EPTSecondly, and you can dismiss it (or outright call me out on me being dismissive or something) if you want to: what made you decide to choose Alyssa? The name just clicked? Did you want to distance yourself from John because that was a part of your male chapter of your life (I don't know if I worded that correctly, so apologies if I didn't )? If you could elaborate a bit on that, that would be cool.
I am a trans woman - Page 2
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Uldridge
Belgium4936 Posts
Secondly, and you can dismiss it (or outright call me out on me being dismissive or something) if you want to: what made you decide to choose Alyssa? The name just clicked? Did you want to distance yourself from John because that was a part of your male chapter of your life (I don't know if I worded that correctly, so apologies if I didn't )? If you could elaborate a bit on that, that would be cool. | ||
EsportsJohn
United States4883 Posts
On July 29 2020 02:32 Cele wrote: Congratulations for coming out Allyssa, that takes a lot of courage! I support you for standing up for who you are! Regarding your explanation about your gender identity: i always thought, starting from the point where i heard about transgender like 20 years ago or so, that you ARE who you FEEL like. Our mind says so much more about our gender than our pure sex. So if your saying your a woman, you're a woman to me, easy as that! I wanna take the opportunity to say a word or two about what i said in the sexual harassment thread aswell, since you opened up the topic: As you hopefully see now, my arguments contrary to yours or other people in that thread do not stem from a wish to trivialize abuse of women or justify them. But im very sceptical still about the way arguments are shared in Social media communication and how people are condemned before knowing all the facts. In that regard i found- still find- great parts in that thread wildly disturbing. And, regarding you in person, i found it very bewildering when tl staff uses their tl staff position in order to personally attack other users without risking mod action. I called you out on that, you stood up to that beeing true, so im genuinly past it. I hope so are you? So again, wholeheartedly: congratulations to your courageous coming out and wish you all the best EsportsAllyssa  Thank you (and everyone else) for the good wishes. It means a lot to have a supportive community, especially for a life event like this. RE: the harassment thread, I 100% back what I said and would do it again. I don't think that the viewpoints of the accused should be discredited at all, but I think that defaulting to a defense of the accused is the same as discrediting the word of the accuser and is far worse because it perpetuates an environment where abused people are unable to speak about their abuse for fear of retaliation. That said, when I posted I was genuinely unaware that I didn't have a report button, and I actually had to convince the mods to at least give me a public warning because I knew that what I said was not in line with the moderation guidelines for this community. On July 30 2020 00:35 Uldridge wrote: First of al, congrats. Secondly, and you can dismiss it (or outright call me out on me being dismissive or something) if you want to: what made you decide to choose Alyssa? The name just clicked? Did you want to distance yourself from John because that was a part of your male chapter of your life (I don't know if I worded that correctly, so apologies if I didn't )? If you could elaborate a bit on that, that would be cool. That's a totally fine question! So my actual birth name is Chris (Here is the story of how I ended up with John), which is a fairly gender neutral name, but I've never been particularly attached to my name and never had any preference for what people called me, so I figured it would be a good opportunity to try out something different that I maybe had more connection to. So I just started writing down names and trying to feel out names that seemed interesting and felt comfortable to write, and I came up with a short list of a dozen names including Anna Leigh, Ann Elise, Jennifer, Alyssa, etc., and I really liked the feminine way that Alyssa started on a soft stress, but I also liked the hard E sound from some of the other names. I felt more comfortable writing Allyssa with an extra L, and I was like...welp, I guess I'll be obnoxious and just have a name that looks like a misspelling and is pronounced somewhat differently from the way it's spelled, and I'll just correct everyone LOL. But I like it! At first, I was planning to just use it in online circles to replace the branding of "EsportsJohn", but as I've used it more and more to introduce myself to people, and as my inner circle of friends (who have been unbelievably supportive and understanding) have begun using it, I'm beginning to feel more comfortable with it being MY name. And for the first time in my life, I really do feel a preference for what I'm called, which is an unusual feeling for me. It feels like my identity. Shortly after coming out to my roommate, she asked me if I wanted to be called Allyssa or Chris, and I defaulted to "no preference", but when she pushed me, I was like...yeah, I really do want to be called Allyssa. I connect with that name. As a side note, I think that name changing is a fascinating and powerful concept. Historically, name changes happen as the result of a life-changing event. Biblically (I'm not a Christian, but I grew up in the religion), God renames people based on giving them a new life purpose. There was Abraham/Abram, Jacob/Israel, and Saul/Paul to name a few. I like the idea of commemorating that life event by adjusting the name, because truly, honestly, the life and the person I was before coming out is not the same as the life and the person that I am now, and in a few years, I'm certain my past self will be nearly unrecognizable to me in the same way that most people can't relate to their baby pictures or even high school selves anymore. I'm a huge believer that words have power, and name changes are just one of the examples of turning your thoughts into intentions and your intentions into actions. | ||
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Uldridge
Belgium4936 Posts
Perhaps it's something deeply rooted in myself I'm still struggling with, like I always think I've dealt with my parent's issues or my own personal issues, but maybe the dislike for my own name is telling me otherwise. | ||
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TelecoM
United States10682 Posts
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EsportsJohn
United States4883 Posts
On July 30 2020 04:37 Uldridge wrote: Interesting insight, thanks. I've found my name to sound infantile for my entire life and started pronouncing it in different ways to sound more "grown up" - if that makes sense - because I've never felt comfortable as an adult being called like this -- I can't fathom being taken seriously with my name at 40, even though people find it a perfectly reasonable name. Perhaps it's something deeply rooted in myself I'm still struggling with, like I always think I've dealt with my parent's issues or my own personal issues, but maybe the dislike for my own name is telling me otherwise. There's nothing wrong with going by a nickname! That's why a lot of people go by their middle name or even completely unrelated names sometimes. Feel free to just be like, "I go by Chip now" or whatever :D. | ||
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iFU.pauline
France1653 Posts
edit: Ho wait I get it, transgender means "people whose gender identity is the opposite of their assigned sex". God we live in a complicated world. | ||
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EsportsJohn
United States4883 Posts
On August 01 2020 19:07 iFU.pauline wrote: I don't get it, if you identify as a transgender why do you change for a female name or "she". You can still be a transgender with a "He" or a male name, in what way do you feel a difference? I am getting old on this fucking planet, the things I read on this 21st century confuse me. Also I should be positive man, if it makes you happier then better for this world. edit: Ho wait I get it, transgender means "people whose gender identity is the opposite of their assigned sex". God we live in a complicated world. Heya! I'm totally fine answering questions! Transgender means you do not identify with the gender you were assigned at birth (which is typically based on genitals, which can also be complicated by intersex conditions). Our identity is shaped by many things, including our outward appearance and the way we socialize, so changing names and pronouns is an important way of validating that identity and making it clear to the people around us. Being called a male name or male pronouns is difficult for me personally because it makes it difficult to cement my identity and it constantly reminds me that the world does not see me as I see myself. If you don't understand what's going on, that's totally fine too, btw. It's honestly really difficult to grasp if you're not in it and feeling it yourself, so you'll have to take my word for it. As long as you recognize that other people's perceptions are real and that sharing is the primary function of communication, we can have a discussion which we both benefit from. If you have any more questions, feel free to ask them! | ||
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States44983 Posts
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naughtDE
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spritzz
Canada331 Posts
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Ferguson
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