Official 'what is Dota anymore' discussion - Page 381

On January 27 2015 15:34 CosmicSpiral wrote:


Your dilemma is very common for adolescents around your age. Fortunately the answer is the same for most of those scenarios.

Commit to a path. Either value her friendship to the point where you can forgo your attraction without regret, or follow your attraction and see if the relationship can change to something more sexual (and hopefully, equally intimate). Either way, you must accept that the act comes without a guarantee of a positive result. You are hesitating because there is no clear outline of what will happen; the dread of what could happen is overpowering your other motivations. With the exception of physics, this lack of certainty is true for everything.

On January 16 2015 16:15 CosmicSpiral wrote:
KING CHARLIE, your wife’s desire for another man is perfectly normal. The vector of sexual attraction is not something humans can consciously control at any specific point, although it is something we can gradually direct through processes of rationalization and association. Both men and women are affected equally, although there are more social regulations for women. If your account is true, it’s hard to see why she wouldn’t be aroused. Charming yet gracious and nonthreatening! A caretaker with clear empathy towards other living animals! Socially broadcasted norms of toughness and virility! Comfortable with his life and decisions! At the very least you recognize that there’s no moral corruption occurring here, no more than if you met Kate Upton and managed to hit it off.

However, I’d rather not focus on the dilemma in itself. Based on your wording, I feel like this is slight misdirection. If you were genuinely confused on the topic and didn't know how to approach it at all, this blog would be considerably shorter. Instead, you passively argue in favor of the cuckolding. You compare yourself to your neighbor’s physical grandiosity and find yourself wanting; you praise your wife in distinctly non-sexual terms but condone a possible decision rooted purely in lust; you talk about being wholly dedicated to your wife’s happiness, but fail to consider that any unhappiness on your part will affect the marriage indirectly. You offer no compelling argument in favor of the faithful opinion. It already sounds like you've made up your mind, so why ask TL netizens for advice when you’re not-so-subtly challenging them to defy your logic?

In a marriage, there is no such thing as “separate happiness”. Every party’s contentment with the bond may be influenced by outside factors (family, career, hobbies, depression, etc.), but most actions will impact the trust and affection of the relationship in some manner. I understand you may feel it’s noble to cede to your wife’s wants, as if denying them was an affront to her agency and right to happiness. But if we accept the idea that both parties are responsible for balancing individual and group fulfillment, then she has an equal obligation to consider how her act would impact your wants and needs. Suppose this goes down, she has a great night, and she returns…but with lingering desire for something more with your neighbor? It would undoubtedly hurt the marriage, but also your relationship with the Marine. How honest, forthcoming, and witty could he be, knowing that he is driving a wedge between two people he cares about?

The main issue is not your wife’s yearnings and whether it will impact your relationship in a negative way. It’s why you feel the path to true happiness (in this situation, although I suspect it crops up a lot more often than you let on) involves a one-sided sacrifice that doesn't account for your side of the story. There’s not nearly enough information to make a proper diagnosis, but you are exhibiting signs of codependency. That problem, and not this minor dalliance, might be the thing that ruins your future.

EDIT: 10k post, yadda yadda, pop balloons and stuff

On February 03 2015 22:20 Rocket-Bear wrote:

Actually your most recent girl happening was a 20/10. Pretty good, can see why you would want to do it again.
http://www.dotabuff.com/matches/1191948517

On February 03 2015 22:36 dismiss wrote:
Nobody cares about grill blogs unless it creams or p6 tier serious. ~.~

On February 03 2015 23:38 Erasme wrote:
i played with bubu once
so i got that going for me

On February 03 2015 23:28 Jinxed wrote:

Can we describe this tier? Especially because I think the best girl blogs are from the people who are far below that.