EPTMassive amounts of introspection, regret, revelation, ambition, and most importantly, hope.
I have lived such a hedonistic life style, that I've forgotten and completely overlooked the most important things in life.
Change is coming, I can feel it.
I am a fucking human being. Therefore I am gifted with all the wonderful and absolutely fantastical human emotions.
It's these emotions that drives us for the future, for a better future.
I care so much. About just about everything that I should care about, because I am a fucking human being.
I love my parents, my GF, the world. I fucking care and empathize with the sufferings of the kids from Africa, from slaves forced into prostitution through human trafficking, etc. I do, I really fucking do.
The intense and massive revelation that I am having, stemming from alcohol, a legal substance of all things, much more so than any other euphoriants or hallucinagens that I have come into contact with previously, is that I must improve myself in order to ameloriate the fucking world.
Too drunk to type up what I went through todayk, but I saw some fucked up things. Truely fcuked up things that are iconic of pretty much everything wrong with the world. It's the fucking circumstances, that made me realize just how much I need to get off my fucking lazy ass, use that fucking gifted brain that I have, and fucking make a difference in this world.
So many people on TL are "gifted". That is, above average in IQ. I tested 138 in IQ before for the mensa or whatever IQ test that I took part in. and fuck, only now do i realize that so many people on TL are so much more fucking smarter than that, and I am just a fucking nobody.
But what differentiates betterweens smart people, and great people, is fucking determinationa/hard work/will power
If i continue to go down this parth of decancdnece, of utter fucking waste of my talents, than I'll just be that guy that dies that did absolutely nothing.
I'd like to think of myself as agnostic, but in reality i do believe in a "god,", or higherer power if you will. It pains me, to think that my life is without purpose, that the lives of my fellow human comrasdes are without purposes, that we are just fucking a product of hcance in this vast univerise and that we will NEVER be able to understand the compliexities and intracacties of the univerise. So I CHOOOSE, to blieve in a higher power, something that gives me purpose.
So fuck, I just realized that relgigion is a positive thing. Absolutely postive about that. It gives us hope and is something that's inherently programmed into our very genetics that makes a world a better placse.
fuck too drunk and to introspectively euphoric to actually carry on and type up a cohenrent thoughts.
So, pointers to summarize because I still remember: (aka relevations of life)
1. i need to improve mysyelf vastly (not wastee my pontental) in order to put myself in a good enough financial and social position in order to change and help the world, because I can and I need to. If I continue to keep fucking up due to laziness and decadence than I'll just become another "gifted" (fuck i hate this word but i am so deprived o f vocab currentlyyu) prick that worries about the small things in life and just try to get by. I'll get slowed down by the fucking tedious shits of life to actually make any difference.
2. I care. No matter how much I depise myself sometimes in altered states of mind, deep down I am a fucking "GOOD PERSON". I care, genetics did not fuck up in programming me into a loving human fucking being. I want to "help" my fellow humans, I want to reduce suffering, I want to make a difference, I WANT TO fucking make the world a better place.
3. We need to just sometimes be strong. and when I say strong, I mean this:
Willpower is so fucking erratic, it fucking ocilates between the extremems so miuch. Like I have so much willpower now to act and change, but in reality I know, deep down that tomorrow when i wake up fucked up as shit I am going to "forget", that is possess none to verry little of the willpower that I have now. I'm going to fucking sit the fuck down and play starcraft, watch movies, and fuck my girlfriend. Basically reward my fucking dopamine recepters in that fucking brain of mine.
So, in order to not make that happen, I need to check back to this thrad and make sure I look at that Dday pic and act.
Fellow TL'ers, Y'all need to act. stop being a slave to laziness and weakness, and fucking just do it.
Peace out, I'm gunna go fuck shit up.
