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Hello everybody, my real name is Ezra. I'm Chinese and I'm from Singapore (No,it's not part of China even though the Chinese name of my country [新加坡] is actually a place in China or at least that's what my Geography teacher says...
I just want to talk about my life and perhaps get some advice from the wonderful people of TeamLiquid. First of all, I'm still studying in Secondary school and things have been pretty rough for me academically. I didn't do very well for my PSLE (it's similar to the American SAT, except that you are tested on English, Mathematics, Science and your Mother Tongue, and it's out of 300 points. I scored 233, which isn't really optimal to get in a good school.) So I'm studying in a mediocre school and when I take the bus to school I see all the people from top elite schools and I just feel so ashamed of myself for not being smart.
The things is guys, is that I'm not very fit and I've always had the mindset that:
Not-fit/Ugly = Smart
Fit/Beautiful = Stupid
Fit/Beautiful + Smart = 1 in a million
Not-fit/Ugly + Stupid = Fucking failure at life
I don't know how or why is it that I've always thought that way, but that's just how it is for me. To stay on track, about my bus rides. So I see all this smart and cool people on the bus and I feel like slitting my throat and cutting my wrist out of embarrassment, can't get any worse I thought, they can't do anything to me. But it did get worse. I fell in love with one of the smart and cool people. She studies in the one of the TOP schools' here in Singapore, and I feel like I just can't stand up to her. I mean, what can I provide her? If we ever got together she would be the one earning the money and keeping my balls in her purse. (I know it sounds like I'm a prick, so I may be a prick and an asshole but, that's just me I guess. Also, I know that true love has no bounds and whatever but I just feel that she should deserve some better if we ever got together.)
Sigh, I know this whole thing is pretty stupid but I just want to express myself because I just feel really down now.
Another problem for me is that I'm trying to push myself to get into the International Baccalaureate Diploma Program soon, that whole thing is very prestigious and thanks to my shitty brain when I took the PSLE I have to work 42 times harder to transfer to a school that has that program (People who get into elite schools get accepted into the program immediately). I just can't find it in myself to believe in my ability to do it. I'm trying my best to drill my studies everyday but I sometimes question myself why I'm trying so hard to get in. Is it because I want to prove myself to the girl or is it because I genuinely want to give myself a better future?
I want to talk about more stuff that makes me sad so I'll list them so you guys can laugh at how sad and pathetic I'am:
-Choosing races in StarCraft 2 is so hard. Zerg is ok, but ZvZ just makes me sad. Protoss is cool, but people like to rage at me for 4-gating and doing "cheesy" stuff, Terran is too difficult.
-The music that I put on my Android seems softer than the same music I put on my previous iPhone. Android volume restriction?
-I suck at my own Mother Tongue. I'm just terrible at Chinese. I'm a failed Chinese.
-My best friend might be transferring to an elite school. Won't see him anymore when he does.
-I'm terrible at Math. I mean, what kind of Chinese am I? Oh God. At least I always know what time it is.
-My cynical attitude. I can never stop hating on people. My hate is also ridiculous. For example, one on HuskyStarcraft It's pretty nasty and if you read it you will probably feel like ripping my throat off and eating it.)
+ Show Spoiler +What the hell is wrong with this guy? He dropped out of college and in turn is casting for a living. Go do something useful and upgrade himself and study. What is he going to do when he's older? I always wonder that. Is he going to cast until he retires? What the hell? He clearly isn't a very smart person and can't look at things long term.
-Terran lift-off ability. So stupid, Protoss should be the race that can hover.
-The future of progamers. What will happen when they reach 35 or 40+? =( I worry for you all.
-I'm terrible at StarCraft 2.
Thanks for reading.
 
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you too stress already la......
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On July 11 2011 00:38 justiceknight wrote:
you too stress already la......
I know, especially here... the politics between schools here is ridiculous.
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Just going to give my personal opinions on this.
Being smart doesn't equal good grades. School is sadly enough mostly about memorization. Personally I think what makes you smart is being the one that steps out of the line and looks at things differently. Not the person that knows the most. Everyone can learn anything out of their heads as long as they are motivated. But not everyone can think to themselves and figure things out on their own.
Personal experience:
I used to be a very stubborn person when I was a kid. I always wanted to be right no matter what. Even if I knew I was wrong I would come up with silly things to try and be right. And if I couldn't be right I felt bad and sad.
When I was faced with that I decided to stop this habit. At first it was difficult to stop it, but eventually I felt so much better that I knew other people could be right too. I realized I was not the smartest or best person in the world, and I accepted that. It felt good and it still feels good.
What I want to say is that there are almost 7 billion people on this earth. 7 billion. And it just doesn't matter if you are on the top of this 7 billion. And when you accept that, you will feel much better.
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Calgary26004 Posts
You seem to judge people a lot and think people are judging you. I suggest you just do you and be happy with what you have.
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I think you're just stressing yourself out a bit too much. Take it easy, while working hard in terms of education. Also from your 'list' don't worry about that stuff. It is what it is, specially when it has to do with other people.
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On July 11 2011 00:48 POiNTx wrote:
Just going to give my personal opinions on this.
Being smart doesn't equal good grades. School is sadly enough mostly about memorization. Personally I think what makes you smart is being the one that steps out of the line and looks at things differently. Not the person that knows the most. Everyone can learn anything out of their heads as long as they are motivated. But not everyone can think to themselves and figure things out on their own.
Personal experience:
I used to be a very stubborn person when I was a kid. I always wanted to be right no matter what. Even if I knew I was wrong I would come up with silly things to try and be right. And if I couldn't be right I felt bad and sad.
When I was faced with that I decided to stop this habit. At first it was difficult to stop it, but eventually I felt so much better that I knew other people could be right too. I realized I was not the smartest or best person in the world, and I accepted that. It felt good and it still feels good.
What I want to say is that there are almost 7 billion people on this earth. 7 billion. And it just doesn't matter if you are on the top of this 7 billion. And when you accept that, you will feel much better.
Sadly that's how the world is. You memorize and you succeed, if you don't, well good luck to you.
On July 11 2011 00:53 Chill wrote:
You seem to judge people a lot and think people are judging you. I suggest you just do you can be happy with what you have.
Yeah, I guess it might because I have low self-esteem I guess... It's just that the whole academics thing is a downer.
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Hahaha, you are pretty sad and pathetic!
+ Show Spoiler +On July 11 2011 00:23 Azera wrote:
I want to talk about more stuff that makes me sad so I'll list them so you guys can laugh at how sad and pathetic I'am:
In all seriousness, we all go through that stage in our lives. Continue studying and doing what interests you; things will get better. And when they do, you'll meet someone who you find smart and beautiful! There are a lot of people out there, and to make generalizations that everyone is either an attractive idiot or an ugly scholar is foolish and immature.
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On July 11 2011 01:08 neSix wrote:Hahaha, you are pretty sad and pathetic!+ Show Spoiler +On July 11 2011 00:23 Azera wrote:
I want to talk about more stuff that makes me sad so I'll list them so you guys can laugh at how sad and pathetic I'am: In all seriousness, we all go through that stage in our lives. Continue studying and doing what interests you; things will get better. And when they do, you'll meet someone who you find smart and beautiful! There are a lot of people out there, and to make generalizations that everyone is either an attractive idiot or an ugly scholar is foolish and immature.
=)
I guess it may be so, but that whole misconception of mine is cleared up already I guess...
I mean that girl on the bus clearly proves myself wrong.
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I have a similar mindset to yours, and I just look at it this way: I should never expect something from someone that I couldn't expect from myself. So if you want a beautiful, fit, smart girl, you should be a dash, fit, smart dude. Its just equivalent exchange, a person should never expect more than they themselves can do. If you feel that you are the best you can be, then you shouldn't have anything to worry about.
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On July 11 2011 01:20 Chimpalimp wrote:
I have a similar mindset to yours, and I just look at it this way: I should never expect something from someone that I couldn't expect from myself. So if you want a beautiful, fit, smart girl, you should be a dash, fit, smart dude. Its just equivalent exchange, a person should never expect more than they themselves can do. If you feel that you are the best you can be, then you shouldn't have anything to worry about.
My thoughts exactly! That is why I feel that I don't stand a chance with her.
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On July 11 2011 01:26 Azera wrote:Show nested quote +On July 11 2011 01:20 Chimpalimp wrote:
I have a similar mindset to yours, and I just look at it this way: I should never expect something from someone that I couldn't expect from myself. So if you want a beautiful, fit, smart girl, you should be a dash, fit, smart dude. Its just equivalent exchange, a person should never expect more than they themselves can do. If you feel that you are the best you can be, then you shouldn't have anything to worry about. My thoughts exactly! That is why I feel that I don't stand a chance with her.
That should give you more motivation, not less. If the only thing standing in your way is working out and applying yourself, then you have nothing to lose by doing so. So just put some effort into it and you should have no reason to not ask her out.
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Hey! Value and love yourself a little more 
Being one self and being satisfied by this only fact is the key for true happiness! Don't let the world let you down, you be the one to take the world instead. After all you are the most important person among people who truly value you
Love
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@chimpalimp- Thats a shitty way to live life and a way not to accomplish anything.
I always look at like situations and think of the billion things in our lives that are much more important than the little things. If your shy and you can't get the nerve to talk to someone your thinking wrong. Their are millions of pretty girls especially at your age so to freight if your going to fuck something up this one time is peanuts.
When I worry about a test I think of its only one test; which i've studied for and there's more important things to worry about, such as marriage and starting a family.
Basic TLDR: There are bigger things in life than you think so don't shit on the little ones.
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The short answer is that you're still a boy and need to become a man. Actually, most successful people didn't go to school and didn't get straight A's.
Doing well is school has nothing to do with how well you do in the real world. Just be best that you can be at what you want to do and you'll be fine. School is important but it's not for all people. That's just how the world works.
Also, it sounds like you have no self-esteem and are unsure of yourself which will dissipate as you become a man. It takes time. GL.
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On July 11 2011 01:34 Abductedonut wrote:
The short answer is that you're still a boy and need to become a man. Actually, most successful people didn't go to school and didn't get straight A's.
Doing well is school has nothing to do with how well you do in the real world. Just be best that you can be at what you want to do and you'll be fine. School is important but it's not for all people. That's just how the world works.
Also, it sounds like you have no self-esteem and are unsure of yourself which will dissipate as you become a man. It takes time. GL.
=(
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On July 11 2011 01:32 McFly wrote:
@chimpalimp- Thats a shitty way to live life and a way not to accomplish anything.
I always look at like situations and think of the billion things in our lives that are much more important than the little things. If your shy and you can't get the nerve to talk to someone your thinking wrong. Their are millions of pretty girls especially at your age so to freight if your going to fuck something up this one time is peanuts.
When I worry about a test I think of its only one test; which i've studied for and there's more important things to worry about, such as marriage and starting a family.
Basic TLDR: There are bigger things in life than you think so don't shit on the little ones.
My mindset is used more as a motivator more than anything. If you put forth effort to improve yourself (in a way you feel is improving yourself), then you shouldn't restrict yourself from grasping available opportunities. If your going to be lazy and just let things pass you, its no ones fault but your own. Wanting to be at the top of your game shouldn't impede you from jumping at opportunities, but rather motivate you to work harder. That's why I don't see it as "a way not to accomplish anything," its more of a motivator to accomplish everything. I'm not saying to let the petty things bog you down, but if you feel like your an unfit candidate, then its your fault for not applying yourself
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Take a chill pill. How is 233/300 bad! Once you finish secondary school, you'll realise what a joke PSLE is. You seem like you are friends with a lot of academically-successful people, which may be why you feel bad about yourself. Its just like how Singaporeans think a SAT score of 2000/2400 is mediocre... it's actually pretty damned good (not in TL though. you don't belong here if you can't even break 2k!) + Show Spoiler +
Academics aside, I know teenage years are rough. You're extremely self-conscious, the world is out to get you, on some days you feel terrible for NO BLOODY REASON. Studies have shown that people feel angry significantly less often after their teenage years. Being critical of others and of yourself is not a bad thing per say, but learning to control your feelings is important. Maturity will help, but don't use age as an excuse!
Singapore is tiny. If you're really good friends with the person who is transferring school, keep in touch! Meet up every weekend, or maybe even after school. Don't need to be emo, you'll meet new friends AND have a close friend in another environment, which is far more interesting than knowing people in just one (tiny, mediocre, pathetic, sad... am I doing it right?) school. So yea, hope I've bashed you enough to make you feel better... that is the point of this blog right?
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On July 11 2011 01:42 Vinnesta wrote:Take a chill pill. How is 233/300 bad! Once you finish secondary school, you'll realise what a joke PSLE is. You seem like you are friends with a lot of academically-successful people, which may be why you feel bad about yourself. Its just like how Singaporeans think a SAT score of 2000/2400 is mediocre... it's actually pretty damned good (not in TL though. you don't belong here if you can't even break 2k!) + Show Spoiler +Academics aside, I know teenage years are rough. You're extremely self-conscious, the world is out to get you, on some days you feel terrible for NO BLOODY REASON. Studies have shown that people feel angry significantly less often after their teenage years. Being critical of others and of yourself is not a bad thing per say, but learning to control your feelings is important. Maturity will help, but don't use age as an excuse! Singapore is tiny. If you're really good friends with the person who is transferring school, keep in touch! Meet up every weekend, or maybe even after school. Don't need to be emo, you'll meet new friends AND have a close friend in another environment, which is far more interesting than knowing people in just one (tiny, mediocre, pathetic, sad... am I doing it right?) school. So yea, hope I've bashed you enough to make you feel better... that is the point of this blog right?
Thanks! =)
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Ignore other people. Set some goals. Work towards them. Accomplish your goals. Be confident in your abilities.
The funny thing is women seem to like guys who are ambitious and working towards their goals. So don't worry about these things and let them come to you. When women are attracted they are attracted for a reason. Don't psych yourself out.
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EPT
