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Poker BM + Poe

Blogs > defenestrate
Post a Reply
defenestrate
Profile Blog Joined March 2007
United States579 Posts
September 11 2009 07:11 GMT
#1
Reposting from 2+2 on account of recent creative shortcomings compounded by my unmitigated desire to attention-whore.

Relevant reading:
First several pages ofBing Blang Blaow (Poker BM thread)

Relevant viewing:


The Raven

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I grinded, buzzed and bleary,
On an NL50 table as I'd often done before,
Eagerly I wished the morrow; vainly I had sought to borrow
From my cash surcease of sorrow in the bosom of a whore -
With the loose and lusty lady whom her patrons call Lenore -
In my heart forevermore.

Thus I sat heads up, unshaven, with a player named 'The Raven.'
He existed for aggression, treating poker like it's war;
With his beady gaze appraising, he was raising, always raising
Any two! It was amazing, such opponents I adore:
Wait for cards to loot the lagtard, massive profits lie in store!
Soon that stack is his no more.

Then my hand Fortuna graces with a pair of scarlet aces,
And I flat. The Raven raises. I delay, my spirits soar.
Call. The flop comes single-suited, and he shoves. It's undisputed:
He is begging to be looted, he's a spewer to the core!
Now he has it, something tells me. Intuition I ignore,
And I make the call once more.

"Bing blang blaow," the Raven uttered. "What the bloody f*ck?" I sputtered,
And I numbly watched the table where the Raven made his score
With a deuce and seven suited; flopped the flush, and I was looted.
What a cooler! Nerves uprooted, anger seeped through every pore.
Checked my roll, which was constructed through the nanos' endless chore:
Eighty cents, and nothing more.

"Raven in the house!" he'd spoken and, "This fifty is a token
Of my mammoth skill at poker. You'd have spent it at the store
For your groceries, I'm guessing. Well, too bad, is that distressing?
Soon I'll cash this verdant blessing; ere I place it in my drawer,
I will rub it on my titties, as I've done in days of yore.
Nothing else could please me more."

Such a rage his words did trigger, and I shouted, "F*ggot n*gger!
Shut your hole, o fishy offal that has drifted to the shore!
Retard donk, you smell like midden! Hope your mom's with cancer ridden!
And the words that you have written slight legitimacy bore;
You will promptly lose that fifty, knowing naught of Sklansky's lore,
Lose that bill and many more."

But the Raven cawed his ditty, "Docs on file and cash on titty!
You're pathetic; I feel pity as I never have before:
Sing of your denied nutrition and express your true contrition,
With an adequate submission, I might possibly restore
Your pecuniary status. Bring your sorrows to the fore,
Only that, and nothing more."

Lacking money, feeling hollowed, my apology had followed,
"Bing blang blaow" from lips departing as a fetid poisoned spore,
"Of my cash I have no traces for Lenore's diseased embraces,
Nor to stuff our pudgy faces with the burgers we adore!
I am sorry for my language, ship some back, sir, I implore!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

With my dollars he departed. I stood up then, broken-hearted,
Threw my mouse and punched my laptop and collapsed upon the floor,
And my eyes have all the seeming of Phil Hellmuth's when he's steaming,
And my awful, tilted screaming through my mouth will always pour;
And my roll from the vexation that has pierced me to the core
Shall be lifted - nevermore.

*****
We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges.
Roxen000
Profile Blog Joined April 2008
1226 Posts
September 11 2009 07:15 GMT
#2
Wait, so.. Were you the person who originally posted that poem in the 2+2 thread?
._.
defenestrate
Profile Blog Joined March 2007
United States579 Posts
September 11 2009 07:29 GMT
#3
Yes.
We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges.
rredtooth
Profile Blog Joined December 2008
5459 Posts
September 11 2009 07:44 GMT
#4
i am up but it's almost 4 am here (EST)
i have to wake up in 5 hours to finish my history paper that is worth 10% of my final grade
i currently have less energy than celery

but i have put that energy to good use
i have logged onto TL to say this: you aren't funny

never really surfed on 2+2 (prefer LP)
but if they think you are funny then i will continue avoiding it
how the hell do you get 120 pages worth of "ROFL THAT'S HILARIOUS"?
you are essentially saying the same thing everytime you win
and that 'thing' isn't even funny
[formerly sponsored by the artist formerly known as Gene]
exalted
Profile Blog Joined March 2004
United States3612 Posts
September 11 2009 08:08 GMT
#5
i think OP isn't ch3ckraise, but the guy who wrote the raven poem in response to the original song

I think the song is funny, FWIW
too easy
spetial
Profile Blog Joined January 2007
United States688 Posts
September 11 2009 08:39 GMT
#6
poem is great
metal_survive @ uswest
Rekrul
Profile Blog Joined November 2002
Korea (South)17174 Posts
September 11 2009 12:28 GMT
#7
whats wrong with you, give me an answer
+ Show Spoiler +
i hope your mother fking mom gets cancer
why so 진지해?
vGl-CoW
Profile Blog Joined December 2002
Belgium8305 Posts
September 11 2009 12:50 GMT
#8
awesome
Moderatorfollow me on twitter if u think ur so tough @BooyaCow
rredtooth
Profile Blog Joined December 2008
5459 Posts
Last Edited: 2009-09-11 14:17:48
September 11 2009 14:15 GMT
#9
On September 11 2009 17:08 exalted wrote:
i think OP isn't ch3ckraise, but the guy who wrote the raven poem in response to the original song

I think the song is funny, FWIW
then that is my mistake. i apologize OP. it was late and i was angry. stupidity on the internet (by the OP in the 2+2 post) made me even angrier. your video (which i actually couldn't view with sound when i first posted) is the saving grace for that stupid taunt.
[formerly sponsored by the artist formerly known as Gene]
defenestrate
Profile Blog Joined March 2007
United States579 Posts
September 11 2009 18:02 GMT
#10
Lol no worries.
We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges.
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