BBC undercover reporting in Soviet Russia have indicated that not only has the USSR been secretly developing propulsion technology capable of reaching space, but that they are in fact further along than many could have even dreamed! Our sources tell us that the USSR is priming the engines of their first ever spaceship for launch. Thanks to Russian engineering this could be a great step forward for mankind! What is next, the moon?

ritoky

United States6851 Posts

August 16 2016 22:02 GMT

#1270

Please Stop Posting, elections have ended and are now being resolved

ritoky

United States6851 Posts

August 16 2016 23:37 GMT

#1391

Fox News!

A fair and balanced look at American society

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Fox News Offering "Legal" Assassinations:

With recent changes in American law, Fox News is offering its services to eradicate people who can be clearly proven to lack the necessary patriotism to be called an American. We have a professional who's services can be acquired if proper proof and compensation is provided to Fox News.

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All offers can be sent to Fox News (ritoky or Palmar) along with reasoning as to why the person is not a patriot. We accept all items and money as offers for trade. Please note that your request and offer will be made public upon completion of the assassination.

ritoky

United States6851 Posts

August 17 2016 18:28 GMT

#1884

RED ALERT! RED ALERT! BREAK-IN ATTEMPTED AT THE GULAG!

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Status to be updated pending developments.

ritoky

United States6851 Posts

August 17 2016 18:59 GMT

#1897

Fox News!

A fair and balanced look at American society

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1 HOUR FIRE SALE: Embedded correspondent provides security footage of break-in at the Gulag

Fox News undercover correspondent and anti-Obama True American who goes by the nickname: Weedlord Bonerhitler, has provided Fox News with USSR security footage of the break-in at the Gulag. Due to the current state of affairs in the USA, we are putting this up for auction for the next hour. PM all bids to ritoky. Bidding ends @ 4 PM EST

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ritoky

United States6851 Posts

August 17 2016 19:04 GMT

#1903

ritoky

United States6851 Posts

August 17 2016 20:02 GMT

#1921

Fox News!

A fair and balanced look at American society

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Fire Sale has ended! Man confirmed missing from USSR Gulag

ritoky

United States6851 Posts

August 17 2016 22:00 GMT

#1997

Please stop posting. The resolution period for End of Day has begun.

ritoky

United States6851 Posts

August 17 2016 22:59 GMT

#1998

Fox News!

A fair and balanced look at American society

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Breaking News: Unpatriotic Man Being Chased Through Ikea

Here is live footage from our associate's GoPro:

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More information as the situation develops!

ritoky

United States6851 Posts

August 17 2016 23:11 GMT

#2003

Fox News!

A fair and balanced look at American society

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Disturbing Developments Regarding Gulag Escape

Our investigative journalist in the USSR Weedlord Bonerhilter has submitted to Fox News further information regarding the break in at the Soviet Gulag. He uncovered some photographs taken by a couple on their anniversary date that clearly showed the prisoner stumbling onto a shanty raft that we have reason to believe is bound for Africa. More disturbingly, the escaped criminal was missing an ear and bleeding profusely from his head.

USSR has issued an official bounty on this escaped convict and anyone associated with his escape. 500 million for conspirators and 1 billion for the man himself (Prices are halved if brought to Russia dead).

When asked to do further reporting on the matter, Weedlord Bonerhitler responded "I need to leave Russia, now." Unpatriotic buffoons have suggested that it was Fox News who helped him escape, how can anyone blame a company that is so unabashedly AMERICAN!

ritoky

United States6851 Posts

August 17 2016 23:14 GMT

#2005

Auctions Closed

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All auction results will be resolved via PM before the end of the resolution period. Check back tomorrow for further opportunities.

ritoky

United States6851 Posts

August 17 2016 23:27 GMT

#2008

Fox Business!

President of the United States BANKRUPT!

On an anonymous tip from a true patriot, Fox News Financial Team looked into the financial records of the President to find out that he was completely bankrupt. Unrest from the American people over a clear lack of money management is growing.

ritoky

United States6851 Posts

August 19 2016 00:51 GMT

#2078

Billy Mays Here!

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HI BILLY MAYS HERE AND BOY DO I HAVE A DEAL FOR YOU!

A Barrel of Green Goo

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IT IS PARTICULARLY GREEN!

PM all bids to ritoky

ritoky

United States6851 Posts

August 19 2016 19:48 GMT

#2298

BBC Breaking News

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BREAKING NEWS ON THE RUSSIAN BORDER!

BBC News reported this morning about a mass exodus of refugees from European countries into the USSR, but it appears that they won't be staying there long. News of an impending nuke has sent many of these refugees back toward the Russian border and potentially bound for Europe. Eyewitness accounts have suggested that the refugees are armed and....skeletal? Regardless, this crisis will be something the new leader of the EU will likely have to deal with.

ritoky

United States6851 Posts

August 20 2016 22:00 GMT

#2776

Stop Posting, Resolution Phase Beginning

Note: Palmar is having internet issues, this resolution phase may take longer than the last.

ritoky

United States6851 Posts

August 20 2016 22:15 GMT

#2780

Fox News!

A fair and balanced look at American society

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Chase Through Ikea Finally Ends, Anti-American Killed

After an entire day of chasing an old man through Ikea. Holy shit was he surprisingly fast. Our associates have delivered on their promise: Trfel - Ingvar Kamprad was found dead holding a recently delivered box.

+ Show Spoiler +

Ingvar Kamprad
Nationality: European, Swedish
Faction: Mafia
Starting Location: Europe
Traits: Rich
Abilities:

Slick furniture: (Passive): You spend the day selling Ikea’s fantastic affordable furniture. Gain 1 billion euros.
You can really get lost in here: (Passive): If someone attempts to kill you, they must spend an entire day searching for you in Ikea before it resolves.

ritoky

United States6851 Posts

August 20 2016 22:29 GMT

#2784

Fox News!

A fair and balanced look at American society

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Black Man Found Dead

After a break-in at the former President's home, the Black community feared the worst. But it turned out just some random homie died and no one cared.

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A random black homie has died

ritoky

United States6851 Posts

August 20 2016 22:35 GMT

#2786

Auctions Closed

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All auction results will be resolved via PM before the end of the resolution period. Check back tomorrow for further opportunities.

ritoky

United States6851 Posts

August 20 2016 22:47 GMT

#2789

Fox News!

A fair and balanced look at American society

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Unwanted Green Goo Dumped into Ocean

After failing to make a profit on his Green Goo, Billy Mays decided it was a lost cause and dumped it into the ocean. Preliminary research from scientific groups suggest that this Goo may be eroding the Polar Ice Caps at a rate of 20% per hour.