I am a professional shitposter. I rarely have anything valuable to say including this blog, but they're all entertaining posts. How do I manage to accomplish this feat? Fear not, I am here to educate.
Step 1: Adopt a cancerous attitude towards everything. I personally draw all my inspiration from Dumb Sheep. You should consider and consult your most toxic friend and draw upon their inspiration. What makes them a toxic and cancerous person? What makes their attitude so shit?
Step 2: Funnel that toxicity into each and every post. For example, if someone is feeling good about themselves, find a way to put them down. If someone is posting something stupid, laugh at them. If someone thinks they're the best, but you know they're not, call them a moron.
Step 3: Occasionally post one good post so that people find you worth keeping around. You need to somewhat contribute, otherwise this just gets you into deep trouble wherever you go. This applies to all aspects of life, from work to play. If your boss finds you invaluable in one aspect, it'll be hard to let you go. If a forum finds you invaluable in some fashion, it'll be hard to let you go.
Follow these steps and you'll become a professional shitposter in no time. Feel free to ask me any questions on the art of shitposting.
Stay tuned for Part 2, the guide on being a shitgamer.
Each and every one of us has things that we’ve been dying to post, but we refrain from doing so out of a fear of being smote by the mighty Banhammers of Darkness. And yet, occasionally, an enlightened individual, struck by a spark of divine inspiration, can express the unvoiced sentiments of the masses in one perfectly crafted post – a candid quip, a piercing jab, or simply a statement of unflinching honesty – exhibiting a rare intersection of the economy of language and revealing insight, delivered with dauntless elegance. At such a display of grace even the Banhammers of Darkness must retreat, lest they be overcome by the light. Those fortunate witnesses to these preciously rare moments experience a liberating joy that leaves them only in shock and veneration. Their only hope, after the stupefaction fades, is that others can share in this wonder.
I hereby implore, to those blessed witnesses to these moments of glory, to note and record them here so that their glory may be preserved for all of eternity. I canonize Sir Edward Rafflington IV, that mythical figure who has channeled the divine spirit in so many of these moments, as St. Roffles, Patron Saint of Real-Talk Drive-By. To you, St. Roffles, we dedicate this shrine.
Fiat lux. Fiat homo. Fiat voluntas tua.
The First Miracle of the Chalice
“And He took a CHALICE and when he had given thanks He gave it to them saying ‘Drink this, all of you; for this is My blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.’”
On February 20 2014 00:23 Alaric wrote: Dunno, I grew up hearing stories about Canadian lumberjacks and maple syrup, you prob just ain't man enough and shaming your countrymen.
Well, growing up all I heard about France is how much they whine and complain. You def live up to the hype.
When you attack one Canadian you attack all Canadians.
hmm i've seen a lot of shit posting in my days on the interwebz. your guide may work but there is always an easier way. Just throw in a useless #hashtag or meme and you're set. no need to ask yourself how anyone would act or even try to be a dick. I mean do you even lift, bro? #realguidetoshitposting #lazywayisbestway #toldyaso #howmanyofthesecanidobeforeihatemyself #onlyone
now when you shitpost, is it metaphorically more similar to someone maliciously taking a dump into the open mouth of an unsuspecting victim while they sleep, or would you consider it more of a baboon throwing his own poop at somebody else and then laughing about it?
On October 16 2013 03:08 Aveng3r wrote: now when you shitpost, is it metaphorically more similar to someone maliciously taking a dump into the open mouth of an unsuspecting victim while they sleep, or would you consider it more of a baboon throwing his own poop at somebody else and then laughing about it?
Definitely the baboon throwing his own poop at someone else and laughing about it. Shitposting isn't meant to be done behind people's backs, it's meant to be humiliating towards your recipients.
On October 16 2013 03:08 HotShizz wrote: hmm i've seen a lot of shit posting in my days on the interwebz. your guide may work but there is always an easier way. Just throw in a useless #hashtag or meme and you're set. no need to ask yourself how anyone would act or even try to be a dick. I mean do you even lift, bro? #realguidetoshitposting #lazywayisbestway #toldyaso #howmanyofthesecanidobeforeihatemyself #onlyone
On October 16 2013 03:08 HotShizz wrote: hmm i've seen a lot of shit posting in my days on the interwebz. your guide may work but there is always an easier way. Just throw in a useless #hashtag or meme and you're set. no need to ask yourself how anyone would act or even try to be a dick. I mean do you even lift, bro? #realguidetoshitposting #lazywayisbestway #toldyaso #howmanyofthesecanidobeforeihatemyself #onlyone
Too obvious. That's not considered good shitposting, that's just considered dumb in my books. Retorting what twitch chat or what 12 year old kids on reddit are saying over and over just makes you look like a 4chan moron.
ya visit my website at http://thetemplar.com, twitter and facebook and such too uh huh you can buy it very cheap, I offer good rates for sc2 coaching but not lol because its bad also you can buy from me a free alternate account with your purchase of a bad post at 1-800-TEMPLAR
There is no way you can yourself consider this as a proper guide, at most it gives some tips to completely noob trash. This is not even a 101 how to be toxic thing. You obviously are trying to find some attention by creating a blog because none of your posts are actually working the way you wish they did. Stop trying that hard you can't even convince yourself that you are good at it.
On October 16 2013 03:08 HotShizz wrote: hmm i've seen a lot of shit posting in my days on the interwebz. your guide may work but there is always an easier way. Just throw in a useless #hashtag or meme and you're set. no need to ask yourself how anyone would act or even try to be a dick. I mean do you even lift, bro? #realguidetoshitposting #lazywayisbestway #toldyaso #howmanyofthesecanidobeforeihatemyself #onlyone
Too obvious. That's not considered good shitposting, that's just considered dumb in my books. Retorting what twitch chat or what 12 year old kids on reddit are saying over and over just makes you look like a 4chan moron.
On October 16 2013 06:49 Ettick wrote: xDxDxDxD lol 5 star blog + Show Spoiler +
Am I doing it right?
yo if u have to ask ur doing it wrong imagine some guy was smoking outside because he was on break from work or something and he ran into some other guy smoking who seemed to be faking smoking in order to appear cool in this first guy's prescence, but he could be percieved as smoking legit'ly as well. but if he said to the first guy "am i doin it rite" he would no longer be seen as an actual smoker because he is not experienced enough nor cool enough to be an elite smoker like some guy that never gets mistreated for his smoking because hes cool in other ways now imagine "some guy" is roffles, "some other guy" is Ettick, "smoking" is "posting badly intentionally", "being cool" is "posting badly in a "posting badly in a thread" thread" and "am i doin it rite" is asking if u are doing it right. see now u understand why asking if u are doing it right is wrong
On October 16 2013 06:49 Ettick wrote: xDxDxDxD lol 5 star blog + Show Spoiler +
Am I doing it right?
yo if u have to ask ur doing it wrong imagine some guy was smoking outside because he was on break from work or something and he ran into some other guy smoking who seemed to be faking smoking in order to appear cool in this first guy's prescence, but he could be percieved as smoking legit'ly as well. but if he said to the first guy "am i doin it rite" he would no longer be seen as an actual smoker because he is not experienced enough nor cool enough to be an elite smoker like some guy that never gets mistreated for his smoking because hes cool in other ways now imagine "some guy" is roffles, "some other guy" is Ettick, "smoking" is "posting badly intentionally", "being cool" is "posting badly in a "posting badly in a thread" thread" and "am i doin it rite" is asking if u are doing it right. see now u understand why asking if u are doing it right is wrong
On October 16 2013 06:49 Ettick wrote: xDxDxDxD lol 5 star blog + Show Spoiler +
Am I doing it right?
yo if u have to ask ur doing it wrong imagine some guy was smoking outside because he was on break from work or something and he ran into some other guy smoking who seemed to be faking smoking in order to appear cool in this first guy's prescence, but he could be percieved as smoking legit'ly as well. but if he said to the first guy "am i doin it rite" he would no longer be seen as an actual smoker because he is not experienced enough nor cool enough to be an elite smoker like some guy that never gets mistreated for his smoking because hes cool in other ways now imagine "some guy" is roffles, "some other guy" is Ettick, "smoking" is "posting badly intentionally", "being cool" is "posting badly in a "posting badly in a thread" thread" and "am i doin it rite" is asking if u are doing it right. see now u understand why asking if u are doing it right is wrong
On October 16 2013 06:49 Ettick wrote: xDxDxDxD lol 5 star blog + Show Spoiler +
Am I doing it right?
yo if u have to ask ur doing it wrong imagine some guy was smoking outside because he was on break from work or something and he ran into some other guy smoking who seemed to be faking smoking in order to appear cool in this first guy's prescence, but he could be percieved as smoking legit'ly as well. but if he said to the first guy "am i doin it rite" he would no longer be seen as an actual smoker because he is not experienced enough nor cool enough to be an elite smoker like some guy that never gets mistreated for his smoking because hes cool in other ways now imagine "some guy" is roffles, "some other guy" is Ettick, "smoking" is "posting badly intentionally", "being cool" is "posting badly in a "posting badly in a thread" thread" and "am i doin it rite" is asking if u are doing it right. see now u understand why asking if u are doing it right is wrong
On October 16 2013 03:00 Milkis wrote: When are you dancing for us?
lolf doj
Step 4, double post, if you become famous enough you can just do whatever you want. Double posting is a great way to do this, if you don't get warned you have made it! Just kidding, funny blog bro.
EPT
![[image loading]](http://www.teamliquid.net/images/forum/star.gif)
as a guide for rating this blog, moron.![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/VsKmG3V.jpg)
![[image loading]](http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_fX8bBFodtps/RzpbVZNEZBI/AAAAAAAAAGU/JfCud_C9hJ8/s400/Ruffles.jpg)
