1. alright i am extremely pissed with gender socialization in my culture. "vancouver, canada" It makes my life more difficult and restricts my range of self expression and it's stupid and sexist. guys should be able to be both manly and girly. and girls should be able to be both really girly and manly.
2. personally i LOVE unicorns (and also dragons and other manly things, like buffalo" but it's like against the social norm for guys to like unicorns and i feel that it SHOULDN'T be a big deal!! same with guys and liking my little pony friendship is magic. Seriously, like i watch UFC and MLP, and other sports and what not and i feel that it shouldn't be a big deal to like watching "girly" stuff.
3. Next... I feel being a guy limits my ability to speak with a fluctuating pitch. I want to be able to speak in a "fabulous" way without feeling like im a straight guy mocking gay people. I feel like it's expected that only gay men speak with a lot of personality and varying pitch and as a straight guy, it's just awkward for me to do it. WHY IS IT AWKWARD. This should change. >: (
4. Lastly... I am a straight guy that owns a pair of heels and I wish i could wear them without feeling self conscious / breaking social norms. I like them because they are cute and also make me taller. (im sort of short). I also wouldn't mind trying on dresses and etc... although I will admit... it would PROBABLY not look good on me.
In conclusion. I want to make it clear that all these "strange" peculiarities are things that are just "one" part of me. I am also possess the "stereotypical male manly man traits" And there is a term for being both manly and girly and it's androgenous. But I personally feel that a normal person part of a more human / humane society will naturally be androgenous as not being androgenous limits the abilities of a person to express themselves.
Bonus: I'm also interested in what girls have to say regarding gender socialization because girls have to deal with a lot of shit just because they're a girl and if you don't think they have to deal with it, you just don't know. So everyone!! discuss your troubles or thoughts regarding gender socialization!!
edit: 5. also OMG. I hate being a guy for once main reason... and that is... it's sort of expected of me to initiate conversations or whatever with girls. Or for me to be the one to ask a girl out. i wish girls were also more able to be the ones to ask me out ;( "it may however be... that no girl has "wanted" to ask me out" ~__~;;
many parts of gender are just a social construct. things like how people should comport themselves, etc, are all ephemeral and change with time and culture. There were times when men wore heeled boots to appear as tall as possible, or when the supremely womanly attractive facial feature was a huge forehead (to the point where people shaved part of their head). Ideas like certain colors, concepts, or activities "belonging" to a certain gender are dumb. Although a man certainly can't breastfeed a baby, that doesn't mean he can't take pride in being a caring father. And there shouldn't be anything that prevents women from enjoying video games, but our society frowns on that as well. If I as a dude want to put on some foundation so I look better I don't see why that should be considered unmanly, but there you have it. Cooking, art, appreciation of the male form, certain television shows, all these are considered odd for men. And for women of course it's a million times worse. It's an ugly world, my friend. An ugly world indeed.
Why in gods name would you want to wear heels? Why does anyone wear heels, jesus christ they're shit. They fail as footwear, its like modern foot binding. Wearing heels to hide that short just draws attention to your insecurities, being comfortable with the thing you can't change is much more attractive
On August 16 2012 09:02 n.DieJokes wrote: Why in gods name would you want to wear heels? Why does anyone wear heels, jesus christ they're shit. They fail as footwear, its like modern foot binding. Wearing heels to hide that short just draws attention to your insecurities, being comfortable with the thing you can't change is much more attractive
i have to agree, perhaps wearing those crazy shoes may not be best advised, but lol, as a guy, wearing heels is not going help with being taller, even if it does make me physically taller.
"ohh, he's so tall, oh wait.. he's wearing heels... wtf!???!" not going to be helping me picking up the ladies =x
On August 16 2012 09:04 Blazinghand wrote: That depends on what you're looking for in a footwear. They don't fail at making you taller, for example.
I bring sneakers with me when i wear my heels so i can avoid the pain!!
On August 16 2012 08:52 Blazinghand wrote: many parts of gender are just a social construct. things like how people should comport themselves, etc, are all ephemeral and change with time and culture. There were times when men wore heeled boots to appear as tall as possible, or when the supremely womanly attractive facial feature was a huge forehead (to the point where people shaved part of their head). Ideas like certain colors, concepts, or activities "belonging" to a certain gender are dumb. Although a man certainly can't breastfeed a baby, that doesn't mean he can't take pride in being a caring father. And there shouldn't be anything that prevents women from enjoying video games, but our society frowns on that as well. If I as a dude want to put on some foundation so I look better I don't see why that should be considered unmanly, but there you have it. Cooking, art, appreciation of the male form, certain television shows, all these are considered odd for men. And for women of course it's a million times worse. It's an ugly world, my friend. An ugly world indeed.
History / sociology / anthropology T__T; and patriarchal domination in combination with consumer culture pushed down our throats through media and advertising...
On August 16 2012 09:02 n.DieJokes wrote: Why in gods name would you want to wear heels? Why does anyone wear heels, jesus christ they're shit. They fail as footwear, its like modern foot binding. Wearing heels to hide that short just draws attention to your insecurities, being comfortable with the thing you can't change is much more attractive
i have to agree, perhaps wearing those crazy shoes may not be best advised, but lol, as a guy, wearing heels is not going help with being taller, even if it does make me physically taller.
"ohh, he's so tall, oh wait.. he's wearing heels... wtf!???!" not going to be helping me picking up the ladies =x
Have you tried the trick I see in cartoons? Get another short (I assume you're on the shorter side since you want to wear heels to be taller) person, stand on their shoulders, and wear a trench coat. I think it's foolproof.
On August 16 2012 09:02 n.DieJokes wrote: Why in gods name would you want to wear heels? Why does anyone wear heels, jesus christ they're shit. They fail as footwear, its like modern foot binding. Wearing heels to hide that short just draws attention to your insecurities, being comfortable with the thing you can't change is much more attractive
i have to agree, perhaps wearing those crazy shoes may not be best advised, but lol, as a guy, wearing heels is not going help with being taller, even if it does make me physically taller.
"ohh, he's so tall, oh wait.. he's wearing heels... wtf!???!" not going to be helping me picking up the ladies =x
Have you tried the trick I see in cartoons? Get another short (I assume you're on the shorter side since you want to wear heels to be taller) person, stand of their shoulders, and wear a trench coat. I think it's foolproof.
On August 16 2012 09:23 dazed wrote: Sounds like you're maybe a closet crossdresser or maybe trans. Screw what other people think and do what makes you happy.
uhh probably closet crossdresser, but not trans. i want to be both a manly man, and a girly girl =x
uhh screwing what other people think and doing what makes me happy makes me feel like im breaking huge social norms and... it feels pretty bad D:
On August 16 2012 09:23 dazed wrote: Sounds like you're maybe a closet crossdresser or maybe trans. Screw what other people think and do what makes you happy.
uhh probably closet crossdresser, but not trans. i want to be both a manly man, and a girly girl =x
uhh screwing what other people think and doing what makes me happy makes me feel like im breaking huge social norms and... it feels pretty bad D:
Hell closet crossdresser sounds perfect then. If you have access to some privacy at all just buy a dress or something and see if you dig it. Dont gotta worry about breaking social norms because nobody sees you!
But dont forget to take it off when you want to go back to manly man, that part is very important.
I think it's all in the genes.. every living thing on this planet is programmed to perpetuate their life to the best of their ability. Undertaking an androgyn-like lifestyle would be a detriment to their nature. It might not fully be the conscious will of society that frowns upon people like yourself. True, we have a choice, but in every human core, there lies that feeling of what truly must be done - be it good or bad; it is difficult (but not impossible) to overcome emotion.
I've seen some men be both manly and feminine.. I won't deny that I was curious; it's a charming and liberating life.
Also.. from reading your rant, it seems like you're trying to justify a way for you to out yourself.. even though you say you're straight.. just saying.
On August 16 2012 09:23 dazed wrote: Sounds like you're maybe a closet crossdresser or maybe trans. Screw what other people think and do what makes you happy.
uhh probably closet crossdresser, but not trans. i want to be both a manly man, and a girly girl =x
uhh screwing what other people think and doing what makes me happy makes me feel like im breaking huge social norms and... it feels pretty bad D:
Hell closet crossdresser sounds perfect then. If you have access to some privacy at all just buy a dress or something and see if you dig it. Dont gotta worry about breaking social norms because nobody sees you!
But dont forget to take it off when you want to go back to manly man, that part is very important.
Will do ^__^;;
On August 16 2012 10:08 MrRicewife wrote: uhhh.....
stop being a girl and do what you want
ignore social norms and man up
pick yourself up and get back on that unicorn
and for god sakes please DO NOT wear your heels in public, because that's just SOOOOOO scandalous
unless you are going to hastings street
social norms are not fun to break. but THAT UNICORN.. I SHALL RIDE IT...
but ahh, uhh... guys, im more using this post as a complain towards western society, rather then requiring assistance or advice. if i were to rate this on a sale of 1 to 10 in terms of how big of a problem this is in my life... i would say... maybe a 2...
i definitely appreciate the concern and care though ;D ^.^ <3<3
Then more to your point, I dont think I mind society being as it is. I'm all for being open minded and for people doing what they want provided its not harming anyone, but I'm not sure how much I would want to see dudes' hairy legs in ruffled skirts all over the place. I guess I'd get used to it eventually, not too unlike shorts I suppose.
You can speak with a fluctuating pitch without people thinking you are gay, it just takes good judgement of the situation + a certain amount of charmisma. Just look at any stand-up who utilizes their voice.
Seriously, most fashion/ways of acting that would be considered "really metro" in Western countries are par for the course over here, and no-one would even turn a head at most of the things you've described.
Also, being more expressive with your voice is a good thing, it makes you sound more interesting and can be really attractive if you use it right. Most guys tend to talk too much in a monotone and not use their voice in an expressive way.
On August 16 2012 15:03 FuRong wrote: Come to Korea bro.
Seriously, most fashion/ways of acting that would be considered "really metro" in Western countries are par for the course over here, and no-one would even turn a head at most of the things you've described.
actually... i was pretty "stereotypically a dude" until i started watching korean variety shows and etc.. and slowly internalized the awesomeness of their cultural ;D
edit: 5. also OMG. I hate being a guy for once main reason... and that is... it's sort of expected of me to initiate conversations or whatever with girls. Or for me to be the one to ask a girl out. i wish girls were also more able to be the ones to ask me out ;( "it may however be... that no girl has "wanted" to ask me out" ~__~;;
sup how about this: Think of girls with 0 confidence. Think about it. They suck. They're boring and not fun and so what if you don't want to get shot down thats life take a risk. Unicorns kick ass mano
edit: 5. also OMG. I hate being a guy for once main reason... and that is... it's sort of expected of me to initiate conversations or whatever with girls. Or for me to be the one to ask a girl out. i wish girls were also more able to be the ones to ask me out ;( "it may however be... that no girl has "wanted" to ask me out" ~__~;;
I don't really feel the same about this, If a girl wants to speak to you she can talk to you and vice versa. I have also been asked out to places by girls so I think it's just your experiences and friendships with people.
I wear womens clothes all the time. Fuck social norms. Supporting them only helps to strengthen them. You will get some dirty looks, but that's all part of the fun.
Seriously, don't let societal constructs like "gender" dictate what you do and what you don't do. Way too many people do this mistake. I have a buzzcut, prefer mostly male clothes (because they are more practical and I find them more appealing to me and my personality as well as I find them more elegant too). That's coming from nearly a 28 years old married woman. So, take that as an example.
Nobody has right to tell you or anyone else what this and that "gender" should do and wear.
Either you overrate things like speaking in a high tone, or I'm underrating the value it has to be able to speak with a high tone. Even if I'd like having earings, because having them would mean strange looks. Why not just avoid them and have an easier life? I don't understand our society. Who the fuck should really care about what men can wear and what women should wear? Don't we have much much much bigger problems right around the corner? Some people should really take a look beyond their own tiny worlds.
I know in high school everything seems a lot about being popular and conformist (even if you're conforming to anti-conformists), but the fact is people just tend to grow out of that. Eventually people become more interested in whatever friendly quirks you have. We're individuals after all.
The fact is that men have always been pretty damn feminine and women have always been pretty damn masculine. This isn't something that's weird or strange in any way.
Seriously, you know all those really tough macho guys? They might not say so, but they probably love to cuddle.
EPT
