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So I'm sitting here waiting for a doctor to come and make a house call between the hours of 11-2 AM, what better time to write a blogpost?
My guy is now almost 7 months old. He's amazing in so many ways I can't even begin to tell you. He's huge for his age, strong as hell and....well I want to say smart but we can't really tell yet, it's a little too early. I'm sure he will be. However....there's no good way to come out and say this but the only thing...'wrong' with him, is that he doesn't sleep. He hasn't slept properly since the time he was born; my wife and I used to have to take 2 hour shifts of sleeping while the other person stayed up and tried to get him to sleep as well. For the first month of his life it was impossible to get him to sleep anywhere other than on top of one of us. Eventually he learned to sleep in a bassinet and then a crib, but where his cousin who is one month older than him has been sleeping 10-12 hours a night since the time she was a month old, he would wake up every 2-3 hours to eat. This was pure hell during my last semester of school, eventually leading to me writing an earlier blog about how much it sucked to have to send my wife and kid away so I could actually study.
His sleeping has gotten better. There was a period of time where he'd sleep around 5 hours at a time, and more recently 6-7, wake up only once for a bottle and then go right back down to sleep. He has slept completely through the night a grand total of 5 time I believe. Not too shabby. Even when sleeping longer though the problem became predictability. There was no way to tell when he'd get up, or if he'd choose a particular night to sleep 7 or 2 hours. Because of this I haven't really been able to play LoL since he was born. I don't want to be that asshole who starts up a game and leaves 4 other people in the lurch because my guy needs to eat, and you can certainly bet I wouldn't make him wait so I can finish the game. So I subject myself to the odd bot game now and then, sometimes some ARAMs, and every once in a while I feel confident enough to play a normal or ranked, though mostly those would be when my wife is out with him for a predetermined amount of time. I just don't have time for games anymore.
That brings me to tonight. Inconsolable for hours thus far. We think he might have an ear infection because he woke up after about 30min of sleeping screaming his head off. We can't put him down, we can't rock him to sleep, we've tried everything. Now an ear infection obviously isn't the worst thing ever; in fact, it's pretty common in infants and young children. So are fits of random screaming during periods of teething or development (the reason we're concerned is because he's never been quite this bad before, even when he cut his first two teeth, and we want to be sure to start him on antibiotics if they're deemed necessary as soon as possible). My wife has him in the bed with her at the moment and he seems to have calmed down. During this period of brief peace, my mind started working. Is this what the rest of my life is going to be like? Will I forever have to dedicate myself to the every whim of my child and family? Will I ever get to do what I want to do again? The answers to these questions strike me as easily self-answerable: yes, yes, and no.
Now obviously those questions aren't really that simple, and they're probably a little dramatic in nature' but nonetheless the answers I gave ring true. My life is no longer solely for me or even for my wife. I have another person depending on me for absolutely EVERYTHING. There is no time for trivialities like watching the LCS, trying to hit Gold League in Season 3, hanging out with friends on vent who I've spoken with and kept in contact with for years. The Steam Summer Sale started today and I found myself considering which games I could theoretically buy that have a pause feature or allow for microburst gaming sessions, as a way to cling to the vain hope that one day I might catch a break for an hour or so just to play a little bit. The everyday realities strike me, however, and I know I certainly won't get the time I'd like to play, especially once my third semester starts. I know as the guy gets older he will depend on me for less and less but at the same time he will need me more and more; to show him what to do and how to do it, to teach him right from wrong, and most importantly he will need me to enjoy him. There will be time for games here and there, but true 'gamer dads' it seems to me must be few and far between if they want to fulfill their children's needs, at least compared to the regular gamer's capacity for time spent playing games.
I will always consider myself a gamer but I feel I've already lost a part of that which makes me as such, while at the same time gained so much more. I'm not really complaining about it per se; it is but an inevitability that comes with time, age, and maturity. Once my guy gets old enough to appreciate games himself it will be up to me to not only teach him how to play, but it will be up to me to gate his play as well as my own in order to set a good example, for I fear that as he becomes more independent I will be more tempted to leave him to his own devices (literally) so that I may play with mine and regain the time that is currently lost to me. I must remind myself that this gating and self control is required and I am a different person now than I was but a few years ago. And I've already begun.
 
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Your guy is cute! My little girl is almost 6months!
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My twins are 19 months old now, one is completely disabled the other is strong and happy. I havent played a game of starcraft since they were born. Thats why I enjoy playing mafia as it is easy to pick up and put down when my son needs medical attention (he needs feeding often through a tube in his stomach, he also has a hole in his neck that needs suction all the time so he doesnt choke, so I understand where you are comeing from. Good luck. Hope he feels better.
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Perhaps this is time to game in a new direction. Rather than gaming purely for the spur of the moment enjoyment, embark on a journey of gaming appreciation. I mean the difference between reading the latest comics and pop novels and going through the classics methodically so that when the time comes you can show Lil' Shadow games in a way that will help him acclimatize to a world in which there's as much history in videogaming as we have in film and television.
I'm a designer so I always have a purpose in my play, an underlying desire to grow my knowledge and understanding of the genre and what makes it successful. I've noticed a lot of my friends slowly stop gaming outside of LoL or similar because it's a way of socialising, because they don't have that underlying purpose. Sadly, most don't replace gaming with something constructive, they just end up browsing reddit for hours and becoming passive media soaks like kids in the pre-videogame, post-tv era.
So I suppose the point is this: I think there always comes a point where ANY hobby pursued simply because it's kinda fun will dry up. The nature of western society does not allow for people to pursue leisure activities purely for leisure's sake beyond childhood, where they are supported by others, because you have to keep up with the jones'. So long as a reasonable amount of people are willing to spend their leisure gaining an overall advantage, everyone is dragged into doing so. The best we can do is choose what constructive activities we partake of in our spare time, be-it community and social hobbies, crafts, learning or a less efficient kind of work we enjoy as a change of pace. Gaming can be any of those things, but they must be pursued with purpose. Without a purpose, you will simply move to something you find that you see DOES have a greater purpose, because it's 'a better use of your time'.
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Psyonic_Reaver: I can't believe how gushy I've gotten over baby pictures since. Your daughter is amazing. I'd post more recent pics of mine but it strikes me as somehow inappropriate to splatter tons of pictures of my son all over the internet before he even learns what it is or can make those choices himself. If you want I'll PM you. 
Onegu: I read your recent blogs...you've gone through a lot in your life. I wish you nothing but the best for yours and your family's future. I agree in that this is why I've been playing a bunch of mafia lately as it is certainly a great deal easier to pick up and put down, though it still sometimes frustrates people when RL gets in the way!
Thereisnosaurus: This is an interesting perspective to take on the matter. Are you referring to the idea where a game can be picked up with a purpose, such as training to reach a certain league in SC2, or to try and play games for appreciation of classics, such as someone playing LoZ: OoT for the first time? I also agree in that it becomes more difficult to find enjoyment in games such as LoL when those you socialize with while playing are no longer available to you. I'll have to see where the next year in gaming takes me; I know there are many games I'd like to pick up and try and for the most part I had been focusing solely on LoL. This may be a good excuse to take it slower and play through some others, though it might take me a fair amount of time.
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Don't worry, for now yes gaming is back burned but by 2-3 they should have developed a schedule and you'll just have to work around it. Also it helps when they get a bit older because for instance I would put a non-plugged in controller in my daughters hands while I played and she'd pretend she was playing with me.
Then we got her a leapster pad thingy with educational game packs, then we got her a ds just last year.(poke'mon and hello kitty are her favorite games haha). So she'll play her game and I'll play my game. Sometimes we'll even talk strategy and I'll help her defeat a specific part of a level.
For now though yes, he needs you physically to change, feed, and protect him. Eventually he will want to do things by himself and you will have to entertain yourself some how ^^. Also do you think that maybe you're just getting sick of games in general?
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On the bright side in about 10-15 years he'll show you the ropes in QUAKE 2020 HD³ FULL 3D EDITION. :>
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My daughter's 17 months and I can fit in a handful of ladder games after she goes to sleep. First year or so was full on with 0 gaming but it does get a little easier.
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cute kid and congrats! i dont necessarily think it has to be over. you just have to find games that mesh with your new responsibilties and you can play in short sputs. turn based rpgs and the like would be good candidates. sim city maybe, etc.
good luck!
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I think you'll still be able to game. It just won't be as serious as you like. Like you will just have to sneak in a game here and there. I don't think multiplayer game like LoL or SC II will be your game to play until your kid is older. But I mean you could play Batman :D
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You'll be able to game later on, most likely when you no longer care for it. I'd suggest, if you can't game, just watch streams haha, easy to walk away from, there are tons of cups online all the time too :D. One thing about babies, having gone through the process of my sister being born when I was 8 and my brothers were 6,5 respectively, is that it requires a lot of sacrifice (yeah no shit sherlock is probably what everyone thinks when I say that) but it also requires a lot of internal strength. Babies pick up on the nurture but they pick up on the emotions of the people who take care of them. It requires a strong man to sacrifice for the baby externally, and a strong man to make the baby feel safe internally. Look's like you're gonna end up a pretty swell dad WoS .
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I'm still in college right now, but I do have a baby brother that my parents decided to have a few years back so I was able to experience all the time consuming things that is required to take care of him. Lately, I've also been working at a coop job with full time hours and I'm really noticing my time just leaking away despite still living at home not having to worry about a lot of the daily chores. 10 hours a day on work+transportation and 7-8 hours of sleep leaves me with around 6-7 hours, which seems like a lot until you count stuff like food and other activities that I'll have to do once I move out to college again. Throw a relationship or a baby into the mix and you're essentially never going to have any time at all. This makes me really confused because I lurk around the forums a lot (dat post count) and read all the time about people "cranking out two dozen games to practice ____" and other crazy gaming schedules while maintaining a normal adult life. How do people have the time for all this stuff?
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OP, you're mixing up two things. Bad sleeping schedule is something that will go way. You will remember almost nothing about it in two years. It does not matter in the long run.
"Will I ever get to do what I want to do again? No". Now this is just too dramatic. Yes, you got a kid, just like billions other people in the world. Yes, it means new responsibilities. Yes, it means you have less time to fool around. And that's it.
The last thing the kid needs is a parent with "omg I sacrificed everything to bring you up" attitude. It is better to bring up a kid that is empathic and is aware that other people also have their needs. Being a father does not make you any less human.
So, if you feel you need a gaming break - go ahead and take it. Teach your kid that you need that time to relax during the day. Keep the amount of time you give to yourself under control, set up alarm clock if you feel you may lose it. Speak to the kid about your needs and your feelings. The kid will adapt and understand, 7 months is a bit young but in another 7 it is doable.
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Blazinghand
United States25552 Posts
you'll always be a gamer as long as you were once a gamer... as long as you have gaming somewhere in your heart and that competitive fire is within you, even if the apocalypse comes and we are hunting gazelle with spears
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You son looks adorable <3 I guess we have to thank him for making you join TL Mafia
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My son can beat up your sons! It's all a competition, you just have to give up gaming to focus all yor failed dreams into the next generation to produce bragging rights to which kid does the best, gets the most awards, plays at Carnegie hall, becomes a 2 term president, etc. But unless esports highlights will show up on ESPN someday gaming is a terrible hobby to do with kids!
Recent conversation I overheard at the last work convention
"Oh, how's the kids doing?"
"Amy is doing great, applying to colleges now"
"Oh really? I thought she was only one year ahead of Nate?"
"Oh, she skipped 3 grades after we came back from Europe, the school system here is terrible"
"Oh, thats good. Nate made the varsity baseball team as a freshman! Pitching like his ok man!"
/endrambling.
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United Kingdom36161 Posts
On July 17 2013 20:33 Ange777 wrote:You son looks adorable <3 I guess we have to thank him for making you join TL Mafia
Ange says everything I want to say ^_^
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Huge shoutout to you guys at TL mafia!
I forgot to mention you guys in the blog post proper but it's been a lot of fun so far (and a easy way to 'game' while still being able to take care of my guy properly)!
I look forward to every game we play!
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are you referring to the idea where a game can be picked up with a purpose, such as training to reach a certain league in SC2, or to try and play games for appreciation of classics, such as someone playing LoZ: OoT for the first time?
Mmmmm. Think reading. We read books not just because the specific book is enjoyable, but because a knowledge of literature is valuable in day to day life- it deepens our appreciation for other things, be they radio conversations, pieces of scenery, situations in which we find ourselves.
We read because the language itself is valuable to engage with, giving us skills for our own communication and further ability to express and organize our thoughts internally with new concepts and frameworks of understanding gleaned from the texts.
I could name more, but you get the idea. An innocent, you could say, reads purely for the joy of what is presented. A mature person- that is to say someone who has to carry their own weight- MUST justify their reading by other benefits. It just so happens that it is just as- perhaps more- pleasurable to partake in an activity knowing it has concrete benefits that can be applied elsewhere in your life- something I think most adults derive intense contentment from in their leisure activities.
This is the purpose I mean. It justifies the time invested in the activity as opposed to say, carpentry or baking or writing poetry or watching financial trends. If you can find those benefits in your gaming and become more aware of them, you may find your interest refreshed, if likely altered in direction slightly.
You might want to have a look at this book: http://www.amazon.com/Play-Shapes-Brain-Imagination-Invigorates/dp/1583333789
very utilitarian ideas as to what gaming may do for you beyond simply being fun.
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wow, kid's growing up fast
wave, maybe you can still play some tl mafia if you have just a little bit of time over some period. but definitely you gotta take care of the little guy :D
anyway once kid grows up somewhat you can teach him games and be a chill dad. teach him to own scum or be master scum lol. well take care
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United Kingdom36161 Posts
Wave plays a tonne of TL Mafia in lieu of other games that you can't readily abandon at a moment's notice.
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My daughter is 19 months old now. We named her Inara (yes from Firefly) Ever since she was born my desire to play games has dwindled. I cant even touch games that require you to play without being able to pause or quit till your done with 1 game (SC2 or LoL). I mostly play manager games, or turn based rts games. I dont regret any of it. She really has changed my life for the better in every way.
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EPT
