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Blogs > {88}iNcontroL
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iNcontroL *
Profile Blog Joined July 2004
USA29055 Posts
November 28 2009 00:09 GMT
#1
About a week ago I contracted the H1N1 virus.

Sucks right? Coughing, fever, headache, chills, aches.. everything pretty much. Fortunately it happened on a weekend when I could lay in bed and sleep it off. I drank water, slept, ate some and rinsed and repeated. Eventually the virus was defeated for the most part..

But that pesky swine flute left me a present:

This cough.

Now normally it isn't a big deal, I sound like a 'smoker but that isn't a big deal.

Unfortunately I did something to myself. There is no evidence of this or declaratory moment when I can say "oh that is what/when it happened!" but afaik I was lying belly down on my bed playing Assassin's Creed 2 when something quite normal happens for a guy.. because of the position of my laying and perhaps the contact with the bed I had a boner. Not a rager. Nothing in the game made me sprung. Just, filled with blood in a certain part of my body. Now I theorize that it was at this time that I then had a coughing fit. In fact, I suspect, I coughed so hard that I literally elevated myself off the bed and smashed down on said boner and perhaps caused some damage. Did it hurt? Not that I can remember.

But later that day and for the next week.. my cock feels like someone has an iron grip around the shaft and is holding it like a vice. I'm not talking GI Jane MAYBE semi-erotic grip I'm talking Richard Kiel going green grip. So much so that even the friction of my pants feels like a rug burn on my head (THAT one). The pain comes, goes and I live on figuring it will pass.

Now, being as how my dong is in pain I became worried that perhaps not all functions were going to participate in my daily routine normally. Being the scientist that I am (I swear it) I did an experiment. Without the details (sorry bears) I tested the firing capabilities of my double gauge going with the white shells as oppose to the typical green shells I was sad to find it wasn't ok. Nothing came out. I finished the deed... I KNOW I DID. But nothing fired. Alarm. Shock. Fear. These are the emotions a man feels when his johnson refuses to discharge visibly.

All is not lost however. A few days after I engaged in certain activities with a certain someone and something certainly resulted. I was relieved. Happy. Ecstatic. The feelings a man feels when IT WORKS.

Since then it has continued to perform lacklusterly for the private audience. Pessimism. Doubt. Anxiety. These are the feelings of a man who has inconsistent results in his pants.

What did I do? Is my rod no longer attracted to me? Did I anger some unseen masturbation god? Am I doomed to always need a hand from someone? This is hard ly the time to s cream but I cannot cum pletely deny that I am in fact scared.

Anyways, wish me luck. And non painful boners.

****
Racenilatr
Profile Blog Joined August 2008
United States2756 Posts
November 28 2009 00:14 GMT
#2
good luck
Athos
Profile Blog Joined February 2008
United States2484 Posts
November 28 2009 00:16 GMT
#3
Um, so does your dick hurt or are you not ejaculating....not sure what's going on here. Either way, see a doctor or take a break from sexual activity.
Pika Chu
Profile Blog Joined August 2005
Romania2510 Posts
November 28 2009 00:16 GMT
#4
Rofl.... don't know what kind of replies you expect for that but i laughed. I'm sure you're fine and just freaking out over something stupid (hopefully... maybe go see a doctor if it continues).
They first ignore you. After they laugh at you. Next they will fight you. In the end you will win.
AoN.DimSum
Profile Blog Joined September 2008
United States2983 Posts
November 28 2009 00:17 GMT
#5
Try your other hand?

Good luck
by my idol krokkis : "U better hope Finland wont have WCG next year and that I wont gain shitloads of skill, cause then I will wash ur mouth with soap, little man."
Gann1
Profile Joined July 2009
United States1575 Posts
November 28 2009 00:18 GMT
#6
great title

good luck with your sensitive member!
I drop suckas like Plinko
Yizuo
Profile Joined December 2004
Germany1537 Posts
November 28 2009 00:18 GMT
#7
love the title
iNcontroL *
Profile Blog Joined July 2004
USA29055 Posts
November 28 2009 00:19 GMT
#8
It's not a serious situation guys. It sucks, but it will most likely solve itself. I just thought of a bunch of puns I like (including title) so I blogged it

Just want to share a few laughs at my own expense every now and then.
SonuvBob
Profile Blog Joined October 2006
Aiur21549 Posts
November 28 2009 00:20 GMT
#9
On November 28 2009 09:09 {88}iNcontroL wrote:
All is not lost however. A few days after I engaged in certain activities with a certain someone and something certainly resulted.

Where would we be without Artosis? The man's got talent.
Administrator
FragKrag
Profile Blog Joined September 2007
United States11550 Posts
November 28 2009 00:20 GMT
#10
hahahaha

good luck incontrol!_!
*TL CJ Entusman #40* "like scissors does anything to paper except MAKE IT MORE NUMEROUS" -paper
VeirenT
Profile Joined August 2008
United States181 Posts
November 28 2009 00:20 GMT
#11
On November 28 2009 09:09 {88}iNcontroL wrote:

What did I do? Is my rod no longer attracted to me? Did I anger some unseen masturbation god? Am I doomed to always need a hand from someone? This is hard ly the time to s cream but I cannot cum pletely deny that I am in fact scared.



hahaha so punny
d3_crescentia
Profile Blog Joined May 2009
United States4054 Posts
November 28 2009 00:21 GMT
#12
I... I'm so sorry.
once, not long ago, there was a moon here
VorcePA
Profile Blog Joined August 2008
United States1102 Posts
November 28 2009 00:23 GMT
#13
On November 28 2009 09:20 SonuvBob wrote:
Show nested quote +
On November 28 2009 09:09 {88}iNcontroL wrote:
All is not lost however. A few days after I engaged in certain activities with a certain someone and something certainly resulted.

Where would we be without Artosis? The man's got talent.


OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH SuhNAYAP!
Shitposting
ghostWriter
Profile Blog Joined January 2009
United States3302 Posts
November 28 2009 00:25 GMT
#14
On November 28 2009 09:20 SonuvBob wrote:
Show nested quote +
On November 28 2009 09:09 {88}iNcontroL wrote:
All is not lost however. A few days after I engaged in certain activities with a certain someone and something certainly resulted.

Where would we be without Artosis? The man's got talent.


LOL
Sullifam
IntoTheWow
Profile Blog Joined May 2004
is awesome32274 Posts
November 28 2009 00:29 GMT
#15
SOME THINGS JUST CANNOT BE UNHEARD
Moderator<:3-/-<
geegee1
Profile Blog Joined April 2009
United States618 Posts
November 28 2009 00:32 GMT
#16
machine post really explains it all actually. you became a alien. its ok
pew pew
Mastermind
Profile Blog Joined April 2008
Canada7096 Posts
November 28 2009 00:33 GMT
#17
rofl 5/5
Etherone
Profile Blog Joined November 2008
United States1898 Posts
November 28 2009 00:38 GMT
#18
lolol all an excuse to get laid, and it worked gj
Julmust
Profile Blog Joined November 2008
Sweden4867 Posts
November 28 2009 00:44 GMT
#19
haha oh god that had me laughing trough the entire read :D

also on a serious sidenote: men can "finish the deed" without shooting off the white guys, it's usually something you need to practise to accomplice (and it's awesome) but sometimes it just happen in nature. lucky/unlucky coincidence imo.
AdministratorI'm dancing in the moonlight
aqui
Profile Blog Joined January 2008
Germany1023 Posts
November 28 2009 00:51 GMT
#20
I would go see a doctor. Not that there is any permanent damage or something.
1 2 3 4 Next All
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