I'm entering my second year on university, and I'm at an interesting point in life as I’ve shifted into the adult life, and so I decided to write a little bit about the experiences I’m going through.
To give you a brief history about me, I’ll start at high school. I came in not being very popular individual, I was bright, but often felt lonely, and it got me into things I shouldn’t have done. My grade 10-11 year was filled with weed initially as I toked with a bunch of friends. I lost many old friends I had, such as the ones I played badminton with in Junior High, but at the time, I didn’t mind much, I thought I found friends that were more “exciting” and I felt I was getting more done than studying for school, playing cards at lunch, badminton, and so forth. We were dumb at the time, I still remember us doing stupid stuff like lighting a desk on fire, smoking up a joint at Shoppers Drug Mart, street racing, egging people’s houses.
I grew out of that pretty quickly, these people started to feel a bit geeky to me, and I made friends, and found a girl I really liked that was in a different group of people, ones that party more, the one where more of the stereotypical blondes hangout at. Those party habits quickly turned into MDMA, benzos, oxy, and eventually cocaine, and then a bit of crack use. Partying was great, popular, beautiful girlfriend, felt like everyone liked me. Time went on, and honestly I’m not quite sure what happened, it wasn’t that I got bored of my lifestyle, but I think I was starting to dislike the people. In that time I went through 6-8 relationships with those kinds of girls, and looking back, they were critical of lots of things I did, they were very unfaithful, and just people who really lived in the moment and kept no attention to the future. I started working when I was 14, and I was head supervisor and assistant manager at two eating establishments where a professional appearance was required. My coworkers were dependable, and I started to make more friends there. I was always the crazy one out of the bunch while they were either lovers, mountain biking enthusiasts, etc. All this in life, plus a higher regard for my future and getting bullshitted by a lot of my high school friends made me intentionally and progressively leave those people behind. There was a lot more to this phase, after all, it did last two years… I went through a lot, one of my close friends was stabbed and died, I had friends in the hospital critical condition because of overdose, I flipped my car and sent a family of four to the hospital, not to mention all the drama surrounding the social aspect of that kind of life…. but I was coming more to my senses… I think this was two months into Grade 12.
Grade 12 rolled around, and I definitely changed - I was very outgoing still, but now with a small, different group of friends. I started focusing on other things, I always liked skiing, but now I made sure to go every weekend in the beautiful Rocky Mountains. I set a strict 3x a week workout schedule that really changed my body structure from a 140 super skinny build, to a 170-175lb pretty muscular build throughout the year. As for school, I always did well, even though I was so occupied with other things, but now that I actually was able to focus on high school I did very well. I’m a huge science guy, I studied very little, but I received marks in the 80s in Grade 10 and 11. In Grade 12 when I really applied myself, my marks reached the lower 90s and it set me very well to get into a great university program. I contribute a lot of the recent positives in my life to my relationship with one of the amazing girls, Lindsay, that I met, I actually wrote a blog about us breaking up over a year back.
That was the peak in life, sports, drink with friends once or twice a week, amazing girlfriend, doing good in school, family is happy, what else do I ask for? Lindsay and I were going to go backpacking to Asia actually, we were together for 5 months, and then she broke up with me in late May, conveniently two days before my Birthday, and after I spent $400 for our grad together. I was intending to take a year off to work and backpack, but nope, university it was. I got accepted into a very good Business and Engineering program, and so I chose Engineering (thank god).
Life now was interesting. Over the summer, I had a few close friends I made, and we went clubbing or partying 4x a week, while others decided to be boring. As university started in September, I told myself I’d never become like one of those boring stereotypical Engineers. Fast forward three months. Focus is purely on my career and making money, and just trying to be better than everyone else. I became top 5% in engineering GPA, working 30 hours a week as an Assistant Kitchen Manager at a local bar. I reached out and got a full scholarship for 4 years of Engineering from Suncor Energy. I found a job that requires a Chemistry Bachelors, but through my connections alone, I got hired, learning and working to be High Voltage and Transformer Specialist, $27 starting wage, while still going to the University. I completed 16 courses this year, opposed the regular 10 course year workload.
I began dating a fabulous girl at the start of February, if it wasn’t for her; I’d probably be insane by now. While I worked in the Kitchen as the Assistant Manager, it was a bit like old times. One half of life is the boring people that take everything seriously in the engineering life, and then there was having a couple drinks with some successful laid back people after work, and just meeting everyone, being invited to places all the time. But now that I quit my position at the bar, and started working at the Chemistry lab, what’s next?
I stopped working out over university; I recently started, and still cultivating that consistency in workouts. I’ve gone skiing twice, yes, only twice this year. Hell, I’ve hardly been out of the city this year besides a trip to the mountains here and there and now finally just last week I got out to Yellowstone Park for a nice vacation. So anyway, nowadays my life involves University, Work, Gym, Game of Thrones/Parks and Rec/TL/Watch SC2, and Girlfriend. I’m not saying this is bad, but it’s all very… lonely. It may be considered successful, but really, I’ve just changed a lot as a person and nowadays, I don’t at all go out of my way to meet new people. In class I feel like every single person has no idea what life is really about, they think like when I was 16. I don’t work at the bar anymore, where friends pretty much come to you, and usually now I’ll go out for drinks or my house I’ll have a few friends over, but it’s usually the same people, a new person here or there.
Just yesterday I finished my last final for my Spring Class, which is technically the last class until 2nd year… And I’m just looking back… How much did I give up getting to where I am? What is it actually all about, how far will money get me; obviously I think pretty far if I’m still going at it. Life is just a lot lonelier, and I don’t have time to spend with others without destroying my previous commitments in regards to the mentioned above, which I don’t really want to get rid of. I suppose I’m at standstill, I want there to be more time to accomplish what I want, instead of sacrificing another experience for it. Then I choose the more career focused things to do, and then I feel lonely… Because I feel socializing or seeing nature or such in a “logical” sense is unproductive career wise, and it prevents you from getting ahead – just like writing this 2000 word blog. And I guess I’m just so caught up with money and my career even though truly I’m not super happy, because I think it’ll pay off in the future. But then I ask myself, when will it pay off? When I actually stop trying to get ahead and just decide to settle down. Then instead I focus on what I’m doing now, focusing on networking, career, the future, money, and other self-gains. It’s what I do, and I’m really fucking good at doing it.
I’m struggling to find the balance I want, but so far my future has Mechanical Engineering with a Petroleum Specialization, with a Minor in Entrepreneurship and Enterprise Development, and Economics Minor. 63 courses in 4 years… Followed by a degree in Master in Business Administration. Also a 30 hour a week work schedule, time with my baby, and with that schedule – probably nothing else. One year of this has been draining, 3-5 more, I don’t know if that’s what I want, but so far it’s the road I have ahead of me. I will continue to explore myself and really look into myself as to what I want, ideally finding that happiness that has been locked inside. God, love, sex, science, drugs, sports, or money…. The journey may differ, but the story always ends the same.
I’ll finish with a beautiful quote from John Maynard Keynes – “Long run is a misleading guide to current affairs. In the long run, we’re all dead.”
Anyway, hope you enjoyed reading. Any suggestions, questions, similar experiences, or comments are very welcome. Thank you.
On July 07 2013 05:05 Steveling wrote: There is no success.
There is, for determined people.
OP: how much do you sleep?
Currently 3-3.5 hours, and then on the 35 minute train ride to uni or back I'll either take a quick nap or listen to my recorded lectures. I think my body has gotten used to it, as my body doesn't sleep a lot on the weekend even though if I'm able to. Usually on the weekend I'll have 5-6 hours.
Parks & Recreation = awesome Game of Thrones = CANCER
Anyhoo, sometimes, a long-term venture will pay off in the future, including your career path choice, but there is no guarantee. Even if it does happen to give you an incredible job, there is still no guarantee that you will be happy. If you want happiness, pursue happiness. If you want money, pursue money. Not that you can't pursue both, but sometimes, having your attention divided in reaching your goals can fluster the end result. But with that, I sincerely wish you the best. I hope you can find what it is you're looking for, and
I think money can reflect success, I mean right now I am broke and In college. In theory ill have a good job and have good money, which means I am successful and not a bum.
Success isn't really a good way to think about the state of "being successful." Let me break it down for you.
Success only comes through hard work. Sometimes you also need a bit of luck to have a success. But how you define success is important. If you're just starting to look for a job, for example, and you're on vacation for the 6-8 months after you finally have that degree, you might get into a lazy state of being where you just don't send resumes to people, you don't look for the areas of the world you might like to live, etc. In this situation a success can be something as simple as the first sent resume.
Really you have to work hard to have a big success. You have to do menial things day in and day out, without fail. And when the day finally comes that you walk into your new job, or buy that new house, or whatever it is that you've been striving toward, you have the success. That day you have a big success. And you might feel good for a while but then the effect of that success goes away.
To be successful means to live a life full of successes. Therefore being "success-full." Success isn't something you earn once and then look at in the trophy cabinet. Being successful is a combination of hard work and little successes that lead to big ones as you realize your dreams, and the good feelings that come with them and fade away.
I'm glad you're doing well. Keep up the hard work.
I think I've seen like 1000000000 blogs about unsuccessful people qq'ing about their life, but I've never seen 1 blog about a successful person qq'ing about their life. GG
On July 07 2013 10:13 ProV1 wrote: I think I've seen like 1000000000 blogs about unsuccessful people qq'ing about their life, but I've never seen 1 blog about a successful person qq'ing about their life. GG
It depends on what success means. If it means happiness, then there is no reason to qq, if it means money, then there is a lot of qq among "successful" people.
Well, I can't say I have any good advice for you, but I hope you're able to maintain your resolve and keep at it (or realize the need for a change and make it, if need be). I think if you list off what you generally do in your life, it's very easy to get caught up in feeling like you're going through the motions. But to be fair, we all are, and I guess sometimes it's nicer to lose yourself in enjoying what you do than to make a list and feel sad about it. We all only have so much time, and we're only human: we can only do so much. So try to make sure you get to do what you want, at least in your free time.
Perspective on things is good--you want to be able to step back and reevaluate yourself periodically. But to do it with a soulless eye and get into the rut of quantifying the unquantifiable, so to speak, defeats the purpose. Best of luck.
They* did some research recently and suggested that people need roughly 6 hours a day of down time to maintain low stress levels. Without a doubt you are going to be lucky to get a couple of hours a day, good luck but don't be afraid to scale back, no one (sane) will judge you for it! Most important thing in life is your health - nothing else is enjoyable without it.
*you're going to love the specificity of that statement being a science major...
It's funny because you may work through your whole life like a robot, and then you become 60 and you start to think about shit I should start enjoying life. Of course money is really important, but you should measure how much you really need to fulfill your dreams. Maybe if you chose something work related that you really like, then it's okay, but otherwise.... I mean you should enjoy every day of your life, otherwise it's not worth it. But if you're a workaholic like me, then it's okay, because that's what I like to do without regret.
To me it sounds like you're just approaching a burn-out. I would take a long holiday (like 3-6 months) to go on a trip, and just lay back. You've achieved a lot in a short time, and that's great. But you've also changed a lot over time. Sometimes you need to let your brain consolidate the changes, and that's very hard if you're busy with everything else.
Money is not success but is an indicator of success.
I realize that as I age, I move into different phases, just like everyone else. In high school, it was all fun and games and shits and giggles. University was a period where I had to find myself and the ambition to have a good career really kept me grounded. It's important to find a career you're passionate in; but in the end, work is still work and it won't always be enjoyable and you'll be there 40+ hours a week. For that same amount of time you could make $500 a week or $1000 a week. Which one would you rather choose?
I'm sort of in a situation like you as I'm a 23 year old recent graduate - just in the banking industry. At some point I'll decide that the money I have is enough: when I can afford that luxury car, take my parents on occasional vacations and be able to greatly provide for my family. It's a phase we're going through - we're young. When I have kids, then my responsibility naturally shifts to my family, and to raise a good family becomes the new driver of success. But for now I gotta suck it up even though its 50 hour work weeks for me - because I need money to fuel my interests (singing, fashion, electronics etc), for my future, and I mean...bottles and hoes don't pay for themselves.
It seems that while you are able to keep up with your lifestyle, you have some serious doubts. What is unclear is to me from your blog is, why do you keep living like that. What convinces you that all of this is necessarry and a good choice for life? I mean, if you uncoditionally loved it, than it would be logical, but you seem not to - so what drives you to do all that work?
One thing I particularly dislike was the remark of your co-students "living liek they were still 16". The notion that you need to "grow up" and live in a certain way is artificicial. It is actually created by the society to help enslave people into wokting hard, which is advantageous for the society (I am not saying that there are repltilian overlords who conspirated this schema, it is just a natural thing that the society does, because it behaves in an evolutionary manner). To anyonne who says that I am wrong, I happen to have a very nice counterexample, which is myself. I am 30, work on a 0.6 FTE job, sleep 8-10 hours a day and generally don't overextend myself and take a lot of rest, yet I do not feel like a "loser" in my life. There IS another way, so how did you choose yours?
On July 07 2013 05:05 Steveling wrote: There is no success.
There is, for determined people.
OP: how much do you sleep?
Currently 3-3.5 hours, and then on the 35 minute train ride to uni or back I'll either take a quick nap or listen to my recorded lectures. I think my body has gotten used to it, as my body doesn't sleep a lot on the weekend even though if I'm able to. Usually on the weekend I'll have 5-6 hours.
maybe it works now, but ive seen enough friends try this shit and i did the whole work and school ft bit but not nearly as bad with the sleep thing... you are fast tracking yourself to a burn out if you continue like that . some people need less sleep, but under 4 is insane
Less chance of burnout in addition to maintaining healthiness while still achieving your goal. Success is nothing without the ability to enjoy it once the ride is over. (Enjoyment can obviously come from supporting yourself or others).
You are gonna get fucked if you don't start to sleep more. I would recommend sleeping at least 6 hours but I think 8 hours is the most optimal (at least it is for me).
On July 08 2013 05:20 Zuxo wrote: You are gonna get fucked if you don't start to sleep more. I would recommend sleeping at least 6 hours but I think 8 hours is the most optimal (at least it is for me).
I feel i am the lazy version of you, have gone through a very similar path.
Success is relative, as is the value of money, so if you're like me, my advice is to take things as they come, and appreciate that your life could have gone down a very different path. I sit in university and think the kids are fucking retards, having 0 life experience, without a grain of insight into life. But this is reality, most people haven't had the life experiences that offer the opportunity to learn about the darker side of the emotional spectrum.
Nonetheless, the sense of loneliness probably comes from routine, which can be boring at times. Going through such an intense high school phase, everything else can seem boring at times, especially when it's routine.
Just be careful, 'self destruction is masturbation', but you sound like you're in a good place, so keep it up.
EPT
