EPTI've been staying away from Teamliquid mostly, haven't really been on reddit or vg much at all, haven't watched any streams (until HerO today), and haven't played at all since...two months ago. I think I actually stopped laddering a week or so before that.
I said in a previous blog that I needed to get me and my life straightened out, and that as much as I wanted SC2 to be my main priority, there were other things that just...needed to come first. I needed stability and I needed to work on me and I needed to get on my own feet and know that I actually could provide myself with that, pathetic as that might be. And that I was going to completely step away from playing until I had a foundation to play from, because attempting to half-do it just wasn't working, and can't work, from an emotional standpoint, and a financial one. It's just not healthy on any front.
So I've been working (I got hired about two and a half months ago for the first time in almost two years), and I've acclimated enough to it that I really haven't been having a lot of stress issues with it, save a few; when I have I've pushed myself through it so far. I put down on a house and close...this Friday. I'm proud of me, I think.
I really want to dive into my schedule for playing. And I really know that I need to take it slow, and that it's going to be a lot more difficult than I'm thinking. I'm not posting my "road to masters" or anything naive like that...I'm just excited with myself that I have results to show for me, and even if they're sort of baby-steps, they're steps, and I feel like I can manage my time to do it while staying on my feet (even though I know that's going to be difficult for a while too, but it's something I'll get used to and moniter, and why my schedule is really low starting off). I haven't had a day where I haven't been excited or impatient to "get my 'self' better faster", if that's what I want to say. I haven't had a day where I haven't thought about the game, or strategy or units or other stuff.
I know completely independent of sc2 it's something I've needed to do, and I know I still have a long way to go, and I know a big part of me feels really really ashamed of myself for needing to "develop" and that I'm proud of such little steps.
I don't really know where to end this. I am hopeful, and determined, and still scared. I'm growing though, I think. Even if it's a bit delayed. I don't know.
go out and kick some ass!
