ass-of-a-school, more than half of my students attend private tuition classes outside of class time. Normal school is 8am -> 4pm. Private classes then commence at ~6pm and lasts until ~10pm. OH? Did I mention school is six days a week here? So they are studying pretty much 8am->10pm 6 days a week and Sunday inevitably involves more study. Yes. I pity them too.
So how does all this Su-neung shit affect public school English teachers in Korea then? Well, we are all hired by the Ministry of Education to teach spoken English to students. This is naturally the same Ministry that is in charge of the Su-neung and who most importantly also thinks it is fine to have NO spoken English exam in the Su-neung. Retarded contradictory policies ftw.
So, imagine you're a Korean high school student. Your parents have been making you shit bricks about the Su-neung since you were in middle school. You need those precious points in all those subjects so that you aren't deemed a miserable failure for not getting into a Seoul university. You are really fucking tired every day from studying nonstop. All those goddamn classes can give valuable Su-neung points.... apart from of course... yep, you guessed it! Spoken English class!
Add this background to how enthusiastic you were about learning a second language at school, give it a good shake...and you get my typical class.
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Tuckshop is closest building on right. After that, it's the student cafeteria and after that the staff cafeteria. I feel for the students as I sometimes wonder if the stuff we get is even food.
My typical class
40 students. I wish that was a typo, but it isn't, forty. It's okay though! 1/3 of the students are sleeping. (Some of them on pillows they brought in just for this purpose lol). Another 1/3 are completely disengaged. They are most likely doing work for another class, gazing out the window or running their hand through the hair of their sleeping neighbour in that very unsettling gay way that's actually not gay at all for Asian students.
This is the point where the teaching-prodigies among you will stand up and loudly proclaim that I should be engaging them!! Make it fun! Do some activities! Get their attention!! All I can say is 'you really don't think I've tried?' followed by some slightly hysterical laughter and a 'kindly shut the F up please'.
So anyway, normally in my class, I reckon on a good day, 1/3 of the students MAX will be actively participating and learning. With these students, it actually feels good (and sometimes even great!1) to teach. Let's not talk about the bad days. lol.
The good stuff
Yes I know! There is actually a sliver of positivity in this blog!!1
Accommodation. As part of the deal, the school provides it for me. So I live around 2mins walk from it (which is aweesome for those ohmy-whatthefuck-i-overslept mornings) and avoiding the clusterfuck that is the Seoul Metro in the morning. I'm also ~5mins walk from two subway lines too which is nice. Like any metropolis, the distance of your home from the subway is directly proportional to your overall happiness and sperm count.
Being a bit of a celebrity. At least in the first month anyway. Whilst most Seoulites see a few foreigners here and there, most rarely talk to any. The school I'm at has never had a native teacher before and its in an area with very few foreigners. So when I first got here, I had lots of co-teachers and students trying to talk to me. In the first classes with my students, they gave me a roaring round of applause at the beginning and end of the lesson. That was fucking weird, let me tell you. Thankfully, my stardom died away before it got annoying.
"Handsome guy". Koreans like to compliment people on their looks. Its just part of their culture. So early on, I had to do a fair bit of ego-management, as I got compliments every other day from the principal, vice-principals (all male?!), co-teachers (mainly the females) and students (all male... lol). I'm no yellow Brad Pitt, I don't get it. Maybe it was a big game to embarass the foreigner, no idea.. but hey.. can't say I didn't enjoy it.^^
Middle-aged (30-40s) milfs trying to flirt with me. I'm no "baller", far from it. Think of your typical Asian nerd and you're much closer to the truth. Yet a few of my co-teachers seem to be out for a quick tease whenever they see me. Kind of funny in hindsight but actually pretty scary when it happens in full view of other teachers.
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Cell block Thre-.. I mean... Building Three of the Juvenile Prison Compl-- ah fuck...
Some anecdotes
Here's some hopefully interesting stories from my teaching:
1.
In an earlier blog, I mentioned how the Vice-Principal mistook me for a student. It happened again lol. This time it was a new person the school had hired to be a Displinary Officer. Now, it's this guy's sole job to make sure students abide by the rules. So fittingly, he has the face and personality of a pissed off bulldog. Every morning, he will stand on the ramp leading up to the school and inspect student's clothes, hair style and general attire. Anything out of line, and they'll be feeling some good ole' corporal punishment + 50 push-ups on the freezing concrete.
I dress casually to teach btw, like the other K teachers. I am however at least 10 years younger than the average teacher. So, I'm innocently walking up the ramp one day, wondering what horrors await me inside the classroom. Then I hear a loud, "YA!!"(야!). I turn round to see bulldog's face literally bulging. He probably doesn't know where to start. I'm wearing JEANS, what the fuck?!? and no school jumper or shirt???!!!! And my hair.. dear god, it's motherfucking SPIKY!
By the way, saying YA!! in a loud way is incredibly fucking rude to someone who isn't a kid. So a tad peeved but understanding what had happened, I just calmly turned around and looked him in the eye for a second or two. He must have thought I was the cockiest piece of shit on the planet. He came striding over to me while I was still piecing together my Korean response but (luckily for me probably), the Vice-Principal came out of nowhere and intercepted him. Some hurried Korean and a look of disbelief later, bulldog gave me a low bow and a sorry. I felt a bit bad for him as the students (who obv know me as a teacher) around us were crying with laughter.
2.
I was told to teach on the second day I arrived in Korea. This travesty was probably because I arrived too late to start teaching on Day 1 lol. Whilst obviously having zero preparation, I was bundled into my first class to 'introduce myself' for an hour. Well, unfortunately I have too few small capitalized letters after my name to talk about my accomplishments for an hour...so naturally the focus shifted onto other things...
LIKE SC! This got their attention alright. Virtually all high school students still love SC (heart-warming to know). I didn't really know what to talk about at first. But soon I was having the class chant Boxer, The Emperor, Maestro and The Revolutionist for 'pronounciation practice' (no joke I swear). As well as a convenient filler for that lesson, this also helped me become the cool teacher. Damn Right.
3.
One lesson I prepared was on the subject of health. Lots of students smoke in this school and of course, they always do it in the toilets. Sometimes when I walk past, it smells like a fucking bonfire in there trust me. So to make this lesson more interesting, I wrote a dialogue for them to practice in class. The first part involved Andy and his friend Peter who were, believe or not(!), also high school students. Andy chain-smoked in the boy's toilet whilst Peter did not. The second part was when they had grown up. Long story short, Andy got lung cancer and died young whilst Peter was rich, healthy and married to a blond supermodel. Subliminal messages ftw.
During one of these lessons (I repeat the same shit 16 times a week), I asked jokingly which students smoked in the class. There was some hushed whispering in the room for about five seconds as no one spoke. Then suddenly, one kid who I previously thought was sleeping, stands up at the back, proudly points to his neighbour and proclaims, 'Teacher! Teacher! He smokes many muchy!! HIS LUNG ARE BLACK!!'
LOL! I almost collapsed from laughter (not before praising him on his English of course).
Okay. I have some more stories but I just realised how obese this entry is already. I'll save them for later! Different topic next time though..
Thanks for reading again~ <3
