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short story

Blogs > husniack
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husniack
Profile Blog Joined January 2012
203 Posts
January 12 2017 05:23 GMT
#1
“There’s a girl I love,” the boy said to the witch. “She’s everything I ever wished, ever dreamed.”
“Go on.”
“The first time I saw her, I saw an angel standing on a flight of stairs. Ten feet above where I knelt, a glint of white visible beneath her skirt, I stared captivated, couldn’t help it. Brown eyes, black hair, grey sweater, plaid skirt, high stockings,”
“And lacy white underwear,” cackled the witch as she stirred the cauldron. It bubbled of purple-violet fumes made of manganese oxide, cobalt, cadmium, frog liver, sediment of the boy’s tears, and garments the girl once use to wear. “How long have you wanted her?”
“Since eighth grade I’ve loved her. I spoke her name when I slept, when I dreamed, when I woke, when I prayed every Sunday for a future, together. Witch, do not mistake my love for lust.”
“Oh I would never,” spoke the witch. “What a lucky little girl you have there. If only in my life, there had been one like you. I do wish I could’ve been loved by a boy so in love as you. May I ask though, what should happen when your angel grows old? Develops a wort on her nose? Nails stained with yellow? Teeth chipped with holes? When her voice, a flute, becomes a cackle? Will you then still want her, when your precious turns haggard, into a creature like me?
“My love is eternal.”
“Is it?” laughed the witch. “Then press your hands into the cauldron and let it take your blood. Think of her as you bleed. Let me ask, what makes her happy?”
“She loves to sing. Loves to smile.”
“Then hear her singing. See her smiling. Quick! Don’t let it slip away. Chain that happiness to your bleeding. Multiply each second by a year, how long will you endure? Does it hurt, child? The bleeding of your hands? The burning of your soul?”
“I’ve hurt worse. When she dated others, when they kissed, when they broke up, I hurt, each time deeper, each time longer. When she came to me crying, I consoled her, made her happy, and all the while, I hurt. But this time, it will be me. I will not hurt her.”
“Indeed, I think you will do far worse.”
“Witch, I will love her forever.”
Magic left the witch’s lips and mixed with the cauldron. The boy watched transfixed as she distilled the contents, reduced the swirling colors down to nothing but a liquid suddenly the color of water, and captured it within a transparent vial.
“Inside this vial, is your elixir of love. My goodness, look how much you made. Child, have her take a droplet a day, that and no more. It will last you fifty years.”
“Only fifty years?”
“Fifty seconds you endured, fifty years you made. If in fifty years, you still love her as you do today, return to me and we shall make more.”
“Thank you.”
“Every day, ask her to sing. Every day, make her smile. Force your love into her. Force her to remember the person her happiness revolves around. Let every song, every smile, enslave her further. Let her happiness be the chains that bind her. And boy, never forget. Your elixir of love. Sneak it, feed it, do what you must, to have her imbibe it, a droplet every day.”
“What happens otherwise?”
“The spell will break. She will wonder why she ever loved you as her mind grows clear. Every shared memory won’t be recognized as dream or reality. It will drive her to madness as she wonders what you are to her, angel or demon, lover, manipulator, thief or creator, it will kill her. Do you still wish to do this to her?
“I love her.”
“Very well. You love her, you love her, you have made this clear.”
“What do I owe you?”
“Will you love her forever and ever?”
“Yes.”
“Then,” smiled the witch. “Break those words and that will be payment enough.”
“Witch, I hope to never see you again.”
“Child, do you think this is my first time? I shall be seeing you in five years.”

* * *

Any idea how to continue?
Need a way for the boy and the girl's relation to like start falling apart or something.


*
Jerubaal
Profile Blog Joined June 2010
United States7684 Posts
January 12 2017 05:35 GMT
#2
Where did you get the inspiration for this?
I'm not stupid, a marauder just shot my brain.
YokoKano
Profile Blog Joined July 2012
United States612 Posts
January 12 2017 07:55 GMT
#3
i dunno this story is kinda weird and seems to draw on a lot of different webs or something i dont' like it. maybe the witch should be run over by a bus as one hypothetical arc, that seems like bad plot advice but it seems like an excellent hypothetical because because run over by a bus is pretty final
IQ 155.905638752
Saechiis
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
Netherlands4989 Posts
Last Edited: 2017-01-12 18:11:47
January 12 2017 17:52 GMT
#4
What relationship? The story heavily implies there is no relationship, just a boy's dream. It kind of seems like the girl will have no choice but to be a love slave, so any developments will have to come from the boy (barring unexpected workings of the potion). The witch foreshadows a situation where things go awry and the the boy returns in 5 years. The obvious storyline would be for him to start disliking the girl for not having any free will and confronting the witch because she's not the same person he fell in love with.

Possibly the potion could transform her slightly with every dose (like an alternative frog prince story). Or perphaps the potion feeds her with his own love slowly reversing their roles in the story. The boy comes back to the witch sapped from his love and trapped in a onesided relationship asking her to make a forgetfulness potion. Tragically the girl falls in love with the boy again and comes to the witch for a love potion repeating the cycle.The boy and girl could turn out to be elderly people unbeknownst to themselves since they've been erasing their memories.
I think esports is pretty nice.
JWD[9]
Profile Blog Joined November 2015
364 Posts
January 13 2017 02:52 GMT
#5
When the boy not returned after five years the witch began to wonder. Another year past and another. In the 8th year the witch decided to look after the boy.

->Finds that he is ACTUALLY in a happy "relationship", can't deal with that, witches are evil, witch starts to manipulate the relationship

Will it fall apart? Will the evil win? Will the witch's faith in love be restored and shall she transform into a fairy?... find out next week, when fairytales go wrong.
ninazerg
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
United States7291 Posts
January 13 2017 07:07 GMT
#6
On January 12 2017 14:23 husniack wrote:
Force your love into her.


LO fucking L


Any idea how to continue?
Need a way for the boy and the girl's relation to like start falling apart or something.


What you wrote was actually decent and readable. I liked it. But it's your story. You're the one who can tell it any way you want. If it were me, I would make the boy find out, little by little, that the girl he admires from afar is just another flawed human being. He perceived her as being this perfect person, but really, she wasn't what he thought. Then the witch turns out to be a robot, deployed by a top-secret military organization that has been utilizing witchcraft to grant the wishes of highschool boys so that they grow up to be jaded and angry, so that they will all turn and overthrow the government. But before they can detonate the UN building, a group of lizard-like aliens create a force-field around the UN.
"If two pregnant women get into a fist fight, it's like a mecha-battle between two unborn babies." - Fyodor Dostoevsky
husniack
Profile Blog Joined January 2012
203 Posts
Last Edited: 2017-01-13 07:28:19
January 13 2017 07:16 GMT
#7
@Jerubaal: Golden Boy Anime Episode 2

@Yokokano: If the story could end with the witch being hit by a vehicle and for it all to make logical sense, that would be incredible.

@Saechiis: Many interesting ideas! The idea of perpetuality seems to hold promise as well as the Reverse Prince Frog. Both are very logical continuations.

@JWD: Lol. I think this is genuinely possible as a different story. It would have to begin with the witch though in her cabin, contemplating an existential life crisis.

@ninazerg: I did think consider the "realize she's flawed" but thought that would be way too obvious based on how the witch is predicting doom and what not. Glad it was readable.

Thanks everyone for the ideas.
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