• Log InLog In
  • Register
Liquid`
Team Liquid Liquipedia
EST 04:46
CET 10:46
KST 18:46
  • Home
  • Forum
  • Calendar
  • Streams
  • Liquipedia
  • Features
  • Store
  • EPT
  • TL+
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Smash
  • Heroes
  • Counter-Strike
  • Overwatch
  • Liquibet
  • Fantasy StarCraft
  • TLPD
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Blogs
Forum Sidebar
Events/Features
News
Featured News
RSL Season 3 - Playoffs Preview0RSL Season 3 - RO16 Groups C & D Preview0RSL Season 3 - RO16 Groups A & B Preview2TL.net Map Contest #21: Winners12Intel X Team Liquid Seoul event: Showmatches and Meet the Pros10
Community News
BGE Stara Zagora 2026 announced11[BSL21] Ro.16 Group Stage (C->B->A->D)4Weekly Cups (Nov 17-23): Solar, MaxPax, Clem win3RSL Season 3: RO16 results & RO8 bracket13Weekly Cups (Nov 10-16): Reynor, Solar lead Zerg surge2
StarCraft 2
General
BGE Stara Zagora 2026 announced SC: Evo Complete - Ranked Ladder OPEN ALPHA When will we find out if there are more tournament Weekly Cups (Nov 17-23): Solar, MaxPax, Clem win Weekly Cups (Nov 10-16): Reynor, Solar lead Zerg surge
Tourneys
Constellation Cup - Main Event - Stellar Fest RSL Revival: Season 3 Tenacious Turtle Tussle [Alpha Pro Series] Nice vs Cure $5,000+ WardiTV 2025 Championship
Strategy
Custom Maps
Map Editor closed ?
External Content
Mutation # 501 Price of Progress Mutation # 500 Fright night Mutation # 499 Chilling Adaptation Mutation # 498 Wheel of Misfortune|Cradle of Death
Brood War
General
BW General Discussion BGH Auto Balance -> http://bghmmr.eu/ A cwal.gg Extension - Easily keep track of anyone Which season is the best in ASL? soO on: FanTaSy's Potential Return to StarCraft
Tourneys
[Megathread] Daily Proleagues [BSL21] RO16 Group B - Sunday 21:00 CET [BSL21] RO16 Group C - Saturday 21:00 CET Small VOD Thread 2.0
Strategy
Game Theory for Starcraft How to stay on top of macro? Current Meta PvZ map balance
Other Games
General Games
Nintendo Switch Thread The Perfect Game Stormgate/Frost Giant Megathread Beyond All Reason Should offensive tower rushing be viable in RTS games?
Dota 2
Official 'what is Dota anymore' discussion
League of Legends
Heroes of the Storm
Simple Questions, Simple Answers Heroes of the Storm 2.0
Hearthstone
Deck construction bug Heroes of StarCraft mini-set
TL Mafia
Mafia Game Mode Feedback/Ideas TL Mafia Community Thread
Community
General
US Politics Mega-thread Russo-Ukrainian War Thread The Big Programming Thread Things Aren’t Peaceful in Palestine Artificial Intelligence Thread
Fan Clubs
White-Ra Fan Club
Media & Entertainment
[Manga] One Piece Movie Discussion! Anime Discussion Thread
Sports
2024 - 2026 Football Thread Formula 1 Discussion NBA General Discussion MLB/Baseball 2023 TeamLiquid Health and Fitness Initiative For 2023
World Cup 2022
Tech Support
Computer Build, Upgrade & Buying Resource Thread
TL Community
Where to ask questions and add stream? The Automated Ban List
Blogs
Esports Earnings: Bigger Pri…
TrAiDoS
Thanks for the RSL
Hildegard
Saturation point
Uldridge
DnB/metal remix FFO Mick Go…
ImbaTosS
Customize Sidebar...

Website Feedback

Closed Threads



Active: 1221 users

Ice, Wind and Fire: Chapter 1

Blogs > NB
Post a Reply
NB
Profile Blog Joined February 2010
Netherlands12045 Posts
August 25 2012 05:11 GMT
#1
Ice, Wind and Fire

Chapter 1: The Messenger


"Ak nob kasa"
Wispering the spell through her rose lips, Rylai light up her bedroom with the magical crystal hanging over her ice table as a lamp. "A long day it was" she thought. Her training with master Glacier has been harsh lately. Ever since that courier delivered a hidden scroll to her master on her seventeenth birthday, he had been constantly increased the difficulty of the daily trials he gave her. The potion lessons has contain nothing but poisonous materials that no one has ever seen since the lass war of the jungle tribes and the books she has been reading just getting thicker and thicker.

But she doesnt mind. Borned talented, Rylai and her sisters are blessed with phenomenal intelligent. Through scrolls and records, she seeks the joys and happiness of the mortal realm, where she was born, once lived and banised from. It has been 15 years since she saw the last human, the one she frozed to death at the age of 3 near the Lake of Grimoar. 15 winters of imprisonment inside the ice castle that Glacier made to help and train Rylai to control her power. Next moon will mark the day Rylai turns 18th, that is when the prophercy predicted for the first rose to growth under her feet, the awaken of Furion the Nature Prophet after his thousand years slumber, marking the return of the power to compress her Icy cursed aura. Glacier said that he will let her decent to the mortal world, come to the ancient city of Nimbus for the first time where then she will reunited with her sisters.

Words from her older sister has just arrived 3 days ago, carried by a radiant turtle rider from Ahganim's castle in Nimbus. Signed by the name "Lina", her sister expressed the love and her state of being. That she is now a student in the Wizard and Sorcerer academy and her head master, Ahganim the Grand Magnus would love to have Rylai attending his school to study knowledge from the Fundamentals. There were a lot of describtion about the Sdo Wo Festival coming up to celebrate the comeback of Lord Furion, her sister sure seems to love party.

Rylai is excited.
She cant wait until the day she got released from this northern desert and learn more about the civilization of the mortal realms that stories keep on praising. As her trip approachs, she spends more time polishing her staff and staring at her ice garden at night. The red essence from the second moon will soon no longer be needed to color her roses. Soon the leafs will be green just like the cover of Neutral and Forces series from The Grand Libary. Soon she will be normal, and reunited with her family.

Suddenly,
As she was looking into the glowing garden through her window,
A noise is approaching.

She frozed as chill running through her spine.
It is the burning sound coming from the ice floor right outside her door.
The sound that she has only ever heard once, when her master was mimicking the magic he despites the most.

With all her might, reaching into her pocket and throw out the dust of revelation toward the door. She quickly runs toward the box where she keep her Staff of Divinity that once belonged to Eul, Glacier's master. With that, she could quickly use the Cyclone spells that would let her reach her master in the top tower at North and bring the most urgent news:

The caste defense is breached.

But she is too late.
The red eyes of Eredar see through her every move after its poison melt down the icing door. As the floor quickly evaporates into water and steam, it casts the disruption spell on Rylai and patiently approached her. The spell vanished. Two illusions of Rylai, emerged from the Demonic Realm, quickly locked down her movements. The 3 fingers palm of demon peirce through thin layers of dust, warp around Rylai's neck. Staring down into Rylai like a mortal staring at an ant, the Shadow Demon mumble the words of the human language its master taught before depart:

"Bring Blueheart, urgent news."

Time to the Sdo Wo festival: 2 weeks.

**
Im daed. Follow me @TL_NB
Qwyn
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
United States2779 Posts
August 25 2012 06:40 GMT
#2
Are you looking for criticism? I know some writers are picky about that.

One suggestion regardless - genre fiction is written in past tense, and that's for a good reason. Generally if you are going to write in the present tense, it is either YA or literary fiction. While many prefer past tense, the choice is completely up to you.

I mention this because your tense changes throughout the piece. This ends up being jarring to the reader.

I like the concept though. If you want more I'd be happy to edit (trying not to go overboard).
"Think of the hysteria following the realization that they consciously consume babies and raise the dead people from their graves" - N0
aRyuujin
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
United States5049 Posts
August 25 2012 06:56 GMT
#3
On August 25 2012 15:40 Qwyn wrote:
Are you looking for criticism? I know some writers are picky about that.

One suggestion regardless - genre fiction is written in past tense, and that's for a good reason. Generally if you are going to write in the present tense, it is either YA or literary fiction. While many prefer past tense, the choice is completely up to you.

I mention this because your tense changes throughout the piece. This ends up being jarring to the reader.

I like the concept though. If you want more I'd be happy to edit (trying not to go overboard).


While he's mostly right, i have a feeling that a lot of these changes are just gramatical errors (bxorned, etc) and not intentional
Are you a native speaker?

Some thoughts (kind of harsh)
+ Show Spoiler +
Concept seems fairly typical. Is it an homage to games rather than a serious work? all the names are lifted from games amirite? reads like a bad fanfic :\


hope you make something out of it
can i get my estro logo back pls
NB
Profile Blog Joined February 2010
Netherlands12045 Posts
August 26 2012 11:56 GMT
#4
no... im just doing it for fun... im not even a native speaker nor good at writing in my mother language so... I was hoping for it to be more like an Idea of screen play, i had a movie(imagination ofc) running through my head and tried to recreate it in text form.
but i do appreciate the feedback though thanks guys
Im daed. Follow me @TL_NB
Please log in or register to reply.
Live Events Refresh
Next event in 14m
[ Submit Event ]
Live Streams
Refresh
StarCraft 2
trigger 37
MindelVK 10
StarCraft: Brood War
Britney 34543
Larva 802
Soma 310
Sharp 144
Barracks 131
Rush 115
ggaemo 102
ZergMaN 72
ajuk12(nOOB) 54
JulyZerg 28
[ Show more ]
Shinee 27
zelot 22
Terrorterran 18
Noble 14
IntoTheRainbow 7
NotJumperer 7
Shine 4
Dota 2
qojqva2160
XcaliburYe272
NeuroSwarm237
Other Games
summit1g14081
Happy492
Fuzer 217
crisheroes26
Mew2King25
Organizations
Other Games
gamesdonequick873
Dota 2
PGL Dota 2 - Main Stream308
StarCraft: Brood War
lovetv 12
StarCraft 2
Blizzard YouTube
StarCraft: Brood War
BSLTrovo
sctven
[ Show 16 non-featured ]
StarCraft 2
• Sammyuel 37
• LUISG 30
• intothetv
• AfreecaTV YouTube
• Kozan
• IndyKCrew
• LaughNgamezSOOP
• Migwel
• sooper7s
StarCraft: Brood War
• blackmanpl 45
• BSLYoutube
• STPLYoutube
• ZZZeroYoutube
Dota 2
• lizZardDota248
League of Legends
• Jankos2313
Other Games
• Shiphtur276
Upcoming Events
Sparkling Tuna Cup
14m
NightMare vs YoungYakov
Krystianer vs Classic
ByuN vs Shameless
SKillous vs Percival
WardiTV Korean Royale
2h 14m
Zoun vs SHIN
TBD vs Reynor
TBD vs herO
Solar vs TBD
BSL 21
10h 14m
Hawk vs Kyrie
spx vs Cross
Replay Cast
14h 14m
Wardi Open
1d 2h
Monday Night Weeklies
1d 7h
StarCraft2.fi
1d 7h
Replay Cast
1d 14h
Wardi Open
2 days
StarCraft2.fi
2 days
[ Show More ]
PiGosaur Monday
2 days
Wardi Open
3 days
StarCraft2.fi
3 days
Replay Cast
3 days
The PondCast
4 days
Replay Cast
4 days
Korean StarCraft League
5 days
CranKy Ducklings
6 days
SC Evo League
6 days
BSL 21
6 days
Sziky vs OyAji
Gypsy vs eOnzErG
Liquipedia Results

Completed

SOOP Univ League 2025
RSL Revival: Season 3
Eternal Conflict S1

Ongoing

C-Race Season 1
IPSL Winter 2025-26
KCM Race Survival 2025 Season 4
YSL S2
BSL Season 21
CSCL: Masked Kings S3
Slon Tour Season 2
META Madness #9
SL Budapest Major 2025
ESL Impact League Season 8
BLAST Rivals Fall 2025
IEM Chengdu 2025
PGL Masters Bucharest 2025
Thunderpick World Champ.
CS Asia Championships 2025
ESL Pro League S22
StarSeries Fall 2025
FISSURE Playground #2

Upcoming

BSL 21 Non-Korean Championship
Acropolis #4
IPSL Spring 2026
Bellum Gens Elite Stara Zagora 2026
HSC XXVIII
RSL Offline Finals
WardiTV 2025
Kuram Kup
PGL Cluj-Napoca 2026
IEM Kraków 2026
BLAST Bounty Winter 2026
BLAST Bounty Winter 2026: Closed Qualifier
eXTREMESLAND 2025
TLPD

1. ByuN
2. TY
3. Dark
4. Solar
5. Stats
6. Nerchio
7. sOs
8. soO
9. INnoVation
10. Elazer
1. Rain
2. Flash
3. EffOrt
4. Last
5. Bisu
6. Soulkey
7. Mini
8. Sharp
Sidebar Settings...

Advertising | Privacy Policy | Terms Of Use | Contact Us

Original banner artwork: Jim Warren
The contents of this webpage are copyright © 2025 TLnet. All Rights Reserved.