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Hello TeamLiquid,
This is the first time i'm writing something like this and... i know some people that i know irl will read it but i don't care anymore.
I'm kind of ... "in distress". My work is kind of lots of pressure but that's fine because when you go home, you watch some stream, play some starcraft and take some time with the wifu and the stress is gone as fast as a 6pool on Steppes.
Problem is, my wife have a lot of problem with her work. She's in a place when she have almost nothing to do, so a lot of days she wake up early and go to work and sit on a chair waiting for the clock to say "go home now". Before you start saying : "Hey that's so cool !" try doing this for 6month. Hell ! try to do that for almost more than 1 year like she did.
Having nothing to do for all day is really stressfull and she can't stand it anymore. She tried to asked for working 4 of 5days and was denied by stupid excuses (It was : "Maybe some time we will need you for a 5day job. Like maybe). So why can't she change work. Well... she works in a domain that has no work and LOTS of people that look for a job and she have a really good salary. Her diploma can't make her work in anything else so she's trying to look for a "reconversion" in another kind of work.
Problem is, 2-3 years of school and salaries that are like... 1K a month under her current salary are all that she finds.
So she is really stressed, kinda always tired, and crack under the pressure that she's trapped. So it's really really stressfull for me too. Cause i have to support her the best i can while managing my own stress and fears.
Because i'm at work and people asked me tons of stuff, i need to do them as fast as possible but i read the e-mail of my damsel in destress and try to reconfort her while doing so (ofc it's not always like that. But it happened again today and i'm lost). Sometime when i come home, she's ok, but sometimes she's crying or is ... kind of depressed i'll say. So ... i'm not relieved of the stress when i come home since i need to confort her (i don't say that i must do it. I just don't know how to phrase it properly in english). It's more like : i need to do it because who the fuck i would be if i was like : "yeah whatever you can cry, i have to go laddering". I would be a douche. Like those guys that write in the dating thread.
The worst is when i caught her crying just after i was supposed to have left for work but came back. I don't know what to do to help her, i don't know how to "rest properly" when i'm at home.
Some days it's good, she's cheerfull, or it's a normal evening but .... i can't ask her about her day since i know she's going to tell me that she can't stand it anymore (i still do it 'cause i hope she starts saying : "it was not that bad today") and... i have nothing that i can do to really confort her that way.
Oh Btw i'm no teenager. I'll be 30 this year and she's older than me so going back to school for two years for her is... impossible. Because that means no salary for two years + a job that will be really underpaid in comparaison of now.
I think i'm just writing this because i'm at a point or i need to break down too in order to you know. Feel a little empty for some time and come back strong. Thing is i can't break down in front of her or near her, i can't do that at work too ofc. And all of my friends are kind in a struggle right now and have their own problem. I just can't bother them with mine. So here i come TL !
how can i help her ? How can i manage a little better my stress ?
It's not all black though, 'cause as i said she's not always in a sad mood, but i know it's there. Even if it's not written on the door, i know it's inside the house. You know what i mean.
How can i deal with this better, or maybe just... a little longer. 'Cause i know she will find something. She is smart and i'm not affraid of that. I'm affraid to crack under all of this for whatever reason at the worst time possible.
I really thought my first long serious blog will be for my 10K and KT Rolster but apparently not.
 
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1001 YEARS KESPAJAIL22272 Posts
I do nothing at work too, that's why I have all this time to be an esports hero
Maybe she can spend her time at work doing other things? Maybe she can find some other meaningful thing to do during her downtime instead of just sitting and doing nothing. If she has any hobbies or interests perhaps there's a way to turn that into a sort of part time job, like I do with TL.
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On October 07 2014 21:11 lichter wrote:
I do nothing at work too, that's why I have all this time to be an esports hero
Maybe she can spend her time at work doing other things? Maybe she can find some other meaningful thing to do during her downtime instead of just sitting and doing nothing. If she has any hobbies or interests perhaps there's a way to turn that into a sort of part time job, like I do with TL.
Hey lichter.
She do stuff at work . She read all Game of thrones book in a month (well. There's still one book left) and she manage the SC2 section of her team but she can't do that 8hour a day.
She has no real hobbies outside of playing computer games or playing music. Something you can't do while at work. But i see your point and i'm going to try to find something that could fit this role.
thx for the advice. i appreciate it. it's the first time i talk personal life seriously with "strangers".
And also. How do you deal with boredom ? HOw many month you been paid to do nothing ?
Damn i hope she don't find this blog or she is going to kill me lol.
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On October 07 2014 21:15 FFW_Rude wrote:
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And also. How do you deal with boredom ? HOw many month you been paid to do nothing ?
3 months in a row. I made three silver into a gold coin. #Lickypiddy
However, for me it's just a job besides studying, for her it's full time. If there's no chance* the situation will ever change, she should just quit and take a job with less money incentives. I mean honestly, if she can't cope with the situation after a year, she won't be able to cope with it in five. Money is one thing, slowly drifting into depression/bore out, because work sucks is an entirely different issue.
*no chance is something I'd define something which looks permanent. Even if her employers stroll along and say "somewhen in the next half year it'll be better". Especially if you heard that twice already.
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1001 YEARS KESPAJAIL22272 Posts
There are always new things to be interested in. It's a wide world out there with many interesting crafts or skills or arts that one can get into. She just has to find something that she likes that she can fit into her work schedule. For example, I went through an horticulture phase.
I deal with boredom by finding new hobbies.
I've been in the same job for several years, but I'm the boss. Basically all I do is fix things that go wrong, try to make improvements when I see a chance, and make decisions. I don't have much to do day to day that's why I have time to write about and watch SC2 all day.
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Pandemona
Charlie Sheens House51493 Posts
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@Gecko yeah that's one of the thing i'm most affraid off. Depression. She's quite strong but i'm not sure how many month she'll be strong enough. I try to tell her that i make enough money and that if she gets even 1K less each month it's okay but 2years with 0 if she have to go to school is a looong time. That means no plans what so ever of house, childs or something. it's quite scary.
@lichter yeah so you do stuff at least a little. Sometime her lab has nothing to do. So she just browse the internet for 8hours with NO work whatsoever. Like really NO work. sometime it changes but it's quite rare for now. She can't watch SC2 at work  She tried :p it's a big company so they have really tight proxy.
Thanks again for the time you take to answer.
EDIT : @Panda
Hey man  i'm not old you young bastard ! Thing is there is like 20labs in France that could hire her and the list of person who would want her place is reaaaallly long. So she can't find another work, she need a reconversion or a job with no qualification but i don't see my scientist wife going to work at macdonald's you see ? (well if i would suggest that i'm sure she would hit me with a frying pan)
I know you are right. I try to do this as much as i can. She took something like a : "checkup of qualification" (i dunno how to phrase that in english) but that's where she see she have to go to school to change her job. I can't find any formation that are like... fast. You know like 3 or 6month would be ok but she will never agree to go back to school for 2 years. Let alone 3, to have a salari of 1K per month. (yeah europe salaries)
Oh .. did i mention she's quite stubborn (i really hope she doesn't lurk in TL blogs)
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On October 07 2014 21:49 FFW_Rude wrote:
@Gecko yeah that's one of the thing i'm most affraid off. Depression. She's quite strong but i'm not sure how many month she'll be strong enough. I try to tell her that i make enough money and that if she gets even 1K less each month it's okay but 2years with 0 if she have to go to school is a looong time. That means no plans what so ever of house, childs or something. it's quite scary.
Yeah, it might look like this now. First off, if she studied in the first place, she might find some short cuts allowing her to move on faster with her studies than any first timer, who's entirely new to the process. At least in Germany it's doable in some areas of occupational education and even easier in academical fields. E.g. skip internships, if her job now is accountable. Or whatever, something like that.
Next, money isn't everything. Doesn't mean school makes it impossible for her to find another part time job. You prolly thought of possibilities like this along the way, so I'm going to stop here. Point is, both of you are still rather young, and nothing worth having comes easy.
Never underestimate how fast a job can eat you out. Like totally. Both my parents, a few of my friends, and consequently a lot of their acquaintances work in the social/health sector. I seen a dozen examples of people literally breaking down entirely, although they knew it was coming. Better quit while you still have energy enough to keep options open, rather than having to start over again when you're already on your knees. It's not gonna get easier.
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Yeah i see your point.
There's no such thing as "skip internship" in her domain apparently. It's 3 years. You can do it on 2. so it's quite long.
For now the plan is she's doing her "qualification checkup" and at the end of the year, she quit. But if she doesn't find something else to do... it's going to be hard to convince her to still quit. Even if it's my objective. She wants a house, but she can't have one without a good job. We're still young but time flies fast.
I didn't thought about the school + job thing though. That's quite a good idea. I was thinking of you now "distance study" while she is at her work but apparently it's full time school for 2years and you have to do .. hum.. alternate between a company for 500€ a month and school. 500€ is almost 1.5K less than what she gets and she is really affraid of that
But you are right about the break down and that's what i'm affraid off. And i need to not break down before her. That's the hard part here i think. 'cause sometime i had a really stressfull job, i come home, lose 10ladder games and can't even rage because i just see her thinking about she have to go to her work tomorrow...
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fuckya panda :p
Yeah... she 's not even sure she wants to get the same work else where because the other labs are like 2hours from where we live. that's why it's hards to keep up. But thanks all of you for your insights. So i need to keep up doing what i'm doing. I'm glad i'm not doing some mistakes.
Also come at me bro on SC2. I'm diamond now.
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On October 07 2014 22:32 Pandemona wrote:Oh shit, diamond! I will go pro when season 4 ladder maps come out. Steppes of war going be my playground :3 Also yeah i think your doing everything right, i mean you can't magic jobs out of thin air for her. You can only support and try and push your opinion on the situation. Make sure you offer her the option of just getting a job in a completely different field though. Like she sounds like she knows how to work a computer thus any kind of office job would suit her no? Basic data input etc? Might be a drop in wages but there could always be promotions and stuff idk. C'est la vie otherwise as they say Look at me the french grandmaster :D
She just play computer games. She's a biologist tech so nothing with computer. She seemed interested in management so i try to give her tips but i can't just point a direction. 'cause she need to choose her own path.
You can consider me as still a plat player. I upped diam 'cause ZvZ.
thanks for the cheers
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Can she browse the internet while she's at work?
You said she read the GoT series, if she can read books while at work how can she ever be bored...
First world problems is what this blog sounds like, no offense of course, I understand some jobs can be a horrible grind, but it doesn't sound like she's being asked to do repetitive stressful tasks 8hours a day, just that she has nothing to do.
Edit:
Forgot to reply to your end of the topic. As much as she seems to be stressing out I think it can be really toxic when you yourself have no place for your own peace of mind. If home is not providing you with stress relief you need to work on your home, or find something outside of home (Gym, taking walks, other hobbies) or whatever else to relax yourself so that you can help her deal with her shit in an unstressed state yourself, otherwise you're going to crack.
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On October 08 2014 00:52 DarkNetHunter wrote:
Can she browse the internet while she's at work?
You said she read the GoT series, if she can read books while at work how can she ever be bored...
First world problems is what this blog sounds like, no offense of course, I understand some jobs can be a horrible grind, but it doesn't sound like she's being asked to do repetitive stressful tasks 8hours a day, just that she has nothing to do.
Edit:
Forgot to reply to your end of the topic. As much as she seems to be stressing out I think it can be really toxic when you yourself have no place for your own peace of mind. If home is not providing you with stress relief you need to work on your home, or find something outside of home (Gym, taking walks, other hobbies) or whatever else to relax yourself so that you can help her deal with her shit in an unstressed state yourself, otherwise you're going to crack.
Because she read like 10books in 2weeks... She is reading really fast and done an entire serie. Being sat down at a desk doing nothing is really horrible. This is taking a toll on the psyche. And read books all day long for a month is boring at some point. It's like you are stagnated and accomplish nothing with your life kind of sentiment.
I don't have any activities outside gaming. I used to do music but music is shit. It took me 10years to realize that music was a waste of time and that people in the business where all douchebags, liars and bad people in general. So i don't do nothing if play computer games.
I'm a nerd so gym is not an option.
Talking walks at evening is kind of dangerous where i live.
And... i just love to play computer and if i can't do what i like and start to go out i will be :
- Frustrated 'cause i can't do what i like.
- She will feel unsupported if i'm out everytime and i don't want that. She's not in glass but well.. i don't want to risk that.
Do you have any other ideas ? Thanks for your answer. Appreciate it.
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What about learning a second/third/whatever language? There are lots of resources on the internet you can study from, and if she finds it really interesting she can even start taking classes after work, which would "free" you up to do your own relaxing stuff
I've been in a situation like hers before and the only idea I came up with was "let's use this time to plan my next vacation". (My friend wich was going on vacation with me was very happy with all the research I did  ) It turned out really well for me, making plans gave me the feeling that I actually had something to do and somehow it helped me feel I'm not wasting my life away despite doing something silly like planning a trip on an hour-by-hour detail
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On October 08 2014 01:33 Silvana wrote:What about learning a second/third/whatever language? There are lots of resources on the internet you can study from, and if she finds it really interesting she can even start taking classes after work, which would "free" you up to do your own relaxing stuff I've been in a situation like hers before and the only idea I came up with was "let's use this time to plan my next vacation". (My friend wich was going on vacation with me was very happy with all the research I did ) It turned out really well for me, making plans gave me the feeling that I actually had something to do and somehow it helped me feel I'm not wasting my life away despite doing something silly like planning a trip on an hour-by-hour detail
That's what she did for our vacation :p
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she should be happy that she found a company that is supporting her apparently useless degree with this job that apparenly they dont need.
A job in that field is hard to find you said, so it seems all the other companies are not so nice.
Buy her a tablet or something.
And its probably best to look for a different job in case the company at some point realizes how much money they throw out for nothing.
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On October 08 2014 03:44 LaNague wrote:
she should be happy that she found a company that is supporting her apparently useless degree with this job that apparenly they dont need.
A job in that field is hard to find you said, so it seems all the other companies are not so nice.
Buy her a tablet or something.
And its probably best to look for a different job in case the company at some point realizes how much money they throw out for nothing.
Oh she doesn't complain about me. She knows i help her there's no discussion about that... This company is big and it's... kind of normal to not have work in that field. But normally you would have some that get dispatched by the motherhouse. A job in that field is hard to find yes because there's not a lot of company like that.
Other people are ok to not have work to do. So it's not a "not so nice" company.
Well... she asked to not work as much since she doesn't have anything to do and they said : "oh but you know... we COULD have something so it's good you stay here". They don't want her to go 'cause she's the best at her work but... it's not usefull to be good in your work if you don't have any.
But your post seemed quite offensive/angry so... i don't know if you got that right since i'm no englishman.
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TLADT24920 Posts
hmm it's definitely a tough situation. Does she have any specific hobbies? If she doesn't do much at work, maybe she can read a book, play some game etc... basically, what are her limits at work? Overall, I don't think it'll be easy to manage seeing as the root of the problem will always be there but you can at least try to soften the stress from it. Maybe make plans to go out with her or see if she can take small breaks and go for a walk or two before coming back to work (instead of one large break).
I would also just invest more time with her after work. Making plans (restaurants, dancing, some lessons together etc...) might help her in looking forward to getting to work to finish and get back home for whatever you guys planned that day. This isn't the best method but another way to try and motivate her to keep fighting. Really though, the bset way would be to quit and find another job but as you said, that's quite difficult so it's rough :/
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Well... specific hobbies are playing video games and can't do at work. She already read GoT integral... Her limits at work is basic internet (she can't go anywhere she wants) no streaming sites allowed, nor video games, nor community sites etc...
I can't make plan to go out with her since she's like me. A nerd. "A nice dinner at a restaurent ? With a movie ?" she'll answer me : "Or we can order sushi and play 7days to die" :p
It's weird but, writting this, gave away a lot of stress, and the positives response from you guys, helped me to see that we are on a good path. And yesterday we talked about a french thing that exists here called the cif, it's basicly if you can mount a really good dossier, you can go to school while retaining your old salary for a year. Which is good because she really fear to not have a salary.
I think i just got stronger just by your response. Thanks a lot to everyone
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TLADT24920 Posts
On October 08 2014 17:11 FFW_Rude wrote:Well... specific hobbies are playing video games and can't do at work. She already read GoT integral... Her limits at work is basic internet (she can't go anywhere she wants) no streaming sites allowed, nor video games, nor community sites etc... I can't make plan to go out with her since she's like me. A nerd. "A nice dinner at a restaurent ? With a movie ?" she'll answer me : "Or we can order sushi and play 7days to die" :p It's weird but, writting this, gave away a lot of stress, and the positives response from you guys, helped me to see that we are on a good path. And yesterday we talked about a french thing that exists here called the cif, it's basicly if you can mount a really good dossier, you can go to school while retaining your old salary for a year. Which is good because she really fear to not have a salary. I think i just got stronger just by your response. Thanks a lot to everyone
ah I see, fair enough. LOL well, just means you belong together XD Good to hear it! Best of luck!
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EPT
