EPTThe notion that the best marriages are those that bring satisfaction to the individual may seem counterintuitive. After all, isn’t marriage supposed to be about putting the relationship first?
Not anymore. For centuries, marriage was viewed as an economic and social institution, and the emotional and intellectual needs of the spouses were secondary to the survival of the marriage itself. But in modern relationships, people are looking for a partnership, and they want partners who make their lives more interesting.
Caryl Rusbult, a researcher at Vrije University in Amsterdam who died last January, called it the “Michelangelo effect,” referring to the manner in which close partners “sculpt” each other in ways that help each of them attain valued goals.
“If you’re seeking self-growth and obtain it from your partner, then that puts your partner in a pretty important position,” he explains. “And being able to help your partner’s self-expansion would be pretty pleasing to yourself.”
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/02/weekinreview/02parkerpope.html
Not anymore. For centuries, marriage was viewed as an economic and social institution, and the emotional and intellectual needs of the spouses were secondary to the survival of the marriage itself. But in modern relationships, people are looking for a partnership, and they want partners who make their lives more interesting.
Caryl Rusbult, a researcher at Vrije University in Amsterdam who died last January, called it the “Michelangelo effect,” referring to the manner in which close partners “sculpt” each other in ways that help each of them attain valued goals.
“If you’re seeking self-growth and obtain it from your partner, then that puts your partner in a pretty important position,” he explains. “And being able to help your partner’s self-expansion would be pretty pleasing to yourself.”
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/02/weekinreview/02parkerpope.html
I remember watching the movie version of Berserk where Griffith says to the princess something along the lines of: "Is Guts my friend? To be my friend, he and I would have to be on the same level..." Symbolically, Griffith was talking to the princess at the top of a landing, while Guts was at the bottom.
Friendship is the word given to the phenomenon of shared respect. I have no idea what the etymology of friend is, but it probably has something to do with equality. Maybe this is completely off.
Tangent: Many divorces happen because there is no friendship in it perhaps.
Sometimes, I'll meet a dude, and he'll seem cool and I'll want to be his friend, but we just don't vibe at the same level. And I was thinking about it, and I think it's because on some level, either I feel he doesn't respect me or I don't respect him. When I say respect, I mean like, consider as equals.
Example, I know a guy and he's nice, but he's just too soft for my taste. I can't really stand it for too long. The workaround I've found is to try and ignore all the annoying parts, and try to find one redeeming quality to base respect on.
