It was Halloween night. Tommy was driving around town with his friends from school, stopping at houses occasionally to get candy but more importantly to smash people's mailboxes and throw eggs at their front doors and cover their houses with toilet paper.
Tommy was in the passenger seat and his friends, all of them being 17, we're a bunch of wild animals. In the driver seat was Tommy's girlfriend Kathy. In the back seat was a black guy, and 2 white guys and a Hispanic guy. They had taken Tommy's dad pickup truck without permission. Neither Tommy nor Kathy had a drivers license.
After a few minutes of driving, it was starting to get dark and the little kids would be out in search of candy. It was the perfect night to scare kids. Tommy and his friends had all had a little too much to drink. His girlfriend was driving all over the place so Tommy decided to get behind the wheel. He had a higher alcohol tolerance than all his friends.
Tommy gets into the driver seat, and all of a sudden Kathy starts to unzip his pants. Before he knows it she's got her head under the steering wheel. Tommy lost control of the truck and hits a kid dressed up as Harry potter. The kid stops moving, but no ones around to see. Tommy slaps his girlfriend real hard.
He slaps her so hard she gets a broken nose and there's blood everywhere. The kids blood is on the hood of his dads pickup truck. At this point tommy knows he's screwed. The kid is still moving a little, so good thing tommy had a gun in his pocket. He takes out the gun and shoots the kid 3 times in the head. He can't let the kid get away and tell anyone about this. His friends know it was all his fault, so if they get caught he knows his friends are gonna rat him out. He aims the gun at each of his friends, jumps out of the driving seat, and tells Carlos to take over the wheel and drive to the bay.
Tommy tells Carlos to drive into the bay water with the car. He takes the dead kids body and puts it in the trunk. Tommy says that everyone in the car is gonna drown in the bay, and anyone who tries to escape is gonna be shot on sight. He picks up his unconscious girlfriend and puts her on his lap.
The car drives into the water, and all of the guys drown, including the kids dead body in the trunk. Carlos tries to swim away but tommy shoots him twice in the head.
Tommy takes Kathy's unsconscious body and run into the woods. He knows there's a cemetery behind the woods. He digs and digs until he has a 4 foot deep hole, then he has his way with his girlfriend one last time. Knowing she's unsconscious makes him feel sick to his stomach but he doesn't anyway. He takes a pocket knife and cuts her on he forehead, on the lips, and on her breasts. At the end he shoots her in the head 3 times and buries her.
At this point there's no escape. Tommy has killed 6 people, 4 were his friends, one was a kid and one was his girlfriend. He gets a taxi to his house. He takes his bike and drives to his girlfriends house. He notices there's a big bucket of candy on his girlfriends house. Her parents arent home so he decided to take some cyanide and pour it on the candy, so when the kids get sick they'll blame it on his girlfriends house.
He has to find a way to get rid of the evidence. He takes a carbon monoxide pump that he has in his room and finds a way to connect it with her parents basement window. If he can get a few minutes worth of carbon monoxide into her parents basement, theyll be as good as dead.
Tommy realizes he has some TNT or explosives in his garage, so he rides his bike to all of his friends houses who drowned. He goes to 4 houses and puts explosives behind the house, and one on each side.
Tommy realized that his dad was gonna know that his pickup truck was missing, but he knows someone who lives a couple of blocks away who has an identical pickup truck as his dad. So he rides his bike to the guys house. Luckily, the truck is parked outside in the driveway, not in the garage. Tommy has a baseball bat, so he waits behind the bushes for the guy to come out. The guy comes out with his car keys, and Tommy hits him hard in th back of the head with the baseball bat. Tommy lights a match and throws it into the guys kitchen, where his wife is baking an apple pie. She gets burned alive.
Tommy takes the key puts it in the ignition and drives to the car wash. He wants the car to look sparkly clean for his dad. Tommy drives the car back to his house and parks it in the garage, just in time before his dad gets back from work. Tommy also manages to steal sme kids candy because all this stuff is making him hungry and he craves sugar.
Tommy asks his dad if he can use the truck, he refuses but allows him later on. Tommy drives to the nearest bowling alley. He has artillery shells containing mustard gas and phosgene agent. He climbs on the roof and drops shells from the thermal vents. In seconds of impact, people inside are scratching their eyes and sweating profusely. Their throats and lungs were bleeding and rapidly losing sight in their eyes. Because tommy had barricaded the entrance with his pickup truck, there was no way out.
Next, he went to a Halloween party one of the rich girls from school was hosting. Tommy has some bleach and ammonia. He mixes it with the fruit punch. Soon enough, many people are screaming and fainting but because there are hardly any adults around, they can't get to the hospital.
No survivors. Check Got rid of the evidence. Check
Trick or treat.
People killed: 78, not 79 because Carlos survived (3 of the 4 friends, kid he hit, girlfriend, 3 kids who ate cyanide candy, girlfriends parents and brother, Carlos parents, Brandon's parents, Eric parents and 2 sisters, Steve parents and 1 brother, guy with pickup truck and his wife, 23 people in bowling alley, 31 people in Halloween party)
Carlos tried to swim away when he was in the bay, after he drove the pickup car into the water. Everyone else in the car drowned, but Carlos was able to swim away and escape. At first Carlos pretended to be dead, making his body sink but coming up for air every few seconds, but making it seem like he was dead and his face turned to the air "accidentally" as if the water current was moving his lifeless body. Tommy was not fully convinced and shot Carlos twice from the docks which were some distance away, and he shot him in what Tommy thought was Carlos's head, but in fact he shot Carlos in the shoulder. Tommy saw blood and stopped shooting after that, convinced that Carlos was dead. In fact, when Tommy left the area, Carlos struggled to swim to shore, and then called 911 on a nearby pay phone. He was rushed to the hospital on an ambulance, and the police was notified of Tommy's actions.
Sounds legit. I really like how every few lines, you add in another "And then he totally realized he had another deadly weapon handy in his back pocket".
Also, is this based on a true story?
And if so, which of those characters are you? I'm thinking Carlos.
It's based on a true story. Something like this happened in my sister's college town on Halloween 1999. I remember my sister came back from college and she told us what happened to that guy. The guy was a senior in high school at the time. I was too young to understand what could make someone act out like this.
Tommy was found to be suffering from cyanide poisoning and was in the emergency room for 2 days, because apparently one of the candy he stole from a kid came from the bucket on his girlfriends porch which was laced with cyanide.
Because tommy was off the hook, he spent some time in a mental institution (and was allowed to leave early for "good behavior") before he returned to his bastardly ways.
Link to the real story on which it was based? If you were trying to go for the "this is a true story horror story effect" and were just telling a story, I'm sorry but I really feel that you missed the mark. Well, it would be pretty standard writing for a modern Hollywood horror film though, methinks.
Okay what in the actual fuck I just finished the story. Really man, really?
Tommy lights a match and throws it into the guys kitchen, where his wife is baking an apple pie. She gets burned alive.
On September 22 2012 09:28 EffervescentAureola wrote: Because he was a minor and he had almost killed himself, he was deemed to be insane. 79 people had died as a result of his actions.
Mind linking a news article about this? Also, is this story based on that story, or "inspired" by it? You know, like how Happy Feet was inspired by a true story?
On September 22 2012 09:55 Aerisky wrote: Uhh...uh....what?
Link to the real story on which it was based? If you were trying to go for the "this is a true story horror story effect" and were just telling a story, I'm sorry but I really feel that you missed the mark. Well, it would be pretty standard writing for a modern Hollywood horror film though, methinks.
Okay what in the actual fuck I just finished the story. Really man, really?
On September 22 2012 09:28 EffervescentAureola wrote: Because he was a minor and he had almost killed himself, he was deemed to be insane. 79 people had died as a result of his actions.
Mind linking a news article about this? Also, is this story based on that story, or "inspired" by it? You know, like how Happy Feet was inspired by a true story?
Like I said, it was a while ago, and it was a pretty small town, so I doubt there was any major news coverage of this.
On September 22 2012 08:07 DarkPlasmaBall wrote: Sounds legit. I really like how every few lines, you add in another "And then he totally realized he had another deadly weapon handy in his back pocket".
Also, is this based on a true story?
And if so, which of those characters are you? I'm thinking Carlos.
That's quite perceptive of you. Carlos did in fact survive and that's how the police was able to track Tommy.
Edit: Carlos tried to swim away when he was in the bay, after he drove the pickup car into the water. Everyone else in the car drowned, but Carlos was able to swim away and escape. At first Carlos pretended to be dead, making his body sink but coming up for air every few seconds, but making it seem like he was dead and his face turned to the air "accidentally" as if the water current was moving his lifeless body. Tommy was not fully convinced and shot Carlos twice from the docks which were some distance away, and he shot him in what Tommy thought was Carlos's head, but in fact he shot Carlos in the shoulder. Tommy saw blood and stopped shooting after that, convinced that Carlos was dead. In fact, when Tommy left the area, Carlos struggled to swim to shore, and then called 911 on a nearby pay phone. He was rushed to the hospital on an ambulance, and the police was notified of Tommy's actions.
On September 22 2012 10:08 Jaaaaasper wrote: What the actual fuck? I'm not sure the point of this, not that i want to.
What happened to Tommy happens to a lot of us. When he saw the little kid in the Harry Potter costume knocked out cold, with the kid's blood on the hood of his dad's pickup truck, and his girlfriend with a broken and bloody nose, he just totally snapped. His conscience got thrown out the window in that one moment, he was completely overwhelmed with emotion and his nervous system was catapulted into overdrive. With that kind of adrenaline pumping through your body, it becomes easy or at least minimally prohibitive for you to do things that you wouldn't normally do, at least not in a rational, logical, or composed frame of mind. And once he saw the blood and the guts, he became sort of hooked to the violence and the sense of perverse domination that he felt during his actions. And like any kind of addiction, he sought out higher and higher doses of violence and control. Not trying to justify anything he did, but you have to try to understand where he's coming from and what might have been going through his head.
And you have to remember that despite all that tragedy, Tommy was still concerned about his parents not finding out. That proved he was a good kid who just happened to make one wrong decision that snowballed into something terrifying. It's like you try to save a couple cents but you end up spending ten more dollars.
Of course, Eric and Steve were the white guys in the back seat of the pickup truck, with the black guy being Brandon and the Hispanic guy being Carlos. Only Carlos survived out of them. Whether or not what Tommy did to do Kathy makes him a necrophiliac is up for discussion.
At the party, he had a heavy aluminum shovel and was mauling anyone who looked like they might try to run out of the house or call the cops or looked like they might survive to tell the story.
You are editing most of your replies to your blog anyway--just edit all those extra posts into a single one instead of repeatedly bumping this mind-blowingly bizarre halloween horror story...
On September 22 2012 08:07 DarkPlasmaBall wrote: Sounds legit. I really like how every few lines, you add in another "And then he totally realized he had another deadly weapon handy in his back pocket".
Also, is this based on a true story?
And if so, which of those characters are you? I'm thinking Carlos.
That's quite perceptive of you. Carlos did in fact survive and that's how the police was able to track Tommy.
Edit: Carlos tried to swim away when he was in the bay, after he drove the pickup car into the water. Everyone else in the car drowned, but Carlos was able to swim away and escape. At first Carlos pretended to be dead, making his body sink but coming up for air every few seconds, but making it seem like he was dead and his face turned to the air "accidentally" as if the water current was moving his lifeless body. Tommy was not fully convinced and shot Carlos twice from the docks which were some distance away, and he shot him in what Tommy thought was Carlos's head, but in fact he shot Carlos in the shoulder. Tommy saw blood and stopped shooting after that, convinced that Carlos was dead. In fact, when Tommy left the area, Carlos struggled to swim to shore, and then called 911 on a nearby pay phone. He was rushed to the hospital on an ambulance, and the police was notified of Tommy's actions.
This is not well written or narratively well constructed. It is not compelling in any way, nor does it function as a horror story.
There is zero emotional depth to any of the characters, including Tommy. The closest you get to providing a motive for any of his actions is to say 'he snapped, so his conscience went awol, but he's not all bad because he didn't want his parents to know he'd hit a kid whilst drunken joyriding in his dad's car'. That is not nearly sufficient to allow the reader to feel any sort of connection to Tommy. You miss out entirely on describing the experience of any of the victims, and give only skeletal, factual details of Tommy's own experience. For the most part, it reads like a list of murder methods.
That is not horror, that is a child's attempt to shock their English teacher. Horror is all about creating a visceral, emotional response and for that you need to forge emotional connections between the reader and the characters.
The reader should be able to feel the night-chilled water rushing into the car as Carlos tries frantically to force his way through it and out of the sinking car.
They should feel the shock, fear, and despair of the future prom queen as her halloween party becomes a nightmare; she really isn't emotionally ready to deal with something like this and in between trying to find some way past the maniac with the shovel to the door and away from the mist beginning to burn her eyes and throat, she can't help but wonder how this will affect her chances of getting into Princeton or quite contain the flinch when one of her guests drags her grandmother's carriage clock from the mantelpiece as they stumble to the floor.
They should step inside Tommy's head and feel the shock and the blind panic when he realises he has hit a child. They should feel the sudden certainty that this is all his fault and the sudden realisation that there will be consequences for his actions. They should feel all the pressures that bear down on Tommy from every direction - to not fail any subjects at school even though it's all he can do to scrape a D+ in chemistry, to be cool with his friends, to be a good son, to make something of his life - and feel him buckle under the strain of trying to work out a way those can remain achievable even after hitting a child while driving drunk without a license, until his mind clears and he knows exactly what to do to make things okay again.
The key to all of these is that the reader should feel.
Additionally, you should provide greater background detail. Tommy quickly gets ahold of several difficult-to-obtain weapons - including multiple artillery shells containing a chemical weapon banned under international law since decades before Tommy was born and never useful for civilian purposes anyway and, of course, the explosives. Where does he live and what does his family do that this is possible? Why did no-one notice a kid getting knocked down on a night where the streets are crowded with children? How did Tommy have time to get between so many places before the news spread to them that something really bad was going on? These details are necessary for the story to make sense.
Every detail you include should have a purpose. There should be no throwaway remarks that are not at some point relevant to a part of the story, or at least beneficial to the reader's understanding of the characters and the setting. That means not stating the ethnicity of people Tommy kills who you don't plan on mentioning again. If their ethnicity is mentioned, it should be in such a way that it enhances reader immersion in the story.
Side note: Tommy is not a necrophiliac as Kathy was alive when he had sex with her. He is, however, a rapist as she was unconscious at the time and would have almost certainly not consented were she conscious.
^ You're probably over-thinking it. I'm 90% sure he intended this to be satirical and funny. Tommy apparently has access to "artillery shells containing mustard gas and phosgene agent." I mean, wtf, does this 17 year old work at a WWI museum or something?
On September 23 2012 02:46 airtown wrote: ^ You're probably over-thinking it. I'm 90% sure he intended this to be satirical and funny. Tommy apparently has access to "artillery shells containing mustard gas and phosgene agent." I mean, wtf, does this 17 year old work at a WWI museum or something?
I'm 90% sure you're wrong. This is the guy who lied about having a Russian girlfriend to wow tons of people he doesn't know on the internet. Also the guy who bumped this story about a dozen times for more views. Read his replies. This was his honest attempt at writing a good story.
As it turns out, due to power outages, roadside debris, and stray electrical wires in my vicinity, Halloween is (un)officially canceled tomorrow. Looks like I'm gonna have to eat all this candy by myself:p
EPT
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