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I do not know why I am writing this, but I need to get things out...
7 hours ago, me and my love broke up....
We had a really nice talk, where she explained everything to me. She has been a bitch to me for some months now, because that's the way she cope with stuff... But I have forgiven her that, because I love her so much, but it's really hard for me now. She told me that I showed her the way of life that she wants. Because I was the most perfect boyfriend she could ever have had. In every way, she did not have anything to complain on.. NOTHING at all. But...
We had an conversation a half year ago, that changed her life. About 3 different people in this world...
People who go for the church ( priests etc ), people that are single in life and people that are merried. She told me that every time we talked about that, it made her sad because she wants to be alone. She has a lot of problems which she has to fix herself and I can't help her.
So we broke up on a real nice way, but I'm sitting here really hurt! Going back to the military tomorrow where it's really hard and I am REALLY heartbroken. I can't sleep.. Slept for 1.5 hours today. I don't know if I should cry or laugh
I just had to get it out now....
What can I do to make it better? This is my first girlfriend, which I was 100% sure we will be merried. Everything was perfect!!!!!!!!! We had NO problems at all!
  
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If you had no problems at all, you wouldn't have broken up...
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when a girl tells you they want to break up, half the time they are testing you, and the other times... let's not talk about that 
if you are going away to the military, it might be harder on you to actually remain happy with her. You know what they say: "absence makes the heart grow fonder."
The best thing to do is to communicate. You said you all had a nice talk, but did it go where you wanted it to go? You're here now, writin' on T.L., and I guarantee you'd rather be doing something different, like talking to her, and communicating about your problems.
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First girlfriend is always the one you think you might marry, which in time turns out not to be the case for most of them.
I suggest you to just go out and party or find things to keep your mind off of her.
BUT if you REALLY want to be with her, talk to her.
+ Show Spoiler +PS.REAVERRRRRRR REBA REBA REBA REBA REBA!!!
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Hey bro, US military here. Feel your pain man, but when you get back the work is going to fuckin' sweep you away and hopefully you won't have the time to think about her. You'll be seeing and doing things not very many other people will see and do, and its going to be fuckin' awesome. This happens alot with other folks I've been around and it's happened to me too. But man...after all the shit you're gonna be knee deep in, looking back on it it's gonna be like nothing.
It really fuckin' hurts and it really fuckin' sucks. But that's what PT is for. :D You'll feel great after working out all those negative feelings on the track or the PT field. Sweat it out, man.
Peace, my viking brother-in-arms. Be well.
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SHe said I showed her the way she wanted to live. IF that is true, that is an honor for me. But where did that leave me ? IT left me heartbroken...
We did not have any big problems at all, all we had was that she started to be a bitch suddently, which she have me serveral reasons in the talk. She told me when she opens up as much as she did for me, she becomes sick.... She has to be alone, because that's the only time she is happy...
I don't know what to do.... I love her so much! I have given everything to her! I have her my heart and I did everything for her!
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Your first relationship will almost always be a disaster. Its best to get it out of the way.
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No offence dude but to me it sounds like therewas someone else.
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Doesn't even necessarily have to be someone else, but it's a real possibility. Personally I hate girls who string on guys like you with their soft breakup oh nothing's wrong bullshit. Break it off and be real about it, or you're just causing undue pain to the guy.
TL;DR: Move on, good luck. It sucks.
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Sorry bro. Best thing you can do is visit the PUA thread, sounds like you were getting played a bit in there.
>>"Everything was perfect!!!!!!!!! We had NO problems at all!"
But you did, that's why she broke up 
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first problem is that you couldn't spell married correctly, second was that you let her walk all over you, you need to have an equal power distribution in your relationship or you'll get crushed
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Canada5155 Posts
On January 08 2012 14:35 cz wrote:
Sorry bro. Best thing you can do is visit the PUA thread, sounds like you were getting played a bit in there.
Wow don't do that. One way ticket to being an objectifying douchebag.
Just grow and learn from this. You know, be a reasonable person.
Give it a month or two to shake off the dust and hopefully you'll learn fromt he experience.
You'll realize how naive you were being. This is part of growing up.
On January 08 2012 14:40 Endymion wrote:
first problem is that you couldn't spell married correctly, second was that you let her walk all over you, you need to have an equal power distribution in your relationship or you'll get crushed
This dude's got it.
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Sorry man, breakups are rough, especially with your first love.
If you really feel that the two of you should be together then you need to tell her. She'll work through personal issues regardless of if she's single or not. If she wants to be alone you can just take a break - it's a lot better than moving on and I think you should throw the idea out there if she's willing to hear it.
If you've accepted the breakup then you need to change up your routine to aid in adjustment. Change the orientation of your room, pick up a new hobby, start hanging out with friends a bit more, or all of the above! If you keep up the same routine - the same routine she was a part of - then you're more likely to associate certain tasks with her leading to even more depression and sulking. Moving on is a slow process (at least a couple months) and it truly seems to take shape when you, as a person, change. As you change ever so slightly you'll realize that the person who loved this girl and the person this girl loved doesn't exist anymore.
Good luck.
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eh bro, heartbreak is heartbreak. you have to feel it to get good at coping with it.
first love is hard, it gets easier. just know what your feeling has been felt by almost every single person who has ever loved someone and lost them.
imo, sounds good yous broke up. it sounds like you were really good to her and she didn't fully appreciate you. so it's good that your moving on.
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On January 08 2012 14:40 Endymion wrote:
first problem is that you couldn't spell married correctly, second was that you let her walk all over you, you need to have an equal power distribution in your relationship or you'll get crushed
I agree. But how was my relationship.
She had a lot of internal problems. She has a dumb picture of herselves. She has problems with family and so on. Smoked weed etc etc. WHat I did is show her the way obviously. I had NO problems at all, until she suddently started to be rude. And why did she do it? She said because that was the way she thought it would be easiest for me to " get over her ". I think she wanted me to break up since she has found this out a long time ago, but could not leave me because I was so good towards her. She told me : " You are perfect for me... If I would think about getting married, it would have been you who stand there and wait for me, but I do not think I ever will get married so it's the best I am single"
" I have been single for 5 months the last 5 years, and those months I found myself and was happy, but every time I jumped into a relationship, it fucked up. I became sick again... So I am on the edge of falling together and making it" she told me. " And I think the only way for me to succseed in life is to do things on my own, not have anybody there to hold my hand" he continued
I am so sad. Because I really love her, and I helped her in every single possible way a person could help her.
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so go get her back and help her with her problemstell her you like her just the way she is
you dont a fuck about if shes not perfect and shit right? so tell her that, and tell her ur fucking delirously happy to be with her and that you and her can work things out.
Oh, and tell her u fuckign love her thru ur actions. only u know how to do that.
doesn't hurt to say it either.
ou need to have an equal power distribution in your relationship or you'll get crushed
in short: man the fuck up and stop going "ohh i was the perfect bf woe is me"
u said u love her to death and ur gonna marry her and shit
a real man wouldnt take shit from his gf if he wanted to be with her
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something stands out to me here as blatantly WRONG. you call her "your love" and then call her a bitch in the very next sentence, where you discuss her profoundly upsetting behavior. sounds like true love.
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The attempt to realize a utopia of limitless choice in the real world has certain predictable consequences: notably, it makes the experience of love one of repeated failure. Those who reject both committed marriage and committed celibacy drift into and out of a series of what are called “relationships,” either abandoning or being abandoned. The lesson inevitably taught by such experiences is that love does not last, that people are not reliable, that in the end one has only oneself to fall back on, that prudence dictates always looking out for number one. And this in turn destroys the generosity, loyalty, and trust which are indispensable for family life and the perpetuation of our kind.
(F. Roger Devlin)
Recommended reading:
http://www.thornwalker.com/ditch/devlin_shalit.htm
http://www.scribd.com/doc/34551310/The-Principles-of-Social-Competence
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Seeker
Where dat snitch at?36938 Posts
Normally I would tell you to fight for your love and get her back but....
seems like TL ppl indeed know what they're talking about. As much as you don't want to hear this, I don't believe she is worth it. I believe your best course of action is to move on and find someone else.
Best of luck man. :[
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On January 08 2012 15:31 HeavOnEarth wrote:so go get her back and help her with her problemstell her you like her just the way she is you dont a fuck about if shes not perfect and shit right? so tell her that, and tell her ur fucking delirously happy to be with her and that you and her can work things out. Oh, and tell her u fuckign love her thru ur actions. only u know how to do that. doesn't hurt to say it either. Show nested quote +
ou need to have an equal power distribution in your relationship or you'll get crushed
in short: man the fuck up and stop going "ohh i was the perfect bf woe is me" u said u love her to death and ur gonna marry her and shit a real man wouldnt take shit from his gf if he wanted to be with her
You can't always say that you should accept people the way they are. There's nothing wrong with wanting to improve some aspects of a person's personality. People suffer psychological damage -- this is a fact. Their parents die, they get emotionally abused in relationships, and shit just falls apart. I helped my gf through a pile of emotional problems, and the key was that she knew she had them too. Sounds like its the same as with the OPs ex. Doing so was an emotional rollercoaster of death, not going to lie. OP is the only one who will know if it's worth it though.
On January 08 2012 16:03 Drizzt3 wrote:
something stands out to me here as blatantly WRONG. you call her "your love" and then call her a bitch in the very next sentence, where you discuss her profoundly upsetting behavior. sounds like true love.
Actually, if they love you, they will understand when/if you call them a bitch. Perhaps not in such crude terms though. If your significant other is being a bitch and you still love them, you owe it to them to tell them. People have their own quirks about what sets them off and they just don't notice sometimes. You won't know whats causing them to act like a bitch until you pick their mind about it.
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If you were truly respectful and "perfect" to her...and she still put you aside, then I can safely say that she does not deserve you and you are better off finding someone who truly appreciates you and does not take you for granted.
oh, and she will probably want to get back together one day but remember to hold your ground.
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I only call her a bitch here, because that is the easiest way to describe how she acted. She did act really stupid and hurtfull towards me.. And at the end now she did not make me feel special at all, she made me depressive every time I had to leave for military. I know, this is facts. I do not need a better reason to say " yo, fuck it... This could have never lasted" but it is really hard. I have shared so many perfect moments with her, and she has been THE girl for me the first 4 months. She was PERFECT until she found out that she wants to be alone. Then she turned.
The truth about a person, always shows after some time. I know that, and it seems like she did not like me sometimes. SHe did not want to have sex with me for a LONG time now at the end, even though we had a great sex life.. It was fantastic! suddenly I was not welcome in her house anymore.
But the worst thing she did and said to me was... " THe best time I've had in a while, is the time we don't talk to eachother". When I heard this my heart broke in pieces. Because I did everything for her, and I listened to her whining every day in 4 months and suddently I hear that after I tell her how much I love her and shit. That hurt me
You guys see, I have a lot of reasons to kinda be happy it's over, men I am sure she was marrige potential for me, at least before she turned.
Even though she did all that to me, I was so patient with her, it's because I love her so much! And I am going to let her go, because I love her. IT is what she wants, so that's what I want as well for her. if she is happy without me, I have to accept that and go furder on. Find a girl that loves me as much as I loved her or more
This is really hard for me!
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I motto is to always make one last ditch attempt to get her back before I completely accept a breakup.
The last ditch attempt has to big because you only got one shot. Afterwards, you just appear desperate and needy. If you really love her, then you should definitely give this a try. It is better to get shot down again than to leave without trying.
If she insists on the breakup, then she is serious and it isn't meant to be. Insist that she explains why she wants to break up though. Nothing is worse than not having closure in a relationship.
I would play loads of SC2 to get my mind off this.
You probably need ur sleep so you should take some sleeping pills if you have any. You probably won't be able to fall asleep on your own.
Look on the bright side, plenty of other girls out there. The hurtful stuff she said to you just goes to show that she does not deserve a wonderful guy like you.
On January 08 2012 17:41 Golgotha wrote:
If you were truly respectful and "perfect" to her...and she still put you aside, then I can safely say that she does not deserve you and you are better off finding someone who truly appreciates you and does not take you for granted.
oh, and she will probably want to get back together one day but remember to hold your ground.
soo true..... hold your ground
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On January 08 2012 15:15 BaltA wrote:Show nested quote +On January 08 2012 14:40 Endymion wrote:
first problem is that you couldn't spell married correctly, second was that you let her walk all over you, you need to have an equal power distribution in your relationship or you'll get crushed I agree. But how was my relationship. She had a lot of internal problems. She has a dumb picture of herselves. She has problems with family and so on. Smoked weed etc etc. WHat I did is show her the way obviously. I had NO problems at all, until she suddently started to be rude. And why did she do it? She said because that was the way she thought it would be easiest for me to " get over her ". I think she wanted me to break up since she has found this out a long time ago, but could not leave me because I was so good towards her. She told me : " You are perfect for me... If I would think about getting married, it would have been you who stand there and wait for me, but I do not think I ever will get married so it's the best I am single" " I have been single for 5 months the last 5 years, and those months I found myself and was happy, but every time I jumped into a relationship, it fucked up. I became sick again... So I am on the edge of falling together and making it" she told me. " And I think the only way for me to succseed in life is to do things on my own, not have anybody there to hold my hand" he continued I am so sad. Because I really love her, and I helped her in every single possible way a person could help her.
I used to be like this back in my freshman year of high school. One of my best buddies started dating the cheer captain, who I totally idolized, and I was starstruck whenever I was arount her. Honestly, I could say nothing bad about her, even if she called me weird on multiple occasions behind my back or to my face. Yet still I remember having thoughts like "my life for meghan, she could be queen.." blah blah 14 year old romantacized bullshit. Now she's a fat university drop out who tries to skype me every day, and I feel no remorse for denying her call and going back to SC2.
DON'T make her out to be better than she is, because there are so many better girls: girls who will actually love you and treat you the way you treat them. You play off her rudeness as if she doesn't mean it, but face it, she's a mean hearted bitch. You don't love her, you're in love with the idea of being in love. You'll find someone 100x better over the course of the next few years, and you'll look back and say "wow, I used to love her? silly me, I love myself for not staying hung up on her."
Tips for getting over a broken heart? I would say hit the clubs, but you're probably not in the mental state for that just yet. Hit the gym, get some physical stress out, wear yourself out. If you're there and still thinking about her, keep lifting until you're so tired that you can't think. I know it's a juvenile coping mechanism, but it'll help you get over her.
Sorry that you haven't found the right one yet, but luckily you know about TL, so you're better off compared to 99.999% of the world. Feel better.
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I'm sorry for you mate, we all know how breaking up feels.
I don't think there's anything to actually make it easier. Talk to your friends about it, blowing steam always help. But it's still going to hurt for a while .
Edit: Oh shit, now i've read your second page post. That sux even more. But actually that's what happens in most relations, first months are perfect then it all falls apart.
Its hard to think and understand that even though you did all good and there should be no reasons for anything to go bad, it still goes bad.
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She sounds messed up, and that sooner or later means problems. Grief for a bit then move on, your better off alone.
Don't be sad for too long tho, you will realize it doesnt matter at all later on.
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From personal experience, i'd say the reason she wants to leave you is probably related to you letting her be a bitch to you, and not putting your foot down. Even though it may not make much sense, ive been told that girls lose their attraction to a guy if they feel he isnt being assertive/dominant enough in the relationship.
edit: but yeah, agree with st3mor, she sounds seriously messed up. you dodged the real bullet, even if you're feeling the wound :/
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I don't understand.. You were the "perfect" boyfriend, and you had no problems but she broke up with you.. sounds like bullshit to me. Most people don't just "want to be alone".. you shouldn't have let her walk all over you I guess.
That thing about the 3 different people in the world is also bullshit, it makes no sense, according to that conversation you're either single, married or a priest..
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Sorry to hear your story, that really sucks. It sounds to me like she has some serious problems of her own - do you know what they are? I was in a situation not so different from this, and tried for around 2 years to salvage the situation. Dragging it out just made things worse. In the end, the best solution was to not let myself contact her for 6 months. By the end of the 6 months, I had the perspective I needed, and I was ready to move on.
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I don't really believe it other than eastcoastbob when he said the father of marsupial conviction was under the larry fydoryk talking about the fireplace channel and the sunset channel on cktb who actually, in all true verity talked to monthly monty on his monthly full monty special with howard "steg" lynch, but then talked about a microwave channel where you watch a stupid microwave with oven on and then they put the heating stuff in there which when there then they put it on and it rotates indiividually in case of therefore clams.
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She has been a bitch to me for some months now
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Everything was perfect!!!!!!!!! We had NO problems at all!
:o
It is just a few hours after this happened so it's understandable you're upset, but I think you are really distorting truth here. Try not to focus on how you're supposed to feel / what emotions are appropriate. It is too late now, but if I could sum up in a word your character flaw, it's that you probably don't have a spine. Whether someone likes you or not, it is difficult to deal with spineless people because you can't protect them from yourself or others, so you end up feeling like you are a problem for them, which causes stress and other unpleasant feelings.
The person who is always apologetic and always forgiving is usually difficult to deal with. One: because you can't have a real conversation with them, two: because there is no satisfaction from being nice to them, since they treat you the same as when you are mean to them.
This is Chef's lesson... Obviously I know almost nothing about your relationship with her since it was just a short post, but these are typical problems lots of men have at the beginning of their love life. Don't take that as meaning you should become the polar opposite though, who is mean to someone whether they have been nice or not... Because that is just as bad as always apologising. It's the exact same problem, really. You must treat people based on how they act.
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Anyone complaining about him using the word bitch hasn't been in a real relationship. If we could cut out all the idealist shit, that would be helpful.
Having said that, BaltA has said quite plainly that this was his first girlfriend and he assumed they were getting married. That's some pretty intense idealist shit and although I'm sure he was comfortable in the relationship, I'm also sure he had doubts that he won't readily admit to right now.
My recommendation to you, as someone with lots of emotional baggage, is to cultivate yourself the way she plans to. You're going to the military, so learn as much as you can and work to the best of your ability. It might save your life, or just give you the skills to make a better life for yourself later.
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When you smoke weed you dont value people close to you so maybe if she would have stopped smoking she would understand how much she likes you. If you want her back you should just be busy and not worry about it because if there is something women hate, it is men being desperate.
Now this is easy to say but try to chill, hang out with friends, keep yourself super busy and everything will be better soon. Don't go berserk and say stupid shit or do something retarded (been there, done that).
And women don't really think rational, you could be the sweetest and most manner guy on the planet and she will still look for something else and then regret it but if she can't have you and have to work for you then she's going to come crawling back but the ball is in your hands.
Just keep it cool and don't worry
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On January 08 2012 14:55 HawaiianPig wrote:Show nested quote +On January 08 2012 14:35 cz wrote:
Sorry bro. Best thing you can do is visit the PUA thread, sounds like you were getting played a bit in there. Wow don't do that. One way ticket to being an objectifying douchebag. Just grow and learn from this. You know, be a reasonable person. Give it a month or two to shake off the dust and hopefully you'll learn fromt he experience. You'll realize how naive you were being. This is part of growing up. Show nested quote +On January 08 2012 14:40 Endymion wrote:
first problem is that you couldn't spell married correctly, second was that you let her walk all over you, you need to have an equal power distribution in your relationship or you'll get crushed This dude's got it.
Hey! =(
Someone people are trying to keep the damn PUA thread out of that swamp, don't bash on it. t.t
-She has problems.
-She has commitment issues.
-You are not responsible for her issues.
To me it sounds as if you made it possible for her to be the dominating person in the relationship because you gave her "drama" way too much room. If your girl has trouble, be there for her; - that's obvious. However, if she seems to need a psychologist more than a boyfriend, don't be afraid to dump her. Don't let people for which this statement is true close to you, it has often helped me in deciding who's a keeper and who's not.
http://xkcd.com/383/
+ Show Spoiler +
Edit: The whole EVERYTHING WAS PERFECT and you talking about her "weird self-picture" and the whole "I'm not worthy of you"-bullshit talk from her side... reminds me of the first relationship I had. She had a borderline personality disorder and, at that time, was completely to unable to understand how someone can have these chains of thoughts. Also the whole "I love her, I'd love to help her" vs her "I feel good when people pity me but I don't want real help" has the tendency to turn into a pretty damn ugly spiral pretty damn quickly.
You didn't give a lot of information in this direction, but, just saying... simply because you don't understand what's going on doesn't mean that the issue is on your side at all.
Also, if the above is a direction her thoughtprocesses go towards, expect her to ask you to try again rather soon. Despite me being sure that you'd agree my inner 15-year old self would love if you'd say no to that. <3
gl either way.
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Wow don't do that. One way ticket to being an objectifying douchebag.
Don't equate having backbone and commanding respect with being a douchebag. It doesn't work that way.
Perhaps your gf left you because you lost your command and element of control over the relationship. Like it was mentioned before, do not waiver from your position if she is testing you, she'll be back. Half of keeping women happy is not giving them what they want all of the time. If she's genuinely unhappy, and there's alot of friction in the relationship, you should just drop it.
We had a really nice talk, where she explained everything to me. She has been a bitch to me for some months now, because that's the way she cope with stuff... But I have forgiven her that, because I love her so much, but it's really hard for me now. She told me that I showed her the way of life that she wants. Because I was the most perfect boyfriend she could ever have had. In every way, she did not have anything to complain on.. NOTHING at all. But...
This is what I'm talking about right here: You should not tolerate her being a bitch to you. You are too respectable of a person to allow this. This is not how a healthy woman copes with her problems, being mean to her significant other. You can't stand for this no matter how much you love her. She has no respect for you right now because you refuse to take a stand and draw the line that she must not cross.
Why is this the case? Because every romantic relationship is based on respect. Respect for boundaries that each party imposes, respect for the reasonable wishes of each party, and respect for the person as a mentally healthy human being.
I firmly believe that you are in this situation because of the fact that the principles above are not being met.
Here's what you should do:
Meet with her asap. Don't just say you want to talk, tell her you need to talk. Address your issues with her behavior, and that you will not tolerate her treating you like crap. Tell her to think about these things for a long time, and that if she doesn't stop she will no longer call you her lover. DO NOT LET HER DRAG YOU INTO AN ARGUMENT, DO NOT LET HER ATTEMPT TO REFUTE YOUR POINTS. If she tries to, turn your back to her, and walk away. Tell her that you will talk to her more later, when she's calmed down. If she really wants you back, she will contact you and apologize for everything. If she doesn't, that's fine too, because you just punched your ticket out of a mentally abusive relationship.
This may not seem like the thing that popular culture demands you to do, but I bet it will save your relationship if implemented.
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The biggest problem is that she did not have respect for me like it's mentioned above. I know that. And about who has the boss role, sometimes it's me, sometimes it's her. I admit that. How?
When she does something stupid, I tell her and maybe yell at her. Have only yelled once though, but I am capable of doing it, even though I really respect her. I do not know why she suddently became so bad.
She just send me a message on facebook....
"She told me that she really hate herself for have been bad towards me, she now knows it? ( BUT DOES SHE???) She wrote that it will be hard for her aswell, getting over me, because she saw how much I loved her. She said that it is really hard for her now, the time goes so slow for her, so it's hard.. I hope I will forgive my self for the things I have done towards you, and become the best I can. I really hope I can forgive my self.
You should know you have a big place in my heart, and my love for you will NEVER disapear"
It's a really nice massage, and I am really happy that she finally admits it. But why the fuck does she leave me then ?
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similar to sc2 coaching i am also a dating coach.
i gota break the news bro, shes cheating on you. it sucks i know but there is light at the end of the tunnel. for a small fee i will date her and make her see how good of a BF you were and she will come running back to you because i will be a total asshole.
then i will accidentally fall in love with her and realize i am actually a good guy and i can be better and she makes me better. i dont care that she has small tits or is in the same types of movies every year, i love her and she loves me and you just gota move on
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As they say 1st is the worst! No but really, I totally feel ya, breakups suck. Just move on, it's for the best. If you keep dwelling on it or trying to contact her or anything of the sort you'll only make it harder for yourself. Don't drag it out for longer than it should be.
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On January 09 2012 06:59 BaltA wrote:
The biggest problem is that she did not have respect for me like it's mentioned above. I know that. And about who has the boss role, sometimes it's me, sometimes it's her. I admit that. How?
When she does something stupid, I tell her and maybe yell at her. Have only yelled once though, but I am capable of doing it, even though I really respect her. I do not know why she suddently became so bad.
She just send me a message on facebook....
"She told me that she really hate herself for have been bad towards me, she now knows it? ( BUT DOES SHE???) She wrote that it will be hard for her aswell, getting over me, because she saw how much I loved her. She said that it is really hard for her now, the time goes so slow for her, so it's hard.. I hope I will forgive my self for the things I have done towards you, and become the best I can. I really hope I can forgive my self.
You should know you have a big place in my heart, and my love for you will NEVER disapear"
It's a really nice massage, and I am really happy that she finally admits it. But why the fuck does she leave me then ?
Yes, I'm gonna lean myself out of the window here... however, has she ever shown that she is capable of self-hurting behaviour? Cuttings, punching a wall, excessive nail-biting, drug usage with a "it doesn't matter anyway"-attitude.. anything like that? If no, do you know about her having this type of behaviour in the past?
Disclaimer: Please regard my comments below as an opinion by a non-professional. However, just in the small case that I'm right here it would be worth making you aware of the possibility.
...the entire "I love, you but I'll leave you because you're too good for me and then I'll tell you about it to see how you react and if I still have control over you"-thing sounds to me incredibly symptomatic for a borderline-type disorder.
This Facebook message does NOT come from someone who wants to break up. However, it's coming from someone trying to figure out how far she can still exert control over someone elses life and feelings.
If I'm right about this direction, this would be her general thoughtprocess:
-I am not worthy of anyones love because I'm a terrible person. I hate myself.
-I am feeling a desperate need for control since my whole life seems to be controlled by anything but myself.
-I have the feeling that I can only keep a stable relationship by not becoming incredibly emotionally attached, but by exerting and keeping control over the other person. As long as I'm the one in control and I'm the one who is less attached to the actual relationship, I can decide what's happening or not.
-If I can't reach him when trying to (phonecalls e.g.) I'm assuming that he's either cheating on me or that I finally drove him away. I will not assume that he like forgot his phone somewhere or didn't hear it.
Does she make a scene if she can't reach you via phone/text? Do you have the feeling she is overly insecure about you cheating on her or not? Does she insist on knowing where you are at all times? Did she ever talk about comitting suicide if x or y happens, even in vague terms?
Please note that I can be completely off with the above. If you either don't feel like she's thinking like I just described or if you would answer "No" to most of the questions above it most likely is all cool and I'm the one overinterpreting your descriptions.
In case you do feel I might be going in the right direction the single and only advice I can recommend would be to gtfo and recommend her professional help before that.
Edit: I just reread all of your posts to make sure I'm getting a solid understanding of the timeline and whatnot.
a) She for some reason wanted to break up and had no idea how to so she opted for a incredibly weird way.
b) Read up here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder
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Just want to say I'm sorry that you broke up.
I remember when I was like 16, I destroyed/cracked all of my blizzard game CDs because the Girl I was with hated it and I liked her a lot. We broke up like 6 months later and I rebought most of the games and that helped me get over her.
Just game it up bro with some online friends! Should help. I made a huge mistake.
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Endy has it right imo. You love being in love and you love being in a relationship. It's not the same as loving that person. Trust me, I'm the same way.
Realize that there are greater things ahead and move on. Working hard or working OUT hard tends to get the mind off things.
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How long do i have to wait before i can Get a new one? A friend of mine said he has the perfect girl for me, so why not try? No need of me been so down as I am now... Better to just move on and find a new one.
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On January 09 2012 21:02 BaltA wrote:
How long do i have to wait before i can Get a new one? A friend of mine said he has the perfect girl for me, so why not try? No need of me been so down as I am now... Better to just move on and find a new one.
If you feel that you're ready, then go ahead and do as you wish with this girl. You don't 'need' to wait, but sometimes waiting is good. Waiting can help put the old girl behind you sometimes.
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EPT![[image loading]](http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/helping.png)
