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Ok so I think this is going to be the last blog post I do about this. Soooooo... the story says as follows:
Small recap: I have a really cool female friend who had been in a relationship for many many years. They broke up a while back, we started going out more etc, joking about the possibility of a "little adventure" between us. Finally one day we went for beers and hooked up, then it happened again.
So, after that happened we got together one day to talk about this, she told me she wasn't sure she wanted to go on, so I told her she should make her mind up later, and we got into it again lol. This time though, things got really really intense, I won't detail the events here but suffice to say that later that month it brought me a pretty huge scare hahahaha.
After that huge scare was dealt with, we decided we should celebrate, we went for some beers and talked like 5 hours straight. Later on I walked her home, and while we were on a more private place, I put my arm around her and leaned in to kiss her. She suggested we should consider this part of our celebration hahahaha, had so much fun that day :D.
Now here's where stuff gets a bit weird. Not reaaally weird but it makes me think about the future and what's this going to mean eventually. Right now, she's told me pretty much every single detail of her life, and after that mini heart attack I mentioned, our friendship sort of grew stronger. Amongst these details, she told me about this guy she hooked up with, she seems to like him a lot, but is unlikely to start a relationship with him because he lives in a different country lol. I really don't feel jealous, at least not in a conscious level, I get a sort of visceral feeling that is really easy to manage so I don't really care. BTW, my latest "encounters" with my fwb happened after she started her thing with this other guy.
On the flipside, I'm trying to hook up with a Belgian intern who's doing an exchange program in my university. We get along fine, though it's gonna be a tough nut to crack, she's hot as hell as well.
So, on to the problem. Suppose we continue to be fwb for a long time (it's really hard to resist, last week we were at a mutual friend's pool and I had to restrain myself from kidnapping her LOL), what the hell is going to happen when we start any kind of relationship with other people? It's gonna be weird as hell, what do you think?
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This sounds like a bad movie...
edit: In the spirit of contribution, I would offer this:
You haven't really told us what you want out of this? Are you happy with how things are? Do you want something different?
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It won't be weird so much as you will just be a piece of shit if you specifically enter a relationship with an innocent new person with the knowledge and expectation that you will still be fucking your fwb.
The honest, real man would agree with the fwb that when you start seeing someone the liasons will stop. Alternatively, you make a girlfriend of her, which is what my friend did and they have a great relationship.
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On February 19 2012 05:36 sc4k wrote:
It won't be weird so much as you will just be a piece of shit if you specifically enter a relationship with an innocent new person with the knowledge and expectation that you will still be fucking your fwb.
The honest, real man would agree with the fwb that when you start seeing someone the liasons will stop. Alternatively, you make a girlfriend of her, which is what my friend did and they have a great relationship.
Of course I agree with this, it will be over when either of us wants to start a relationship, continuing with it and cheating on someone else is completely out of the question. That's not what I meant.
On February 19 2012 05:30 MrBitter wrote:
This sounds like a bad movie...
edit: In the spirit of contribution, I would offer this:
You haven't really told us what you want out of this? Are you happy with how things are? Do you want something different?
It does sound like a pretty bad movie hahaha. And.. what I want from this... well.. fun  . I'm happy with things like this, it's A LOT of fun, and we've also become closer and pretty great friends, disregarding the whole sexy part. Now, as far as what I want right now in my life, I'd really like a GF, just not her, at least for now I don't have that kind of feelings for her.
Another thing I'd like is my friendship with her to not be damaged. Right now we're doing a fine job, but sometimes I wonder if we can pull it off.
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Friends with benefits 99% of the time ends in one person getting hurt. I mean, yea you might have that 1% chance that its perfect and neither of you get feelings and just have fun, but odds are against you. Just keep that in mind, especially if she starts getting a little weird or leans towards relationship mode. The LAST thing you want is to hurt her like that when you say "err.. I thought it was just sex" cuz that's like the worst feeling ever.
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I live by two rules, and I offer them to you:
Rule #1: Don't hurt anyone
Rule #2: Don't get caught
You can use rule #2 to accomplish rule #1 if you want. The real question is, can you do them both without getting caught? If not, better break it off with one before you get with the other.
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On February 19 2012 06:33 darkscream wrote:
I live by two rules, and I offer them to you:
Rule #1: Don't hurt anyone
Rule #2: Don't get caught
You can use rule #2 to accomplish rule #1 if you want. The real question is, can you do them both without getting caught? If not, better break it off with one before you get with the other.
Rule #3: Deny til you die!!!!!!!!!!
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Nononono... I think the wording got misunderstood here
I will never cheat on someone, and I will not be the "second person" for her. If any of us wants to start a real relationships, the "benefits" are instantly over
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You already sound like you're much closer to the relationship side than the fwb side, chances are when you get in a legit relationship she's going to feel a little hurt, and when she's in one that isn't long distance across an ocean you probably will too(but you'll deny it to her, then post a blog about it here talking about how you thought things with her had a future).
Should probably stop it now if you want a legit friendship out of this, or if you actually are thinking about future potential then you need to put yourself out there and say something, because if she doesn't know(and she may reciprocate your feeling) than she's going to continue to try and find a relationship elsewhere.
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EPT
