So basically my sister's ex husband is a no-good junkie. They had a kid together...my sister left him..because this man is extremely selfish and wouldnt be a very good father.
Basically, some years went by now, my sister is now together with a decent guy, i like him, well-educated and polite and he seems to be a good father.
Recently i had to hear that my sister's ex now moved into the same city as her and is trying to find out where she lives...he also threatened her, i got to hear this today.
Im really furious right now, i keep going over this idea to call up some friends (buddies who share my love for powerlifting) and visit his house...and make sure he gets the message about trying to contact and threatening my sister.
But on the other hand...thats the kind of stuff you get in jail for...and i cant promise that if i see the guy it would only be verbal. God damnit, so angry right now. I really hope my sister contacts the police next time this guy threatens her...because i would literally kill him if this keeps going on.
On April 12 2014 00:46 c0ldfusion wrote: Can't you just call the cops on him?
Yea that is the plan. Problem right now is that apperently he threatened my sister a while ago, so you cant really call the cops for that now.
This guy phoned my mother today, trying to find out where my sister lives....apperently he moved to the same city where she lives...which is basically on the other side of the country (thats a really really weird co-incidence). My mother told him to take it to court...but he knows that he makes 0 chance there...
I really shiver at the idea of this crazy guy, now living in the same city as my sister trying to find her....asking about it to all her friends etc. Thing is, unless he actually does something wrong...there is just very little that can be done about it by the cops. But yea, i have a friend who works for the police, perhaps he can give some advice. Its just really hard to guess what his intentions are, i really dont want him within a mile from my sister.
as mentioned by ours and yourself, I wouldn't go near his place if you can't control yourself because you'll only end up in jail. As much as I hate to say it, your best option is to wait to find out if he threatens your sister again and call the cops on him. I'm not sure if recording the conversation is allowed or not(just for more backup if it goes into a he said, she said thing).
I don't know what you have in Belgium, but there should be some women's programs that can give you advice about how to handle this situation, legal options available to you, lifestyle strategies that can minimize danger/chance of face to face meeting. Even if it's not the right place to start try some domestic violence resources and they can surely and gladly point you in the right direction.
Well what if he is trying to get in contact with her so he can attempt to visit his kid? I mean you say he is some no good guy but you didn't mention anything really about violence (just a vague 'he threatened her" which can mean many different things). I think your kind of over reacting and should just calm down and think before doing anything. Often times the intense emotions drain away rather quickly and then you can think a bit better. You don't know his intentions and he actually had a good reason to try to contact her (a kid).
Besides how long has it been since you or your sister has even seen him?
Maybe your sister or you should contact him to find out what he wants. Then you can decide to tell him to fuck off or whatever is appropriate.
Quick question: How long would it take for people to realize he's not around? I mean, if nobody misses him, it might be easier to make him "disappear". Not that I'm saying you should harm him, but say he just "becomes" no longer around. Quietly, of course. Don't want to make a scene.
For the record, this is a joke. I'm not condoning magic tricks that result in people being permanently not around.
How about finding out where he lives, and for every time he tries contacting your sister, go to his place and defecate on his doormat, he should realize the pattern soon.
How did he threaten her? If she calls the police they probably won't do anything right now but having it on record could help if he does do something stupid later.
I wouldn't go after him right now if i were you. People on drugs can be violent and unpredictable. Just because you powerlift doesn't mean you can flex out a knife wound ..its an unnecessary risk at this point.
I had a very similar situation with a friend of mine in high school who had a fourty something year old stalker who was threatening to rape her. I ended up buying her pepper spray and making sure somebody was always with her until we found an excuse to get him arrested. Worked pretty well in the short term, but it sounds like your guy might be around longer.
Look into your countries laws on getting a stalking restraining order, there's a chance just him moving across the country to the exact same city, threatening harm and asking questions about where she lives will be enough to get one.
edit: sorry, made the typical US mistake of assuming everyone is from the US. Is there an equivalent to a restraining order in Belgium? Google hasn't revealed anything to me.
Yea sorry for this blog, just went out for a run, that helped get the anger out a bit.
Im going to see how the situation escalates, told my sister that she should call the cops right away if he gets near her or threatens her again, sorry for making a scene.
This is the kind of guy that would make jokes about having 5 year olds smoke pot...and think that would be good parenting. My sister has been through alot of shit, and finally her life is better now with a decent boyfriend, dont need him around to ruin it again. Besides, i like the kid alot...i really wish he can have a normal childhood without crazy people like him around (he has never even seen his natural father, and trust me if i say it is a really bad idea... i know this guy well enough)
edit: oh, she is already going to contact the police. So thats good hear, hopefully that will put an end to this situation.
the standard is going to his house and bring 5 guys. Sit outside his house and wait until he comes out. Then bring your 5 guys and ask him if he's hungry (make a fist at this point).
On April 12 2014 03:13 SupplyBlockedTV wrote: Yea sorry for this blog, just went out for a run, that helped get the anger out a bit.
Im going to see how the situation escalates, told my sister that she should call the cops right away if he gets near her or threatens her again, sorry for making a scene.
This is the kind of guy that would make jokes about having 5 year olds smoke pot...and think that would be good parenting. My sister has been through alot of shit, and finally her life is better now with a decent boyfriend, dont need him around to ruin it again. Besides, i like the kid alot...i really wish he can have a normal childhood without crazy people like him around (he has never even seen his natural father, and trust me if i say it is a really bad idea... i know this guy well enough)
edit: oh, she is already going to contact the police. So thats good hear, hopefully that will put an end to this situation.
Glad she contacted the police. Legal ways are usually the best option.
However, I fully understand your impulse to get some friends and confront the SOB. I'd want to do the same. I hope it doesn't come to that tho.
Legal is the best option. What you want to do is file a restraining order on him and take him to court if he continues the harassment. If he hasn't been paying child payments, then its really easy to get him on that one and pretty much fuck his visitation rights.
On April 12 2014 05:15 docvoc wrote: Legal is the best option. What you want to do is file a restraining order on him and take him to court if he continues the harassment. If he hasn't been paying child payments, then its really easy to get him on that one and pretty much fuck his visitation rights.
Yea true.
And no, he hasnt done anything for the child. He has not even seen him once. My sister left him when she was still pregnant. Now after 4 years he suddenly starts threatening my sister and asking around about where she lives.
I mean, to the guy who said here: a father has the right to see his child...
well its different when the guy we are speaking of is a drug addict that doesnt have a job (doesnt care about finding one either) and threatens my sister. He knows very well when he takes it to court that he will never ever win that... if he had cleaned up his act and asked nicely that would have been a different story...i mean everyone makes mistakes in life...but this guy is a big ego tripper who doesnt even want to clean up his act. The kid has a different guy who he calls his father now...he likes him alot, its not good to introduce this guy to him.. you cant expect to ignore the child and after 4 years come back to claim him yours..thats just fucked up.
If Belgium law works like German law, calling him for a little talk and punching him in the face won't get you in jail. Most likely some community work / hours and that's that, especially if you've got a reason to punch him in the first place.
Doing so still not recommended for obvious reasons. Talk with your sister, don't just do anything on your own and see what's doable. Try to get your anger out some other to make sure you don't do something stupid.
On April 12 2014 02:13 TheCzarOfAll wrote: Quick question: How long would it take for people to realize he's not around? I mean, if nobody misses him, it might be easier to make him "disappear". Not that I'm saying you should harm him, but say he just "becomes" no longer around. Quietly, of course. Don't want to make a scene.
For the record, this is a joke. I'm not condoning magic tricks that result in people being permanently not around.
Haha I thought you were serious for a second, but I don't believe in magic so joke's on you. I think you might have meant something else though, but I'm not sure.
Nah, but seriously, i contacted a friend already, he is ready to go..so is my brother (he deadlifts over 200kg). Just going to wait and see what the cops say on monday first...if after that he threatens my sister again...or actually goes to her house (luckly from as far as i can hear he hasnt managed to get the address yet)...it wont be his best day. Im usually not an aggresive guy...and if it didnt concern my sister i wouldnt mind challenging him to a game of starcraft like suggested before...it just gets every part of my body shaking when i imagine this guy saying threats to my sister...cant even seem to get sleep tonight because of it.
I dont understand people like him.....but i do understand my sister...and she doesnt needs all this shit.
Anyway, i probably sound like a bully now who just wants to beat up people, its just that my family didnt have an easy time in the past...and i wont let some asshole ruin it again.
On April 12 2014 09:40 SupplyBlockedTV wrote: haha. Some awesome replies here.
Nah, but seriously, i contacted a friend already, he is ready to go..so is my brother (he deadlifts over 200kg). Just going to wait and see what the cops say on monday first...if after that he threatens my sister again...or actually goes to her house (luckly from as far as i can hear he hasnt managed to get the address yet)...it wont be his best day. Im usually not an aggresive guy...and if it didnt concern my sister i wouldnt mind challenging him to a game of starcraft like suggested before...it just gets every part of my body shaking when i imagine this guy saying threats to my sister...cant even seem to get sleep tonight because of it.
I dont understand people like him.....but i do understand my sister...and she doesnt needs all this shit.
Anyway, i probably sound like a bully now who just wants to beat up people, its just that my family didnt have an easy time in the past...and i wont let some asshole ruin it again.
someone already mentioned this but find out why he's asking for your sister. Maybe he wants to see his son? He still does have the right to see him under the law (Belgium isn't different there, right?) so if that's the main reason, it would be problematic if things escalated. You're right to worry though if he's as bad as you say he is but based on the law, there's not much you can do atm.
On April 12 2014 09:40 SupplyBlockedTV wrote: haha. Some awesome replies here.
Nah, but seriously, i contacted a friend already, he is ready to go..so is my brother (he deadlifts over 200kg). Just going to wait and see what the cops say on monday first...if after that he threatens my sister again...or actually goes to her house (luckly from as far as i can hear he hasnt managed to get the address yet)...it wont be his best day. Im usually not an aggresive guy...and if it didnt concern my sister i wouldnt mind challenging him to a game of starcraft like suggested before...it just gets every part of my body shaking when i imagine this guy saying threats to my sister...cant even seem to get sleep tonight because of it.
I dont understand people like him.....but i do understand my sister...and she doesnt needs all this shit.
Anyway, i probably sound like a bully now who just wants to beat up people, its just that my family didnt have an easy time in the past...and i wont let some asshole ruin it again.
why the hell would you waut for monday ? you know that the police is available for 24/7 right ? wtf
On April 12 2014 09:40 SupplyBlockedTV wrote: haha. Some awesome replies here.
Nah, but seriously, i contacted a friend already, he is ready to go..so is my brother (he deadlifts over 200kg). Just going to wait and see what the cops say on monday first...if after that he threatens my sister again...or actually goes to her house (luckly from as far as i can hear he hasnt managed to get the address yet)...it wont be his best day. Im usually not an aggresive guy...and if it didnt concern my sister i wouldnt mind challenging him to a game of starcraft like suggested before...it just gets every part of my body shaking when i imagine this guy saying threats to my sister...cant even seem to get sleep tonight because of it.
I dont understand people like him.....but i do understand my sister...and she doesnt needs all this shit.
Anyway, i probably sound like a bully now who just wants to beat up people, its just that my family didnt have an easy time in the past...and i wont let some asshole ruin it again.
why the hell would you waut for monday ? you know that the police is available for 24/7 right ? wtf
they probably said they'll get back to them by then. Also, if they told the police which is what that sentence seems to imply, telling them again about the same thing won't change anything(mean same story, no new developments etc...).
On April 12 2014 09:40 SupplyBlockedTV wrote: haha. Some awesome replies here.
Nah, but seriously, i contacted a friend already, he is ready to go..so is my brother (he deadlifts over 200kg). Just going to wait and see what the cops say on monday first...if after that he threatens my sister again...or actually goes to her house (luckly from as far as i can hear he hasnt managed to get the address yet)...it wont be his best day. Im usually not an aggresive guy...and if it didnt concern my sister i wouldnt mind challenging him to a game of starcraft like suggested before...it just gets every part of my body shaking when i imagine this guy saying threats to my sister...cant even seem to get sleep tonight because of it.
I dont understand people like him.....but i do understand my sister...and she doesnt needs all this shit.
Anyway, i probably sound like a bully now who just wants to beat up people, its just that my family didnt have an easy time in the past...and i wont let some asshole ruin it again.
why the hell would you waut for monday ? you know that the police is available for 24/7 right ? wtf
they probably said they'll get back to them by then. Also, if they told the police which is what that sentence seems to imply, telling them again about the same thing won't change anything(mean same story, no new developments etc...).
The biggest thing is to wait patiently on the cops. If you send people in to rough him up a bit, you're going to fuck yourself in the long run. The dude is a shithead from what we've read here. There are plenty of dead beat dad shit heads like him out there. The key is to just wait this out a bit and use what you have to legally rough him up. The chances of you losing are slim, very slim if he hasn't kept up his side of the deal, and I've seen this play out in the households of my friends. The key is to not get jumpy and give the guy any ammo. If he says some people came around to rough him up and your brother was one of them, your case is toast; now you no longer can use any moral high ground on him, which is literally half of your case here. Just wait for the police, don't do anything rash, and maybe have your sis sleep at your house or another house until then.
On April 12 2014 00:42 SupplyBlockedTV wrote: Im really furious right now, i keep going over this idea to call up some friends (buddies who share my love for powerlifting) and visit his house...and make sure he gets the message about trying to contact and threatening my sister. .
if you take this literally this might actually be a good idea going full action movie on him might get you in trouble tho
If you can pull off the passive aggressive approach, you can nudge him into doing something really stupid (from the looks of it, it wouldn't be too hard) and getting him for that (legally). Don't bother doing this unless you're 100% confident because it could backfire depending on what happens/how you pull it off ;x.
My only advice is absolutely do not go rough him up. I know you want to, because if I had a sister who was being threatened I would as well, but in the long run you can fuck him over harder if you don't do that.
With that being said, keep an eye on your sister. If he goes there un-announced and threatens her, then feel free to fuck him up, lol
edit: also don't listen to these guys saying try to get him to do something stupid. You don't know how stupid he will get, and if he's actually a terrible person like you described you never know what he might do.
I dunno, what does "threaten" mean? Could it be he just wants to see his kid as a father? I agree with talking to the police though, but I would try to speak to somebody who can judge the situation more neutrally.
Lets not pretend we live in a world where people don't fight with concealed knives. It isn't safe to fight a junkie. They often have nothing to lose.
That said, I was getting death threats a few years ago until the person showed up at my work to threaten me again and I provoked him to hit me. I "injured" him, the police said. There was no problem after that.
And... THAT said... during the fight he grabbed a pen that was laying around and tried to stab me in the face with it, only cut open my scalp instead and luckily missed my eyes. He was a crazy son of a bitch.
I think the best bet might be getting her some dog spray for her purse or something stronger, some self defense training classes and a restraining order. Jiu jitsu is by far the best option if you want to invest in a few months.
If the threat's serious, don't let her go around by herself. Have her with a male escort at all times, somebody scary or scary looking.
Is talking to him and trying to understand his mindset and what he wants such a bad idea ? The more you know your ennemy the easier you can counter his actions..
He is probably a depressed piece of shit but whatever..
How old are you? Do you have a career? Do you realize that a criminal record can legitimately jeopardize your future employment options?
Lets say you or you with friends (taking friends to beat someone up? umm...) go and "teach him a lesson". You either do not do a very good job and nothing is gained or you do and we (Paramedics) are called. He is transported to the Hospital, reports that he was assaulted, Police arrive to take a statement and why wouldn't he press charges on you? What has he to lose? From the picture you've painted of him, nothing. What have you got to lose? I would think a lot more than nothing.
Police are there for a reason. The legal system works and the people who claim it doesn't are the people who have never used it.
If he seriously wants access to the child, then sadly there is nothing you can do. Maybe he hasn't been around for four years, he still has rights to access and they would be enforced if taken to court unless there is evidence (more than you saying hes a bad guy) like police records of abuse that would prevent him from seeing the child.
EPT
