|
EDIT: Ok I'm not sure this is a true "girl blog", I am new to the girl blog concept.
I get so depressed when I set myself up for social situations, even ones I think I'll enjoy. I have a date with this cute, charming girl set up for wednesday and I'm just dreading it.
The fucked up part is that I know the anxiety plays the greatest part in creating the possibility of failure, which is what I'm so uncomfortable with in the first place. On paper, this seems like it'll be really cool - we're both new in the area, we both like to cook and go hiking, and she's just pretty cool overall. At the same time, I just can't stand the thought of torturing myself with an awkward encounter, if it should turn out that way.
I'm usually such a relaxed guy, and half the time I get into a social situation I have no discomfort at all. I'm not a full blown, terrified recluse like some people with social anxiety. But when it hits me, I just don't know what to do to key it down. How do I manage the stress?
 
|
Why don't you do some internet dating? Set up 5 dates with 5 different girls over the next 5 days, then go to all 5 and screw them all up. Then set up 5 more. Once you truly don't care what happens on a date you'll be able to be yourself and make some progress.
|
ziggurat from xenosaga?
not being anxious and relaxed in social situations cannot be learned all at once. it takes time and practice being in that situation many times. probably wont suggest anything extreme like ziggy, but you really gotta push your comfort level bit by bit and then you will make progress. there is no miracle cure...it takes work and willingness in being outside your zone.
|
id just read a couple shauni blogs for motivation before i go imo
|
|
|
Go in without fear of failure, because worst case scenario, you get awesome new blog material.
|
On November 12 2013 15:37 QuanticHawk wrote:
id just read a couple shauni blogs for motivation before i go imo
pls no
|
United Kingdom3685 Posts
Nice disguised brag blog.
|
|
|
On November 12 2013 19:21 Kaeru wrote:
Just go there and don't try to impress or shit like that. Just be relaxed, if you don't have anything you actually want to say then shut up and enjoy your food or drink.
what happens if he doesnt say anything for like 20mins :O
|
Getting the date's the hardest part, if she said yes she's already somewhat interested. Just don't overthink things, smile you're on a date with a cute charming girl and have fun!
|
Dont be afraid to admit that you're not always comfortable in those situations. Play the "i dont know what im supposed to do now"-card openly if you need. Like "oh, right, we need something to talk about before this gets awkward. So what places do you like to go out to?" or whatever. A lot of awkwardness disappears when you talk about it openly.
Like someone told me a story about this guy who held a lecture and just had spilled coffee all over his pants and he tried to desperately like "hide" behind a chair or casually hold a piece of paper in front of the stain or whatever so that it wouldnt show. No one remembered what that guy said. If you instead openly show the stain for the whole audience with some witty comment about how you got it, all awkwardness disappears.
|
On November 12 2013 20:45 Scarecrow wrote:
Getting the date's the hardest part, if she said yes she's already somewhat interested. Just don't overthink things, smile you're on a date with a cute charming girl and have fun!
I agree! How did you get the date with her if you're such a goon? Seriously I would like to know
BRAG BLOG DETECTED
|
On November 12 2013 16:39 Chairman Ray wrote:
Go in without fear of failure, because worst case scenario, you get awesome new blog material.
You either get a brag blog or a girl blog out of it, so you can't possibly lose.
|
I swear it's not a disguised brag blog. I don't know that I am such a goon, but if I get so anxious that I won't put myself in these situations, does it matter?
The way this got set up is, I just moved into this area recently to be closer to my college. My roommate is a middle school teacher. We went over to his friend's house to hang out and play cards against humanity and she was there. She's a newly minted teacher, new to the area, and we both like hiking and cooking, but I don't actually have that much experience doing either. She had some brownies she brought and they weren't so hot which gives me a little hope that I won't look like an idiot because she's some kind of cooking PhD next to my GED.
what happens if he doesnt say anything for like 20mins :O
Hah yeah that concerns me :3.
|
I use what I refer to "Ender's method" to keep myself calm/sane. I usually only do it when I'm drunk to help my mind stay alert, but it works for anxious situations. Ender used it to suffocate the pain that Peter would put him in, and used it in battle school for other pains.
It's simple: You start with 1, then you double it - which becomes 2. Then you double that, and it becomes 4. Then you double that and it becomes 8, etc. etc. I can get up to 65536 without really thinking about it, but the best part is when you reach numbers where you're not so sure, so you start to try to figure out what it's suppose to be by either re doing the doubling of the last number, or starting over completely. Do it all in your head or else it loses it's purpose. I don't care if you suck at Math, because the important part is that you're going to be focusing on doubling numbers instead of your anxiety.
I've used this more times than I can count, especially when I need to sober myself up, and I don't just mean alcohol.
|
On November 12 2013 14:24 UniversalSnip wrote:
But when it hits me, I just don't know what to do to key it down. How do I manage the stress?
Here's a technique I was taught that helped greatly: square breathing. Take a deep breath in, counting to four (you can even make them four consecutive inhalations), then a deep breath out, counting to four again (same deal). Repeat this sequence four times.
Benefits - physically slows your breathing. Many people when stressed unconsciously hyperventilate, which tires you out, gets your adrenaline going which makes you even more tense, and deprives you of oxygen.
- forces you to think/focus on something else for a short time. Often, when you're in a stressful circumstance it feels like you can't escape it, but if you briefly redirect your attention, when you return to the stressful circumstance you can see it in a new light.
- reminds you of a great fundamental truth - as long as you are breathing, your life is alright. With or without this girl your life will move on.
|
On November 13 2013 03:01 hoby2000 wrote:
I use what I refer to "Ender's method" to keep myself calm/sane. I usually only do it when I'm drunk to help my mind stay alert, but it works for anxious situations. Ender used it to suffocate the pain that Peter would put him in, and used it in battle school for other pains.
It's simple: You start with 1, then you double it - which becomes 2. Then you double that, and it becomes 4. Then you double that and it becomes 8, etc. etc. I can get up to 65536 without really thinking about it, but the best part is when you reach numbers where you're not so sure, so you start to try to figure out what it's suppose to be by either re doing the doubling of the last number, or starting over completely. Do it all in your head or else it loses it's purpose. I don't care if you suck at Math, because the important part is that you're going to be focusing on doubling numbers instead of your anxiety.
The problem with this is that you can get so absorbed in playing number games that you subconsciously block out your surroundings, which in some cases is preferable. But here the girl will probably ask him at some point if he's paying attention to anything she's saying
|
Just don't wear this T-shirt. Or do, maybe she'll find it funny.
I'd just go remind yourself you already managed to get yourself into a cool situation and however shit turns out, it's better than never experiencing it at all, even of it goes a bit wrong chances are it will make for a hilarious story later on down the line. Then whatever the outcome, you walk off knowing that you took the opportinity head on like a boss rather than hiding at home waxing your vagina. At least it works when I'm about to jump into something difficult or scary.
|
You're anxious because you're scared that you won't have anything interesting to say and that she'll find you boring.
Solution is to turn it around. Whenever there is a blank in the conversation, just act like you were the last one that said anything and like it's her turn to initiate conversation. So just confidently look at her like you"re expecting her to say something.
|
On November 12 2013 18:30 Sayle wrote:
Nice disguised brag blog.
I'm glad you've been spending your free time well.
|
Update: went extremely well. Thanks for the advice, this is the first time I've gone out with a girl I had any real interest in in a long time and I'm so happy about it. I actually did what you suggested:
- remembered if I were a total goon I wouldn't have gotten a date this cool in the first place
- kept things relaxed and asked a lot of questions
- did some conscious breathing in the car to loosen up
It was really nice and she wants to go to a museum I told her is cool for our next date. So I'm happy.
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
