|
My girlfriend for one and a half years is dating my friend who is overseas in Hawaii. I found out that they've been talking since Day 1 of her single life. Currently it's been less than 2 months since our breakup. We were intimate emotionally and physically. She wanted to be successful in school so that her grandfather could pass away knowing she was doing well.
I was fucking furious when I found out. I blackmailed the shit out of my friend to the point where he pleaded for forgiveness. I wasn't done. I wordlashed her as hard as I could. I took everything I knew and I destroyed her.
And I couldn't be sorrier.
I couldn't be sorrier than I am now.
She was so fragile and I crushed her in my hands because I could.
"I want you to find a better guy and a better friend. But not now. You need to be alone to get your shit together. Or prove me wrong. Whatever. But until you finally decide to become a woman: Fuck you. Fuck you for making me waste my time and emotions just to have you call it quits just like Eric does when something is hard. You were the original coward. Fuck you for trying to trivialize everything we had just so you can feel okay about getting some dick and a shoulder to cry on. But most of all, Fuck you for lying to yourself that you don't want success and happiness in all things. Even school. You do want it. You want it more than anything else in the world. I'm going to call you in 2 years whether you want me to or not. Newsflash: It's not for you, it's for me."
Out of context the paragraph is mild and slightly confusing. In context it's the worst thing I couldve have ever texted her.
I promised I'd never tell her to "Fuck you."
I was her first and was supposed to be her last.
She and I cried together knowing and acknowledging our shortcomings but making goals to become better people.
I promised her after we broke up that I'd become someone better and call her in 2 years.
And now she's gone for good. I know she is. I might have had a chance to win her over if I had patience, but that's not one of my strong suits. I destroyed everything because I knew I could.
And I couldn't be sadder.
I'm a monster
  
|
Err.. So why did you break up?
|
No, you're human.
Close enough, sometimes. You were angry. Shit happens. I would suggest you cool off, relax, and maybe someday apologize. But for right now, you probably should leave it alone. You may have lost both as friends, or they might eventually understand. It sucks.
Life isn't all roses, but it could get better in time. But the best advice is, if you are breaking up with someone, let go. There's a cheesy as hell quote about letting go, and if it's meant to be they'll come back. It's bullshit too, but you can't force anything with anyone. If you're breaking up, try to let it be as good as it can be. And once you have, let go and try to not care. If you do care, keep it to yourself.
Of course, I'm bitter as all hell about various things in my life (oh, the girl blogs I could write) but all the sound and fury won't help you feel better in the end. Time, and moving on, can. 7 stages of grief or some shit like that.
Anyways, you made a bad call. You hurt some people. But you hurt yourself too, and you feel something about it. That means you're human. A monster wouldn't have that reaction.
|
I'm sorry that you're going through emotionally troubling times, but c'mon man. Everyone has to take responsibilities for their actions and this is no different. You probably overreacted in this situation, but don't go saying you're a monster, just learn and try to mature with this painful experience. There are men who do much worse to women when this kind of stuff happens. Besides, I don't know why you express lament for loosing her forever, would you really want to marry someone who wasn't honest with you (with a friend of yours on top of that)?
Break ups with women you have feelings for are always painful. In this case, your only wrong was an overreaction. But this end scenario is much better than you marrying the woman, having kids and then find out she's been cheating on you having to pay alimony, child support, and having your children be raised by a stranger who may be a complete wacko. Accept the pain, take it in rationally, stay single for a while, focus on a hobby and you'll cheer up. Forgive yourself, forgive her (but do not forget) and move along with your life having learned a valuable lesson.
Hope these words helped. Try to find comfort in your friends and family.
|
MmMmmmmMMmMMmOnster Kill!
In all honestly just calm yourself first.
After that, apologize to her.
But all of that is possible once both of you realize that people do things that they regret, that say things they want to take back.
When you think it's the time, talk to her and try to take your words back
edit:
When I broke up with my ex I didn't talk to her at all for a year and a half. But then I went to her place and talked to her about 2 hours before moving to a different city, to make sure we're good friends, and that we both tried to make it but in the end we're not compatible. So take your time... no rush
|
Just play more starcraft. That will make the pain go away. In all seriousness though, I'm sorry for you. Just wait awhile and collect your thoughts then apologize properly. Everything will turn out fine I'm sure.
|
You're not a monster but you are one hell of an over-reactor. Nothing is fun about your situation but not only did you go over the top when texting her, you definitely have gone over the top by calling yourself a monster. You also went over the top by saying you crushed her in your hands. You are just way way too dramatic. Take a proverbial chill pill. Everyone feels these strong emotions but part of growing up is to realise their futility in the grand scheme of things and to restrain them accordingly. No need in getting so worked up. It's all about grace under pressure.
|
|
|
It's situations like this where you learn the most important things about life.
Your human. And not a bad one, else you wouldn't have this emotions you have now. Yes you're not perfect, but no one is.
|
On January 06 2013 12:49 sc4k wrote:
You're not a monster but you are one hell of an over-reactor. Nothing is fun about your situation but not only did you go over the top when texting her, you definitely have gone over the top by calling yourself a monster. You also went over the top by saying you crushed her in your hands. You are just way way too dramatic. Take a proverbial chill pill. Everyone feels these strong emotions but part of growing up is to realise their futility in the grand scheme of things and to restrain them accordingly. No need in getting so worked up. It's all about grace under pressure.
Ah wow I really appreciate this post. Just wanted to quote and let you all know I agree with what this guy has said.
|
On January 06 2013 14:08 CecilSunkure wrote:Show nested quote +On January 06 2013 12:49 sc4k wrote:
You're not a monster but you are one hell of an over-reactor. Nothing is fun about your situation but not only did you go over the top when texting her, you definitely have gone over the top by calling yourself a monster. You also went over the top by saying you crushed her in your hands. You are just way way too dramatic. Take a proverbial chill pill. Everyone feels these strong emotions but part of growing up is to realise their futility in the grand scheme of things and to restrain them accordingly. No need in getting so worked up. It's all about grace under pressure. Ah wow I really appreciate this post. Just wanted to quote and let you all know I agree with what this guy has said.
I second this. This was incredibly over-dramatic lol.
|
Jesus you sound bitter as fuck. That paragraph did not sound mild or confusing, it just screamed bitterness and resentment.
I feel like there's more going on here than what is being said. Maybe there isn't? I don't know. I would like to know more though.
I also think you're too idealistic, from what I can read.
|
don't worry too much. people eventually get over things like that. the worst thing you can do now is keep thinking about it
|
Seems a bit ridiculous burning the bridge and saying you'll try to cross it two years later. My advice: Calm down and don't think about calling 2 years later. The only exception is an apology in a form of e-mail or letter. Nothing else.
|
That shit comes and goes. You're likely young, in early 20s max. (If older, then holy shit, dude.. not going to mean and say anything more from here.) Look at your "friend". Friend? No. Not friend. Even the word itself looks silly when repeated that many times in this context. You're young, that shit fucking happens, so don't waste any more thought or emotion on it from now on. If you said your piece, (texting is so impersonal for that sort of thing.) move on, build yourself up again, and just go forward, dude. I don't know you, don't even know why I'm replying here, but just move on. Fuck it. If the state of young relationships today revolve around text messaging being a tool to "destroy" someone, it's soooo impersonal to electronically affect someone, from my standpoint, I just don't see it. In your case, leave her phone # alone and just don't text, don't interact with her, try and forget. Look around you for what you like, be yourself and carry on. GLHF
|
sorry man, the things we do for love!
good luck and pick yourself back up
|
Thanks all for your replies honestly. Usually I'm the most unbiased guy around but when things get personal I end up raging hard and tend to overreact.
You're all right. I am in my early 20s. Had lots of flings here and there with girls but none of them serious. This was the only relationship where I ever felt like I truly loved her. Coupled with the fact that this happened to me before once and all the feelings I felt when I found out just felt extremely potent. It was destructive and I should've sequestered myself before doing anything rash.
I just wish that I didn't lose my best friend. Again. By trying to force things I ended up being a fucking douchebag.
I should write in here more often before I go and do something stupid lol
|
One thing I can tell you, do not apologize. In your fit of rage, you wanted to outline they were in the wrong, and that they needed to feel guilt (while they probably won't). Apologizing just gives them the slate to brush off and walk away consequence-free.
|
Your "friend" jumped on your ex-girlfriend the day after you two broke up?
I think you have a right to be pissed at the situation.
Everything else I'm thinking has been said already. Stop overreacting for now, let them be, and eventually you'll get over the really crappy reality of it all. It's been less than two months and you clearly cared deeply about her. It's going to take more time than that.
|
On January 06 2013 22:29 divito wrote:
One thing I can tell you, do not apologize. In your fit of rage, you wanted to outline they were in the wrong, and that they needed to feel guilt (while they probably won't). Apologizing just gives them the slate to brush off and walk away consequence-free.
... I already apologized... bahahaa..... :|
|
I can empathize with you OP, I've done the same thing in my anger.
+ Show Spoiler +Date: June 2010, Location: Jinan, Shandong, the People's Republic of China. I had been separated from a girl in China for over a year. Basically what had happened was finally I had the chance to come back and see her. She was already dating a boy in Shenzhen, Guangdong (Think Houston Texas compared to Tennessee, and you have a slanted scope of relative geography), but before I had gone to China, she talked to me as if she had broken up with the boy, made it sound like she had done so too.
I found out that she was still dating him. Reason why? Every time I thought of a reason for her and me to go back to America together, her to study for an MBA, me to finish my undergrad in Chinese, she would think of reasons for her to stay there in China, so I bluntly asked her, "Do you still have a boyfriend." she replied, "I think so." That just wrecked me. I sent her a rage email about me not wanting to go to see her, and said that I hoped she would be happy with that other boy.
January 2012, 356 days ago, I, again made plans to see her and executed them. We had fun together, as a traditional Chinese boy and girl do. But I also realized that she was just too dumb for my liking. She just wanted to be married and have babies. She didn't want to work, she didn't want to make progress in life, etc. At first, I was working towards that goal, but then I told her I was done after I just realized I couldn't do it.
|
There's some really good advice in the replies. I can't really add much to that but I would like to know in what form you apologized. How did it go?
On January 07 2013 03:07 SwizzY wrote:Show nested quote +On January 06 2013 22:29 divito wrote:
One thing I can tell you, do not apologize. In your fit of rage, you wanted to outline they were in the wrong, and that they needed to feel guilt (while they probably won't). Apologizing just gives them the slate to brush off and walk away consequence-free. ... I already apologized... bahahaa..... :|
|
On January 07 2013 09:05 JOJOsc2news wrote:There's some really good advice in the replies. I can't really add much to that but I would like to know in what form you apologized. How did it go? Show nested quote +On January 07 2013 03:07 SwizzY wrote:On January 06 2013 22:29 divito wrote:
One thing I can tell you, do not apologize. In your fit of rage, you wanted to outline they were in the wrong, and that they needed to feel guilt (while they probably won't). Apologizing just gives them the slate to brush off and walk away consequence-free. ... I already apologized... bahahaa..... :|
I texted simply: "I am sorry" and then texted one of her best friends to reach out to her and console her because I had probably just said 5 different things that tore her heart out.
The thing is, I truly want her to be happy, even if it's not with me. I just wish it didn't leave me feeling a pile of shit. And it would no matter what she does. Because I'm fucking hopeless. -_-"
And I'm doing my best to get my mind off of it, but whenever I think of my friend whispering sweet nothings into her ear, telling her exactly what she wants to hear, it infuriates the hell out of me all over again.
|
Hey, you're not hopeless, but you need to get your act together.
You don't need to be rude to her, you don't need to hurt her, but being your lover she was also your friend. And this is the story of two friends stabbing you in the back for pleasure.
The reason you're "big friends" with people is confidence. It's because they don't stab you in the back - something these two just did. They're not friends anymore.
Sometimes it's just better to simply voice your opinion and then leave. You'll see that it isn't such a big deal, after all.
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
