And I actually don't mean those hi-bye friends that you see once in a while. What I mean are those good and close friends who you can hang out with everyday.
I'm frustrated. I simply don't get it. I don't know if it is just me, or if it is just because of where I'm from, but everyone I meet seem to already have their own fair share of close friends, or cliques, to hang out with (I'm now in university btw). Nobody wants to hang out with someone they've just met for a couple of minutes just a while ago, and I seriously mean nobody.
It also seems to me (at least) that people nowadays are really materialistic and only really want to be around people who are talented/funny/smart/good-looking in some way.
So, dear readers of this blog post, can someone kindly enlighten me on how the FUCK do I make some good friends, or at least, share some of your experience on how did you get to know some of your best friends.
P.S. Please don't tell me to do stuff like sit next to that hot girl in lecture and compliment her on how nice her hair looks, because that is downright creepy and has just about as much chance of working as a 2-rax against protoss (unless you are a hot guy, of course, which I'm unfortunately not).
Many thanks in advance, and sorry for the angry tone of this blog. Really sad and frustrated right now.
I think it's mostly attitude. If people enjoy your company you are more likely to make friends.
On May 21 2013 00:23 Clazziquai10 wrote: can someone kindly enlighten me on how the FUCK do I make some good friends
This is not the ideal attitude, for example.
On May 21 2013 00:23 Clazziquai10 wrote: Please don't tell me to do stuff like sit next to that hot girl in lecture and compliment her on how nice her hair looks
Um, why did you think someone would tell you this??
It also seems to me (at least) that people nowadays are really materialistic and only really want to be around people who are talented/funny/smart/good-looking in some way.
Well interpersonal relationships have their basis on mutual benefit. If you are somehow none of these things, I don't see why anyone would want to be more than hi, bye friends with you either. Chances are you have some traits that people would like, pick up some hobbies, play with random people at recreational clubs at uni and you'll hopefully find some friends that way.
Inb4 tons of people saying the usual standard "go to new places, meet new ppl" etc: Some people just fall through the cracks of society. Some people get lucky, other don't. Nobody can give you a guide on how to become a popular person with many friends. In this society, you're either a winner or a loser, theres not many shades of grey in between.
On May 21 2013 00:33 Harrad wrote: Inb4 tons of people saying the usual standard "go to new places, meet new ppl" etc: Some people just fall through the cracks of society. Some people get lucky, other don't. Nobody can give you a guide on how to become a popular person with many friends. In this society, you're either a winner or a loser, theres not many shades of grey in between.
Well, that's standard advise because that's what works, telling someone they're screwed by luck is way less helpful. (Probably counterproductive, there's very little luck involved)
On May 21 2013 00:23 Clazziquai10 wrote: It also seems to me (at least) that people nowadays are really materialistic and only really want to be around people who are talented/funny/smart/good-looking in some way.
first of all, none of those are examples of materialism. secondly, would you rather hang out with someone who is talented or not? funny or boring? smart or dumb? good-looking or ugly?
and btw, looks are really not that high up on the list of traits that people look for in a friend. as long as you don't look like a slob it won't hinder you.
I listened to this and Zig Ziglar in car rides for 7 years straight. I had to recite optimism papers in front of the mirror twice a day and do it with an ecstatic and enthused voice.
I had to walk with my arms cocked to my pecs and moving them swiftly back and forth in public with a smile to let others know I was going somewhere important and I was important.
Attitude is important and so is being optimistic with others and with yourself.
All I learned from the above were these three rules:
1. Always take interest in what other people have to say 2. A person's name is their favourite thing to say. 3. Take initiative.
Stop being a stubborn person and put yourself out there.
There's a passage which I think is from C.S. Lewis' "Four Loves" (not 100% sure) which says that if romantic love is two people gazing into each other's eyes, then friendship is two people facing the same direction side-by-side.
Approaching making friends with a mentality of "what do I need to do to gain/hold this other person's attention?" is flawed and makes the whole thing a lot more difficult than it has to be. It causes your interactions to be strained from the get-go. Instead
The simplest and quickest way to create fast bonds and a sense of familiarity with someone/people is by shared activities/interests. And really, focus on that activity (or in Lewis' words, that vision/direction) first. It should be something you truly enjoy. An easy example might be heading out to join your university's gaming club or CSL (if they have one). You can hit up a meeting, play some SC2 matches with people, and then trading BNet info/FB info/messenger info comes very naturally. Progress from there.
The key is finding activities you genuinely enjoy and are passionate about. People will trust you more when they realize that you are not some creeper trying to find "friends" - instead, you are a dedicated fan/athlete/gamer/artist/whatever who is open to meeting people with similar interests. Your passion and, hopefully, your skill/dedication will make you very attractive in that context.
Hope this helps. I can't say I've been in your shoes, but I have a few friends who have and I've thought critically about it a lot.
Sitting next to that hot girl in class and telling her that she looks nice can work but anyway!
You say you are in university. This is usually a place where you can easily make friends. Does your university have sport clubs? Cinema? Board games? Get involved in activities like that and you will meet new people. After a while, you will recognize the people you would like to hang out with. Propose them to go out for drinks/pick up girls(or guys)/play football/play video games/watch paint dry. Do that a few times --> congratulations you have new friends
Your university doesn't have any activities like that? (which I doubt but let's assume it doesn't). Start talking with some classmates you find cool (complain about that very annoying professor / that very difficult coursework/exam for example) and slowly talk to them more and more about their interests (Do they like sports? Video games? Sleeping?). Propose them to go do some activity they enjoy doing. Do that a few times --> congratulations you have new friends
Edit:
On May 21 2013 00:33 Harrad wrote: Inb4 tons of people saying the usual standard "go to new places, meet new ppl" etc: Some people just fall through the cracks of society. Some people get lucky, other don't. Nobody can give you a guide on how to become a popular person with many friends. In this society, you're either a winner or a loser, theres not many shades of grey in between.
On May 21 2013 00:23 Clazziquai10 wrote: And I actually don't mean those hi-bye friends that you see once in a while. What I mean are those good and close friends who you can hang out with everyday.
I'm frustrated. I simply don't get it. I don't know if it is just me, or if it is just because of where I'm from, but everyone I meet seem to already have their own fair share of close friends, or cliques, to hang out with (I'm now in university btw). Nobody wants to hang out with someone they've just met for a couple of minutes just a while ago, and I seriously mean nobody.
It also seems to me (at least) that people nowadays are really materialistic and only really want to be around people who are talented/funny/smart/good-looking in some way.
So, dear readers of this blog post, can someone kindly enlighten me on how the FUCK do I make some good friends, or at least, share some of your experience on how did you get to know some of your best friends.
P.S. Please don't tell me to do stuff like sit next to that hot girl in lecture and compliment her on how nice her hair looks, because that is downright creepy and has just about as much chance of working as a 2-rax against protoss (unless you are a hot guy, of course, which I'm unfortunately not).
Many thanks in advance, and sorry for the angry tone of this blog. Really sad and frustrated right now.
You have no friends because your attitude is wrong. You're stubborn, secluded and completely narrow-minded. If you're entering the public sphere with misconceptions, assumptions without investigation and dismissal, you're going to be alone for very long.
During high-school I dismissed everyone as being primitive in thought and obsessed with the superficiality of things, that's why I got through all of it with some friends and the acceptance that somehow, and stupidly, everyone was below me. I was completely delusional in protecting myself from people who were genuine, nice and just being young.
Everyone has their own cliques of friends because that's how it works. I made my real group of English-speaking friends by taking initiative. I got off the couch, I stopped eating hot pockets (all real things I did in college for 2 years straight), I loosened up and started my own StarCraft 2 club at Concordia:
I just spent the last hour looking at the different clubs and groups here at Concordia University, it's my first semester and I honestly expected a video-gaming club or something [I mean... there's a freakin' dodgeball club in this university!]. My sister was the president or something for ECA a year or so back and they had a few video-gaming parties and I think one LAN night within the school that consisted of Brood War and Quake.
This was awhile back, so I'm a bit fuzzy on the details since I wasn't attending university at the time and honestly just tagged along.
Now that I am in university, I look around and I see nothing remotely close to video-gaming or specifically: Starcraft here at Concordia, is there any reason?
I was told that McGill was the place for Starcraft players/university students, I hope not however since they didn't accept me (Manchester in England did however...)
Anyways... uh... the point of this topic is: 1. to see if I'm not alone here in Montreal and 2. to hope that there is a group of students who host LAN Parties at Concordia or something.
Not sure. It's late, etc. etc.
Cheers, Torte de Lini
This is real and that happened literally 3 years ago. I literally made all my real-life friends through Team Liquid's community hub. I ended up starting the club, taking in members and stood in as treasurer, co-founder, political constitutional writer and more. I did a bunch of events for the club and eventually raked in 120 local members.
The club's been inactive for a bit and I am graduating with at least 30 to 50 people I can call friends, each varying in degree of closeness.
Take initiative. University does everything in its power to allow you to meet people. you just have to get out there
LANs Electronic bar lounge where people played Street Fighter/Arcade Events I was hosting and met some really cool developers Other university clubs and club fairs
No one is going to talk to you, you need to talk to them, you need to organize things with them at their convenience and you need to reach out.
You can do it and soon after, it'll just be a thing of the past, just break your shell and reach out! It's really easy once you get the hang of it and people will soon accept you for who you are.
Go do something. Rock climb. Swim. Play paintball. Nothing binds friends together like shared pain or euphoria upon climbing that sheer rock face or finishing that four hundred meter set or double-tapping that arrogant dick from Blue Team in the 'nads.
Or, if you're not an ADD-afflicted squirrel, try doing more sedate activities - use meetup.com, find writers, musicians, artists, meet people and get mixed up in things they love and things you love.
Seems like there's already a few good posts in this thread that nail it. I have a genuine question though, would you want to hang out with you? If so why? I don't mean anything by it, I'd just like to know.
On May 21 2013 00:33 Harrad wrote: Inb4 tons of people saying the usual standard "go to new places, meet new ppl" etc: Some people just fall through the cracks of society. Some people get lucky, other don't. Nobody can give you a guide on how to become a popular person with many friends. In this society, you're either a winner or a loser, theres not many shades of grey in between.
No, there are no cracks of social gathering and interaction, just people unwilling to make a decision if they prefer to be with themselves or others.
If you have a general desire to meet people and have friends, then he's not in the crack, he's jut preparing his leap. There is a guide to making friends and influencing people, it's been around for many decades by Dale Carnegie.
Inform yourself before you spout bullshit.
There are no losers, just winners and people who want to win.
I start a valid argument, it begins from there. Actually you don't do it for the sake of making friends, it just naturally ends up that way. I don't think it works if you start with the purpose of aggressively trying to befriend this person, it has to be a... subconscious process(Is this a valid term to use)? If you will. Unless this person you meet has similar traits and hobbies that is pretty self-explanatory.
Having had a few bad experiences with friends I try to steer clear from them most of the time. Nowadays I have like 2 friends, one I see 1-2 times a year, the other maybe 5. After I'm done with my studies I'm moving out of the country and that'll probably drop to zero.
The problem (one of them at least) with friends is, you never know if they like you or their image of you. So usually you have to keep playing some kind of part for them. Like your job is to stroke someone's cock for them.
On May 21 2013 01:08 HwangjaeTerran wrote: Having had a few bad experiences with friends I try to steer clear from them most of the time. Nowadays I have like 2 friends, one I see 1-2 times a year, the other maybe 5. After I'm done with my studies I'm moving out of the country and that'll probably drop to zero.
The problem (one of them at least) with friends is, you never know if they like you or their image of you. So usually you have to keep playing somekind of part for them. Like your job is to stroke someone's cock for them.
Ehhh... had this sort of feeling in college, but once work starts and the bullshit drops you find out fast who your real friends are
EPT
