EPTHere’s a quick recap of what has been happening. I was growing very discontent with my job and overall life situation, to which I was committed for eight months. My ability to maintain relationships was challenged. However, what I determined to weigh heaviest on my mind was my unrealized desire for a girl.
I had become so distraught that I eventually decided to resolve my inner conflict. I asked her out for dinner in “Almost Nearly Gone”, to which she accepted. I intended to confess my thoughts to her at that encounter, but the words didn’t come out.
Subsequently, after another painful wait, we met up again in “Subway Drains”. I dropped the very random line out of nowhere. The next day I tried to call her and clarify the meaning of what I said. She was unavailable. I tried again the day after, and that night she returned my call.
I told her the whole story and how I truly felt. Somehow my confession induced her to near tears, as I could hear her voice choking and cracking. “Let’s just be friends,” was the line that came through.
So after all that, what do I feel now? Surprisingly, the rejection was not that hurtful. I had been fully anticipating this reaction, I suppose. I am not blindly obsessed – I think I am able to read at least some hints of attraction, and I had already guessed my level of interest was not mutual. The only reason I was so direct was that I desperately needed closure.
But you know what? I am very proud of myself for what I did. My life motto is “no regrets”. I took the ultimate leap and made my intentions clear. There will be no more second guessing or doubts or blind assumptions. I will not regret missing this chance for the rest of my life, wondering what if. This was the first time I had attempted anything like this.
But where does that leave me now? Strangely, I’m still pretty down. I guess it might take some time to recover. I was kind of expecting a rush of liberation, but that has not come. More troubling, though, is how to find someone else that measures up to this person’s standards.
I have a fetish for quality. I am extremely selective in my tastes. At restaurants, I am the last one to decide what to order, after exhaustively combing through menu and consulting my taste for the day. I will not settle for anything less.
This seems to be problematic then. After the slight tease of this quality, it will be difficult to find an appropriate replacement. I would probably be unwilling to settle for any compromise, now that my sights have been set so highly. Hmph. I am worried that shall become my next struggle.
