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Fun Player Bios - Page 3

Forum Index > Razer TSL Forum
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Prev 1 2 3 4 Next All
Colbi
Profile Blog Joined August 2004
United States535 Posts
Last Edited: 2008-04-23 02:45:44
April 23 2008 02:13 GMT
#41
Excello.NonY. Back home on Aiur, the Protoss high council held a meeting debating the issue of why Protoss is such an easy race to play compared to the others. A majority of the members of the council were worried that too many idiots were picking Protoss for the sheer fact that it was really easy to get good at. After brainstorming several ideas, they all came into an agreement that if they found a semi-intelligent person who excelled in his studies, he could do wonders with Protoss. They began a long, exhausting process of handpicking an individual for this experiment. After months of work, they would come across a Duke University student known as Tyler Wasieleski. He was given the blessings of Zeratul and ordered to destroy any Terran or Zerg who crossed his path. Tyler was given the nickname NonY (pronounced “New nee”) by the council with the purpose of filtering out the skilled from the unskilled. Only a truly skilled Protoss would have the ability to see beyond the simple rules of the English alphabet and pronounce their vowels incorrectly. The unskilled Protoss, that makes up around 99% of the players have brains that are just too small to grasp such a concept. This is what would separate NonY from the rest.

(I know somebody already did NonY, so just pick whichever one you like better or use both)
Editor-in-Chief for Team EG - http://www.twitter.com/LColbi
Artosis *
Profile Blog Joined June 2004
United States2140 Posts
April 23 2008 02:32 GMT
#42
ROFL
Commentatorhttp://twitter.com/Artosis
EGLzGaMeR
Profile Blog Joined February 2007
United States1867 Posts
April 23 2008 02:39 GMT
#43
colbi your a natural @ this lol
thunk
Profile Blog Joined March 2008
United States6233 Posts
April 23 2008 02:40 GMT
#44
I feel kinda bad cause I kinda wanted the same info as Navane.

But apparently, Navane is a baller and takes everything in stride (way to update the OP^^).

I dunno what useful information I'd glean from the bios, though. The fictional ones are more interesting too, I'll bet (not to say you guys lead boring lives).
Every time Jung Myung Hoon builds a vulture, two probes die. || My post count was a palindrome and I was never posting again.
Superiorwolf
Profile Blog Joined March 2007
United States5509 Posts
April 23 2008 03:49 GMT
#45
LOL! These bios are amazing!
Check out my stream at www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=315053 and follow me on Twitter @EGSuppy! :)
OrderlyChaos
Profile Blog Joined June 2007
United States1115 Posts
April 23 2008 04:28 GMT
#46
Haha nice bios. Definitely my favorite thread of the day.
HaXxorIzed
Profile Blog Joined June 2007
Australia8434 Posts
April 23 2008 04:45 GMT
#47
Legionnaire.

Peter "Legionnaire" Neate, came into this world as the result of a quick, bloody and ultimate indecisive war between the kangaroo cavalry of the Australian Defence Forces, and the the legions of Germany commanded by the great TECHNOVIKING. His parents? One of the captains of the Roo Cav himself, and a smitten vixen of TECHNOVIKING'S elite guard. In the resulting peacetimes that followed, he was one of the promising young children sent to the deserts of Northern Queensland (located in Korea, of course) to train in the ways of zen mastery, under the wiseman and prominent thinker, 'the wink' and the masters of pimpage, Daniel Lee and Rekrul. After surpassing his masters, Legionnaire stunned the peoples of Korea by using this mighty fighting style to incapacitate the great Caveman TheROCK himself, even as he tore apart bystanders in his desire to scream "RUWRRRRRRRR ROCK MAEK FIIREEEEEEEEE". Eventually however, Peter's attraction to the ways of honour found him joining the armies of the Protoss as a human mercenary, leading to vast improvements on the Maelstorm technique, which now has double the effect time and is known as the 'pimp wink'.

Aside from appearing at one edition of the World Cyber Games, saving many lives when mighty Korean Gorilla Champion iloveoov ran out of bananas and attempted to scale the convention building, he has not been seen since. Thus, the secret goal of the TSL is finally revealed, to create just enough impotent gamer anger to lure him back. For the final battle to subdue to the rage.

For the reavertime.
http://steamcommunity.com/id/HaXxorIzed
Kage
Profile Blog Joined May 2007
India788 Posts
April 23 2008 06:15 GMT
#48
bahahaaha. Awesome thread. Great posts dude. I LOL'ed at the JainFei one.. Some of them weren't posted about it too! Great stuff dude?!
Navane
Profile Blog Joined February 2007
Netherlands2762 Posts
April 23 2008 07:30 GMT
#49
On April 23 2008 11:40 thunk wrote:
I feel kinda bad cause I kinda wanted the same info as Navane.

But apparently, Navane is a baller and takes everything in stride (way to update the OP^^).

I dunno what useful information I'd glean from the bios, though. The fictional ones are more interesting too, I'll bet (not to say you guys lead boring lives).


Well, I actually started this thread with the sincere question for background on the players. But this is what it turned out to be.
Liquid`HayprO
Profile Joined March 2003
Iraq1230 Posts
April 23 2008 12:04 GMT
#50
haha the lz one is just too good
Team LiquidOur friendship will be the stuff of legend.
Colbi
Profile Blog Joined August 2004
United States535 Posts
Last Edited: 2008-04-23 16:45:00
April 23 2008 15:57 GMT
#51
IdrA[Media]. The Hindu God’s desired to create a player with Godlike skills who could not possibly be defeated by any lesser beings (unless of course they were a “lucky newb”). They chose to name him IdrA, named after the warrior Indrajit from the Hindu epic known as the Ramayana. A majority of the characteristics of Indrajit would be given to IdrA with the exception of his fighting abilities. In the epic, when Indrajit cried at birth he would cause thunder and lightning storms. As a mortal on earth this trait would carry over and whenever IdrA cried after losing, a great storm would occur somewhere on earth. He was given all of the skills by the divine powers to be successful with Terran. However, when the God’s created IdrA they underestimated the easiness of the Protoss race. Later in his life, he became one of the most outspoken individuals against Protoss and would later go on to join the “Media Terran Triad”. During one of the group’s rallies against Protoss in his home state of New Jersey, he was approached by a recruiter of the South Korean Terran army, most notably the eStro faction who were stuck in a civil war against eleven other factions. He currently resides in South Korea where he continues to train with hopes of one day being skilled enough to fight on the front lines in the civil war.
Editor-in-Chief for Team EG - http://www.twitter.com/LColbi
FakeSteve[TPR]
Profile Blog Joined July 2003
Valhalla18444 Posts
Last Edited: 2008-04-24 22:41:02
April 24 2008 08:31 GMT
#52
Artosis' story began in his run-down office, a dirty hovel in the worst part of the worst city. On the door, Artosis' present life was neatly summed up in three words: "Detective For Hire". Artosis grew up surrounded by crime and poverty. Despite his four brothers involving themselves in all manners of unlawful business, Artosis remained stalwart and virtuous due to a single event that gave him an unquenchable thirst for justice.

Artosis' father was a heavy drinker. He held a job at the auto plant on the edge of town, overworked and underpaid. Every night after working twelve hour days, Artosis' father would sink into the same chair and open another bottle of the same whiskey. His life was one of repetition and subordinance, and in the depths of his heart Artosis' father loathed everything that was constant. Fatally devoted, Artosis' mother endured countless beatings at the merciless hands of his father. On Artosis' sixteenth birthday, his father was laid off from the auto plant. In a drunken haze, his father beat his mother so bad that she'd never wake up. Artosis could find only one recourse; he hefted the steel bat his mother had gifted him for his birthday, and he returned the favor.

Artosis wandered the streets after that day, taking honest jobs when he could find them and hiring himself out as a "collector" when he couldn't. Artosis spent four years living in his own personal hell, when the call of virtue songed to him again. He became a freelance detective. He had always been good at... finding people.

On a particularily cold November afternoon, the door to Artosis' dingy rathole swung open, and through the frame walked the spitting image of his mother. Not the mother he found in a crumpled, deathly still heap at the feet of his enraged father, but the mother he had seen in photographs of happier times. Times when things were better for a growing family, some twenty years ago. His mother had seemed so radiant, so full of life in those photographs, but the young woman standing in his office now gazed at him impassively through eyes that seemed as dead as his own.

In a calm, level voice, the woman spoke of tragedy and despair as she explained her presence in an office that only the most downcast and unfortunate souls find themselves crawling to. Artosis had heard hundreds of sob stories. Sometimes he took the case, sometimes he didn't. But this instance, some old feeling buried deep under layers of sleeping pills and cheap gin burst to the forefront of his memory.

"They took my son," she told him. "They came in the middle of the night. They shot my husband, and they took my son. God's sake, he's just a baby." Her husband had gotten himself into a gambling debt with the worst sort of people. People who'd kill their own mother without a second thought if the bosses above them told them to. People so ruthless, so evil that even the strongest young sapling would wither under their gaze. Korean StarCraft players.

The woman slid a disc across the table. Artosis eyed it carefully, and something in the back of his mind told him he'd find his destiny in this disc. He'd heard of StarCraft, of course, the game of life and death where the rich and privileged controlled strange alien creatures to slaughter the destitute, forced to use fragile and powerless things called "Terran" as punishment for their low rung on the ladder of life.

"Please," she said. "They said I had to pay them. I don't have that kind of money. They said they'd kill my son if I didn't pay. I cried for mercy, and they threw me that disc. They said, 'If you beat us with Terran, we'll give your son back'. Please, Artosis. People say it can't be done. But people also say that you're the best. They say you can do anything. Please, help me".

Artosis eyed the disc for what seemed like hours, in sheer disbelief of the request laid at his feet. To beat the Koreans with Terran? She didn't lie. No one had ever done it. Lifting his gaze to meet the haunted eyes of the woman in his office, Artosis felt the itch again. The same itch that came before he splattered his drunken father's skull all over the drapes like a rotten melon. He couldn't refuse. There was justice to be served. Artosis sank into his desk chair and placed the disc in his computer.

"Ma'am," he said, "as of this day, I am Terran."

And so, Artosis' journey began.
Moderatormy tatsu loops r fuckin nice
wurm
Profile Joined October 2007
Philippines2296 Posts
April 24 2008 10:15 GMT
#53
Artosis = bad ass.

Every other bio is LOL.
I know where my towel is.
besiger
Profile Blog Joined July 2006
Croatia2452 Posts
April 24 2008 12:07 GMT
#54
haha nice one fakesteve, nice
A weak will coupled with delusions of grandeur
Rekrul
Profile Blog Joined November 2002
Korea (South)17174 Posts
April 24 2008 14:26 GMT
#55
ROFL CEASAR2000 and fakesteves are ART, steve urs gave me goosbumps

MANNER
why so 진지해?
GongKyuckTerran
Profile Joined March 2006
Croatia1096 Posts
April 24 2008 14:49 GMT
#56
fakesteve
Ultras di Spalato, Etre et durer
grobo
Profile Blog Joined February 2007
Japan6199 Posts
April 24 2008 15:07 GMT
#57
FakeSteve, you sir are a true artist!
We make signature, then defense it.
HotZhot
Profile Blog Joined February 2008
Colombia677 Posts
Last Edited: 2008-04-24 17:36:41
April 24 2008 16:42 GMT
#58
TSL-OctZerg
AKA JulyZerg, July[z-zone]
TSL News Special
[image loading]



After a continuos slump in Korean leagues, Park Sung Joon found himself wondering what would be of his career. He has found a new home on the STX team after numerous negotiations with several teams who just couldn't support his eating habits. It is said that July has lost his motivation and winning desire, just like iloveoov lost his oov.

It is at this time when JulyZerg finds the TSL and wishes to perform in it to step his game up and find the much needed boost to regain his selfconfidence and claim his righteous position as one of Korea's greatest, there is one problem though: Korean IP's have been banned from this league. Recent research has implied that July has taken a short vacation to Japan in the meanwhile for the contract terms to be settled and to do other things...

After a long thinking time he came to the conclusion that nobody would find him under a different month of the year, henceforth the name OctZerg, which literally means October Zerg, a rather drastical change for a midterm zerg.

After finding him on a local restaurant and 5 dishes later, July promised: "I will eat TossGirl after I win this TSL".

PS1: Please excuse my bad english.
PS2: Image shamelessly stolen from the BroodWar "July to STX" forum thread
I only smile in the darK [] sAviOr//JaeDong Fan 4 Ever ~ CJ Entusman # 7
Chill
Profile Blog Joined January 2005
Calgary26003 Posts
April 24 2008 17:16 GMT
#59
He'd heard of StarCraft, of course, the game of life and death where the rich and privileged controlled strange alien creatures to slaughter the destitute, forced to use fragile and powerless things called "Terran" as punishment for their low rung on the ladder of life.


This is the greatest clause I've ever read.
Moderator
SK.Testie
Profile Blog Joined January 2007
Canada11084 Posts
April 24 2008 17:20 GMT
#60
I came so hard I overshot Day's wicker basket
Social Justice is a fools errand. May all the adherents at its church be thwarted. Of all the religions I have come across, it is by far the most detestable.
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