Recently, mainly after talking with kupon3ss a few times, I've come to realise I am in fact a huge asshole, an enormous douchebag, and a complete dick. My behaviour is overly aggressive and bad mannered, especially with in game, and especially when I'm playing badly. By nature I'm an extremely competitive person, I try as hard as I can to excel at everything I do even if I know I can never be the best out of whoever I'm competing with.
It's especially in the TLIHs that my attitude downright sucks. I realise that I'm an extremely bad player, and while I don't mind ribbing for it from people I've known for a while, when random people who are new to TL that I've never even spoken to tell me I'm bad, I get very frustrated. Usually I don't insult them outright, but in the game itself I tilt extremely hard, and will ask my team to GG far too much. This is something I intend to fix. I make the experience unenjoyable for 9 other players just because I'm too on edge to ever relax and enjoy the game, which is completely against the purpose of TLIHs. I've met a lot of people who are extremely kind, caring and fun to be around in the Dota community and it would blow to alienate them just because I care too much about a random game with a skill level between some of the better players in America and me.
A second thing I've noticed about myself is that I try far too hard to be funny. I have been thinking about this a lot, and realised I'm extremely insecure. I worry that if I don't manage to constantly entertain the people who I've become friends with, they will drift away from me and find someone more interesting to be around. The easiest way for me to attempt to be funny is through Dota, as that is what I spend a lot of time doing. Sometimes my attempts to be funny get taken way too far, and end up screwing up the game for everyone else and making it a complete stomp in the other team's favour, which isn't fun for anyone. This is another thing I will change. I am just going to relax about 'online friendships' and just try to be a more chill person in general.
I'd like to thank kupo for pointing some of this stuff to me, as while at first I thought he was being unfairly harsh, I now see he was being truly fair.
I don't know what you're like in dota, but on the forums you are fine. It's actually quite hilarious the stuff you post due to your age. Please don't change on the forums at least.
Though I also had the same thought as tank above, I think it's mostly because I didn't really believe that.
I've said this about you before, but I think you're one of the most grounded and stable younger members of the community I've come across. You're growing up and you'll change too, it's good to be aware of things you feel you want to address. Just don't beat yourself up too much about it.
Well kollin I like playing with you, regardless mostly because I am even worse than you and also because I love your hilarious, painstakingly typed out comments.
EPT
mostly because I am even worse than you and also because I love your hilarious, painstakingly typed out comments.
