Shinhan Tank Proleague 14-15 - Preseason Week 2 - Page 2

But if they're unavailable due to losing all passion for truly great games, then but for everyone else, I have decided I have only two rules:

1. Don't talk while I'm talking.
2. If I'm talking and you want to talk, shut up. Just shut the fuck up.

While I'm talking about the in-depth strategic nuances of the game, you don't need to interrupt me to tell everyone that "Terran is opening with the standard depot/rax/then refinery, nothing out of the ordinary, totally normal for now" or "Looks like the Zerg is going with the standard 3 hatch into spire, totally standard, everything is normal." cuz nobody gives a fuck so just shut the fuck up. You may as well tell people that minerals are being mined and that the objective of StarCraft is to 'gather resources and make units so you can eliminate all enemy buildings'. Or go "Storrrrmmm" half-heartedly. If you're going to yell about any spell, I want you to fucking take a deep breath and belt that shit out so the neighbors think less of you afterward. ALSO, do not fucking repeat any jokes from Chill vs Combat-EX, such as talking about "Bear Semen" or counting down the zerglings as the DT slashes them, or saying 'Are you for rella' or anything of the sort because I will personally mail you a package that when you open it, it's a jack-in-the-box with a punching glove at the end that will spring out and punch you in the face. Additionally, I don't want to hear about which units are "GOOD", aka 'Zealots are pretty good', 'Tanks are pretty good', 'Ultralisks are pretty good', or bitch about the AI of dragoons. We get it. Dragoons are short-bus-riding drooling pieces of brainless shit. In your post-game 'analysis', I don't want to hear shit about how someone engaged incorrectly unless they sent 100 hydralisks up a tiny ramp and lost them all to like 5 high templar, because if you fuck up your early and mid game, or get fucked up, it doesn't matter how well you engage because it's already fucked for you regardless. That brings me to the subject of numbers of 'bases'. If one player is mining from three bases and has been doing so for longer than 30 seconds, and the second player's third base is just reaching completion, both players are most certainly NOT on fucking equal ground, so don't be one of those fuckers who goes "It's three base versus three base now, so it looks like the second player is making a comeback" and then the second player loses a shitting fuckton of dragoons to psi storms because the first player has speedlot/archon/templar versus mass goon and a reaver. Speedlots rape dragoons. Psi storm rapes dragoons, hard. Don't be all like "I THINK PLAYER TWO HAS AN ADVANTAGE HERE CUZ HE HAS 2-1 UPGRADEZ VERSUS ONLY 1-0" and then player two gets all his fucking shit raped by psi storms. And for the love of fuck, don't saying something that will embarrass yourself like "I love to see long macro games" because if the game time is past 18 minutes, and someone is not winning yet, it means either: A. Someone is turtling like a bitch and it's going to be a fucking snore-fest of pure boringness, or B. Someone could have reached a decisive advantage but fucked-up hard, which is not fun to watch.

Edit: AND JESUS CHRIST DON'T TALK ABOUT "IMBALANCE". I don't want to hear your personal opinion of Zerg, Terran or Protoss. If you do, you are a racist irl. Nobody wants to hear your stupid regurgitated shit about how a certain map favors Zerg or Terran. Every fucking time a new map comes out, people go "It's imbalanced for Zerg." or "It's a total Terran-fest". Don't be an idiot and say that shit, ever. The people who originally did the analysis shall not be named, but they were never good, and ended up playing online card games. Finally, don't go "Protoss is generally favored in PvT" or I might just like literally faint from pure rage or cuss you out live on stream, you ignorant shit.