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So, met this girl 2 months ago (maybe even 3 fuck). When we met, she was still in a long-distance relationship but broke up soon after (and probably knew it was ending because she gave me her number and whatnot). We hang out a couple more times, I go for a kiss once but she denies but still says she wants to hang out. She later says she really enjoys hanging out with me, but doesn't want to date, then implies she's down to be friends with benefits ("if you want to casually hang out as friends, that's cool with you if it's cool with me"). Our last hang-out (the first one since her saying that) was a week and a half ago, at a happy hour, just the two of us. I ask her if she wants to go back to her place, she says I have to have dinner and pack (she was going away for the weekend I believe). It was a weekday, and she has to get up at 6 am or something for work so I figured it may have been a real excuse. At the end of the night she excitedly says let's hang out again next week or whenever. So, at this point I decided to not contact her and see if she contacts me (up until then it had pretty much always been me contacting her to hang out). We haven't spoken since last Wed when we went to happy hour.
Is the "wait for her to contact" strategy good right now? It's just for friends with benefits, if even that, and it would seem 2-3 months is a long time to chase a girl for that and still be caring about it. But I still am stressing about it way too much, with the nagging thought that by not contacting her I'm throwing away an opportunity.
I know a week and a half might seem like long enough that she must not be interested, but we have gone that long without talking before, then still hung out like it was cool.
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Having never been in this situation before, my advice may be utter bullshit and I just don't know it.
So if she's not looking for a relationship and just wants to have sex, why wait to contact her? You should be calling at least once every 2-3 days. Then, in the chance that she makes excuses twice in a row or something, tell her "Ok, well since we work around your schedule, I'll let you call me next time you want sex." Now it's up to her to call you, but it might make you her bitch (lol).
Also, she told you she was down to hang next week and you never called her. Maybe she's used to having you call her, and so was waiting for you? Idk.
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what kind of benefits are we talking about? i am under the impression she doesn' t want to have sex with you occasionaly and instead just wants to be your friend
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I'd say the strategy of not calling her for like 10 days to see if she contacts you is a great one (and many others would agree). Although, when you begin to strategize on a (dying?) relationship it generally means that there is something wrong and it's not going to work out.
Anyway, the 10 days thing. Expect her not to call, and basically forget about her so that way you set yourself up for success either way. If she doesn't call, you already have that head start. If she does, that is a 'surprise'/'bonus'.
I would say you already killed it by not making a move when she was shit testing you and you are and have already been friend zoned. It also seems that you are misreading her pretty badly, or just in denial about the signs shes giving you. Girls can act very ambivalent a lot of the time, and this is because they don't want to be mean by being black and white with people. As a man, you have to only pay attention to the negative and ignore the seemingly positive. If she was into you, she would be into you and you wouldn't have to work very hard at getting her to do things or go out with you.
side note- Do you know how many times I have said I was into something I didn't like or agreed with something a chick said just because I was into them? Chicks do the same thing to guys, probably even more so.
If you do end up calling her or she talks to you again its better to say something like; "What's your schedule like?" so then you don't have to ask all the time if she wants to hang out if shes busy or whatever and she can't blow you off.
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EPT
