EPTBeowulf Movie - Page 4
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Physician
United States4146 Posts
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Jibba
United States22883 Posts
EDIT: Obviously there's lots of animation in it, I just mean the character acting isn't animated. | ||
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Folca
2235 Posts
eh, oh well  | ||
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zulu_nation8
China26351 Posts
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CharlieMurphy
United States22895 Posts
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Servolisk
United States5241 Posts
It all starts, predictably, in the mead hall. King Hrothgar (Anthony Hopkins) rolls up on a litter, drunk and belchy and draped in a half toga. His smooth, CGI buttocks sway and waggle like white hams. Then, just in case you didn’t notice how fabulously Dionysian he is, he hollers, “Let’s hand out some treasuuuuuuure!!!” and pelts his drunken warriors with gold. Then they perform a medieval rap. Up on a mountain somewhere, a Garbage Pail Kid named Grendel (Crispin Glover) has no skin, very sensitive ears, and major beef with Hrothgar: the Old English equivalent of “CAN YOU GODDAMN KIDS PLEASE KEEP IT DOWN!?” He hates the rapping. He kills everyone. Eventually, Beowulf shows up (you know it’s him because he never stops yelling, “I am BEOWULF!”) and things get homoerotic: “There have been many brave men who have come to taste my lord’s mead.” A bit of sensual chain-mail unbuckling later, and Beowulf is naked—I mean fully nude, for no reason, in front of the queen—and fights Grendel with his bare hands. John Malkovich contributes a sarcastic slow clap. Then Angelina Jolie’s golden boobz come out of a lake. Then Beowulf bones her. Somewhere, your college English professor gnaws his own face off, and Robert Zemeckis unwraps a single, sticky, delicious prune. http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Content?oid=440707 | ||
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Jibba
United States22883 Posts
"Beowulf, Robert Zemeckis’s retardedly modern, 3-D, motion-capture reworking of Ye Olde English yarn, uses technology to murder the shit out of entertainment." | ||
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Dr.Kill-Joy
United States627 Posts
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ReTr0[p.S]
Argentina1590 Posts
On December 02 2007 14:40 Jibba wrote: Aha nice review. "Beowulf, Robert Zemeckis’s retardedly modern, 3-D, motion-capture reworking of Ye Olde English yarn, uses technology to murder the shit out of entertainment." ahahahha best. review. ever.. | ||
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MetalMarine
United States1559 Posts
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stuthedog
Burundi262 Posts
the 3D made the action scenes even cooler. it was awesome seeing the fine detail on characters faces, especially in important scenes theyd go in for the character profile close up. they didnt exploit it to its fullest but that might also be because of its limitations of 3D. oh and some of this has been said but these were the coolest parts: - beowulf stripping in front of the queen - beowulf knocking the shit out of grendel's head - beowulf cutting off his own arm to reach dragon's heart - beowulf ripping dragon's heart with his bare hands - grendel ripping people in two and eating their heads - to be more literal, the theme of sins of the fathers being visiting on their sons - this was a man's movie. what they eat, who they sleep with, how they talk, what men do. no surprise coming from roger avary and neil gaiman. those two are geniuses. | ||
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EAGER-beaver
Canada2799 Posts
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Waxangel
United States33481 Posts
On December 08 2007 15:05 stuthedog wrote: this movie rocked. saw it in 3D. its everything 300 wasn't - full of testosterone, rapid-fire plot, action was so awesome it made me laugh out loud many times, and who is more man than beowulf? he kills sea monsters, dragons and grendel AND he has two wives AND they think its cool that the other exists cuz well, they live in beowulf's world. the 3D made the action scenes even cooler. it was awesome seeing the fine detail on characters faces, especially in important scenes theyd go in for the character profile close up. they didnt exploit it to its fullest but that might also be because of its limitations of 3D. oh and some of this has been said but these were the coolest parts: - beowulf stripping in front of the queen - beowulf knocking the shit out of grendel's head - beowulf cutting off his own arm to reach dragon's heart - beowulf ripping dragon's heart with his bare hands - grendel ripping people in two and eating their heads - to be more literal, the theme of sins of the fathers being visiting on their sons - this was a man's movie. what they eat, who they sleep with, how they talk, what men do. no surprise coming from roger avary and neil gaiman. those two are geniuses. if this is not sarcasm, I might ban you for incredibly bad taste | ||
IntoTheWow
is awesome32277 Posts
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TheFoReveRwaR
United States10657 Posts
On December 02 2007 14:02 CharlieMurphy wrote: The book sucked in middle school, why would the movie be any different? You honestly feel like you had the ability to judge good literature in middle school? I mean do you even read now? What was the last book you read? Harry Potter? If you think about when the book was written and under what circustances, it's an excellent piece of writing that reflects the values of the society the author lived in. As a historical piece of literary fiction it is remarkable. | ||
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TheFoReveRwaR
United States10657 Posts
On December 08 2007 15:05 stuthedog wrote: this movie rocked. saw it in 3D. its everything 300 wasn't - full of testosterone, rapid-fire plot, action was so awesome it made me laugh out loud many times, and who is more man than beowulf? he kills sea monsters, dragons and grendel AND he has two wives AND they think its cool that the other exists cuz well, they live in beowulf's world. the 3D made the action scenes even cooler. it was awesome seeing the fine detail on characters faces, especially in important scenes theyd go in for the character profile close up. they didnt exploit it to its fullest but that might also be because of its limitations of 3D. oh and some of this has been said but these were the coolest parts: - beowulf stripping in front of the queen - beowulf knocking the shit out of grendel's head - beowulf cutting off his own arm to reach dragon's heart - beowulf ripping dragon's heart with his bare hands - grendel ripping people in two and eating their heads - to be more literal, the theme of sins of the fathers being visiting on their sons - this was a man's movie. what they eat, who they sleep with, how they talk, what men do. no surprise coming from roger avary and neil gaiman. those two are geniuses. Looks like they were successful in reaching their target audience: Complete idiots. Perhaps you could go suck on some balls? I hear they are full of testosterone too and you seem to love that. I'd say go ahead and give him the ban. "- to be more literal, the theme of sins of the fathers being visiting on their sons" What the FUCK? Are you literate? At all? And you're aware that Roger Avary and Neil Gaiman didn't write the book the movie was based off of right? | ||
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lololol
5198 Posts
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CharlieMurphy
United States22895 Posts
On December 08 2007 19:48 TheFoReveRwaR wrote: You honestly feel like you had the ability to judge good literature in middle school? I mean do you even read now? What was the last book you read? Harry Potter? If you think about when the book was written and under what circustances, it's an excellent piece of writing that reflects the values of the society the author lived in. As a historical piece of literary fiction it is remarkable.The story is lame. And no I don't read harry potter. I've read more nonfiction books. I've honestly tried to read a lot of fiction books but its just too annoying because it takes so much longer to read a book (compared to a movie or whatever) and once I get 50-100 pages deep and realize the book is shitty it pisses me off. The last couple fiction books I read were: Slaughterhouse V, The Mist (Skeleton Crew), Memnoch The Devil. All 3 of them were shitty and I only finished slaughter house v because my friend always talks about how great a book it is and I wanted to argue with him properly. | ||
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haduken
Australia8267 Posts
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stuthedog
Burundi262 Posts
On December 08 2007 19:55 TheFoReveRwaR wrote: Looks like they were successful in reaching their target audience: Complete idiots. Perhaps you could go suck on some balls? I hear they are full of testosterone too and you seem to love that. I'd say go ahead and give him the ban. "- to be more literal, the theme of sins of the fathers being visiting on their sons" What the FUCK? Are you literate? At all? And you're aware that Roger Avary and Neil Gaiman didn't write the book the movie was based off of right? you have the ability of analysis of a 12 year old. you think just because a movie is created around awesomeness unlike all those oscar contenders and classic novels youre forced to read in high school and therefore must love, it sucks. yes, im aware that its a freakng adaptation. youre an idiot if you think 99 percent of the population doesn't know. but hey at least i gave solid points for why i liked the movie. the only thing you said is its an adaptation so it sucks! youre the real idiot. and i think its a shame that if one expresses his opinion contrarily to a mod, the dick in mouth response is "ban!" i think tliquid is a funny place -- its populated by teens going through growing pains where movies like 300 are praised despite all of its faults - lengthy, unrelated v.o.; staccato pacing; action scenes that never climax - and thumb their low-class noses at gems like beowulf which was made for htem. | ||
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