WARNING, Read my last blog (including all replies) before this one.
I got a doctor's appointment for today...
so ya, this morning, I took a poop, and there is no blood. after I eat my lunch, I went to hospital, I was not scared but I was nervous for sure... Fuck if i had a bowel cancer, what should I do.... fuck I cant even think about it!!!!
fortunately the doctor is a women, because i knew she's name is Hanneli. Imagine guys, a beautiful blonde girl friendly and softly touches your ass with her hand, I cant wait, fuck yea....OMG what the fuck dude, i should be worried, why am i so excited, fuck i hate those Japanese porns...
So i arrived at hospital, I saw there is a service desk. I went to ask which room should i go. then I got to know that Hanneli is not work today, and attendant women asked me there is another doctor free right now, if that is ok for me... i told her that ya sure... then i found out that my new doctor's name is Patrick.... fuck me -__________-# why would you destroy my dream? why!!
Whatever, he wont rape me anyways.... So I went to the doctor's room... he is 50ish, he asked me some basic questions like they did on the phone 3 weeks ago. like, what kind of blood, do i bled alot, does it hurt, what kind food do i eat etc...at this point, the doctor was pretty sure its about hemorrhoid... I was so relieved because I WONT FUCKING DIE, YAHOO...
ya, so far, everything was perfect rite? I was about to ask doctor that if i can leave now... but then, he told me, to make sure its indeed hemorrhoid, he need to check out my ass. OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY NIGHTMARE COMES TRUE!! I was fucking scared as fuck, but I know I cant ever refuse what doctor says... so, doctor asked me to take my pants off, lay down on right side to the bed... >.<
I did what he asked and i was laying down... but then, I see that he dig out his headlight and rubber glove. oh no shit got real, I was literally about shit to my pants, which I didnt wear at that moemnt lol...
when he and me were ready, he started look up my ass and softly touch it, I felt not bad... I almost smiled because it was much better than i imagined... "this gonna hurt a bit"......
"WAIT WAIT WHAT WHAT WHAT" i didnt even had time to react and suddenly doctor put his finger to my asshole ..."FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK" and honestly, I WAS LITERALLY IN SHOCK.... oh my god!!! My mind went totally blank... If you wanna me to rate my pain 0-10... My pain was 9000! If i had a gun, i would killed either the doctor or myself. and Its even more painful because he started moving his fucking finger, oh wait, or fingers... I still dont know how many fingers did he put to my ass, but i guess maybe 2 or 3 fingers.
it lasts about 2-3 minute then he pulled his fingers out, but it felt like 2-3 years... i have lost all my strengths... srsly, i dont even wanna know what doctor says anymore... i wanna fucking go home... I was about to put my pants back on, then doctors said "DONT YET" ....
WAIT WAT? doctor i fucking hate you, why are you fucking doing this to me >.< .... i turned and looked at him... fuck... he fucking grabbed a fucking bigass glassy TUBE, just like we had in the chemistry class... I didnt say anything, because what could i say? "Life is like being raped, you can't resist so you might as well enjoy it" so I lay down again.
fuck..fuck .. fuck, i cant describe how painful it was... it almost made me cry. My asshole felt painful and hot... icouldnt even breath... srsly this makes me thinking, why does some ppl have anal sex? its fucking worst thing ever exists in the earth. To ppl who read this shit, please do not have anal sex... western porn is the biggest lie ever.
doctor saw my pain.. and asked me does it hurt... "a little bit" I tried to man up answered him with tear in my eyes. the whole process took for another 2-3 minute... which was the worst moment i ever had...
So. finally i can fucking put my pants back on, but still feel that there is a fcking huge tube in my fucking ass. The doctor told me that he is pretty sure its hemorrhoid as he saw the wound.. and then he gave me a receipt.. I told him kthxbye and rushed to home as fast as possible...
Currently Im writing this blog at home while my ass still hurts, sigh... *sadface*
Yeah, I've had that examination as well, not a lot of joy there. There wasn't so much pain involved for me but it still left me...scarred. It's not so much the shame, it was a doctors appointment so what?, as much as some kind of innocence lost I think. I don't know. My wife refuses to believe it could have been so bad but I insist.
Same thing happened to me when i was 10 years old... I had sashimi (japanese style raw fish) for dinner with my parents and their friends one time, i only had two pieces, then the next day i started to poop blood
In the hospital, the doctors need to check out what happened to me, so they need to check my rectum first (only hole to check in your body without cutting me open right?), so they inserted that tube thing into my rear. it was the most painful thing that happened to me. I can feel my asshole being expanded while the tube is being inserted.
after that i had a 13 hour IV.
I found out that I am allergic to raw fish (only raw fish), which is good to know, i guess. Took me 2 weeks to recover tho
On a realted note why can the docotors come up with a better method already? When im 50 and i go in for that exam of the butt and their still sticking the finger in im going to be pissed.
On April 21 2012 00:01 straycat wrote: Why didnt you tell him it hurt like hell?? That could have been an important medical clue!
ya, i knew i was dumb as fuck, but fortunately figured it out later, after I put my pants on, he asked me again how does it feel, I told him it does hurt alot, he said its normal because there is some blood on the tube. i never got chance to see to tube myself.
some tips i got from doctor.
-i should avoid using toilet papers anymore because my ass is dry and the skin inside of ass is very very weak, and should use water instead.... I guess i have to clean my ass with my fucking hand in the future.
- also i need to me stop "holding the shit"... which i did alot, thx to league of legends. go to take shit immediately when you want to.
- fruits, veggies are also good for ass. I definitely need to eat them more. also drinking alot water is important.
- dont sit too long... including sit next to computer, driving etc... (about 80% of fulltime drivers has hemorrhoid), try to take a walk after dinner/before sleep.
Doctor also wrote a receipt for me.. some cream i need to put on my asshole everyday: Anoheal Cream (Diltiazem Hydrochloride) i havent buy it yet.
anyways, hemorrhoid is not a big deal at all, to avoid it you just need to live more healthy.
On April 21 2012 00:03 superbarnie wrote: Hmm maybe they should use lube,
Pretty much. Could have been because there was already some damage there but basically a finger fits really easily with lube and shouldn't hurt at all. In a medical examination room it's probably a bit more awkward because you can't look him in the eye and say "go slow, make it feel good" but if it's that painful then ffs ask for more lube.
oh no shit got real, I was literally about shit to my pants, which I dont wear on right now lol.
Reading this blog was worth it just for that line, the combination of the uses of "shit", the mangled English and the "lol" at the end really brought OP's experience home to me.
oh no shit got real, I was literally about shit to my pants, which I dont wear on right now lol.
Reading this blog was worth it just for that line, the combination of the uses of "shit", the mangled English and the "lol" at the end really brought OP's experience home to me.
Rated 5/5 out of empathy and the humor it brought me.
Hemorrhoids are rough. Pretty common for people that sit a lot, not necessarily to your severity though. Have you looked into suppositories now that you've already gone through this? haha
Well, I got operated twice for pilonidal sinuses in my crack so for ~4 months, on a daily basis, I had to drop my pants and have nurses change bandages inside a hole that shouldn't have been there pretty much right on top of my asshole. Having pretty women check out/shave your ass is not that fun, although it's better than having it checked out by a 50 year old dude. It's just not exciting. It's awkward at first and routine afterwards. One time one of the hotter nurses accidentally rubbed my dick while putting up towels; you'd think that would be awesome but there's just no mood to be had when you're there to have someone play with your ass.
And I'd take the finger in the ass for 3 minutes vs a year of painful bleeding whenever I took a crap while waiting to be operated. I went through the checkups and it really didn't feel like anything. Real pain is a nurse pushing a small metal rod that they use to push the bandage into the wound a little too hard and pushing directly on the wound. I couldn't walk straight for a day; I have never come close to that much pain ever again. If she wasn't really hot and into me I would've been pretty pissed.
But yeah, I love how you make it seems so awful. Family Guy anyone? ahah
Just be happy that it seems to not have developped into anything too serious! It's worth the "trauma" without a doubt.
I have colonoscopy next week... last time I didn't take painkiller to get past it faster. BIG MISTAKE! I now literally know the pain first ass, please keep your rears in good condition if possible, you don't want to experience any of it.
Edit: the pain was mainly due having a damn bleeding colon, it's not very nice to get it poked by some hightech rapetube that likes to snap samples and screenshots
one time when i was going through an american airport i was taken to one side by a security guy as something was setting off the metal detector. as it turned out all he wanted to do was to ask me some more questions but the fucking bastard that he was before he asked me the questions and used the hand held metal detector put on the latex gloves of doom. i've rarely in my life been that absolutely terrified. i was so relieved being let go without getting to second base with a bloody security guard
On April 21 2012 00:01 straycat wrote: Why didnt you tell him it hurt like hell?? That could have been an important medical clue!
ya, i knew i was dumb as fuck, but fortunately figured it out later, after I put my pants on, he asked me again how does it feel, I told him it does hurt alot, he said its normal because there is some blood on the tube. i never got chance to see to tube myself.
some tips i got from doctor.
-i should avoid using toilet papers anymore because my ass is dry and the skin inside of ass is very very weak, and should use water instead.... I guess i have to clean my ass with my fucking hand in the future.
- also i need to me stop "holding the shit"... which i did alot, thx to league of legends. go to take shit immediately when you want to.
- fruits, veggies are also good for ass. I definitely need to eat them more. also drinking alot water is important.
- dont sit too long... including sit next to computer, driving etc... (about 80% of fulltime drivers has hemorrhoid), try to take a walk after dinner/before sleep.
Doctor also wrote a receipt for me.. some cream i need to put on my asshole everyday: Anoheal Cream (Diltiazem Hydrochloride) i havent buy it yet.
anyways, hemorrhoid is not a big deal at all, to avoid it you just need to live more healthy.
On April 21 2012 01:49 TheKwas wrote: I've had a rectal exam before and no pain was involved other than mild discomfort. You're a giant sissy.
I also had a prostate exam and I agree. It didn't hurt at all. My doctor was female though so my manliness took a beating. I don't know if your doctor used lube, but my did and that was the worst part. Going to the bathroom and cleaning all the lube from my ass. Lube guys, LUBE!
There's really nothing funny about these types of things, it could have turned out to be something more serious. It's good that you got it checked out, and you should be glad you have access to good healthcare.
icouldnt even breath... srsly this makes me thinking, why does some ppl have anal sex?
Well, I'm going to go ahead and guess most of the people engaging in that probably don't have a hemerrhoid....
I got a wisdom tooth extracted today. It hurts so badly and my face is swollen and I can't eat anything, and I am taking antibiotics and pain medication.
That said, I'm not sure if I would rather get another wisdom tooth pulled or have a rectal exam......
On April 21 2012 08:41 GrayArea wrote: I got a wisdom tooth extracted today. It hurts so badly and my face is swollen and I can't eat anything, and I am taking antibiotics and pain medication.
That said, I'm not sure if I would rather get another wisdom tooth pulled or have a rectal exam......
I had all four done at the same time and only had novacain. Kids today are too whiney. :D
Are you a man or a woman? I never quite got that from your post, I assumed a man, but at times you seemed like a woman. That being said, shitty deal bro/gal
On April 21 2012 02:21 rolfe wrote: one time when i was going through an american airport i was taken to one side by a security guy as something was setting off the metal detector. as it turned out all he wanted to do was to ask me some more questions but the fucking bastard that he was before he asked me the questions and used the hand held metal detector put on the latex gloves of doom. i've rarely in my life been that absolutely terrified. i was so relieved being let go without getting to second base with a bloody security guard
I don't know what it was about this comment but I just lost it. My stomach still hurts lol.
You got your asshole touched once, but think about that poor doctor who has to put his fingers every day in people asshole... If he has to do it let's have a low assumption of 3 times a day, works 5 days a week, 42 weeks a year, and is 53 and has been working since he's 28 : 3 * 5 * 42 * 25 = 15750 !
I know he's wearing gloves, but imagine how he must feel when he's eating and has sauce on his fingers, he can't lick them fingers !
EPT
