EPTOff-Topic General Discussion - Page 3972
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Slayer91
Ireland23342 Posts
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Gahlo
United States35174 Posts
On January 11 2015 03:00 Alaric wrote: Oh I don't think I liked her (nor did I think it'd work between us), was just to get more used to these situations (y'know, trial by error, find the obvious ones to avoid next). The frustration is a part of me that's desperate to be with someone and wants me to believe she'd have accepted to date me. Irrational all that. And a clone of myself wouldn't help, Ghandi, since I'm not a therapist. With three Jeffs, you should have noted by now that there isn't one to redeem the others.  At this point I'd just give the dating scene a wide berth. You clearly aren't happy with yourself and people pick up on that. Even if they choose to ignore it, it's poison to be in a relationship with somebody you need to keep propping up. Take some time to focus on yourself and make yourself happy. Everything comes from there. | ||
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Dandel Ion
Austria17960 Posts
how much more must this world suffer | ||
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Numy
South Africa35471 Posts
On January 11 2015 03:00 Alaric wrote: Oh I don't think I liked her (nor did I think it'd work between us), was just to get more used to these situations (y'know, trial by error, find the obvious ones to avoid next). The frustration is a part of me that's desperate to be with someone and wants me to believe she'd have accepted to date me. Irrational all that. And a clone of myself wouldn't help, Ghandi, since I'm not a therapist. With three Jeffs, you should have noted by now that there isn't one to redeem the others. I get what you saying and I'm pretty similar myself. I decided that I wasn't happy with myself so I've been focusing a lot more on becoming who I want to be while giving the whole dating thing a sideline even though I do desperately want more experience and to find someone but I don't think it's worthwhile trying to force a relationship while you don't feel comfortable about who you are. Shifting that onto someone else won't make you feel any better, it'll just put stress on the relationship. I don't think experience is as important than being confidence and comfortable in yourself but hey what do I know  | ||
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Doctorbeat
Netherlands13241 Posts
On January 11 2015 03:10 Gahlo wrote: At this point I'd just give the dating scene a wide berth. You clearly aren't happy with yourself and people pick up on that. Even if they choose to ignore it, it's poison to be in a relationship with somebody you need to keep propping up. Take some time to focus on yourself and make yourself happy. Everything comes from there. Definitely agree with this. I got the least female attention when I was a self-pitying heap of depression and anxiety. Work on yourself first. A mantra I still like to stick to from my classics teachers in high school who were big on the stoics: Learn to be content with yourself and only yourself. You shouldn't need anything or anyone else to be happy. | ||
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Alaric
France45622 Posts
I'm not happy staying alone and I don't know many people, so I gotta meet new ones if I want to do more social stuff (and not see the same too much 'cause people grow tired of me fast; she's one of less than a handful who didn't, actually).+ Show Spoiler + I mean, as I said there's that part that wants to have someone (and it became worse once I realised I didn't approach women the same as men anymore, because that lurked in my mind at all times), but I feel lonely in general and I know just staying at home everyday won't better it, no matter how many hobbies I pick up or how much of my movies/games/books pile I complete I'll still be alone and these would be diversions to my situation rather than real aspirations. Part of me wants to make it about getting a girlfriend, but I keep on sighing and telling it "you don't need that to enjoy company". A bunch of my usual screw-ups come from being immature enough that I act rashly, either ignoring my environment or not being aware of it ("whoops, that was rude, he won't be too thrilled to speak with me after that") and I can't just sit and think and pick up all the social conventions I don't know, or things where I'm too different from people (like a bunch of my humour that'll miss the mark by a mile with your average person). Going out there is a way to say "practice makes perfect", and sure, at first I'll crash down because there's so much to learn or correct. But I stop going out after that and just call it a failure I won't have made any progress. I did it in the past, withdrew myself more afterwards as a coping mechanism, and took ages to "dare" (or more often stumble upon someone that'd drag me out anyway): I wasted literally years to that and to my insecurities. Fuck's sake, I'm 26 and I'm pretty much in the same situation I was in 7 years ago while time and life have made a point of reminded me more and more that the world won't stop and wait for me (my age certainly didn't). I guess a way to say it is that the first wave of people I'll meet will be sacrificied as friendly relationships I keep in mind are doomed to fail, so I can learn from them and become a more social and considerate person. Which should ease up the whole social thing, while making me more satisfied of myself too. We have Jeff, Old Jeff, and New Jeff. Well, Old Jeff wasn't as much of a thing, but I'm surprised noone picked up on it (and no, I wasn't the one to start it). v I don't want to conform or whatever to be liked by people, since it's a wrong mindset (barring specific cases obv.). But playing LoL and watching streams and having a laugh or two with AGDQ while reading politico-military science-fiction like I've been doing the past 2 weeks doesn't make for good conversation topics, nor does everyone enjoy taking apart a book or film rather than just enjoy it at face value. And my job isn't really interesting to talk about. I don't have to give that up. But picking up more "mainstream"/less nerdy interests would make meeting with people easier. Sure there are some that'd like it. If they're 2% of the population it's silly to expect and stumble upon them though. And it's not about being happy for myself either since whenever I'm satisfied and (seemingly) don't have these issues anymore, there's always a point where I'm back to feeling lonely after awhile. I guess I just need company to some degree/to be surrounded day-to-day, otherwise I'd be satisfied with my friends across the country/abroad. It sucks but I don't get to decide that. | ||
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Holyflare
United Kingdom30775 Posts
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JonGalt
Pootie too good!4331 Posts
You will find someone who loves to listen to your long winded ramblings about instruments (oboe??), video games, and other asian things you guys talk about that I don't understand and wave gets upset about. Either way keep doing you homie, just be more confident in who you are. You're a cool dude man, sounds like you just gotta realize that. Edit: jiminy cricket touch screens are so hard to type with. | ||
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Scip
Czech Republic11293 Posts
just try not to despair when it's tough and not going nearly as easily as you expected | ||
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GhandiEAGLE
United States20754 Posts
On January 11 2015 03:07 WaveofShadow wrote: There's three Jeffs now? What is this world coming to? My empire is expanding. | ||
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Cixah
United States11285 Posts
I quit this game for a reason.... something money related.... | ||
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JonGalt
Pootie too good!4331 Posts
On January 11 2015 03:48 Scip wrote: trying to change who you are is a noble goal and you shouldn't be dissuaded from it just try not to despair when it's tough and not going nearly as easily as you expected Yeah I worded that part poorly. I meant more something along the lines of don't change who you are into someone you think other people find appealing for them. If you truly want to change something about yourself, it should really be because it bothers you. Ionno what I'm really trying to say to be honest. Or rather I'm doing a poor job of explaining it. Just be true to yourself. | ||
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Dandel Ion
Austria17960 Posts
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Slayer91
Ireland23342 Posts
LOL the circle of alaric | ||
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GhandiEAGLE
United States20754 Posts
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Holyflare
United Kingdom30775 Posts
On January 11 2015 04:13 Dandel Ion wrote: what if what bothers him is that other people dont find him appealing On January 11 2015 03:19 Holyflare wrote: Feel good about yourself, do and say what you want with your new found happiness and people will like you more (unless being yourself is being a douche, then stop that). Relationships are not only secondary to feeling comfortable about being yourself but are often a byproduct of the aforementioned. | ||
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Alaric
France45622 Posts
And I'm not exactly a person to be proud of. Just looking at the QQ shows that I'm not exactly nice, the caveat being that my douchiness is a child's cruelty and not a mean streak. It's not exactly that, Teut, I know mostly why. The summary is closer to "Man, this is shit! - Well what do you want to replace it with? - Uh...". :') There's no illustrated handbook with roadmaps to life and people. | ||
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PrinceXizor
United States17713 Posts
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Scip
Czech Republic11293 Posts
so what I did was try to adopt a relaxed attitude when around people, just make sure to avoid certain gestures (tapping my foot, raising my hands to or above neck level) and copy gestures that I randomly found fun and fine looking. Then make sure I speak in a relaxed manner, mainly giving myself think time to respond to any questions and requests. I am now more comfortable around people The story of my life let's hope I don't get hit by a fucking car cause that'd be a pretty lame ending | ||
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Frudgey
Canada3367 Posts
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