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Worker Rush Part 6: At a Loss

Blogs > Gheed
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Gheed
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
United States972 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-02-05 05:05:54
January 19 2012 19:37 GMT
#1
Part 1: http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?id=271453
Part 2: http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?id=271998
Interlude: http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?id=272765
Part 3: http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?id=281817
Part 4: http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?id=283221
Part 5: http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?id=286351

So, after several months of real life, Skyrim, a WoW content patch that was mediocre even by WoW standards, and SWtoR which was mediocre by any standards, I had once again entered the video game limbo that exists between the present and the release of Diablo 3. So, bored, my mind wandered back to the bronze league. How had it fared in my absence? I decided to click on my poor, neglected SC2 shortcut and find out for myself.

A new season had started, so I pressed the button so dreaded by those on reddit who have convinced themselves they have an imaginary anxiety disorder and dived right into my placement match.

[image loading]
Seriously, man up.


The result was, well, not indicative of positive emotional growth. My first game was against an

[image loading]
incredulous


[image loading]
tryhard


[image loading]
illogical rager.


So I won easily. With a worker rush. In 2012. It's things like this confirm for me one of the following two things: either karma is bullshit, or I was Gandhi in a past life. One simply should not be able to troll as much as I have and continue to be this lucky. It's… unjust, unseemly. Despite being an unbaptized heathen, there is a past in me fraught with nagging Catholic guilt that insists this cannot continue unpunished— there has to be a special Dantesque circle of hell waiting for me where I am encased in bronze and forced to endure an eternity of fallacious forum posts, all the while lacking the appropriate appendages with which to type out rebuttals to my demon tormentors. Or something like that.

[image loading]
Abandon all hope, ye who are placed here.


But, concerns for the hereafter aside, on to the worker rushing. Generally, I quit a worker rush session for the evening after I lose several games in a row. So, MMR lowered, I typically win one of the first games of the next session, which never fails to bring both a smile to my face and a question to my mind: how? How the fuck is this happening? How could there possibly be a subsection of the player base that is still so poor that no matter how much time elapses they are always susceptible to worker rushes? It's been over a year since release, and I'm clearly not the only one doing this. In fact, I've even inspired more people to do it. Should this not be waning in effectiveness? How are these people not learning?

I used to make smurf accounts in Warcraft III and kill newbies with nothing but mass towers, a Blademaster and Bat Riders. But that was at least a somewhat legitimate strategy, though. Some Vietnamese kid named nc.dude received a bit of brief e-fame for doing pretty much the same thing against high level players. So, that was pretty abusive. I was using my moderate level of skill to crush people weaker than me with a tactic that had a reasonable chance of success. But, this is worker rushing! This is a tactic so bad, so universally accepted to be suicide on the part of the user, that when Naniwa did it in the Blizzard Cup, it caused a massive shitstorm.

[image loading]
This is pretty much my probe rushing posture, too.


A few of these players have to be new, I get that. And not everyone in the bronze league has the mental composure of Nestea, I get that, too. And, I suppose not everyone has arms, I could see that. But anybody can defend a worker rush—there should not be an inexhaustible supply of victims for my plot. This should have ended long ago. I should not be able to log on whenever I get bored and do this. I don't think the P.T. Barnum maxim that "a sucker is born every minute" translates to new Starcraft 2 players. In fact, I know it doesn't, because some of the players I worker rush display knowledge that could only be acquired through actually playing the game.

People like this guy, whose strategy was to load up 5 of his SCVs into his orbital (the one who drew the short straw was left planetside to die), move to the island, and tech directly to 2 starport battlecruisers.

[image loading]
Did I just play Totalbiscuit?


So this guy can't be new. He has to have had enough playtime to acquire the following:
  • Knowledge of basic gameplay mechanics: minerals, gas, supply, tech trees.
  • Knowledge that Shattered Temple has an island.
  • Knowledge that Terran can load SCVs into their command centers and move to that island.
  • Knowledge that said island will ensure safety against early attacks.
  • Fine motor skills slightly superior to those of a chimpanzee.

Now you might be thinking, "you didn't worker rush that guy, he lifted to the island before you could. How is this relevant?" True, but consider this. That guy was bronze. I'm occasionally worker rushing people in silver to gold. Think of how much more knowledge the players in silver and gold have to acquire to be able to consistently beat the guy whose master plan was straight teching to BCs on an island. Then ask yourself, how did they gain all that knowledge, but miss the lesson on attack moving? It makes no sense.

Maybe I'm being unfair. I mean, I've played Blizzard games for so long I can't remember a point in time where I didn't know what the term "a-move" meant. It's not like the game tells them how to do it, right?

[image loading]
Oh.


Yes, that's right. In the very first mission, the game explicitly tells you how to attack move. In fact, it gives you a video tutorial of how to do so. You don't even have time to be annoyed by the terribly written and clichéd dialogue and quit the campaign before they spoon-feed you the only knowledge requisite for a successful worker rush defense. "B-but," you may protest, "nobody clicks on those videos!"

[image loading]
Achievement Awarded!
Basic Literacy


Before you can do anything, before a single action can be taken in the campaign, the game automatically brings up the videos. One of those videos is labeled "attacking," and unless they somehow got super fucked up and thought they had purchased a 3D version of Fallout 2 and wanted to roleplay a pacifist, I think they might just click on that video, don't you?

"What if they didn't play the campaign?" Well, then they could use the interactive version of said video that is available in the tutorial under the combat section.

"Well, what if they didn't do any of those things?" Well, then fuck you; they deserve to lose. They have clearly been given the opportunity to learn what attack move is, and by attacking with my own workers I am explicitly showing them that workers can attack. Why do you ask so many questions, anyway? Are you like a bronze league rape crisis counselor? Bronzies don't need a victims advocate; they need to stop huffing spraypaint before they hop on the ladder.

[image loading]
Maybe they should have gone with the silver gloss.


But all this is irrelevant. These players aren't new. Not even close. Some of them are so experienced that they try to abuse the game's mechanics to thwart my efforts. One that stands out in my mind specifically is the stalemate mechanic. On numerous occasions, I have seen Terrans lift off their CCs not out of spite, not out of a pathetically misguided attempt to win, but because they think the stalemate timer is going to give them a tie, instead of a loss. A loss that, I will remind you, means precisely shit because Blizzard decided that anyone that isn't in the master league possesses too frail a psyche to have their losses recorded and displayed for even their own personal viewing.

How do the bronzies even know this feature even exists? There are, practically, two possible ways for a tie to occur: a base trade where a Terran lifts to the corner against an opponent who has no way to make air, or a weird situation where two players cannon rush each other and nobody can mine minerals or kill the other player's cannons. In the hundreds of real games I've played, only once have I ever legitimately forced a draw with the former method. I'm sure people have gone thousands of games without ever seeing the timer. How are bronze leaguers learning of this? As I've mentioned, it's impossible to get a draw from a worker rush game; workers can't kill each other simultaneously, so one player will always be able to mine and win the game. The second question that this phenomenon begs is: if they know about this feature's existence, why do they universally fail to understand how it functions?

[image loading]
Hey, who's the expert here, pal?


How, precisely, do the two lines of knowledge intersect where a player simultaneously knows the existence of the draw timer, but lacks the faintest fucking clue about how it works? Did they read the patch notes? Who is reading the patch notes to a game they don't even understand? Maybe if they read the instruction manual before investigating the phoenix build time buff, they wouldn't be being made fun of on some asshole's blog.

[image loading]
Nah bro, I got this.


Did they base trade a Terran once and from that point on just live their lives assuming that a floating CC equals a draw timer regardless of any of the surrounding circumstances? If that were the case, then wouldn't every Terran just build a CC and float it to a corner in every game? I understand that when you pick up a new game you just have to say to yourself, "I don't understand mechanic X, so I'm going to assume it functions like Y until I find out otherwise." You can't learn everything at once, so you just have to put some things on the backburner until you can get to them. But to cocksurely make assertions based on an incomplete or completely wrong understanding of something is just retarded. What are they trying to prove with their bravado and e-swagger? At least the people who have the common courtesy to just call me a faggot and leave don't open a Pandora's box of stupid, the implications of which force me to toss and turn at night.

I've so far avoided the boring, but base truth that these people simply aren't new. Most of them have played hundreds of games over multiple seasons.

[image loading]
Forever bronze.


I started this blog because I know people are interested in the bronze league. And because I have precisely jack shit else to do with my time. Most people on TL just simply can't fathom what's going on down in the ranks of the unending awfulness that is bronze. So, I eliminated as many variables as possible. I didn't mass 200/200 stalkers every game. I didn't 6 pool every game. I worker rushed. I did the dumbest, most easily replicated thing imaginable to attempt to divine some tiny nugget of truth. The only variable became binary: they either attack moved or they didn't. And then the "didn't" column could be further subdivided into multiple categories of failure, which I have attempted to do. But my overall goal—to explain even this tiny microcosm of bronze league—has been a failure. I just don't fucking get it. Every time I win I am as just as bewildered by the fact as when I first started. I just don't understand these people.

And that's not even broaching the horrifying reality that I have still not yet dug as deep as this goes. I have yet to tank my MMR even further and spelunk down into the true depths of bronze, where I can only imagine there exists some truly frightening creatures, maddened by the darkness, enraged by their blindness, and certainly even less coherent than the sort I have come across. I'm not even sure I want to travel down that rabbit hole.

Bronze Part 1: http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=308882

****
Grovbolle
Profile Blog Joined July 2011
Denmark3805 Posts
January 19 2012 19:51 GMT
#2
So, how many wins do you need before you will stop this self torment?
Lies, damned lies and statistics: http://aligulac.com
ReketSomething
Profile Blog Joined November 2008
United States6012 Posts
January 19 2012 19:57 GMT
#3
Wow...the people thinking it's going to be a draw T__T

Nice read :D
Jaedong :3
Deleted User 135096
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
3624 Posts
January 19 2012 20:31 GMT
#4
A fun read as always.
Administrator
NachiMe
Profile Joined November 2011
250 Posts
January 19 2012 20:34 GMT
#5
The instant I saw you spell gandhi "ghandi" I could tell you were an american
Gheed
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
United States972 Posts
January 19 2012 20:37 GMT
#6
On January 20 2012 05:34 NachiMe wrote:
The instant I saw you spell gandhi "ghandi" I could tell you were an american


Our schools are really bad. Fixed.
greggy
Profile Joined October 2010
United Kingdom1483 Posts
January 19 2012 20:44 GMT
#7
Sensational blog.
Apples8u
Profile Joined May 2011
Canada46 Posts
January 19 2012 20:52 GMT
#8
I love how unfathomable you make it sound, adds an interesting spice to your blog here.

Keep'er up ^_-
We are but shadows and dust.
Sated
Profile Blog Joined March 2011
England4983 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-01-19 20:55:59
January 19 2012 20:54 GMT
#9
--- Nuked ---
OmniEulogy
Profile Blog Joined July 2010
Canada6592 Posts
January 19 2012 20:59 GMT
#10
rofl Gheed <3 as always I loved it "What are they trying to prove with their bravado and e-swagger? I mean, at least the people who have the common courtesy to just call me a faggot and leave don't open a Pandora's box of stupid" lol
LiquidDota Staff
Snuggles
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
United States1865 Posts
January 19 2012 21:07 GMT
#11
One day Gheed will be promoted to the silver from worker rushing and he will live as a hermit up in the mountains to meditate on the meaning of life.
Selendis
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
Australia509 Posts
January 19 2012 21:24 GMT
#12
On January 20 2012 04:37 Gheed wrote:

And that's not even broaching the horrifying reality that I have still not yet dug as deep as this goes. I have yet to tank my MMR even further and spelunk down into the true depths of bronze, where I can only imagine there exists some truly frightening creatures, maddened by the darkness, enraged by their blindness, and certainly even less coherent than the sort I have come across. I'm not even sure I want to travel down that rabbit hole.


... Or you can climb back up to platinum.

But if you tank your mmr even lower and investigate the 7th circle of bronze hell (preferably with a passive macro game to see what they actually do when they aren;t being worker rushed) then I shall happily read your next delicious blog post.
Probes are sooo OP
Najda
Profile Joined June 2010
United States3765 Posts
January 19 2012 21:30 GMT
#13
You should start every game by giving instructions on how to defend a worker rush. Make the bronze league a better place :D
FlaShFTW
Profile Blog Joined February 2010
United States10139 Posts
January 19 2012 21:46 GMT
#14
I loved that one part when ur opponent was like "well i guess its a draw eventhoughihaveaburningcommandcenterherpderp"
Writer#1 KT and FlaSh Fanboy || Woo Jung Ho Never Forget || Teamliquid Political Decision Desk
TL+ Member
Fake)Plants
Profile Blog Joined January 2010
United States373 Posts
January 19 2012 21:51 GMT
#15
This blog has provoked philisophical thougts in my mind Gheed. I thank you for your hard work in the deeps.
Q( ' '(Q
Br3ezy
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
United States720 Posts
January 19 2012 21:56 GMT
#16
lol tons of troll cheese looks like a lot of fun
Check out my guide to mechanics http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=319876
EatThePath
Profile Blog Joined September 2009
United States3943 Posts
January 19 2012 22:28 GMT
#17
On January 20 2012 06:30 Najda wrote:
You should start every game by giving instructions on how to defend a worker rush. Make the bronze league a better place :D

Actually this seems like a fantastic next step to delve deeper. Get a keyboard macro to make it even easier.
1. "When my workers arrive at your base, attack move with yours. GLHF."
2. Proceed as normal.
3. When/if you win... I will join you in scooping my brains out with a martini stirrer through the nose.

Thanks for the continuing existential horror blog series.
Comprehensive strategic intention: DNE
rebuffering
Profile Joined December 2010
Canada2436 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-01-19 22:54:53
January 19 2012 22:54 GMT
#18
am i the only who thinks this is pointless? why are you playing sc2 if your doing this, this defeats the whole purpose of playing the game. Instead of trying to improve, you just sit there and learn nothing, while at the same time preventing another player from learning anything.
http://www.twitch.tv/rebufferingg
rredtooth
Profile Blog Joined December 2008
5459 Posts
January 19 2012 22:55 GMT
#19
haha nice
[formerly sponsored by the artist formerly known as Gene]
SiguR
Profile Blog Joined July 2010
Canada2039 Posts
January 19 2012 23:02 GMT
#20
Awesome blog.

What's more frightening is that these people your blog describes all have the power to vote, own animals, have children, and drive vehicles.

Suddenly all the depravity and horror of the world makes sense.
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