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Need help with writing lyrics in proper english

Blogs > Hemula
Post a Reply
Hemula
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
Russian Federation1849 Posts
May 01 2012 16:21 GMT
#1
So basically my brother wrote a lyrics in russian and asked me to translate it into english, but...
You do realise how dificult it is for someone who is not native/100%fluent in the language.
The most important thing is rhythm and tempo, and I just can't do it on my own. And of course, it's all about grammar and idioms. I have to be honest, that is something I am not very good at.

This is the translation I did:
+ Show Spoiler +
I saw you standing there and walked close to you
I asked you where are you from and who are you

But I already knew that before we met
I knew that people like you can't have a name
And where you are from the wind is born

In this case, I don't wanna know you
I don't wanna know you, girl without a name.
I only want to watch you moving
And those sliding steps you make (talking about "gait" here)
I want to watch your flaming hair
I want to have an affair with you, girl without a name
But I don't wanna know you

But I am left alone, girl withouth a name
And you are left alone
We are left on our own ways, girl without a name
In the place where the wind and irresponsibility are born.


If someone transcribes it with how he feels it would not look like a total shit (as it is now), I'd be deeply grateful and of course all the credits will be given and shared! ^^ (Don't misunderstand me here, we are not even a garage band, we're just guys with a guitar, so there is no money in it)

This song has the rhythm we need:


Please, help me! Otherwise he might kill me :/

Dopubalimatu
Profile Joined January 2011
Estonia60 Posts
May 01 2012 17:53 GMT
#2
I am not a native english langue speaker either but I kinda changed the lyrics around so they might be different.I hope you find something that you find helpful :
+ Show Spoiler +
I saw you standing there and I walked up to you
Asked where have you come and who you were

But I already knew the answer
I know that people like you are nameless
And you are from the place where the wind is born

That's why I don't want to know you
I don't want to know about you,nameless girl
I only want to watch you move around
The graceful steps you take
I want to gaze your flaming hair
I yearn to have an affair with you,a nameless girl
Nevertheless I don't wanna know you

But I am left to be,a nameless girl
And so are you
We are left to depart our ways,nameless girl
In the place where wind and carelessness are
You better take care of me, Lord. If you don't you're gonna have me on your hands.
Hemula
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
Russian Federation1849 Posts
May 01 2012 18:50 GMT
#3
On May 02 2012 02:53 Dopubalimatu wrote:
I am not a native english langue speaker either but I kinda changed the lyrics around so they might be different.I hope you find something that you find helpful :
+ Show Spoiler +
I saw you standing there and I walked up to you
Asked where have you come and who you were

But I already knew the answer
I know that people like you are nameless
And you are from the place where the wind is born

That's why I don't want to know you
I don't want to know about you,nameless girl
I only want to watch you move around
The graceful steps you take
I want to gaze your flaming hair
I yearn to have an affair with you,a nameless girl
Nevertheless I don't wanna know you

But I am left to be,a nameless girl
And so are you
We are left to depart our ways,nameless girl
In the place where wind and carelessness are

Wow, dude, thank you very much! <3
It may not be perfect but it is much better than it was before. I owe you one. XD
Doomblaze
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
United States1292 Posts
May 01 2012 19:13 GMT
#4
I am a native english speaker, and his translation looks good except for:
I only want to watch you move around should just be I only want to watch you move. Around doesn't add anything to the meaning

there needs to be a word after gaze. Its a slight mistake, so it should be I want to gaze at/into your flaming hair

but fits the tempo better than nevertheless, but both are proper english so either way.
In Mushi we trust
Hemula
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
Russian Federation1849 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-05-01 19:50:10
May 01 2012 19:42 GMT
#5
On May 02 2012 04:13 13_Doomblaze_37 wrote:
I am a native english speaker, and his translation looks good except for:
I only want to watch you move around should just be I only want to watch you move. Around doesn't add anything to the meaning

there needs to be a word after gaze. Its a slight mistake, so it should be I want to gaze at/into your flaming hair

but fits the tempo better than nevertheless, but both are proper english so either way.

Thanks <3

So far the result looks like this:
+ Show Spoiler +
I saw you standing there and I walked up to you
Asked where have you come and who you were

But I already knew the answer
I know that people like you are nameless
And you are from the place where the wind is born

That's why I don't want to know you
I don't want to know about you,nameless girl
I only want to watch you move
The graceful steps you take
I want to gaze at your flaming hair
I yearn to have an affair with you,a nameless girl
Nevertheless I don't wanna know you

But I am left to be,a nameless girl
And so are you
We are left to depart our ways,nameless girl
In the place where wind and carelessness are



Edit: Is this sentence ok?
+ Show Spoiler +
In the place where wind and carelessness are
Please log in or register to reply.
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