Warning: this is probably a very badly written post with no cohesion between paragraphs... I am writing things as they come to mind.
Well... yesterday i asked a girl out. It was fucking awesome. I have been to 2 dates with her.. and i am already kinda loosing it for her... kinda feel like its love at first sight.
I tend to have like two sides: the good old never_toss, which is basically all girlfriend material and a good person; and then there's the bad never_toss.. i am with a girl and I dont necessarilly respect her (just for the sex, etc). The past like 3 months, I have been in bad mode.
Now, I kinda liked a girl some time ago (like about 2 years) but nothing ever happened. Then, 3 weeks ago I bumped into her on a mall and we talked a lot. When she was leaving, I forgot her name so, lol, i couldnt like ask for her phone cuz i wouldnt know how to save the entry on my phone (ive done the old "Miss X" entry trick but that doesnt work that well).
Anyways, I kinda asked around till like a week ago i got her name, then facebooked, then msn'ed, then phone. Success.
I went out with her like on thursday last week, and we just had a beer and talked for like 4 hours. It was great... she's a great person.. she's cute, and incredibly sweet. I was feeling good. Said goodbye and programmed a date for yesterday (one of my friend's birthday).
Yesterday was so good. I mean, i picked her up on her house, she was cute as ever. She met all my friends, my all friends approved (haha) and we talked for like 6 hours.. so much... I felt like this was THE girl... THE one i have been waiting for for a long time. She's well mannered, so sweet and i kinda feel nervous when im with her.
Then I made the move.
She backed off.
She says she doesn't want to kiss me because she wants to just like hang out... but she also said that we could still keep going out and maybe we could be somethign else in the future.. but the message was not clear.
I felt... kinda sad... but mostly... INMENSELY attracted to her. I respect her so much since i met her, and now this respect has also grown. We get along very very good and there is chemistry I feel.. but then again... this might be obsession..
obsession...
New word for me... I have never been obsessed... I have never written a blog post talking about girl issues or girls in particular... I have never had any issues with starting to date girls at all.
But is it really obsession?
Can it be love? Can it be pure love at first sight?
More importantly, what do you guys feel i should do? I'm 25 just for the record.
you're infatuated with her so try not to make yourself look like a crazy douchebag and she's probably nervous or has whatever issues because of her past relationship that has nothing at all to do with you so just try to make a good impression and if you don't, then say "oh well!" don't get all mopey
i'm sure you searched around for her on facebook and had a nice date and stuff but that happens every single time anyone ever gets interested in a girl, how people always think their case is unique completely baffles me. come on dude, you're 25 and you can't recognize a crush yet?
even though she doesn't like you enough to kiss you yet, or whatever the reason is, she likes you enough to give you a first and second date so you should be grateful for that
I wouldn't call it love. You are just very attracted and the excitement of a new relationship has got you thinking it has be something more. My opinion, keep dating her if you have nothing better to do. You don't really know why she turned your kiss down. She could be testing you; had a past bad experience moving to quickly; bad breath that day; who knows? Date for a few more weeks and if you see nothing improving drop the idea.
You are 25...? I seriously thought this was a HS thread (sorry, no offense I guess).
Maybe she just wants to take it slow (really slow), which matches your description of her ("sweet and mannered"). Or that she just wants to be friends... There's nothing really you can do except go on a few more dates with her to get more feedback.
On January 12 2009 06:35 Cambium wrote: You are 25...? I seriously thought this was a HS thread (sorry, no offense I guess).
Maybe she just wants to take it slow (really slow), which matches your description of her ("sweet and mannered"). Or that she just wants to be friends... There's nothing really you can do except go on a few more dates with her to get more feedback.
Yeah, calm down with the emotions it's really immature. A lot of people tend to go overboard with a crush or infatuation, I used to do that too.
There is no such thing with love at first sight, it's complete bullshit. It's infatuation, you just have an huge vested interest in her. Take it slow and see how it works out, don't be all like "I love you zomg", you'll just creep her out.
That is very very highschool. I should know, I'm in highschool. All of my friends are like this.
some girls want to date a longer time, so she can trust you fully if you understand what i mean
some girls just wants friends, someone they can talk with
i am in a bit of the same situation as you, but the only advice i can give you, is keep going on, dont fall back now, its important for her to know she can trust you etc. and i really really hope you eventually will have her!
Well, the fact that you can respect her even with her slower pace sounds like you have the potential to develop a more mature and lasting relationship. Then again, I'm no expert so the best I can say is stick it out and see how it unfolds. Talk to some of your closer friends about it as well.
On January 12 2009 06:49 DoctorHelvetica wrote: Yeah, calm down with the emotions it's really immature. A lot of people tend to go overboard with a crush or infatuation, I used to do that too.
There is no such thing with love at first sight, it's complete bullshit. It's infatuation, you just have an huge vested interest in her. Take it slow and see how it works out, don't be all like "I love you zomg", you'll just creep her out.
That is very very highschool. I should know, I'm in highschool. All of my friends are like this.
On January 12 2009 06:49 DoctorHelvetica wrote: Yeah, calm down with the emotions it's really immature. A lot of people tend to go overboard with a crush or infatuation, I used to do that too.
There is no such thing with love at first sight, it's complete bullshit. It's infatuation, you just have an huge vested interest in her. Take it slow and see how it works out, don't be all like "I love you zomg", you'll just creep her out.
That is very very highschool. I should know, I'm in highschool. All of my friends are like this.
It's not immature at all, it's cute :p More happy feelings make the world a better place
Yeah that shit works well for picking up hood rats in clubs. Mystery is an idiot, no woman worth having would go within ten feet of that tool.
I'm not saying he should follow that guys guide or whatever - but the point he makes about kino and kissing sounds logic to me. I couldn't care less about that mysteryguy.
Play it chill. Don't let your infatuation get the best with you and influence you. Keep doing what you're doing, maybe take it up a notch to flatter her more, and send a messages you like/care about her. Girls like to be liked and cared for right? if you're genuine with her, she'll recognize this and it'll be major points for you (in my experience, if you genuinely respect a girl, and they recognize this, it can be a BIG turn on, especially if they're a fairly attractive girl who are normally used to douche bags trying to 'game' them for sex).
You're walking a zipline my friend, you have to show her you like her but not come off as overly obsessed/desperate, don't let her use the fact you like her to her advantage (play you), and don't get too deep in the friends zone. Some girls like to get to know a guy pretty well before they date them (ie. maybe because of issues/problems they've had in the past with other relationships and stuff.).
But keep in mind, don't chase too much. Every now and then "test" it out and see if you can get her to chase you a bit. For example, say you're having a conversation through txt msging, leave her with something witty/smooth/intruiging for example but then DON'T TEXT BACK for the rest of the day and I'm sure she'll make the next move to contact you. Or go for a day without contacting her in any way and let her contact you first.
Yeah that shit works well for picking up hood rats in clubs. Mystery is an idiot, no woman worth having would go within ten feet of that tool.
I'm not saying he should follow that guys guide or whatever - but the point he makes about kino and kissing sounds logic to me. I couldn't care less about that mysteryguy.
It is pretty logical I guess, but intellectualizing relationships seems stupid to me.
Yeah that shit works well for picking up hood rats in clubs. Mystery is an idiot, no woman worth having would go within ten feet of that tool.
I'm not saying he should follow that guys guide or whatever - but the point he makes about kino and kissing sounds logic to me. I couldn't care less about that mysteryguy.
It is pretty logical I guess, but intellectualizing relationships seems stupid to me.
I prefer it stay an emotional thing.
Yeah I'm the romantic type too. Just came accross those videos couple days ago and it stuck. His story just fit right into it.
Back on topic: Like already pointed out it's important that you don't scare her off with your crush. But don't overdo it either. Anyways tell us more about the girl and your dates ^_^ and ofc what's gonna happen
On January 12 2009 08:25 FREEloss_ca wrote: Play it chill. Don't let your infatuation get the best with you and influence you. Keep doing what you're doing, maybe take it up a notch to flatter her more, and send a messages you like/care about her. Girls like to be liked and cared for right? if you're genuine with her, she'll recognize this and it'll be major points for you (in my experience, if you genuinely respect a girl, and they recognize this, it can be a BIG turn on, especially if they're a fairly attractive girl who are normally used to douche bags trying to 'game' them for sex).
You're walking a zipline my friend, you have to show her you like her but not come off as overly obsessed/desperate, don't let her use the fact you like her to her advantage (play you), and don't get too deep in the friends zone. Some girls like to get to know a guy pretty well before they date them (ie. maybe because of issues/problems they've had in the past with other relationships and stuff.).
But keep in mind, don't chase too much. Every now and then "test" it out and see if you can get her to chase you a bit. For example, say you're having a conversation through txt msging, leave her with something witty/smooth/intruiging for example but then DON'T TEXT BACK for the rest of the day and I'm sure she'll make the next move to contact you. Or go for a day without contacting her in any way and let her contact you first.
Great advice, thanks. I will post follow ups like in 2 days
your obsessed. be careful with this because if you dont really really understand why you like her besides being attracted to her then it can end badly. take it slow and say all the right things and it can end up well!
Also make sure you don't give up too much of yourself to her. Its hard to explain but sometimes guys will put too much of themselves out there and get owned
Can pretty much second what hypnosis said. I'm a perfect example of it actually, never had any girl since my ex just because it's all not the same anymore. Especially if you were the stupid person to ruin everything. Make sure to give enough, but never too much, that always backfires.
On January 12 2009 09:05 Hypnosis wrote: your obsessed. be careful with this because if you dont really really understand why you like her besides being attracted to her then it can end badly. take it slow and say all the right things and it can end up well!
Also make sure you don't give up too much of yourself to her. Its hard to explain but sometimes guys will put too much of themselves out there and get owned
Yeah your probably obsessed with her, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but when the girl doesn't feel the same way about you then it could be bad. I'm pretty sure shes not "obsessed" with you or anything or else she wouldn't be denying your kiss. No offense but I think shes not physically attracted to you but rather she likes you for your personality.This would explain why she didn't kiss you because she doesn't know if she wants to keep you as a friend or if she likes you enough to take it to the next level.
But maybe I'm wrong. Do you guys get "flirty" at all in your conversations or on msn?
hmm.. not really been flirty on msn... but when i talk to her, she's is always so happy About the physical attraction... well.. maybe.. but some women consider me handsome lol.. guess that could mean im not her type T-T
Anyways, I talked to my best friend about it and he adviced not to call her or anything for like 2 days then just text her or if she does earlier, then proceed.
I actually think Chill has a point, because my intuition is like "OMFG CALL HER NAOOOOWWW SWEET IDEA!!" which is plain retarded haha
EPT
