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United States24772 Posts
I have to make a decision soon and I'm not sure which way to go, so I'm thinking I'll ask for some input and then make a decision. It's getting late and I'd rather decide before I go to bed, so I'll probably just take into account any posts that come soon after the OP is posted.
I found out this morning that my grandfather passed away in the middle of the night... one of those situations where they could have kept him alive using machinery, but decided to let him go. Recall my earlier blog where I pointed out that my grandmother passed away (other side of the family). This was in January, and the shock of finding out my grandfather died, in combination with being tired in the morning, prevented it from really sinking in. I've felt a bit strange today, but still I haven't had that feeling of grief and sadness that I had the day I found out my grandmother died.
Some other explanations could include that I haven't actually seen my grandfather in person in a few years (he lived in Florida) and he lived far away. However, I had spoken to him on the phone recently. I had a good relationship with him even though we only saw each other once every few years once I got older.
So the decision is this. I had off today (Thursday) for a school holiday, and I have off Monday for another holiday. Sunday is the funeral. I briefly e-mailed my boss who told me to take time off if I need to (in a family-first sorta way). The only day that would make sense to take off is tomorrow (Friday). Now, if I feel okay tomorrow like I did today, then I shouldn't have too much trouble going in to work. But, I'm nervous that it's going to hit me sooner or later and I'm going to be upset (edit: keep in mind I'm a teacher so it's sorta like being an actor who needs their head in the game to perform). But it makes things a little harder for me at work if I call in that I'm not coming in.
Should I put in for a sub and take the day, or try to go in tomorrow? The day my grandmother passed away I was pretty upset and wouldn't have gone into work that day, and I'm nervous tomorrow might become similar to that day. I just feel awkward assuming that I won't be okay like I was today. I'd make a poll but I really don't want people just silently voting... I'd rather hear some reasoning.
Feel free to not respond if you can't think of anything that you think will help. After all, this is a strange request where you probably lack the necessary information to draw any clear conclusions.
edit: Um I'm not talking about skipping the Sunday funeral for those who are confused... I'm talking about skipping Friday work.
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If you go you can always leave mid-session. Your Students/boss will understand.
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I dunno, I think you will really regret it if you do not go to the funeral. It just will be a loose end for you forever. Plus I'm sure your family will really appreciate you being there for your grandfather.
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Believe me, don't go to work tomorrow. It takes time to be able to deal with these things, let alone start participating in normal life. Take the time you want and need.
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Skip work and say goodbye.
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United States43987 Posts
It depends how you deal with it. I'm not all that close to most my relatives so I react more like "oh.." and then get on with my life without really thinking about it when I hear they die. But obviously if you take it hard then take time. I can't tell you how you're feeling. Maybe you're feeling nothing because your life isn't significantly changed by his death or maybe it's because you can't deal with how much it means to you that he's dead.
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United States24772 Posts
Um I'm not talking about skipping the Sunday funeral for those who are confused... I'm talking about skipping Friday work.
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5673 Posts
Go for the funeral man. I'm a teacher too, and I know how hard it's going to be to keep your head in class if you start tripping. Apart from all that though, go for it, say goodbye to the old man. You're not going to look back in ten years and say "I shouldn't have gone for that funeral".
Edit: OK, so disregard my last sentence. My first is still applicable though. A day away from your students is better than a day in class where you can't give 100% because of your feelings. I know educators all over the world are expected to be supermen/women, but from one teacher to another, it's alright to take time for yourself. Don't feel bad, because you're doing both yourself and your students a favour.
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hmm friday off sounds the safest way to go about it.
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Why not take Friday off? Prepare for the funeral, think about life and death for a bit. Take a break.
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Edit: Alright sorry if that was out of line.
Take friday off.
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5673 Posts
On October 10 2008 13:09 Insane Lane wrote:
Take friday off and get to B- on ICCup.
I know this was a joke, and that this is the Internets, and I shouldn't be taking things so seriously, but have some respect? The guy just lost his grandfather.
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CA10830 Posts
On October 10 2008 13:09 Insane Lane wrote:
Take friday off and get to B- on ICCup.
gtfo
sorry for your loss micro. i'd recommend taking the day off.
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Baltimore, USA22259 Posts
micro,
For starters, sorry to hear about your loss.
This is contrary to most of the others in this thread, but some people do better when they ARE distracted. When my grandfather died, they gave my dad the option of taking some time off(him and his dad were very close), but he decided to go to work. He said if he stayed home, all he would do is sit there and think about it all day long.
I don't know what type of person you are or how much it will affect you, but just a perspective on the other side of the majority.
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United States24772 Posts
Thanks all for helping me with the decision. Btw the iccup joke did make me smirk so it's ok... sorta like what EvilTeletubby is saying.
On October 10 2008 13:26 EvilTeletubby wrote:
micro,
For starters, sorry to hear about your loss.
This is contrary to most of the others in this thread, but some people do better when they ARE distracted. When my grandfather died, they gave my dad the option of taking some time off(him and his dad were very close), but he decided to go to work. He said if he stayed home, all he would do is sit there and think about it all day long.
I don't know what type of person you are or how much it will affect you, but just a perspective on the other side of the majority.
If I had lost someone very close and very dear to me, I would probably be desperately trying to find a way to take my mind off it at some point. I'm fortunate that I don't feel that impacted. Given the circumstances, I feel guilty if I go into work as though nothing happened, and that is making me feel bad, so I've decided to take the day off. I don't mind feeling sad if it's for a good reason and I've taken care of everything else in the meantime. If I had a different job I'd be more likely to go in, but as one or two people mentioned, teaching isn't something you should do when you feel badly. I'm going to keep your advice in mind though... because one day someone will look to me for advice, and I appreciate the alternate perspective.
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On October 10 2008 12:45 LeperKahn wrote:
Believe me, don't go to work tomorrow. It takes time to be able to deal with these things, let alone start participating in normal life. Take the time you want and need.
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United States22883 Posts
It's kind of a rough spot, because it'll likely hit you at some point but like ETT said being idle may not be helpful. I'd take Friday off but still keep yourself busy with personal matters or whatever else you need to take care of irl, and then go help your family.
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Sorry to hear about this.
My advice is to think about your grandfather and what he would have wanted. Depends on what kind of man he was, what kind of personality he had, and what the best way would be to honor him.
Wish I had some better advice for you buddy.
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i skip all the time, i'm sure theyl understand if you want time off.
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Grief is never rational. Sometimes it takes a long time for anything to set in sometimes it happens straight away. I would take the friday off. Sure you might not feel like your performance is being hindered, but take the day of and rest anyway will help you stay calm and relaxed throughout this period.
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i'm sorry to hear about your loss micronesia, i can't imagine what it would be like to lose my grandpa
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A little after the fact, but i'd just take off. your boss is willing and im sure you family could use it
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United States24772 Posts
Yeah I just took off. Stayed up late thinking, and slept in. And now I have a 3 day weekend to spend mentally honoring my grandfather. My boss even seemed pleased that I was taking a day for my family (not that it really worked out that way, and not that she actually wanted me not to be there or anything lol).
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EPT
