Diablo 2 Lord Of Destruction Battle Report 9

Emilio and I exited that spider cavern, triumphant and ready to start finding more body parts. Why were we in search of body parts? Only Emilio knows. These organs must have held great value, as I’ve heard mention of people trading organs before. I forgot that this world had such a black market. There was no time to lose! The horadric cube did not function very well as a cooler for these organs. I quickly set off for the next destination.

“Where to, Emilio?”

Emilio pulled out his quest guide.

“Flayer Dungeon,” he said.

“Great.”

We continued running north-east until finally entering the Great Marsh.



There was many wildlife to sightsee on our way through here, such as:

Frog Beasts,


Dead Zombies,


Vultures,


And Lightning Ghosts!


Odd enough, I had expected to see more lightning ghosts on my travels through the Great Marsh. Those guys and midget fire-breathers were the scariest parts of playing through this act up to this point, but I don’t remember seeing very many more of those guys after this encounter.

This was a huge jungle, and Emilio and I didn’t want to waste time butchering all the natives and wildlife. Well, Emilio wouldn’t have minded, but I wanted to spend as little time in the jungle as possible. I knew how to play this game. The longer I spent outside in danger, the more of a chance I’d die. Running through was the only reasonable option.

Suddenly, a bunch of zombies pop up outta nowhere and trap us!


If I had had Khalim’s brain at this point, I’d have lobbed it in the other direction and made a run for it. I knew that I had to resort to giving them Emilio’s brain instead though. Sacrifices had to be made. As I urged Emilio to lie down so I could make a break for it, the zombies had started falling down one by one. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Emilio slicing through the crowd at a rapid rate.

“That’ll work, I guess.”

We managed to get out of that predicament, but I would soon run into trouble. Those damn midget fire-breathers trapped me in a corner a few hundred yards away, and in my haste to escape, I quickly opened up a teepee and went in, unable to snap a picture in time.


That was close.

Emilio was unscathed in the encounter, but I was fairly close to dying. I ran to the town Jehovah’s Witness, Ormus, and healed up. He sold me some potions too, and I decided that I had found a good use for my chipped gems and crap that I would find lying around.




I went back through and quickly ran to safety. I took cover in a nearby village, and found some guys chilling in a jacuzzi. I asked them if they had room for one more, but they must have been sleeping because they didn’t answer. Had I not been in a hurry, I might have pestered them more, but I needed to get going.



Emilio and I walked past, giving those two guys their privacy, and accidentally bumped into a shrine.



“What’s this for?” I asked Emilio. Emilio explained that if I gave the Gidbinn to Ormus, he’d give me a shitty ring as a reward for saving the town.

“Ormus wouldn’t do something like that!” I scolded Emilio. Of course, I had no use for such an item, being the naked monster that I am. But I figured I had to prove Emilio wrong, and show him that my good man Ormus was above that. We killed the next monster which dropped the Gidbinn, and I promptly returned to town with it to talk to Ormus.




“So Ormus my buddy, how’s it hanging?” I asked him. Now I should mention that Ormus liked to dress modestly. A little too modestly. I saw beneath his robes and could confirm that it was hanging quite well. “Here’s your magic thing to protect the town with.”


“I thought we were friends Ormus…”

Ok, so Emilio was right. But I wasn’t about to let it get to his head. We just saved Kurast from...whatever. That was my good deed for the year. Emilio knew we did the right thing too. But just as we had figured out in Lut Gholein, these townspeople were just as stingy and ungrateful.

Emilio and I put it past us and continued searching for organs to sell. Word on the street was that there was organs-a-plenty in the Flayer Dungeon. And by street, I mean Emilio. After many minutes spent running around, we finally found the dungeon we were looking for.




Emilio put on his game face and started stabbing midgets left and right, that was, until we came upon one of the most feared enemies in all of Sanctuary. I ran for my life, and told Emilio to control his urges to attack it.

Emilio didn’t listen...


Run away!!!!



Emilio managed to avoid many of the projectiles that shot forth when these little asswipes died. I was lucky that I could outrun any of them, such that I didn’t actually need to kill them. As long as I could avoid being nearby when Emilio would slaughter them, I’d be fine. I managed to find a skin-hardening shrine later in the dungeons to protect myself even more.



We continued going deeper and deeper into the dungeon until we got to the final floor. Midgets were aplenty, and Emilio had quite the time ending their sorry little lives. We ended up wandering into the midget king’s room, where he and his army of midget freedom fighters were preparing an assault on Kurast. Witch Doctor Endugu commanded his horde of legions and sent them after me and Emilio.



That didn’t last very long.


Here you see Emilio killing Witch Doctor Endugu.


Here you see Emilio killing Witch Doctor Endugu again.

Endugu is perhaps the only superunique boss in the game that Emilio will ever get the pleasure of slaughtering twice. He was a happy man that day. On each death, Endugu exploded violently in a pile of blood and guts. I saw Emilio tearing up a bit over the beautiful deaths that he caused.

With Endugu indisposed, we searched the entire floor for the organ, only to find it in the last place we hadn’t quite gotten to yet, the center. Who puts their valuable treasure right in the center?!?




If I eat this, I’ll be twice as smart as Emilio, and then he won’t make fun of me anymore!

“We’ve got the brain!” I yelled at Emilio, standing right next to me. “Now we just gotta find his heart, spleen, liver, kidneys, and everything else!

To be continued.