• Log InLog In
  • Register
Liquid`
Team Liquid Liquipedia
EDT 10:41
CEST 16:41
KST 23:41
  • Home
  • Forum
  • Calendar
  • Streams
  • Liquipedia
  • Features
  • Store
  • EPT
  • TL+
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Smash
  • Heroes
  • Counter-Strike
  • Overwatch
  • Liquibet
  • Fantasy StarCraft
  • TLPD
  • StarCraft 2
  • Brood War
  • Blogs
Forum Sidebar
Events/Features
News
Featured News
Code S Season 1 - RO12 Group A: Rogue, Percival, Solar, Zoun7[ASL21] Ro8 Preview Pt1: Inheritors16[ASL21] Ro16 Preview Pt2: All Star10Team Liquid Map Contest #22 - The Finalists19[ASL21] Ro16 Preview Pt1: Fresh Flow9
Community News
2026 GSL Season 1 Qualifiers25Maestros of the Game 2 announced92026 GSL Tour plans announced15Weekly Cups (April 6-12): herO doubles, "Villains" prevail1MaNa leaves Team Liquid25
StarCraft 2
General
Code S Season 1 - RO12 Group A: Rogue, Percival, Solar, Zoun Blizzard Classic Cup @ BlizzCon 2026 - $100k prize pool Team Liquid Map Contest #22 - The Finalists MaNa leaves Team Liquid Maestros of the Game 2 announced
Tourneys
GSL Code S Season 1 (2026) FSL Season 10 Individual Championship WardiTV Spring Cup 2026 GSL Season 1 Qualifiers Sparkling Tuna Cup - Weekly Open Tournament
Strategy
Custom Maps
[D]RTS in all its shapes and glory <3 [A] Nemrods 1/4 players [M] (2) Frigid Storage
External Content
The PondCast: SC2 News & Results Mutation # 523 Firewall Mutation # 522 Flip My Base Mutation # 521 Memorable Boss
Brood War
General
BW General Discussion ASL21 General Discussion JaeDong's ASL S21 Ro16 Post-Review Leta's ASL S21 Ro.16 review [ASL21] Ro8 Preview Pt1: Inheritors
Tourneys
[BSL22] RO16 Group Stage - 02 - 10 May [ASL21] Ro8 Day 1 Korean KCM Race Survival 2026 Season 2 [ASL21] Ro8 Day 2
Strategy
Fighting Spirit mining rates Simple Questions, Simple Answers What's the deal with APM & what's its true value Any training maps people recommend?
Other Games
General Games
Daigo vs Menard Best of 10 Stormgate/Frost Giant Megathread Nintendo Switch Thread Dawn of War IV Diablo IV
Dota 2
The Story of Wings Gaming
League of Legends
G2 just beat GenG in First stand
Heroes of the Storm
Simple Questions, Simple Answers Heroes of the Storm 2.0
Hearthstone
Deck construction bug Heroes of StarCraft mini-set
TL Mafia
Vanilla Mini Mafia Mafia Game Mode Feedback/Ideas TL Mafia Community Thread Five o'clock TL Mafia
Community
General
Russo-Ukrainian War Thread European Politico-economics QA Mega-thread US Politics Mega-thread 3D technology/software discussion Canadian Politics Mega-thread
Fan Clubs
The IdrA Fan Club
Media & Entertainment
Anime Discussion Thread [Manga] One Piece [Req][Books] Good Fantasy/SciFi books Movie Discussion!
Sports
2024 - 2026 Football Thread Formula 1 Discussion McBoner: A hockey love story
World Cup 2022
Tech Support
streaming software Strange computer issues (software) [G] How to Block Livestream Ads
TL Community
The Automated Ban List
Blogs
Sexual Health Of Gamers
TrAiDoS
lurker extra damage testi…
StaticNine
Broowar part 2
qwaykee
Funny Nicknames
LUCKY_NOOB
Iranian anarchists: organize…
XenOsky
Customize Sidebar...

Website Feedback

Closed Threads



Active: 1696 users

story: a boy and dog

Blogs > lloydp
Post a Reply
lloydp
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
United States82 Posts
April 04 2012 15:44 GMT
#1
So I finished this piece of fiction, and tried to do the characterization between the dog and boy while also not being boring. It's about 1400 words total, and I even did some editing. Any criticism welcome. I have no other story ideas atm though, I hope I can think of something.

+ Show Spoiler +
Prologue

After much discussion and research among the parents they decides to adopt a dog. They just wanted a companion, not a competition winner, so they decided to get one from a shelter. Like most people who adopt dogs, they decided on a little energetic young dog. This one was little over a year old, and male. They picked this specific dog because it was relatively relaxed. They were very happy with the dog, from when they brought it home up till the dog's, and even their own, death. The parents came home with the dog, which they named Cookie.
They brought the cute little puppy Cookie home to meet their son. The two kids played relatively often, and seemed to get along quite well. Cookie, of course, grew up with the kid from being a puppy and grew to love him very much. It was the parents prerogative to take care of Cookie, being that it was them who wanted a dog and went through everything to obtain it.
Now the kid was in 10th grade, and the dog was 4 years old. His parents were quite busy, working more and taking on more responsibilities. And it is now Thursday morning.

Part 1

"ot, iot, Elliot, wake up" "ELLIOT!" And so the world, well just his bedroom really, came alive and awoke with him, relatively speaking. There was also his mother, of course, angry that she woke up and turned his alarm off before he was conscious whatsoever. Elliot didn't really care though. In fact, he has just been zoning out thinking of what he wants for breakfast, since he usually has a hard time deciding. "OK then? If YOUR alarm gets me up and I can come and turn it off before you get up you need more sleep"
"Wow she had been talking for a couple minutes and I got the tl;dr in a couple seconds" thought Elliot, with a mental eye roll.
"Sure" Elliot said
"What do you want for breakfast?"
"um..." and then after about 5 seconds of his maternal unit becoming visually even angrier and impatient "pancakes" And so she marched off to make them while he changed and cleaned and etc.
After breakfast Elliot made sure to have all the necessary stuff for school in his bag and hopped in the car with his mom and with cookie. This was basically what happened every school day morning (minus mom being angry, that only happened most of the time (usually at something different, but a few, like todays, recurred sometimes)). Cookie would usually be in the passenger seat, but sometimes in the back with Elliot. Elliot always sat in the back because the passenger seat couldn't comfortably fit him and his backpack, so it made getting out quicker. Elliot liked Cookie riding in the car to school, he felt less anxious around his mom when Cookie was around. There are many things he liked about...well, Elliot thought, it would be more accurate to say there are many USES for this dog. He thought that-"we're here" his mom said as the car stopped. Elliot grabbed his bag, said bye, hugged Cookie, and left for school.
After school Elliot's dad picked him up, and Cookie usually came along for that ride as well.
"Hey dad can you bring me over to Mario's on Saturday?"
"Why, just to hang out"
"Yeah, if enough people show up we will probably play some soccer or a mini starcraft tournament"
"Hoon always wins those though, right?"
"Yeah, he's better than even most of the other Koreans at school who play it though"(Elliot's school had an exchange program so that many Asian kids went there for high school to better their english, learn a new culture, etc. They would go back to their respective homes/countries afterward.)
Elliot thought about how he hardly had any friendly gatherings at his house in part because of Cookie. He was an extremely rambunctious dog who constantly bothered anyone who didn't live with him for a couple hours until finally calming down. It wasn't terrible though, his dad was willing to bring out the dog gates and keep Cookie in line. It just made using most any other friend's house more optimal.
After Elliot arrived home he did some studying. He then took Cookie for his needed walk, which Elliot only does when his parents are too busy or something. He didn't mind it too much, though.
"C'mon Cookie, lets go", something that had to be repeated many times throughout the outing.
*pant, pant*, said Cookie, that being the only sensible response he was capable of. And as much as Cookie liked being outside, he almost never rebelled against going back in (as long as the door was less than 2 meters away, or else he would probably just be distracted more).
Elliot saw it would be a while before dinner and went off to do whatever he wanted, playing, reading, or whatever. About an hour later he could hear his mom being angry, his dad listening, and thought "noisy" while feeling a bit uncomfortable about it. The second issue was happily fixed by Cookie walking in and laying down by Elliot, which made both feel better.

part 2

It was now a couple weeks after Elliot's 16th birthday, and the door was knocked at. Elliot typed brb and, with his dad saw what the door-knocker wanted. Elliot saw his grandmother with a box, apparently back from her trip to Canada to visit relatives, the box probably being a late birthday present. At least, that's what Elliot thought she meant when she said "I know it's late, but happy birthday". Elliot found that the present was 2 shoes (a much better gift, at least, than one shoe). Apparently, Elliot's dad was surprised as well, so how did she know the right size? It turned out they felt ok, maybe too big. Elliot's dad said he should take Cookie out to test them, so Elliot agreed.
So I put Cookie on his leash, opened the door and moved out. The weather was dark, the grass grayer in the dark gray cloud covered sky. Cookie was trying to move beyond the confines of what leash physics allows. Cookie and I had very differing views of yard interestivity as well, on completely rival sides. Even thinking this, Elliot still found the activity of walking around the yard with a leash that had Cookie on the end of it boring. The two got to the cul-de-sac island a few houses down and Elliot was about to head back to the house. Elliot started thinking of how Cookie took away a good bit of time by being loud and interruptive, having to walk him all the time, and
FLASH! KKRRTCHT! CKKRRR!
Suddenly, a large amount of things happened at the same time, my mind froze, processing it all (and not even doing a good job at that). there was a giant booming crackling sound accompanied by a flash of light from the sky. My right wrist/arm was tugged extremely hard and stopped. It was like if a big burly person grabbed my wrist and held on tight while moving opposite of how my body moved, but also his grip sliding off my wrist through the palm, and then off my fingers, all in about 1.5 seconds. I would have stayed firm, without bending over to let the leash loose, but my right food came out of my shoe.

Cookie was running towards the house front door, and was, a second before Elliot regained the ability to move and sorta process what was going on, a couple feet behind Elliot. Cookie looked like, in running for the house, he would be struck down by an oncoming car that was accidentally going 7 mph more than it should be.

I noticed Cookie run past me, and I started running, hoping I could catch the leash, I saw the car moving fast and jumped/lunged forward at the leash, hands coming together, trying to grab hold. Cookie was probably immediately pulled 3 feet back due to the pullback of momentum when stopped by the leash. the car, in the grass a little, drove by in front of Cookie right after being pulled back. I realized a little how much I do, in fact, love this dog. The feelings are worth any sort of time wasted or being annoyed sometimes, and I am certainly not ready for him to die. I most certainly won't test new shoes while being responsible for something.


*
master toss <3 carriers http://www.obs-gaming.com/forums/activity.php
gumshoe
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
Canada3602 Posts
April 04 2012 19:52 GMT
#2
Errr theres alot of grammar errors, the writing is generally awkward" and theres not much of a story here, and the punch line is meh because theres not much investment in a dog you just got. I'm sorry ) : this whole sentence which is pretty much the crux of the story-"Cookie was running towards the house front door, and was, a second before Elliot regained the ability to move and sorta process what was going on, a couple feet behind Elliot. Cookie looked like, in running for the house, he would be struck down by an oncoming car that was accidentally going 7 mph more than it should be." is pretty much intelligible.
gumshoe bullshitting at 120%~~Prplz
ecstatica
Profile Blog Joined February 2012
United States542 Posts
April 04 2012 20:29 GMT
#3
TL created a monster

gumshoe, think in terms of his future health. For all we know this kid could never write again. You didn't have to spell it out
NeMeSiS3, Portlandian, Reason,
Apom
Profile Blog Joined August 2011
France656 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-04-04 20:55:07
April 04 2012 20:54 GMT
#4
I don't know what age you're supposed to be when in 10th grade, so maybe you are just a kid, but that writing isn't very good. More accurately, it is very not good.
gumshoe
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
Canada3602 Posts
April 04 2012 21:06 GMT
#5
On April 05 2012 05:29 ecstatica wrote:
TL created a monster

gumshoe, think in terms of his future health. For all we know this kid could never write again. You didn't have to spell it out


hey he asked for feed back.
gumshoe bullshitting at 120%~~Prplz
Dacendoran
Profile Blog Joined June 2009
United States825 Posts
April 04 2012 22:23 GMT
#6
Gumshoe noone's writing is perfect, for example the word you're looking for is unintelligible not the opposite of the word meaning understandable IE. "intelligible". To the op make sure to proofread your writing a bit more before you ask for other people's feedback =].
gumshoe
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
Canada3602 Posts
April 04 2012 22:39 GMT
#7
On April 05 2012 07:23 Dacendoran wrote:
Gumshoe noone's writing is perfect, for example the word you're looking for is unintelligible not the opposite of the word meaning understandable IE. "intelligible". To the op make sure to proofread your writing a bit more before you ask for other people's feedback =].


My bad, though criticizing someone doesn't imply your perfect, also but whats good about this story? Is it even true? According to him it's fiction so theres no personal core to it(did you actually have a dog?) the characters are stereotypes, over zealous but loving parents and online born and bred son. The word choice is often questionable the grammars off and the tale concludes before it's really begun. I'm sorry, I hope you do get better, but this is not good. End of story, I rather be a bit critical if it means he improves. (I've backed up what I've said and I haven't trolled, what more can you ask for?)
gumshoe bullshitting at 120%~~Prplz
Please log in or register to reply.
Live Events Refresh
Next event in 9h 19m
[ Submit Event ]
Live Streams
Refresh
StarCraft 2
Hui .238
Ryung 115
SpeCial 1
StarCraft: Brood War
Calm 7216
Sea 3642
Jaedong 2594
Mini 802
EffOrt 736
Hyuk 551
firebathero 435
Stork 415
Rush 341
actioN 304
[ Show more ]
ZerO 230
Hyun 122
ggaemo 113
hero 102
[sc1f]eonzerg 60
Pusan 50
sSak 42
ToSsGirL 41
Free 38
Bale 38
Sexy 32
PianO 25
soO 25
scan(afreeca) 23
Backho 23
Shine 23
IntoTheRainbow 16
GoRush 15
Movie 14
Rock 13
Noble 5
Dota 2
Gorgc3656
qojqva1874
420jenkins192
XcaliburYe99
Counter-Strike
byalli489
fl0m234
adren_tv191
shoxiejesuss56
kRYSTAL_45
Super Smash Bros
Mew2King83
Heroes of the Storm
Liquid`Hasu1154
Other Games
singsing1668
B2W.Neo1042
crisheroes288
Liquid`VortiX182
XaKoH 137
elazer98
ZerO(Twitch)19
Organizations
Dota 2
PGL Dota 2 - Main Stream74
StarCraft 2
Blizzard YouTube
StarCraft: Brood War
BSLTrovo
[ Show 19 non-featured ]
StarCraft 2
• StrangeGG 101
• LUISG 14
• poizon28 6
• Reevou 5
• IndyKCrew
• AfreecaTV YouTube
• sooper7s
• intothetv
• Kozan
• LaughNgamezSOOP
• Migwel
StarCraft: Brood War
• HerbMon 7
• STPLYoutube
• ZZZeroYoutube
• BSLYoutube
League of Legends
• Nemesis3614
• Jankos1391
• TFBlade1211
Other Games
• WagamamaTV295
Upcoming Events
Replay Cast
9h 19m
GSL
18h 49m
Cure vs TriGGeR
ByuN vs Bunny
KCM Race Survival
19h 19m
Big Gabe
21h 19m
Replay Cast
1d 9h
Replay Cast
1d 18h
Escore
1d 19h
OSC
1d 22h
Replay Cast
2 days
Replay Cast
2 days
[ Show More ]
RSL Revival
2 days
IPSL
3 days
Ret vs Art_Of_Turtle
Radley vs TBD
BSL
3 days
Replay Cast
3 days
RSL Revival
3 days
uThermal 2v2 Circuit
3 days
BSL
4 days
IPSL
4 days
eOnzErG vs TBD
G5 vs Nesh
Replay Cast
4 days
Wardi Open
4 days
Afreeca Starleague
4 days
Jaedong vs Light
Monday Night Weeklies
5 days
Replay Cast
5 days
Sparkling Tuna Cup
5 days
Afreeca Starleague
5 days
Snow vs Flash
GSL
6 days
Liquipedia Results

Completed

Proleague 2026-04-28
WardiTV TLMC #16
Nations Cup 2026

Ongoing

BSL Season 22
ASL Season 21
CSL 2026 SPRING (S20)
IPSL Spring 2026
KCM Race Survival 2026 Season 2
StarCraft2 Community Team League 2026 Spring
2026 GSL S1
BLAST Rivals Spring 2026
IEM Rio 2026
PGL Bucharest 2026
Stake Ranked Episode 1
BLAST Open Spring 2026
ESL Pro League S23 Finals
ESL Pro League S23 Stage 1&2
PGL Cluj-Napoca 2026

Upcoming

Escore Tournament S2: W5
KK 2v2 League Season 1
Acropolis #4
BSL 22 Non-Korean Championship
CSLAN 4
Kung Fu Cup 2026 Grand Finals
HSC XXIX
uThermal 2v2 2026 Main Event
Maestros of the Game 2
2026 GSL S2
RSL Revival: Season 5
XSE Pro League 2026
IEM Cologne Major 2026
Stake Ranked Episode 2
CS Asia Championships 2026
IEM Atlanta 2026
Asian Champions League 2026
PGL Astana 2026
TLPD

1. ByuN
2. TY
3. Dark
4. Solar
5. Stats
6. Nerchio
7. sOs
8. soO
9. INnoVation
10. Elazer
1. Rain
2. Flash
3. EffOrt
4. Last
5. Bisu
6. Soulkey
7. Mini
8. Sharp
Sidebar Settings...

Advertising | Privacy Policy | Terms Of Use | Contact Us

Original banner artwork: Jim Warren
The contents of this webpage are copyright © 2026 TLnet. All Rights Reserved.