but it's better with a gf. or bf if that's your thing.
That doesn't even make any sense...
Sex generally is better with a girlfriend/boyfriend because you have the emotional attachment opposed to a fuck buddy or hooker. Also hookers aren't usually a way someone can have a healthy sex life unless they do have a lot of money to spare, as each night would cost a hundred or more dollars.
Friend's with benefits, say what you will, are not that easy to find for younger Starcraft people. It becomes more common once you get older, but in high-school it's rare because people are afraid to be called sluts, and usually the drug users are the stuff that participate in stuff like that. Starcraft players mostly smart and avid weed smokers, or more casual party people, or just nerds, regardless it isn't easy finding someone.
College and University lots of things change, but at that point you can start looking for someone you want to spend your life with.
Yeah, but even you yourself completely refute the idea that sex is inherently better in a relation.
Some people are better at sex than others. A relationship doesn't change that.
It feels like these people are desperately trying to justify for themselves why their relationship is better than people who have one-night stands.
Ok, if you're a badass and can bring a different girl home each night, go the fuck ahead and do that. However, 99% of men would rather just have the security and emotional stability of a relationship.
Also, if you're with someone for longer, they have more time to figure out what makes you feel best
but it's better with a gf. or bf if that's your thing.
That doesn't even make any sense...
Sex generally is better with a girlfriend/boyfriend because you have the emotional attachment opposed to a fuck buddy or hooker. Also hookers aren't usually a way someone can have a healthy sex life unless they do have a lot of money to spare, as each night would cost a hundred or more dollars.
Friend's with benefits, say what you will, are not that easy to find for younger Starcraft people. It becomes more common once you get older, but in high-school it's rare because people are afraid to be called sluts, and usually the drug users are the stuff that participate in stuff like that. Starcraft players mostly smart and avid weed smokers, or more casual party people, or just nerds, regardless it isn't easy finding someone.
College and University lots of things change, but at that point you can start looking for someone you want to spend your life with.
Yeah, but even you yourself completely refute the idea that sex is inherently better in a relation.
Some people are better at sex than others. A relationship doesn't change that.
It feels like these people are desperately trying to justify for themselves why their relationship is better than people who have one-night stands.
Ok, if you're a badass and can bring a different girl home each night, go the fuck ahead and do that. However, 99% of men would rather just have the security and emotional stability of a relationship.
Also, if you're with someone for longer, they have more time to figure out what makes you feel best
Did you just throw a tantrum for no other reason than someone disagreeing with the idea that a relationship is the end all, be all, of existence and hapiness?
As for the second half of your post:
"Casual relationship"
I am not saying that having a gf is bad, I am saying that they aren't magic, which some seem to consider such an outlandish statement that it makes them throw a tantrum.
*Also, 99% of men wouldn't prefer the security and emotional stablity of a relationship. If you have any more realistic statistics, feel free to make them up on the spot.
I think a relationship is an important part of life. I suppose one of the messages in the OP is that having a fictitious one for social status or bragging rights make it overrated, and that's true too. Still, for those deciding whether or not to go for it, my thoughts are usually that even if a relationship goes badly, at least you have a fun tale to share over a beer!
I don't think it's overrated, and would like to have a girlfriend if the right girl comes along, but I'm really in no hurry to find one. I'm positive it's not a confidence issue or anything, there are just other things that are taking up my time right now
If sex is all you care about, you don't need a gf/bf for that which is why I think that "casual relationships" are overrated. However being with someone in a "real relationship" with sex not being the only important thing (it's still important) is not overrated at all.
On April 09 2012 18:21 zalz wrote: Yeah, but even you yourself completely refute the idea that sex is inherently better in a relation.
Some people are better at sex than others. A relationship doesn't change that.
It feels like these people are desperately trying to justify for themselves why their relationship is better than people who have one-night stands.
Haha, better at sex? Well some people might more comfortable with their bodies than others, true, and simply more experienced in the art of moving, but to say that some are "better" than others...
People have certain preferences, certain sensibilities and certain fantasies. A better sexual experience happens when the partners are a good match, not when they reached level 16 in double-penetration. A one night-stand is pretty much hit or miss, while a relationship has the advantage to build something over time, getting to know each other better exploring your partner's body with attention. You won't fulfill any particular fantaisies in the toilets of a nightclub.
Each situation has certain advantages, but it's not a matter of being "better" or not.
It's not all about sex. It's a big part, and it's safer (I'm thinking STDs) with a girlfriend, and you might not believe it, but there are more important things. Like being woken up with coffee and breakfast. Comes with its downsides, like going outside in the snow at 11PM to get ice cream instead of starting the next game. Of course, not every relationship is like that, but I can only speak from personal experience. Overrated? See for yourself and make your own decision. It isn't a Nvidia vs ATI kind of thing, where you get the same product for the same money as everyone else.
Nope. Having a a good girlfriend is pretty fantastic.
And for all the people in a good relationship right now saying otherwise, it's one of those things you don't realize you've lost, until you've lost it.
Obviously dating some random slot you don't care about isn't a very big deal, but if you find a good girl, it's awesome.
but it's better with a gf. or bf if that's your thing.
That doesn't even make any sense...
Sex generally is better with a girlfriend/boyfriend because you have the emotional attachment opposed to a fuck buddy or hooker. Also hookers aren't usually a way someone can have a healthy sex life unless they do have a lot of money to spare, as each night would cost a hundred or more dollars.
Friend's with benefits, say what you will, are not that easy to find for younger Starcraft people. It becomes more common once you get older, but in high-school it's rare because people are afraid to be called sluts, and usually the drug users are the stuff that participate in stuff like that. Starcraft players mostly smart and avid weed smokers, or more casual party people, or just nerds, regardless it isn't easy finding someone.
College and University lots of things change, but at that point you can start looking for someone you want to spend your life with.
Yeah, but even you yourself completely refute the idea that sex is inherently better in a relation.
Some people are better at sex than others. A relationship doesn't change that.
It feels like these people are desperately trying to justify for themselves why their relationship is better than people who have one-night stands.
Ok, if you're a badass and can bring a different girl home each night, go the fuck ahead and do that. However, 99% of men would rather just have the security and emotional stability of a relationship.
Also, if you're with someone for longer, they have more time to figure out what makes you feel best
Did you just throw a tantrum for no other reason than someone disagreeing with the idea that a relationship is the end all, be all, of existence and hapiness?
As for the second half of your post:
"Casual relationship"
I am not saying that having a gf is bad, I am saying that they aren't magic, which some seem to consider such an outlandish statement that it makes them throw a tantrum.
*Also, 99% of men wouldn't prefer the security and emotional stablity of a relationship. If you have any more realistic statistics, feel free to make them up on the spot.
This conversation is extremely interesting.
I guess it all depends on the person and their character traits.
I personally believe that having friends with benefits is not a bad thing at all (although I don't have one). I attempt to support my statement by the fact that, well, YOLO, right ? AND, like I said in my OP, people are naturally attracted to each other. So if you have the means to have an exciting, thrilling sex life, please go ahead. It's also something you should be proud of, once again because not everyone is able to, including me, lead such a life.
Yet again, I DO have a girlfriend who is practically my soulmate (maybe you may have caught a hint when reading my post !) and that is why I would discourage people with very good relationships to attempt anything that might make your significant other feel betrayed.
However, I do respect the pride that people take in having active sexual lives. LIVE YOUNG !
And about sex performance, there definitely is a degree of skill. Don't tell me you were the same as when you had sex for the first time, Everyone begins at the bottom, and climb their way up ! It's just that this measure is not "linear" - some are good at one specific skill while another is better at another part. You know what I'm talking about. However it all boils down to satisfying your partner, and it seems every girl has a penchant for something different ! e.g. some want rough while others want soft etc etc. So it's mostly about finding out what fits your partner best.
On April 09 2012 16:21 skyrunner wrote: [quote] yeah you need to have a gf for that...
Not necessarily...
Trust me you don't have to have a gf to do that.
but it's better with a gf. or bf if that's your thing.
That doesn't even make any sense...
Sex generally is better with a girlfriend/boyfriend because you have the emotional attachment opposed to a fuck buddy or hooker. Also hookers aren't usually a way someone can have a healthy sex life unless they do have a lot of money to spare, as each night would cost a hundred or more dollars.
Friend's with benefits, say what you will, are not that easy to find for younger Starcraft people. It becomes more common once you get older, but in high-school it's rare because people are afraid to be called sluts, and usually the drug users are the stuff that participate in stuff like that. Starcraft players mostly smart and avid weed smokers, or more casual party people, or just nerds, regardless it isn't easy finding someone.
College and University lots of things change, but at that point you can start looking for someone you want to spend your life with.
Yeah, but even you yourself completely refute the idea that sex is inherently better in a relation.
Some people are better at sex than others. A relationship doesn't change that.
It feels like these people are desperately trying to justify for themselves why their relationship is better than people who have one-night stands.
Ok, if you're a badass and can bring a different girl home each night, go the fuck ahead and do that. However, 99% of men would rather just have the security and emotional stability of a relationship.
Also, if you're with someone for longer, they have more time to figure out what makes you feel best
Did you just throw a tantrum for no other reason than someone disagreeing with the idea that a relationship is the end all, be all, of existence and hapiness?
As for the second half of your post:
"Casual relationship"
I am not saying that having a gf is bad, I am saying that they aren't magic, which some seem to consider such an outlandish statement that it makes them throw a tantrum.
*Also, 99% of men wouldn't prefer the security and emotional stablity of a relationship. If you have any more realistic statistics, feel free to make them up on the spot.
This conversation is extremely interesting.
I guess it all depends on the person and their character traits.
I personally believe that having friends with benefits is not a bad thing at all (although I don't have one). I attempt to support my statement by the fact that, well, YOLO, right ? AND, like I said in my OP, people are naturally attracted to each other. So if you have the means to have an exciting, thrilling sex life, please go ahead. It's also something you should be proud of, once again because not everyone is able to, including me, lead such a life.
Yet again, I DO have a girlfriend who is practically my soulmate (maybe you may have caught a hint when reading my post !) and that is why I would discourage people with very good relationships to attempt anything that might make your significant other feel betrayed.
However, I do respect the pride that people take in having active sexual lives. LIVE YOUNG !
And about sex performance, there definitely is a degree of skill. Don't tell me you were the same as when you had sex for the first time, Everyone begins at the bottom, and climb their way up ! It's just that this measure is not "linear" - some are good at one specific skill while another is better at another part. You know what I'm talking about. However it all boils down to satisfying your partner, and it seems every girl has a penchant for something different ! e.g. some want rough while others want soft etc etc. So it's mostly about finding out what fits your partner best.
But in the end the entire discussion seems somewhat wrong.
Some people are overjoyed at the prospect of being in a relationship, whilst others feel strangled after only a week.
So which is better? It is the wrong question.
If a relationship is better for 99% of the people, does that mean that last 1% should adapt and become monogamous? What about the people that like being in a relationship, but also want to have sex with other people? Not cheating behind the back of their partner, but just an open relationship.
People, and on TL more than in most places, are obsessed with being normal. End of the day, it doesn't matter if the entire world is happy with a relationship, what does that change if you are the one person who can't be happy in a relationship?
Love and sex are just so incredibly private, but also crucial, that it feels ridiculous that people should adapt.
You stated in the start that you believe that being in a relationship is a sign of a certain maturity. But what about the people that can't be happy in a monogamous relationship? Must they choose between this 'maturity' and hapiness?
And by what decree can you claim that a relationship says anything about a person? If a person has friends, does that mean he is a likeable person? The vast majority of people I met have friends, are they all likeable? I don't like all of them.
Relationships are the standard right now, so of course people are going to view that as the most healthy type of love and are going to attach all sorts of positive attributes to it, because being normal is the pinacle of existence for most people.
But if you take a step back and objectively look at relationships, what makes them good?
Is it the unspoken social contract that two people will agree to spend time with one another and have an exclusive relationship?
Or is it the love upon which it is build? But love is a vague concept that means different things for different people. You may feel love when you are in a relationship and sharing your life with a significant other. Another person might feel love when going out and having one night stands. Another might get that very same feeling of love when in a casual relationship.
Hell, some people feel that feeling of love when someone is standing over them in SM-gear, dripping hot wax on their chest.
What does that tell us about a person's inherent worth, values or morals? Nothing. Which is better? None.
What love is best? What personality is best? What hobby is best?
Like I said, the majority will always dictate what is 'best' in the eyes of the public, after all, they are the public. But love shouldn't be dictated by public policy, nor should it be disrespected by claiming that one is greater and another is lesser, or that some forms come with inherent values whilst others posses inherent detriments to a persons character.
So what form of love is best? I can only tell you what love is best for me, and you can say what is best for you. It might sound hippy-ish, but at the core isn't live-let-live, it is individualism and striving for what makes you happy, not striving for what society dictates should make you happy.
On April 09 2012 16:35 FractalsOnFire wrote: [quote]
Not necessarily...
Trust me you don't have to have a gf to do that.
but it's better with a gf. or bf if that's your thing.
That doesn't even make any sense...
Sex generally is better with a girlfriend/boyfriend because you have the emotional attachment opposed to a fuck buddy or hooker. Also hookers aren't usually a way someone can have a healthy sex life unless they do have a lot of money to spare, as each night would cost a hundred or more dollars.
Friend's with benefits, say what you will, are not that easy to find for younger Starcraft people. It becomes more common once you get older, but in high-school it's rare because people are afraid to be called sluts, and usually the drug users are the stuff that participate in stuff like that. Starcraft players mostly smart and avid weed smokers, or more casual party people, or just nerds, regardless it isn't easy finding someone.
College and University lots of things change, but at that point you can start looking for someone you want to spend your life with.
Yeah, but even you yourself completely refute the idea that sex is inherently better in a relation.
Some people are better at sex than others. A relationship doesn't change that.
It feels like these people are desperately trying to justify for themselves why their relationship is better than people who have one-night stands.
Ok, if you're a badass and can bring a different girl home each night, go the fuck ahead and do that. However, 99% of men would rather just have the security and emotional stability of a relationship.
Also, if you're with someone for longer, they have more time to figure out what makes you feel best
Did you just throw a tantrum for no other reason than someone disagreeing with the idea that a relationship is the end all, be all, of existence and hapiness?
As for the second half of your post:
"Casual relationship"
I am not saying that having a gf is bad, I am saying that they aren't magic, which some seem to consider such an outlandish statement that it makes them throw a tantrum.
*Also, 99% of men wouldn't prefer the security and emotional stablity of a relationship. If you have any more realistic statistics, feel free to make them up on the spot.
This conversation is extremely interesting.
I guess it all depends on the person and their character traits.
I personally believe that having friends with benefits is not a bad thing at all (although I don't have one). I attempt to support my statement by the fact that, well, YOLO, right ? AND, like I said in my OP, people are naturally attracted to each other. So if you have the means to have an exciting, thrilling sex life, please go ahead. It's also something you should be proud of, once again because not everyone is able to, including me, lead such a life.
Yet again, I DO have a girlfriend who is practically my soulmate (maybe you may have caught a hint when reading my post !) and that is why I would discourage people with very good relationships to attempt anything that might make your significant other feel betrayed.
However, I do respect the pride that people take in having active sexual lives. LIVE YOUNG !
And about sex performance, there definitely is a degree of skill. Don't tell me you were the same as when you had sex for the first time, Everyone begins at the bottom, and climb their way up ! It's just that this measure is not "linear" - some are good at one specific skill while another is better at another part. You know what I'm talking about. However it all boils down to satisfying your partner, and it seems every girl has a penchant for something different ! e.g. some want rough while others want soft etc etc. So it's mostly about finding out what fits your partner best.
But in the end the entire discussion seems somewhat wrong.
Some people are overjoyed at the prospect of being in a relationship, whilst others feel strangled after only a week.
So which is better? It is the wrong question.
If a relationship is better for 99% of the people, does that mean that last 1% should adapt and become monogamous? What about the people that like being in a relationship, but also want to have sex with other people? Not cheating behind the back of their partner, but just an open relationship.
People, and on TL more than in most places, are obsessed with being normal. End of the day, it doesn't matter if the entire world is happy with a relationship, what does that change if you are the one person who can't be happy in a relationship?
Love and sex are just so incredibly private, but also crucial, that it feels ridiculous that people should adapt.
You stated in the start that you believe that being in a relationship is a sign of a certain maturity. But what about the people that can't be happy in a monogamous relationship? Must they choose between this 'maturity' and hapiness?
And by what decree can you claim that a relationship says anything about a person? If a person has friends, does that mean he is a likeable person? The vast majority of people I met have friends, are they all likeable? I don't like all of them.
Relationships are the standard right now, so of course people are going to view that as the most healthy type of love and are going to attach all sorts of positive attributes to it, because being normal is the pinacle of existence for most people.
But if you take a step back and objectively look at relationships, what makes them good?
Is it the unspoken social contract that two people will agree to spend time with one another and have an exclusive relationship?
Or is it the love upon which it is build? But love is a vague concept that means different things for different people. You may feel love when you are in a relationship and sharing your life with a significant other. Another person might feel love when going out and having one night stands. Another might get that very same feeling of love when in a casual relationship.
Hell, some people feel that feeling of love when someone is standing over them in SM-gear, dripping hot wax on their chest.
What does that tell us about a person's inherent worth, values or morals? Nothing. Which is better? None.
What love is best? What personality is best? What hobby is best?
Like I said, the majority will always dictate what is 'best' in the eyes of the public, after all, they are the public. But love shouldn't be dictated by public policy, nor should it be disrespected by claiming that one is greater and another is lesser, or that some forms come with inherent values whilst others posses inherent detriments to a persons character.
So what form of love is best? I can only tell you what love is best for me, and you can say what is best for you. It might sound hippy-ish, but at the core isn't live-let-live, it is individualism and striving for what makes you happy, not striving for what society dictates should make you happy.
You are right in every argument you made.
I have never intended to, and never will, try to change someone's mind. I'm not quite sure which part of my post you are criticising by making your bold statements (seeing how you quoted me), but in my OP I remind you that I presented my opinion while acknowledging my bias and subjectivity, and offered others to post their opinions in the hopes of finding out what others think of this matter and whether it is necessary to change one's mind.
As you say, the notion of love may be different for every person. However, there definitely a reason why people are so pro-monogamity - probably because there is something beautiful and advantageous to this.
I also did state in my OP that maturity can be reached through other experiences. However, having relationships is one way of experiencing something fantastic and disastrous and learning from your mistakes, because, believe me, everyone makes mistakes sometime during a relationship. I'm just saying having a lover is a positive thing, in my opinion, especially if you find the right one for you.
On April 09 2012 15:54 RosaParksStoleMySeat wrote: Companionship is something that is never overrated. I'm not afraid to admit that I need a woman in my life if I want to be optimally happy. If I don't have a girlfriend I can be content with how everything's going, and of course enjoy my time with friends, but I'd really rather just have somebody close to me.
Really?
'Cause I enjoy being alone more than anything. Having been alone for as long as I have, I find it incredibly exhilarating when I'm bored with myself, 'cause then I start thinking, and that leads to a lot of random, cool insights more often than not. I'm actually very, very happy with my solo life, and, I don't think being in a relationship with someone could possibly make it any better, perhaps different, but not better.
Different strokes for different folks, I suppose...
But it does interest me that some people have a need of companionship to be happy.
EPT
