6:30: Wake up, get to school 7am-12pm: Study in the library 12pm-1pm: Go for a walk 2pm-3pm: Read fiction / Pleasure reading 3pm-7pm: Class or Free study 7-9pm: Study Go for a run at the track, come home. Rinse repeat Monday-Saturday.
I used to have a large apathy for higher education for most of my life. Classes, coursework, homework, being a student in general, all of it felt very pointless to me. "What's the point of going through the hassle of college/university when I don't know where I'm going or what I want to do with it?"
After high school I worked in my dad's shop, I worked various odd jobs, I even considered joining the army. I had more of an interest in Starcraft than anything tangible and fulfilling. I was directionless and unhappy.
My depression was keeping me from functioning and living my life. There were a lot of days where I called in sick and stayed in bed the entire day. Some days I would just wander around town being and feeling pathetic.
My inability to manage and maintain my personal issues cost me a lot of friends. Relationships are built on trust and respect, and I threw away a lot of the respect and trust people had for me.
Life was meaningless. What's the point of living when I don't know where I'm going or what I want to do with it?
Recently I've discovered what I want to do with my life. I want to be a school psychologist. I want to help children and minors.
I've re-enrolled in school and I'm studying as much as I can. That schedule has been my life for the past month now, and it's going to be my life for a long time. I volunteer at a local nonprofit that provides care for abused/at risk children on Sundays (it's mostly playing with them and giving them "older brother" company). I need more than just A's in my classes for the amount of education necessary to be an effective professional.
Having a goal doesn't change everything.
There's a lot of regrets I have about the poor decisions I've made, and a lot of regret about the people I've pushed away. There's a lot of regrets about the time and energy wasted in a lot of things (Starcraft is probably the #1 item on the list).
I still have a lot of days where I'm sad, depressed, angst-y. But now I'm able to get out of bed and do what I need to on those days.
There's a lot of people who've lost confidence in me, but I'm working hard on regaining it. I'm fortunate to still have some friends who are gracious with me.
My life is a lot more meaningful. I make my life more meaningful everyday.
Glad to hear that things are going well for you. An optimistic blog is always a good thing imo. It's nice that you have a goal in mind and you are working towards it. I think it's the hardest thing to find but once you do, you can focus on it. Just keep working hard
Also, I dunno. You sound young to me so I wouldn't really worry about regrets. I mean, how much time with starcraft have you really wasted? Plus, you gained experience while you were considering your goal so it's time well spent if you ask me (so long as you aren't just lazying around the house doing nothing but starcraft lol).
But seriously sounds like you've figured things out for yourself at least a bit, and things are getting better for you. Just keep at it, and good luck.
If we lived closer I would be happy to spend time with you irl. If it helps at all I really liked watching you play and thought you were very good.
I wish you the best of luck and I hope you aren't too hard on yourself for too long because it doesn't really seem like you deserve to be so. Good luck with your meaningfulness and happiness!
I remember when I discovered something that makes money that I also wanted to do. It cured my depression. So congratulations on finding your such thing. Good luck (not that you'll need it, the hardest step has already been taken).
I'm 21. I wasted way more time playing than I'd like to admit. I eat lunch and relax at 1. Today is a new day.
Thank you all... Inertia I hope your shoulder is okay and you stay healthy. And I had a lot of fun hanging around you guys at Red Bull HQ tank ghostclaw kiett and supertallsuperawesome tlpd guy.. best sc experience!
Panda, force, falcon, sterling, miles, steve etc. sorry for everything... and thank you for the company..!
The time you have spent on starcraft isn't necessarily wasted. Sure, you developed skills you cannot see yourself using in the future at the moment. Sure, the time could have been better spent or you could have played in moderation. But I'll share my experience very briefly:
I played a ton of SC:BW. A lot. I was one of the best in my country for a short while. I also hung around the internet a lot. Essentially I developed a lot of skills I couldn't see myself using, and I had not developed social skills, studied enough etc. I gradually was able to make my lifestyle more balanced, I got a lot of friends and so on but it took years of hard work because I didn't have much of a foundation.
At the moment I work as a math's teacher, an educator. And one of the biggest problem with young boys is that they play too much video games. Who can tell them the best what is good and bad about their hobby? Who can reach out to them? Their parents, who don't understand them at all, or me, who had years invested in a hobby that stunted my personal growth.
Not only that. At the moment I have business idea that I believe can change the way our education system works. Guess where I got most of these ideas for what would work and what would not? Computer games, websites, gaming communities, social media. Of course we can't forget that much of who I am and do has been shaped through my friends and family, and therefore no amount of gaming can help me if I don't have my life in order in other areas too.
And do NOT forget: Because your life was a mess, you know how to appreciate the little changes, and the positive changes. You know what you don't want, and you don't want to end up there ever again. This has value.
A mentor of mine once told me, if you don't believe in what you are doing, truly believe in it, then what is the point of going to work each day?
I've lived both sides of it. I've worked for a company that sold insurances on utility lines. I thought their product was a scam, that they were taking advantage of people, and were targeting vulnerable people in their marketing. I hated every second of working there because I didn't believe in what they were doing.
I've also worked in academia. Doing everything I can to help students succeed. It is night and day man, this is something that I truly believe in.
Working in a High School comes with a lot of baggage. Dealing with administration, lower pay, etc. Expect that a small percentage of your time will be actually providing real psychological help to students. Most of it will be dealing with parents, teachers, principals, an every expanding set of rules that you have to work under, figuring out which kids need help and which are just in your office to avoid a test, etc.
But even if that percentage is small, you are still doing something meaningful. Try and get in to observe a school psychiatrist for a week or two. Shadow them so that you can see the good and the bad.
EPT
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