Valentine's Special - The SC2 Staff #Passion Rank

Valentine's Day Special

The word #passion has been getting thrown around a lot lately. Usually, it refers to one's intense love of Starcraft, its players, and its tournaments. Very few people have more #passion for the game than Team Liquid's SC2 Staff, but we are amorous for other things as well. Now that it's Valentine's Day, many of us will wrestle between our love of Starcraft (Proleague Round 1 Finals) and our love of women/men (a date?!).

However, these two things need not always be at odds. Our preferences for one probably relate to our preferences for the other, and our favorites are likely more simil8yhar than we expect. Therefore I, SUPREME Editor-in-Chief lichter, polled the SC2 Staff—as well as others who wanted to join—, who their Dream Person is. Each staff member contributed their own crush <3, and I have chosen a NEW favorite player for each staff member based on their pick. I also #passion ranked every choice, based on my super top secret criteria, but it's probably just arbitrary like every Team Liquid list ever.

In the immortal words of Xiphos:

On December 03 2014 09:04 Xiphos wrote:
A couple of questions you should always be asking yourself:

"Is this woman the mother of my child?"

"Can I do better?"

"Can I tolerate living with this person for the rest of my life?"

If all the answers come to be negative, then you should always treat it like fling that can end at any time and prepare your mental state for the moment of cessation.

Now, those questions all needs some kind of process to determine. You DON'T, I repeat DON'T decide these things from the first encounter. You make it a testing process.

Go set up a date with her and make SURE that you guys are on the same page for various of subject such as sexually, general life philosophy, hobbies, world interests, etc.

If you guys ain't on the same page for these things, then the continuation of dating each other are both pointless and time-wasting.

So please, for your own sake make sure that you verify your life goals and interest. And really go deep into them too, don't just ask questions like "Hey, do you like X, Y, and Z?" that can have a simple Yes and No answers. Instead ask her about "So what do you think about A?" in order for her to respond in more details.

Personally, it seems to me that you are having confidence issues. You want to "convince" her to like you, you treat your plans as a "gamble".

If you can, flip the script. Think of all the positive things about you, such as your skills, kindness, your future prospect, your sense of humor, intelligence, and even personal appearance. Now pit it against her kindness, skills, future prospect, appearances, sense of humor, intelligence.

Sometime you think to yourself "Wait a moment, I think I'm much better than her. Why do I have to be the one that impresses and not the other way around?"

This helps you to improve your confidence and so does your charisma.

When this happens, you will be more attractive.

Yeah, don't listen to Xiphos.

* Warning: Team Liquid will not be held accountable for any awkwardness, rage, awkward boners, rage boners, moisture, or lack of productivity caused by this power ranking.

** Double Warning: Potentially NSFW gifs in spoilers?

25.

Isla Fisher

The Small Package

thecrazymunchkin

KT Action

Spunky, excitable and at times even a reliable supporting figure, the Small Package is a bundle of energy in a 5 foot zero frame. Isla and Action have both tried becoming the star of the show, but they've repeatedly shown that they do their best work when they're allowed to perform as part of an ensemble. It doesn't always have to involve playing a dinosaur or an iguana, but it certainly doesn't hurt. And while a lot of people find that endearing, midgets just don't do it for me.
+ Show Spoiler [Bonus Gifs] +

24.

Sophia Bush

The Almost

Hayl_Storm

Clide

It's not a good sign when I mistake you for an old lady when you call me with my back turned. It's also not a good sign when I want to take a razor to your face to fix those atrocious side burns. Still, Sophia and Clide almost overcame these deficiencies to become a big deal. Lots of people—from Maxim to People Magazine to Artosis—claimed that they would become the next big thing. But for one reason or another, it just didn't pan out. For Sophia, her TV series fizzled out and her movie career failed to take off. For Clide, he failed to become more than just a GSL mainstay before retiring. Alas, the potential for "bush" puns just isn't enough incentive to like her more, and we already have an excuse to scream "Cliiiiiiiiide".
+ Show Spoiler [Bonus GIFs] +

23.

Rihanna

The Tomato

Waxangel

TAiLS

If you could have taken a peek at TL Writers Skype chat during the days when Wax was still the boss, there would have been a 42.0% chance that our discussion was about hair. From the mythical Scarlett's Hair Power Ranking (peanuts, pls), to criticism of Wolf's hair expertise, to random rants about Korean progamer hairstyles, it was Wax's favorite topic. No surprises then that he picked someone with hair that resembles the best/worst hairstyle/abomination of all time, TAiLS' tomato. Curiously, this is the first time Wax has ever mentioned his attraction to Rihanna, which definitively proves his true fetish for tomatoes.
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22.

Ronda Rousey

The Muscle

Liquid`Nazgul

sLivko's Mom

In the words of my boss, "[Ronda] is pretty cool [and] she can murder all of us but still was an admin for a pokemon forum." sLivko looks like he could crush an alligator in a bump car between his biceps while defeating an entire fleet of Somalian Pirates on his own. Only a woman with a stout uterus could have birthed such a manbeast, and sLivko's Mom, even though we have never seen her, must have thighs like the masts of a pirate ship. Like every great stage mom, she even posts on Team Liquid. Ronda is one of those girls that terrifies and arouses in equal measure, and I wouldn't be surprised if she and sLivko's mom were related somehow.
+ Show Spoiler [Bonus GIFs] +

21.

Ailee

The Fighter

banjoetheredskin

NaNiwa

Most people shy away from difficulty and choose to go where easy money flows. Not Ailee nor NaNiwa. Ailee, despite being Korean American, decided to take her talents to Korea where she could have become just another attractive Korean girl. NaNiwa could have continued on his continent, but his covetousness for competition compelled him to compete in Code S. Scandals have followed both of them, but it seems like no amount of bad press can keep them down for long. banjoe had a chance to boost Ailee's placing with gifs, but after he spammed me with Hyunyoung, IU, and other kpop dancing gifs instead, he has no one to blame but himself for my subsequent disappointment over Ailee's gifs.
+ Show Spoiler [Bonus GIFs] +

20.

Amanda Tapping

The Badass

KadaverBB

MC

If there is one woman on this list who could (and would) probably cut off your balls for being a creeper (as opposed to just punching your lights out), it's probably Colonel Sam Carter. She doesn't take shit from anyone, and even though she's supposed to be a scientist, you're not going to want to make "opening your stargate" jokes in her presence. Similarly, MC's jolly demeanor belies a cut~~throat~~testicles competitor whose brutality hides a scientific precision. While the years have robbed them of their figures, you still have to respect that.
+ Show Spoiler [Bonus GIFs] +

19.

Anne Hathaway

The Child Star

DarkLordOlli

Jin Air Maru

Anne and Maru have done something few others in the entertainment industry have been able to do: transition from cute child star to a bona fide headliner. Anne has progressed to more adult roles while displaying the vulnerability and tenacity that made her famous, while Maru continues to contend for titles after his breakthrough in OSL 2013. Those are all enviable qualities, but Olli's insistence that his prom date was her doppelganger means she receives a 200 point penalty. It doesn't help that when Olli creepily showboated her pics, it turned out she was more attractive than Anne and looked nothing like her.
+ Show Spoiler [Bonus GIFs] +

18.

Emily Kinney

The Babyface

XXTN

yFW Leenock

How in the heck is Emily 29 years old? I initially felt guilty finding her attractive as I googled for gifs, but it turns out I'm not a pedophile. That's the problem with babyfaces: you're never sure Chris Hansen isn't hiding in a bush somewhere ready to cockblock you. Even Leenock is 19 by now, and he still looks like he did 5 years ago, albeit a little slimmer. It doesn't matter what they do—almost win a GSL, push a dude down the stairs to his death, win Dreamhack and MLG, or stab a lady in the shoulder—everyone will still remember them as the sprightly youngster. I bumped Emily up a few spots after I found out I wasn't being a creeper, but the damage was already done to any potential boners.
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17.

Chris Hemsworth

The Body

shiroiusagi

KT Zest

The great philosophers and poets of the past once asked, "Who rocks the body that rocks the party?" Well, Zest rocks that party, takes off his clothes, grabs the trophy and steals your girlfriend. Thor is a shirtless sculpted demi-god who'd crush your resistance with a magnificent pose. Appreciating these two champions is easy and obvious, but there's this lingering worry that their bag of tricks will soon be figured out. Same build or strategy, same kind of action movie. Standing beside a Monet or wielding a giant axe won't cut it, but we're still going to ogle them even when they start to disappoint us.
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16.

Kim Seolhyun

The Soloist

GTR

killer

There are people that were born to be team players or part of a rigid system, while others are just better off on their own. Seol-hyun may be an original member of AoA, but her star truly rose when she started to work on her solo career and an acting gig. Similarly, killer finally came out from under Jaedong's shadow in the SOSPA scene to become post-KeSPA BW's best zerg. While Seol-hyun might not have as much APM (arousals per minute?) as killer, her... hey wait what the hell is BW doing in here??
+ Show Spoiler [Bonus GIFs] +

15.

Elizabeth Bathory

EVIL

stuchiu

MVP Choya

Evil never dies.
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14.

Emma Watson

Vanilla

Darkhorse

mYi Rain

Some people like to play it safe, and this choice is about as safe as it gets. Emma is modestly beautiful; Rain only takes modest risks in-game. Rain likes to play defensively; Emma is defensive of her personal life. Emma has grown into a genuine star; Rain has become one of the best players in SC2. Rain never cheeses; Emma probably doesn't smell like cheese. By all accounts that should add up to a 10, but most of the time I want a flavor other than Vanilla. They just don't have that x-factor that gives them an edge, and I can't even come up with any jokes, and there are few things I dislike more than people I can't make fun of.
+ Show Spoiler [Bonus Gifs] +

13.

Yvonne Strahovski

The Pigeon

Soularion

CJ Bbyong

It sucks to be typecast, but sometimes it's one's own fault for doing the same thing over and over again. Back in 2012 and early 2013, Bbyong was one of the dunces of the GSL, repeatedly called the worst player in Code S by many (okay, mostly me). He mixed excellent mechanics with mind boggling bungles that almost gave TheBest company. Yvonne, too, has played the hot blonde CIA agent on Chuck. They tried to dispel their stereotype when Bbyong made waves at Hot6ix Cup and Yvonne appeared on Dexter. Then Bbyong proceeded to Gangnam Terran himself into the ground and die in TvT, and Yvonne got another CIA job on 24. Looks like they're never going to learn, but at least they can do funny strats or look hot while doing so.
+ Show Spoiler [Bonus Gifs] +

12.

Nina Dobrev

The Namesake

Jer99

Invasion Super

Sometimes, a comparison is just too obvious not to make. Both Nina and Super are both vastly underrated. The former only has her TV show to bank on, while the latter has never done enough in a packed Korean scene. The times might be changing, however. Nina is rightfully considered one of the hottest women in Hollywood and has begun to earn more film roles. Super has switched things on in 2015 by taking first place in Hey, Look, Koreans! and reaching the Ro8 of SSL. But actually, it's because of Vampires he he he.
+ Show Spoiler [Bonus GIFs] +

11.

Clint Eastwood

The Old Timer

Brindled

Samsung Stork

If I had done this ranking some 8 or 50 years ago, these two would have had a shot at topping the list regardless of the other contenders. There was a time when Clint was the charismatic Man With No Name and Byung Goo was the Commander Kong, but that era has passed. The two old timers lasted longer than anyone expected, and they now have fruitful careers schooling the kids from a more official position. But don't you dare mention retirement! Stork is still a mobile games champion (and instagram professional) and Clint still occasionally shoots people.
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10.

Milana Vayntrub

The Hipster Pick

CosmicSpiral

TANGTANG

As per usual, CosmicSpiral namedrops someone obscure just because can. If it were anyone else I'd chalk it up to wanting to sound cool, but this is the guy that had a spreadsheet with arbitrary attribute ratings for players competing in ESV Korean Weekly to predict the next breakout player. After a quick googling, I discovered that Milana appears in commercials, shorts, comedy sketches, and one off episodes on TV shows. In other words, she's just another Code B-onjwa that will never, ever, ever make it. Someone's eventually going to randomly assign them as his favorite, and we're going to cheer for them just to make F5 threads more entertaining. Basically, she's TANGTANG.
+ Show Spoiler [Bonus GIFs] +

Penelope Cruz

The Fascinating

The_Templar

Jin Air sOs

As you've probably noticed, aside from one other choice, most of the women listed have either been Caucasians or Koreans. While that's expected considering the demographic of those being polled, I expected a little more variety. That's why Penelope earns the 9th spot on this list by virtue of being a great yet unconventional choice. Like her, sOs is not exactly everyone's cup of tea due to his eccentric style, but no one can deny that he's one of the scene's most entertaining. Sure, they're prone to some duds like vs Soulkey, Gothika, vs INnoVation, and Sahara, yet their smoldering sex appeal often shines even in stinkers. They only lose points because most of the time I have no idea what the hell she's saying or what the hell he's doing.
+ Show Spoiler [Bonus GIFs] +

Emilia Clarke

The Chaotic Good

Zealously

dPix TRUE

There are times when it's difficult to separate the character from the person. We only usually get to see the persona put on stage, and we attribute most of what we think of the person based on that. For all we know, TRUE is a fucking asshole. He's the guy that hatchblocked Stork 4 times in a single game and made protoss everywhere weep over Overgrowth, one of the few decent maps that remained at the time. Emilia, based on GoT, is a scary (sometimes naked) bitch. She's the girl that euthanized her husband with her bare hands, sacked a city because she didn't like them, and many other bitchy things. And yet we cheer for all their assholery and bitchery. Turns out TRUE and Emilia are actually really nice in person, but it's just more fun to wish they were actually Chaotic Good.
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Kim Taeyeon

The Unrealistic Dream

Seeker

Fantasy

On February 09 2015 15:32 Seeker wrote:My dreamgirl is TaeYeon from SNSD. Whenever I watch SNSD videos, I focus all my attention on just TaeYeon. There is a reason she is the leader of this group and it's because she's too damn OP and outranks everyone else in the group. I kid you not, I have already married her in my fantasy and we've done many wonderful(?) things as husband and wife. She even left SNSD and moved to US with me so that she could be with me. She also joined Liquid and plays Protoss even though I'm a Terran player. She loves eSports just as much as I do, if not more... We're also expecting our first child soon.

Yeahhh... I think this doesn't need explaining.
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Taylor Swift

The Switch Hitter

peanuts

BBoongBBoong

There's a little bit of a 'fixer' in all of us, and this pick proves it. Taylor is the only person who's changed her mind as often as Bboongbbong (Prime -> MJ Team -> Azubu -> ??? -> Invasion -> Prime -> ???), though it finally seems like they've both settled down for a while. Neither the tabloids nor twitter could keep up with them during their most fickle months, and their switches have become recurring jokes that will never grow old. Some people find that persistent uncertainty—Will they finally settle down with me? Will I be the one to make them stay?—alluring, but keep dreaming 'coz it ain't happening. Fortunately, Taylor, in the words of peanuts, "has legs for days". Mysteriously, people still keep hiring BboongBboong.
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Anna Kendrick

The qtpie

monk

Samsung Solar

There is a very fine line between cute and cloying. On one side of the fence, you have MarineKing and Zooey Deschanel, who I'd both like to send down a river in a bag full bricks. On the other hand, you have two people who've struck the perfect balance in Anna Kendrick and Samsung's Solar. The 'Pitch Perfect' star is a tumblr/twitter/internet icon, and Solar has become one of our favorite players to interview. Both are charming without having to resort to cheap tricks like funny glasses or silly bangs, and they rely on just being geniunely funny and interesting. Now if only I could find a way to force them to act out my favorite gifs in private...
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Chris Pratt

Mr. Personality

Meru

yFW PartinG

If I were to be shipwrecked on a deserted island with any of these fine people, I'd probably choose Chris Pratt. Sure, he'd be utterly useless in helping us survive (maybe I could use him as bait), but at least I'll starve laughing, and it might not be such a horrible time. Swapping him with PartinG does the same trick, and both men are known for their humor and rousing personalities. Their funny guy chops haven't stood in the way of becoming blockbusters, but it certainly helps that they're now more hunky than chunky. That probably doesn't help in surviving a shipwreck, but at least it'll be easier to paddle.
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Kate Beckinsale

The Classic Beauty

Destructicon

CMStorm Polt

Refined and elegant. These two words describe both Kate and Polt perfectly off camera. The British actress is a joy to behold wherever she appears, and Polt has become the best Korean English Caster since John the Translator. All that changes when they get into their jobs, however. Kate has become synonymous with the femme fatale in films like the Underworld series, while Polt uses his quick wit to create chaotic situations in game. They might be on the wrong side of their respective peaks, but both Kate and Polt have shown that they have what it takes to become timeless.
+ Show Spoiler [Bonus Gifs] +

Natalie Portman

The Genius

thedeadhaji

NaDa

There are very few people in the world who could justifiably be described as perfect. Hollywood has Natalie, Starcraft has NaDa. After blowing everyone's minds out in Leon, Natalie went on to bigger parts in the Star Wars prequels, Zoolander, Garden State and Closer while finishing her degree at Harvard. Then, she won a bunch of awards for Black Swan. While NaDa's body has rightfully earned plaudits, the prodigy was known as the Genius Terran for a reason. He was one of the first players to revolutionize and refine mechanics, and his execution of builds was divine. Then, he won 3 KPGAs and 3 OSLs. Both appear frustratingly beyond reach, and I have to wonder who has the better "body thread" on the internet.
+ Show Spoiler [Bonus Gifs] +

IU

The Face (of the GSL)

TheEmulator

Mvp

Ask anyone about the early days of GSL, and two names will reign supreme: Mvp and IU. Jung Jong Hyun cemented himself as the Greatest SC2 Player So Far by winning 3 GSLs, 1 BlizzCon and 1 MLG in 2011 alone, while Lee Ji-eun was the voice of the GSL during season 2 of 2010 and performed at BlizzCup 2011. Mvp's strategies defined Wings of Liberty and his influence is felt even today. IU is so cute I spent yesterday looking at her gifs instead of finishing this article sooner, or editing, or fact checking, and she is the only woman on this list that combined my two #passions. And since I compared her to Mvp, she's obviously the deserving #1. The GOAT and the COAT.
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