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Wednesday was pretty bad. Had to take prescription pill at night. Wiped me out all of yesterday and brain is still in a fog. But alternative is mind spinning in tight little loops, while guilt, shame and self hatred grow so much as to spill into the physical body. Queasy feeling like food poisoning or diarrhea. Can't simply shit it out though. Have to rely on meds.
It's a relief to have that option at least instead of suffer interminably. The cost is weight gain and becoming like a drooling idiot. It makes me not ponder things like what are these drugs doing to me, is my personality being altered, am I possibly doing damage to my nervous system. Normally I'd be preoccupied with that kind of stuff.
Funny that it causes me to write blogs too. Almost all of my blog posts this year were written while on meds. Without them, when I feel like writing something I'll get shut down by inner voice telling me "too stupid, too boring, pretentious, unreadable". It seems so silly because who cares right? It's just not important. I wish I could feel that way without having to take medication. Need a brain transplant.
 
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United Kingdom10443 Posts
I don't have the answer to your problems, but if you want to blog when you are off the meds then go ahead and post it , people post all kinds of shit here so try not to worry or overthink it.
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Northern Ireland22998 Posts
I’m curious to know more, if you feel up to it. If you are just venting though that’s cool as well.
Been on and off all sorts of meds trying to find a workable balance for my particular condition (bipolar disorder), taken a while but I feel I have a decent balance currently between being stable and not feeling like a zombie stripped of all creativity.
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What medication are you taking?
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Olanzapine... started around January, gained like 8 pounds. My doctor gave me some alternatives to look up: invega, vraylar and rexulti. I don't know how to find any meaningful information about them though besides the bare information on pages like webmd. That stuff doesn't tell you much about what you'll actually experience on them. I see her at the end of the month, will just go with what she recommends. Apparently the olanzapine is about the worst for lethargy and weight gain.
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Do you think that your problems are physical or mental in nature?
Antipsychotics and antidepressants will sometimes alter your brain or body, it's true. Some are worse about it than others.
How do you feel when you are on it? Do you want to take it? Do you actually think it's best for you? Do you have any loved ones who have talked to you about how you are off your medication vs on your medication?
Do you have someone you trust and respect that you can talk to about such things?
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Physical/mental I really don't know. It could be spiritual for all I know. I'm really averse to taking meds and would prefer not to but I started this year after really bad end of last year. Normally I try to manage symptoms with clean diet and exercise and my doctor is supportive with that although she urges meds as supplement. I talk a little bit to my Dad about it but mostly it's just between me and my doctor. Had some extremely bad experiences in the past on meds/hospitalizations so it's really hard for me to put any of that stuff in my body now not knowing if I'll lose my mind again.
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Well if you ever feel like you need someone to talk to about how you feel and what you want, feel free to message me. I know you don't really know me right now, but I don't mind if you don't mind.
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Northern Ireland22998 Posts
From my perspective, being in a psychiatric hospital and on a time being on olanzapine. Didn’t particularly like it and got swapped off, but can understand why it works for some.
On the weight gain front, it doesn’t do anything metabolically to make you magically gain weight, from what I’ve read anyway. It just increases appetite, which if you don’t control it naturally leads that way.
I’ve kept my weight within 70-74 kilos for a good 4 years now, on various antipsychotics, it’s doable. People I knew from hospital who just accepted it as an inevitable side effect piled on a lot of weight.
The lethargy influences that of course, don’t get me wrong, equally if you don’t have much to do with your time, kinda leads to weight gain as you don’t have a huge amount else to do but eat
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On October 13 2019 06:51 travis wrote:
Well if you ever feel like you need someone to talk to about how you feel and what you want, feel free to message me. I know you don't really know me right now, but I don't mind if you don't mind.
Thanks I appreciate the offer. Personal correspondence is difficult for me hence obtuse blogs or other posts in anonymity. Give and take with another human being feels pretty impossible sometimes.
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On October 13 2019 07:45 Wombat_NI wrote:
From my perspective, being in a psychiatric hospital and on a time being on olanzapine. Didn’t particularly like it and got swapped off, but can understand why it works for some.
On the weight gain front, it doesn’t do anything metabolically to make you magically gain weight, from what I’ve read anyway. It just increases appetite, which if you don’t control it naturally leads that way.
I’ve kept my weight within 70-74 kilos for a good 4 years now, on various antipsychotics, it’s doable. People I knew from hospital who just accepted it as an inevitable side effect piled on a lot of weight.
The lethargy influences that of course, don’t get me wrong, equally if you don’t have much to do with your time, kinda leads to weight gain as you don’t have a huge amount else to do but eat
That's good that it's just appetite rather than metabolism affected. Guess I just have to ignore never feeling satiated, or else compensate with more exercise. Were you ever on Vraylar, Rexulti or Invega? I wish I could do without meds entirely. My diagnosis is clinical depression and social anxiety.
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Northern Ireland22998 Posts
On October 13 2019 09:03 Starlightsun wrote:Show nested quote +On October 13 2019 07:45 Wombat_NI wrote:
From my perspective, being in a psychiatric hospital and on a time being on olanzapine. Didn’t particularly like it and got swapped off, but can understand why it works for some.
On the weight gain front, it doesn’t do anything metabolically to make you magically gain weight, from what I’ve read anyway. It just increases appetite, which if you don’t control it naturally leads that way.
I’ve kept my weight within 70-74 kilos for a good 4 years now, on various antipsychotics, it’s doable. People I knew from hospital who just accepted it as an inevitable side effect piled on a lot of weight.
The lethargy influences that of course, don’t get me wrong, equally if you don’t have much to do with your time, kinda leads to weight gain as you don’t have a huge amount else to do but eat That's good that it's just appetite rather than metabolism affected. Guess I just have to ignore never feeling satiated, or else compensate with more exercise. Were you ever on Vraylar, Rexulti or Invega? I wish I could do without meds entirely. My diagnosis is clinical depression and social anxiety.
I have not alas. I’m going to assume you’re from the States? In my experience talking to people over the years people are prescribed way more meds full stop, and have meds changed much more frequently as well. My experiences in this regard where I live were that my docs were quite cautious and also sought my input and experiences quite a lot too.
I am currently on lithium combined with a relatively low dose of Quetiapine/Seroquel. The latter is an atypical antipsychotic, so in the same ‘family’ of drugs you’ve mentioned.
I understand the temptation to want to be off medication, and it’s definitely possible to do depending on the individual and their circumstances.
I think of them as a crutch that you get if you’ve broken your leg. You can’t fix your leg without them, but when it starts to heal you can take that away
Things like routine and all, exercise are all very important to build on, but medication may help as a foundation to build on.
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