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This is the first article I will be writing, out of a series of 3. This article will briefly describe who I am, and where I have came from. I figured that would be necessary information if I wanted to convince anyone to actually read and think about what I have to say. If you currently suffer from depression or just frequent unhappiness, I think this could be very useful for you.
My name is Travis Black, I am 23 years old, and I reside in the western United States. I will be 24 in a couple weeks. I am a professional poker player, and have been for about 4 years. I also used to be a pretty good starcraft player, you may have heard of me, I went by the name Liquid.Venice (as well as KidDie-, Johnsears, T.3)BlisS, DaRk.Flaw-, and many others). Other than poker I am into rock climbing, learning, and being happy. I also would like to attain enlightenment, if possible.
picture of the author taking a picture of himself in a mirror.
I was born in Seattle, Washington. My parents moved my sister and I down to southern Oregon because they figured it was a better environment to raise me in. I am glad they did.
The furthest back I can remember is preschool, so I will start there. I went to a preschool near my house, I was probably 4 or 5. Actually, I went to 2 different preschools, 2 different years. I can't remember much of it, just faint memories. I remember my friend nicole, who went to the same preschools. She was my best friend until 3rd or 4th grade.
When elementary school started, I was a pretty popular kid. I was good at everything. I was the best in my school at pretty much all of the academic fields, it came naturally. And honestly, I was the best at any sort of athletics, as well. I think it was a focus-thing.
When 6th grade started I was moved into a much larger school. I didnt know most of the students, and I was no longer the best at anything. Actually, I became very lazy and didn't get much excersize. I also started to do horribly in school - quite simply I didn't care anymore.
I found school boring and I never wanted to be there. This continued all the way through high school. Throughout these years between middle and high school, my life was pretty much hell. I was always grounded, always in trouble, and my parents really didn't get me.
I never wanted to be at school, I didn't care about what I was learning and rarely paid attention. Eventually I tried to just humor my parents and everyone else and tried to force myself to pay attention. But it was too hard, simply put it hurt my brain too much. I can't believe no one even realized I had A.D.D.
Anyways, around high school I started to realize that I was different from most other students. I would observe their behavior, the social games they played with each other, the things they cared about. I considered it ridiculous, and I still do. However, most of them had something I did not. They were happy.
Around this time I discovered my parents were potheads (for some reason up until then I had never cared what it was they were doing with the bong and the smoke etc). I realized that they just didn't get me, and they probably never would. My parents were lost in their perception of the world and nothing was going to change the way they saw it. They did not identify with me.
In my mid high school years I started seriously contemplating suicide. My parents, for all of their flaws do love me, and I was lucky that my mom at least realized that something was horribly wrong, and though she didn't handle it correctly she did make me understand that suicide is not a good solution. Depression is temporary. You can get through it, it will get better.
After high school came college. I made many friends at college. People weren't as stupid, and they were more accepting and open-minded. I also discovered adderall there, and since then I have been taking it to treat my A.D.D. I have aspirations of going off of it some time soon, and curing my A.D.D. with meditation.
Anyways, that about brings us up to now. I take adderall daily, I smoke weed every evening, and I do whatever the fuck I feel like. Life is pretty good. I am happy most of the time, and it gets better every day. And I think this is pretty awesome considering my circumstances.
My next post is going to be about how to improve the quality of your life drastically, if you are suffering. I was, and I improved my situation on my own. I am confident I can teach others how to improve their situation as well. Thanks for reading, I hope this wasn't too boring.
edit: by request I will elaborate on my circumstances. I guess I don't care that much. as long as my parents don't read this.
I am someone who likes freedom of every sort, but I am currently in debt to some online friends. I made some bad decisions, largely due to lack of self control, that led me here. I actually was extremely heavily in debt for a while. Over 100k. It is much, much, much less now. But I have subconscious issues with poker. I have to keep playing to make a living and make back the last of the debt. But I had some very hard times, poker is largely luck and I handled things incorrectly, and it was very traumatic and stressful for me emotionally. Because of this it can be hard to bring myself to play poker for long periods of time, but I am getting past that.
Also, I am currently staying at my parents house (leaving in a week though - gonna stay in vegas for a while). My parents fight daily. My mom is, to put it simply, a huge bitch. She does not realize this, she thinks everything is everyone else's fault and if you criticize her at all she gets offended and mad. She never lets up, especially on my dad. He just tries to avoid her but that makes her feel worse and in turn she makes everyone else feel bad. It is very distracting and not a fun environment to be in. But I love my parents and I do not want to remove them from my life, they won't be around much longer I just have to accept what is because I can't change it.
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Great post.
Please use an allergory / metaphor to explain your "circumstances" otherwise how am I going to indentify "my" personal circumstances with yours and learn to be as happy as you are?
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So once you get out of high school, you're free from the burden of being classed?
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On August 11 2008 09:28 AttackZerg wrote:
Great post.
Please use an allergory / metaphor to explain your "circumstances" otherwise how am I going to indentify "my" personal circumstances with yours and learn to be as happy as you are?
ok, I editted and elaborated.
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On August 11 2008 09:34 il0seonpurpose wrote:
So once you get out of high school, you're free from the burden of being classed?
no, but there are way less of the sorts of people who look on people that are different from theirselves as bad or stupid.
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your life sounds like mine, including the parents, excluding the a.d.d [not sure if I have it but I cant focus in school] and suicide attempt. Still, similarities are eery 
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Travis you are cool dude you know
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Hong Kong20321 Posts
woa ok i never knew you were like this! nice blog :\ hope you'll get over any problems you have!
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We are one and the same, my friend
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have you ever thought about quitting poker and getting a normal job? do you ever get nervous and worry about not being able to pay the bills if you have a long break even or losing streak?
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On August 11 2008 11:32 geometryb wrote:
have you ever thought about quitting poker and getting a normal job?
yes. but I don't know what I'd do, and really poker is such easy money for me if I approach it correctly that I can't imagine a more practical job. really the only way I'd change professions is if it was something I cared deeply about and the money wasn't an issue. or if it was really easy money. lol
do you ever get nervous and worry about not being able to pay the bills if you have a long break even or losing streak?
sort of. mainly that is like in the back of my mind and it amplifies the frustration of any bad beat when I need money.
honestly though, I really just don't play enough these days. I only play like 45 min or an hour a day. I am forcing myself to play more though lol.
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On August 11 2008 09:36 travis wrote:Show nested quote +On August 11 2008 09:28 AttackZerg wrote:
Great post.
Please use an allergory / metaphor to explain your "circumstances" otherwise how am I going to indentify "my" personal circumstances with yours and learn to be as happy as you are? ok, I editted and elaborated.
Thank you , I am your captive reader now.
Everybody else , please do not make this blog about poker and that. Listen to what he has to say regarding the orginal subject matter PLEASE. I wanted to know his situation or the themes behind it in order to help understand the subject more clearly. Not to probe them. ( Travis I feel bad for changing the direction of comments, I just needed context to understand.)
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Can't wait for the next installment 
5/5.
When you say you want to attain "enlightenment" what exactly do you mean?
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Sounds like you need a productive hobby ;]
I used to be a bad kid lol... Smoked and drank a lot, didn't care about school, just went to hardcore shows and didn't give a fuck, until a friend persuaded me into joining Cross Country at my High School.
Running defines me and gives me a positive goal to work towards. Training and running races is so satisfying and it's very healthy at the same time. I don't know how easy it will be for you to stop smoking, but once you start running, even if its 2 miles a day, and set a goal for yourself, you'll be a happier person with a positive outlook on life.
The feeling of getting done a 10 mile run is something that no high could ever give me... The sense of achievement is overwhelming. Anyway, just trying to be constructive... Running removes stress more effectively than lighting up ;] plus the people around you might be happier that you are happier
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On August 11 2008 15:58 DanceCommander wrote:
Sounds like you need a productive hobby ;]
I used to be a bad kid lol... Smoked and drank a lot, didn't care about school, just went to hardcore shows and didn't give a fuck, until a friend persuaded me into joining Cross Country at my High School.
Running defines me and gives me a positive goal to work towards. Training and running races is so satisfying and it's very healthy at the same time. I don't know how easy it will be for you to stop smoking, but once you start running, even if its 2 miles a day, and set a goal for yourself, you'll be a happier person with a positive outlook on life.
The feeling of getting done a 10 mile run is something that no high could ever give me... The sense of achievement is overwhelming. Anyway, just trying to be constructive... Running removes stress more effectively than lighting up ;] plus the people around you might be happier that you are happier
did you even read the post
it seems like you just skimmed it and threw some assumptions together
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Canada3401 Posts
5/5 looking forward to the next part.
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How did college go for you? It sounds like you either graduated or stopped attending? Did you view it as a positive experience (aside from meeting friends)?
One of my big challenges in life right now is figuring out what I'd like to do. I feel a lot of pressure from my peers and society in general to attend college and attain some sort of degree but I have no sense of what I'd like to do as a career. This makes college seem like a waste of time for me because I lack a concrete goal that college is helping me reach. I'm currently out of school and don't know when and if I'll go back.
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On August 11 2008 15:49 Motiva wrote:
When you say you want to attain "enlightenment" what exactly do you mean?
I mean I want to understand what is going on, fully. I want to know what I am, why I am here. I want to know truth in all of it's forms.
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On August 11 2008 17:01 Skazzo wrote:
How did college go for you? It sounds like you either graduated or stopped attending? Did you view it as a positive experience (aside from meeting friends)?
I was only there because I didn't know what else to do, and my best friend was going. It was college or get a job, and at the time "get a job" sounded terrible to me.
One of my big challenges in life right now is figuring out what I'd like to do. I feel a lot of pressure from my peers and society in general to attend college and attain some sort of degree but I have no sense of what I'd like to do as a career. This makes college seem like a waste of time for me because I lack a concrete goal that college is helping me reach. I'm currently out of school and don't know when and if I'll go back.
whatever you do, don't settle. There are always options, even if you have to create your own.
to quote bruce lee: "To hell with circumstance, I create opportunity."
If you are the type of person that should be able to succeed in college, and you do want to go that route, then find a good college you can get into. Talk to the teachers there, learn about the various subjects. You can even enroll in the easiest major and switch classes around in an attempt to find what is interesting to you.
If you are the kind of person that isn't interested in much, it can be difficult. It may seem like you aren't going to go anywhere productive in life. Do not worry about it, if it does. Life is strange and complex and there is no point in trying to predict the future. Needless to say, you will have one. So just be true to yourself.
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