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I haven't felt that refreshing feeling of waking up after a good night's sleep in so long. Sleeping feels so foreign and out of reach. I yearn for the day it returns.
I grind out my night on the computer. Writing code, listening to music, time blurs. Two passes. Three. I notice my eyes trying to shut themselves. I turn off the light, but the monitor is too bright. I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow.
The next morning, I wake up to a yell from downstairs and the incessant beeping of my alarm clock. Eyes closed, I wander to the bathroom, tripping over my day bags. Energy slowly fills me as I stare down at the toilet. I move over to the sink and splash some water over my face. I open my eyes. Are those really my eyes? They look so dead. So lifeless. Have I always had those bags? Why are they so dark? What's with the wrinkles?
The world goes on.
I lie there on my bed. It's 12. My e-reader is charging at my desk. I stare up at the darkness of the ceiling, and do nothing. Well, not really nothing. I start thinking.
The mind is dangerous. The mind tempts you with twisted lines that feed off your current energy and state. The mind is evil.
I miss her.
I miss you.
I lie there in the darkness, willing with all my might for my mind to stop.
I miss you.
I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.
What the hell. We've been through this already. She's not part of my life anymore. She'll never be part of it again. I've tried multiple times already to just stay friends with her, talk to her. It pains me that I can't stand her anymore. I've been through this so many times already. I'm fine with it. Her. Everything. Stop it.
Do I even miss her anymore? Do I just miss being normal? Why is this still in my life? It's over and I'm done.
I just want to lie down on my bed without thinking I miss you, damn it. It's been a year and a half. It's not fair man. It's not fair.
I wipe my eyes on the pillow and turn the light back on.
I hop on the computer.
The cycle continues.
 
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Hmmm, sounds like you don't really hate sleep, now do you?
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On September 28 2013 11:35 Blisse wrote:
The mind is dangerous. The mind tempts you with twisted lines that feed off your current energy and state. The mind is evil.
yes it is yes it is. just try to keep yourself busy so you cant think about those things.
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It sounds like the internet is an escape for thinking about this girl...
You need to confront these fears. My friend 1984'ed his ex from his facebook.
I like to think I personally like to confront these things.
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been there 
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On September 28 2013 12:54 obesechicken13 wrote:
It sounds like the internet is an escape for thinking about this girl...
You need to confront these fears. My friend 1984'ed his ex from his facebook.
I like to think I personally like to confront these things.
How does the verb 1984 work in this context? Don't see how it applies through Orwell 0_o
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On September 29 2013 07:09 KillerSOS wrote:Show nested quote +On September 28 2013 12:54 obesechicken13 wrote:
It sounds like the internet is an escape for thinking about this girl...
You need to confront these fears. My friend 1984'ed his ex from his facebook.
I like to think I personally like to confront these things. How does the verb 1984 work in this context? Don't see how it applies through Orwell 0_o
In the book, workers delete lines of history that are no longer desirable, sometimes rewriting them to make the current empire more favorable, or just wiping chapters altogether.
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On September 29 2013 07:44 hp.Shell wrote:Show nested quote +On September 29 2013 07:09 KillerSOS wrote:On September 28 2013 12:54 obesechicken13 wrote:
It sounds like the internet is an escape for thinking about this girl...
You need to confront these fears. My friend 1984'ed his ex from his facebook.
I like to think I personally like to confront these things. How does the verb 1984 work in this context? Don't see how it applies through Orwell 0_o In the book, workers delete lines of history that are no longer desirable, sometimes rewriting them to make the current empire more favorable, or just wiping chapters altogether.
Yeah, when used today, it's often synonymous with censorship although perhaps more specific to the things that happened in the book. It's so well known that the new book cover censors the title at certain angles or something.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=1984d
http://kottke.org/13/01/brilliant-book-cover-design-for-orwells-1984
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Not to intrude or sound dickish because I truly do appreciate people giving me help, but she hasn't been in my life for 1.5 years since it happened. It's nothing about the relationship. It's over. I've dealt with that half a year ago. I don't feel anything for her anymore. I just miss the closeness of the relationship and it's distracting.
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I love sleep but it doesn't love me. Sleep, I miss you. I miss you.
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I nap 3-4 times a day on the weekends with my dog if I can get away with it! Whenever I call out "NAP!" the dog runs straight up and we snooze.
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EPT
