On December 12 2012 07:28 Fishgle wrote: What's the title of this piece, OP? btw, try to limit the use of the verbs "to be" and "to have"
I think my title is : A cold start.
Thanks for the feedback everyone. I do take the time to read all of it and I try to learn from it (just look at the last poem I posted, I think I improved quite a bit haha).
When I write these i'm typically reading it to myself in my head as I would a story. I think that's where the meter criticism comes from as I may be pausing between some words when I read it to myself which makes everything flow when it doesn't on paper. Not to mention when I'm in the mood for writing this I'm mostly just trying to get my thoughts out on paper. I'm very glad you're taking the time to read it and even comment! Thanks!
On December 11 2012 14:07 sam!zdat wrote: i like noise quite a bit as it happens
I don't mean meter as in you have to do iambic pentameter without any substitutions. that would be shit. I mean meter in that you have to pay attention to the rhythmic structure of your poem. that is not negotiable
this bit about "convey a fresh [lol] idea" is missing the point entirely. If you want to convey an idea write a fucking essay. A sure sign that someone does not know how to write poetry is when you can tell they are trying to convey an idea. same goes for fiction (c.f. ayn rand, arthur miller)
Can I read some of your works? I mean, since it seems like what you said could be taken as a personal attack. (I have posted some poetry on this site.)
To answer your question, I don't particularly like poetry so it doesn't mean a great deal to me in a personal sense. But I am quite qualified to have an opinion about prosody. What DOES mean a great deal to me is literary theory, and that is what we are talking about.
On December 12 2012 09:03 sam!zdat wrote: A personal attack? Why do you feel that way?
To answer your question, I don't particularly like poetry so it doesn't mean a great deal to me in a personal sense. But I am quite qualified to have an opinion about prosody. What DOES mean a great deal to me is literary theory, and that is what we are talking about.
I have trouble making out intentions quite often. I ask because I don't know. (I don't feel that way, I don't feel because I don't know understand what it is you want me to feel. Baby.)
However, I feel that it would be a great improvement in being able to appreciate poetry by actually trying to write it. Though, you say you don't really like poetry, so it's whatever.
We were lost, and we were found - we scratched out chalklines on the ground. and never mind the one who laughed and told us what might come to pass
He was just a bit too fat, smoked cigarettes and wore a cowboy hat - He never missed a chance at a revelation. He charged an outrageous fee, just to stroke his scruffy beard and give us answers much too weird to be of any help at all.
Underneath the flick'ring light he gazed off slackjawed through the night and told us things we'd wanna hear, that weren't at all what they appeared.
He exhaled a thick blue smoke and we were all about to choke when he said he'd said enough and asked us, kindly, bugger off.
And we fled that dreadful place but not without a wistful glance wond'ring if we'd have a chance at anything like that again?
(He had a patch over one eye, and told us that he'd recognize the faces of the guilty by the way the light reflected off their smile. And he'd never told a lie, except he mighta fudged the truth sometimes. He had a missing arm.
He had a slice out of one ear, that made it kinda hard to hear. but he told us with an evil leer that he'd never shed a single tear. and if we ever came too near - He'd show us what it meant to fear. He had a missing arm.)
EPT
